My wife cheated on me with her boss

[ComputerJock]

Remember, she's the one who went on the pill before trip with OM. No matter what she says, it was planned. Be strong and continue to read here and post for advice, the up and down ride that tears your heart out is starting up the track. I know, I've been on it twice and am twice divorced and happy with now I am happy with my life. You will overcome it in the long run. Just tell her being single won't be all that bad for the two of you.

[Owl]

Even if there were/are prior affairs (no way for us to know at this point), the odds are she's not reached a point where she'd admit that.

 

Odds are he's going to hear that she did the deed with OM. Whether she admits it was once or multiple times is a question...she may continue to try to trickle truth for the rest of her life.

 

Dunno.

 

All I can say is hang in there...make darned sure she gets that this is her final opportunity to come fully clean...because if she doesn't do so now, there will be no possible chance of a future relationship or reconciliation with you.

 

That doesn't mean you HAVE TO reconcile now, btw. It just means it's POSSIBLE right now...but it becomes IMPOSSIBLE if she continues to lie to you.

[StormySeas]

FJ,

 

I wish I could give you a giant hug right now. I also wish, even though I don't know you, that I could somehow shield you from whatever you're going to hear because it sucks so damn much. You're in my thoughts...I just sprinted out of my last meeting to see if you'd posted an update. So there are strangers all over the world right now that know you deserve better, because we've all been there and it totally blows.

[BetrayedH]

Why set an unrealistic ultimatum such as telling a cheater this is their "last chance" to tell the "whole truth"?

 

They almost never do.

 

The only thing that will happen by setting such an unrealistic ultimatum is that OP backs himself into a corner. If he later finds out tonight's confession wasn't the whole of it, then he is forced to take an action he might not want to take, for fear of losing credibility.

 

He should just sit there impassively and say "Go ahead and tell me what you think you need to tell me." Just nod and listen and try to keep quiet because she will be gauging how much and what she tells him by his reactions, statements, and body language.

 

The best way of getting the most disclosure out of her is to keep the poker face, keep nodding, and try to restrain from reacting in any strong way.

 

Just keep saying "Is that all?" "Is there anything else you need to tell me?" "That doesn't sound like the whole story." In other words say things that are designed to encourage her to tell more (which she will if she thinks it's to her advantage to do so.) She said "This will hurt" but didn't say who it would hurt, but obviously she meant it would hurt the OP.

 

Don't let her extract any promises from you though OP, such as you will "forgive her" or "never speak of this again."

 

Just let her talk and say whatever it is she intends to say.

 

Know what you are dealing with--a liar and a cheater, with the knowledged that no matter what threats or warnings or ultimatums you give tonight you're not getting the complete truth, you still have to make a decision based on what you

have.

 

 

 

 

It's much more likely if you make this kind of threat she will either completely lie to you or else shut down entirely. You won't get "more" truth from her by following the above suggestion.

 

She didn't say she had anything to say to him. She just had a guilty look as if she was going to say something this morning and he bolted. My guess is that the OP is going to initiate this conversation and prompt her to say more than she has already.

[GLDheart]

FJ,

 

My heart goes out to you. Seriously. I hate that this $hit exists in this world.

 

The truth is simple if you look at it though. She fell for another guy. She tried him out. It wasn't "quite right" and she felt bad for some reason. That's when she fell back on you.

 

What if this guy was just a bit better in bed? What if he was just a tad bit less attached to that wife and kid of his? What if he wasn't taking off to Florida?

 

Would falling back on you be so critical to her? I'm being harsh because this $hit IS harsh. If she really loved you then she would have honored that love for you by being a little less selfish and indulgent.

 

I love a good reconciliation, but I have a bad feeling about the future with this woman.

[Fishermanj]

Nothing so far. She is cooking dinner and seems to have re-swallowed that guilty feeling.

[Furious]

Nothing so far. She is cooking dinner and seems to have re-swallowed that guilty feeling.

 

 

 

Damn....is she making grilled cheese again?

 

 

Seriously, what are you waiting for. Sit her down and ask her what it is she needs to tell you.

[BetrayedH]

If you are going to chide others on getting it wrong, make sure you actually read the thread first.

 

How about that "She had that guilty look on her face that said..." part?

 

I don't care to argue with you about it. It was just an observation on something that could have been easily missed. No intention of chiding you, DS.

[BetrayedH]

Nothing so far. She is cooking dinner and seems to have re-swallowed that guilty feeling.

 

My $.02...Quit trying to read her mind. Just get it over with.

[whichwayisup]

Nothing so far. She is cooking dinner and seems to have re-swallowed that guilty feeling.

 

Did you ask her about what she wanted to tell you earlier? Or are you afraid to bring it up to her?

[drifter777]

Op is not informing the OM's wife;

 

he hasn't insisted on complete no contact;

 

has not had the wife send a no contact letter which OP review for appropriateness;

 

his wife is still at the job--she should have quit immediately and accepted the two weeks severance pay when it was offered;

 

is afraid to tell his family/friends about his wife's affair to bring it out into the daylight.

 

In a word he is doing almost everything wrong.

 

Sounds familiar to some of the other similar stories I have read about here.

 

OP, this extremely passive approach simply doesn't work.

 

Hey, give him a break; d-day was 3 days ago. Let's wait for the shock to wear off before we judge so harshly.

[AlexDP]

This is what OP wrote about it:

 

 

 

If you are going to chide others on getting it wrong, make sure you actually read the thread first.

 

Actually he got it right, you got it wrong. It was her look that said everything.

 

To the OP:

 

Imagine you stay with your wife. Five years from now she has to go on a workrelated trip with her new boss. How would that make you feel?

 

If you get a divorce, it's a tough year. If you stay.. it might be a tough decade. I'm not saying which decision you have to make, but I am saying that in similar circumstances I would opt out. Hell, maybe I'm just not strong enough to forgive and trust a person who cheated on me.

[BetrayedH]

Let's not kid ourselves here - we all know based the OP's responses that he'll be doing all the heavy lifting and she will do the bare minimum until he gets so fed up that he files for for divorce.

 

Based on the wife's behavior, this has exit affair written all over it.

 

I thought the fact that she willingly disclosed the affair was a pretty big positive. Statistics show it doubles the chances of reconciliation (twice as many still together at two years from Dday as compared to affairs that were discovered). Not saying they will (or should) reconcile at this early stage but these aren't the worst chances we've seen. I just hate that damn TT sh|t.

[Fishermanj]

So I dug more tonight and got a much better picture of how things went down and timelines that day. My wife had grown to be friends with him over time, months. Back when she wanted to quit, this was a big part of the reason and she couldn't tell me at the time. She thought that she could handle it. That day, they met at the airport in Chicago after 1pm or so, went to Rock Bottom and had drinks and lunch. After that they went to another bar, split a pitcher of beer, had margaritas and a shot of some sort. He apparently had flirted with her. When she smiled he told her that he lives to make her smile and some other bull. Then he made a comment jokingly about getting her out of here. They stopped at Walgreens for snacks and a bottle of wine (fancy that, the fat ass needed snacks). They got to the hotel, went to the room and started playing cards. There is apparently still a bit if a gap in my information here, but he initiated and took her pants off, he took his pants off, he took her shirt off, he took his shirt off. I had asked who took her shirt off, i was going to ask and then I laughed at the thought of her trying to take his off (the physics wouldn't work). I don't know how my wife felt about my laugh. Anyways, they were getting into things. I know that he used his fingers to get her off. To finish this we need to think "meanwhile", back on my end. I had sent my wife messages and left voicemails and was getting worried she hadn't called me that day. I called the hotel directly instead of her cell phone and she picked up. She sounded annoyed and said she was sleeping. Apparently that phone call put a damper on the moment. I didn't know it on my end at the time. Apparently she went and cried on the couch in the hotel after that.

 

I do believe they didn't have intercourse. Not that it matters much. It is still such a disgusting thought. I just can't comprehend the fat $&@"er touching my wife. I really don't think he has told his wife either. That poor woman is in Florida, moved there for him not more than a couple months ago and this is the stunt this fat a$$ pulls. I am going to call her once I get her number from my wife. The poor woman needs to know and will need someone to talk to when she learns. The fat a$$ has a daughter too. She is the sweetest most adorable thing and that dick is out to destroy her future!

[Steadfast]

I am terrified to walk through that door.

 

And this is your problem friend. Believe me when I tell you that I'm not trying to be an a-hole, but she's had your balls in her purse for so long that you've forgotten what they look like. She should be terrified of what you'll do. Maybe she is. But it is clear whose swinging the hammer in your home.

 

Loving, caring women deserve a sweet, thoughtful man. Cold, self-serving women (or people) deserve to be shown the door. LIFE IS TOO SHORT.

 

Are you hearing me? Give what you expect to get. No more, no less.

 

IMO, she circling the wagons. Most likely, her boyfriend is desperate to keep your from spilling the beans. Forget what she says (including tonight's 'confession'...what a load of crap) and test her by her reaction when the news comes down. Tell his wife. If she's still in your corner after that, you may have something to work with. My guess is she'll turn on you.

 

She's being nice to control you, which protects him. Why does she want to protect him? Because of her feelings for him. My hunch. Hope I'm wrong.

 

I still say bail before it's too late. You can do better. Believe that.

[Steadfast]

So I dug more tonight and got a much better picture of how things went down and timelines that day. *SNIP* I do believe they didn't have intercourse. Not that it matters much. It is still such a disgusting thought.

 

You believe her. Here's the rule: Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see.

 

I understand. Being new to the game (and still in shock) you're still programmed to believe what she says. In fact, you're craving the truth.

 

She's lying.

 

Call his wife. Get your affairs (sorry...) in order, including a settlement of property. You can hire a lawyer, but you can save tons of $$ by hiring a paralegal and writing the document yourself. Once she signs it, the paralegal will file it. You'll have to wait for pre-determained amount of time. No kids mean no parenting classes.

 

I'm actually relieved. I thought she was going to tell you she's pregnant.

[BetrayedH]

I hope you haven't told your wife that you're going to call the other BW. Sadly, your wife and the OM have had plenty of time already to get their stories straight. Best to let your wife think that you're leaving them alone. Should be interesting to know if the BW already knows or not and for you to be aboe to compare stories. It's sometimes easy to identify one discrepancy in a made up story.

 

As Steadfast said, your wife's reaction when she finds out that you have told the other BW can also be very telling. If your W gets hysterical, it's a sure indication that she is has been trying to manage you and you've still managed to topple the whole house of cards. If she is calm and accepting, that may be a good sign for you that her focus is on her marriage rather than on what happens to the OM. What about communication between the two of them? You were monitoring as I recall. Anything further? If she is still closely connected to him, I'd expect that she's dying to contact him and reconfirm stories.

 

I am not as pessimistic as some here. I find it positive that she disclosed to you, is openly discussing details, and has quit her job. But the fact is that i believed my wife and it took me 7 months to discover that she was still lying. You obviously have a very difficult decision in front of you. The fact is that you may likely never know if this affair had been going on for a much more extended period or if they had sex that night. That's a tough pill to swallow. Reconciliation is tremendously difficult. It literally takes years to get over this crap. The fact that you don't have children makes it monumentally easier to disentangle yourself from her and move on with your life. You can also choose not to decide for a while. I've been there and I don't envy you.

 

By the way, make sure you have some proof to share with the OBS. The OM may have even proactively told his wife that "some crazy husband of one of my coworkers has been stalking me" or some other such crap. Regardless, the BS will commonly believe their WS rather than some random dude talking about studf they just can't believe.

[2sunny]

So I dug more tonight and got a much better picture of how things went down and timelines that day. My wife had grown to be friends with him over time, months. Back when she wanted to quit, this was a big part of the reason and she couldn't tell me at the time. She thought that she could handle it. That day, they met at the airport in Chicago after 1pm or so, went to Rock Bottom and had drinks and lunch. After that they went to another bar, split a pitcher of beer, had margaritas and a shot of some sort. He apparently had flirted with her. When she smiled he told her that he lives to make her smile and some other bull. Then he made a comment jokingly about getting her out of here. They stopped at Walgreens for snacks and a bottle of wine (fancy that, the fat ass needed snacks). They got to the hotel, went to the room and started playing cards. There is apparently still a bit if a gap in my information here, but he initiated and took her pants off, he took his pants off, he took her shirt off, he took his shirt off. I had asked who took her shirt off, i was going to ask and then I laughed at the thought of her trying to take his off (the physics wouldn't work). I don't know how my wife felt about my laugh. Anyways, they were getting into things. I know that he used his fingers to get her off. To finish this we need to think "meanwhile", back on my end. I had sent my wife messages and left voicemails and was getting worried she hadn't called me that day. I called the hotel directly instead of her cell phone and she picked up. She sounded annoyed and said she was sleeping. Apparently that phone call put a damper on the moment. I didn't know it on my end at the time. Apparently she went and cried on the couch in the hotel after that.

 

I do believe they didn't have intercourse. Not that it matters much. It is still such a disgusting thought. I just can't comprehend the fat $&@"er touching my wife. I really don't think he has told his wife either. That poor woman is in Florida, moved there for him not more than a couple months ago and this is the stunt this fat a$$ pulls. I am going to call her once I get her number from my wife. The poor woman needs to know and will need someone to talk to when she learns. The fat a$$ has a daughter too. She is the sweetest most adorable thing and that dick is out to destroy her future!

 

Be just as mad at your wife! SHE allowed it!

 

And they didn't stop short of sex...demand a polygraph!

 

Tell her an appointment is set for the morning and if she doesn't take it - you're finished!

 

She's STILL lying!

[BetrayedH]

Be just as mad at your wife! SHE allowed it!

 

And they didn't stop short of sex...demand a polygraph!

 

Tell her an appointment is set for the morning and if she doesn't take it - you're finished!

 

She's STILL lying!

 

Quoted because you need to very seriously consider what's been said here.

[Fishermanj]

I appreciate everyone's concern. I know so many of you have been where I am, but know that I have to approach this my way. I am going to struggle with this either way it goes. I don't see children in my future with my wife if we do stay together. The idea of children was questionable prior to this event, so that might not be the end all of the story. I will have a lot of soul searching in the coming months. In the end, as I said before, my commitment was to my wife AND God. My wife broke her vow, yes, but so far I have no idea what God's plan is for me. In the end, that is what will matter to me. If you are not a Christian, you probably can't understand what I am saying. For those of you that think I am being neieve, please let go of that. I am a logical person, I learn from my experiences, and my experience has shown me time and again that what happens in my life happens for a reason. I have alway discovered the reason after the fact. Things that seem terrible at the time, looking back later, I can see the wisdom in the events. This will be no different. However this ends, it will end how it is supposed to.

 

Cheers

Fishermanj

[rn0408]

I don't know where to begin. My wife took a job as a consultant back in January. I didn't really think it was a good idea at the time because she worked for a bank and although the pay was only fair, the hours and benefits were good. She felt she had no upward mobility there though and wanted to be strong and independent. In the end, I told her I supported her decision even though it meant me taking a pay cut to pay her benefits since she would not receive any in the new job. I also didnt think the hours and dedication required for consulting would be her thing. Consulting is difficult to shut off at night. She immediately did not like the job and wanted to quit. We were talking about having kids and she said she wanted to be a stay at home wife, a trophy wife as she put it. I told her that I didn't know if I was comfortable with that since I would have to pay 100% of the bills myself. In hind sight, I wish I had given her the ok to quit. That job put her in a position where she talked to the same man ten hours per day and went on out-of-town for client visits. I only had her after work after I was wrung out at my own job. He had the fancy watch, the Porsche, and was relatively funny (think the funny fat kid with money). Last week she was in Chicago with her boss on a regular on-site visit with one of their clients and that night they apparently drank a bottle of wine in the hotel and the clothes came off and they "fooled around" (she tells me there was no actual intercourse). On Tuesday night, my wife floored me when she told me the news. She said that she had to be honest with me because it was eating her up inside. She said that she was sorry, that she wants our marriage to work, that she would do anything, quit her job, go to counseling, etc. etc.

 

I left the kitchen, collapsed on the couch and began crying uncontrollably. We talked for about an hour. I asked questions about details. She started the conversation in the kitchen explaining only that they had kissed. My questions later on asking for more details revealed they were naked and fondling. At that point the shock and despair turned to anger and frustration. I went downstairs, put on my jacket and went for a walk in the hurricane aftermath (literally).

 

I have spent the past 2 days at work trying to pretend there is nothing wrong. I am a manager after all, I need to lead people, I need to appear strong and have the answers. Meanwhile, inside I am falling apart. I had to tell one of my assistant managers that I was going to be going through a hard time and would be off my game at work and asked that she help me keep our projects on track. She understood, even though she didn't know the details and I was not going to provide them.

 

I am here at work today typing this on my cell phone because I have no one I can tell this to. I can't tell my family if there is a chance our marriage could work as that would make it that much more difficult to have a shot at reconcile. I can't tell my friends for the same reason. At this moment I still love my wife more than anything, but I can't look at her without getting sick to my stomach. It hurts so bad. I would have preferred being put out in the storm and drowning to death. It is so hard. I don't know where to even go from here.

 

Fishermanj

 

-If you have any kids get complete custody. It's her fault and you don't need some call girl who you devoted your life to. If she did that..imagine what she has done in the past. Your marriage wont work! Seems to me that it's all about her and she doesn't care.

 

-File for divorce..you will win after what she admitted to you. Have a recorder in your pocket and ask questions to prove shes the chump.

 

-Break up with her infront of your side of the family on Thanksgiving dinner and tell them what happened..be ruthless and rip her heart and soul out for that unforgiveable action! Make sure your kids are present and her parents. Be the Dentist in the Hangover when he went off at his girlfriend..be the man! I am ruthless and I treat my girls like queens when I date them. I'm very good friend with my ex's and I don't treat them like objects..more like human beings. If they do something unforgiveable..rip their soul out!

 

 

Do not drink alcohol..it will make things worse. try to get a gym membership and do about 1/2 hour of cardio, it helps with depression.

[BetheButterfly]

Fishermanj,

 

I am so sorry.

 

You are experiencing what is the nightmare that all married people fear might happen.

 

If there are problems in a marriage, it's so important to talk about them and get them resolved. Cheating is never ok. If two people don't want to be faithful and honor their marriage commitment/covenant anymore, they should say so to each other and dissolve it, not sneak and hide and commit adultery.

 

You believe in God yes? I will pray for y'all. Personally, I understand why you are thinking of getting a divorce. For my husband and me, before we got married we agreed to never cheat on each other. Instead, we decided if we ever wanted to be with someone else (which I personally do not see happening... we want to grow old together, even die together in each other's arms!) then we would just tell each other and tear up our copy of the marriage license. Cheating = divorce, no questions asked.

 

Now, your wife sounds repentant. Sometimes people are so weak in things. Some people might want to be people of their promise, men and women of their word, yet fail... sorta like if you put delicious yummy chocolates in front of a person on a diet who loves them. The person doesn't want to gain weight yet she smells the chocolate and can already feel it on her tongue... maybe your wife is like that? Maybe it's hard for her to say no?

 

Does that mean she is an evil person? No. However, what she really needs is to grow and mature. She needs to grow in keeping her word. Sometimes keeping one's promises is hard, especially when temptation comes. However, when temptation comes and the person resists and conquers that temptation by not giving in, not falling into it, you know that this person has strength of character. She needs to grow in that area.

Joseph in the Bible is a great example for that. When Potiphar's wife tempted him, he ran away! He was later falsely accused and sent to jail, but God saw that he wanted to obey Him. He rewarded him later.

 

So, I'm not sure if you should give up on your wife just yet. Do you see her as being a mature woman? To me, she sounds weak yet repentant and wanting to grow strong, wanting to be the wife you deserve. I will pray for y'all and I am so sorry.

 

My husband and I have only been married for a year, and reading on loveshack have shown me how important it is to keep our connection strong. I forgot who said it but it's so true... "marriage is a fragile ecoystem." You have to really take care of it (both people in the marriage) to make it strong.

 

Do you want your marriage to grow stronger? Does she? Or, do you want to tear the roots out and start all over again with another woman? Or get bitter and generalize all women and just use them?

 

What are your goals in life? What are her goals? That would be a good question to ask her.

 

When you run a race, you have the goal in mind. A marriage is like that... you have to have goals, victories in mind, otherwise it is too easy to give up.

Edited November 3, 2012 by BetheButterfly

[BetheButterfly]

I appreciate everyone's concern. I know so many of you have been where I am, but know that I have to approach this my way. I am going to struggle with this either way it goes. I don't see children in my future with my wife if we do stay together. The idea of children was questionable prior to this event, so that might not be the end all of the story. I will have a lot of soul searching in the coming months. In the end, as I said before, my commitment was to my wife AND God. My wife broke her vow, yes, but so far I have no idea what God's plan is for me. In the end, that is what will matter to me. If you are not a Christian, you probably can't understand what I am saying. For those of you that think I am being neieve, please let go of that. I am a logical person, I learn from my experiences, and my experience has shown me time and again that what happens in my life happens for a reason. I have alway discovered the reason after the fact. Things that seem terrible at the time, looking back later, I can see the wisdom in the events. This will be no different. However this ends, it will end how it is supposed to.

 

Cheers

Fishermanj

 

I understand. I am a Christian too. I got married to a Christian man when I was a virgin. I was 23 and he was 25. I divorced him around 5 years later because I felt so miserable and not good enough because of different things; I got bitter and bitterness poisons any relationship. My parents supported me because they did not like how he treated me. However, we both learned a lot. We were both very immature then.

 

Thankfully we grew through that painful experience. My ex-husband married a lovely lady before I met my husband. I am glad and wish them all the best! I know through the hard times we had that we were not compatible.

 

I have been married now for a year to a wonderful Christian man who truly loves me and who I truly love. We are different in many ways but people call us yin and yang because we complete each other. It would devastate me if he ever cheated on me. It would devastate him if I ever cheated on him. We both promised to love each other and be faithful to each other, and we are both people of our word.

 

Some people don't realize that marriage is a promise, vows. Now, some people if they want can have an "open marriage" and make up rules as to how that goes... (I couldn't do that but not everyone is like me.) For most marriages though, the couple promise to love each other and be faithful to each other. i understand why you want a divorce and I'm not going to judge you if you decide to not give your wife a chance. I know my husband would not give me a chance if I ever broke my promise to be faithful to him. I wouldn't even plead with him to "keep me" cause I already know how he feels on the subject. To cheat on him would mean to aim a gun at his heart. I couldn't do that and live with myself. I love him. I would rather die than hurt him.

 

I'll be praying for y'all. Either way, staying and working on the marriage to make it stronger, or going your separate ways, I wish y'all the best. May God bless and comfort and help y'all and lead y'all on what is best for each of you.

[Fishermanj]

I won't drink. I only drink during the good times. It seems to have the effect of magnification for me. If sad, it makes me extremely so, if happy, extremely so as well. Therefore, I only drink when I'm feeling good already.

 

I am going for a 7 mile run today. I run a half marathon each year, so need to keep up with it.

 

My digestive system seems to be functioning better today, which is good because I need to hold down some food for the run.

[Tara247]

So I dug more tonight and got a much better picture of how things went down and timelines that day. My wife had grown to be friends with him over time, months. Back when she wanted to quit, this was a big part of the reason and she couldn't tell me at the time. She thought that she could handle it. That day, they met at the airport in Chicago after 1pm or so, went to Rock Bottom and had drinks and lunch. After that they went to another bar, split a pitcher of beer, had margaritas and a shot of some sort. He apparently had flirted with her. When she smiled he told her that he lives to make her smile and some other bull. Then he made a comment jokingly about getting her out of here. They stopped at Walgreens for snacks and a bottle of wine (fancy that, the fat ass needed snacks). They got to the hotel, went to the room and started playing cards. There is apparently still a bit if a gap in my information here, but he initiated and took her pants off, he took his pants off, he took her shirt off, he took his shirt off. I had asked who took her shirt off, i was going to ask and then I laughed at the thought of her trying to take his off (the physics wouldn't work). I don't know how my wife felt about my laugh. Anyways, they were getting into things. I know that he used his fingers to get her off. To finish this we need to think "meanwhile", back on my end. I had sent my wife messages and left voicemails and was getting worried she hadn't called me that day. I called the hotel directly instead of her cell phone and she picked up. She sounded annoyed and said she was sleeping. Apparently that phone call put a damper on the moment. I didn't know it on my end at the time. Apparently she went and cried on the couch in the hotel after that.

 

I do believe they didn't have intercourse. Not that it matters much. It is still such a disgusting thought. I just can't comprehend the fat $&@"er touching my wife. I really don't think he has told his wife either. That poor woman is in Florida, moved there for him not more than a couple months ago and this is the stunt this fat a$$ pulls. I am going to call her once I get her number from my wife. The poor woman needs to know and will need someone to talk to when she learns. The fat a$$ has a daughter too. She is the sweetest most adorable thing and that dick is out to destroy her future!

 

I don't believe that they didn't have intercourse. She's still lying.