He doesn't know what he wants, but doesn't want to cut me out of his life??

[nightonthesun1234]

My boyfriend and I broke up in July after being together for two years, his reasoning was that he needed space, didn't know where his life was going, felt like he changed, and wasn't happy with me anymore. I'm 21 and he is 22, we go to the same college. We didn't talk until September, when he initiated hanging out and talking again. When we hung out, it was as friends, he never tried to have sex with me, and never mentioned the break up or our past relationship. I thought I was okay with being his friend, because we got along fine, but then I realized that when I did hang out with him, part of me was hoping he'd see how I've changed since the break up and want to give things another try. Or hoping that the whole reason he was coming back was because he wanted to try again. Every time we saw each other, he didn't mention that though, and when it wouldn't work out the way I wanted, it just made me more and more unhappy.

 

In the past few weeks, he texts me just about every day, and is persistent when I try to ignore his calls. He makes reference to things (inside jokes, memories, etc) from when we were dating and it just became too much for me. So last night I explained to him that I could not be his friend when I still have not completely moved on. I told him I still had feelings for him, and was willing to work on things, and that us being in contact and seeing each other was only giving me false hope. I asked if he ever had the intention of working on the relationship, and he said: "I don't know, I'm not really sure what I want but I don't think so right now. I just didn't want to completely cut you out of my life." We didn't speak after that, and I'm assuming he got the message that I want to be NC again. Part of me feels like I completely shut the door on this and if there was any hope of us getting back together I ruined it. but then part of me feels like if he wanted that, he would have made it known by now. Did I do the right thing?

[geegirl]

You did the right thing.

 

You should never sit around and wait for someone to choose you.

 

Besides, he's had the opportunity to revisit what it would be like to be with you again after the break-up and he still isn't sure. How much more can you forsake in hopes of making someone decide if they want you?

 

Time to NC and move on. If you have any chance at all it would be to disappear. It will allow the opportunity for him to feel the loss and your value because engaging with him only enables his behavior and fulfills his needs. If in time he comes back with anything solid, you can consider, if not, you will be well on your way through the healing process.

[PYTpisces]

You did the right thing.

 

You should never sit around and wait for someone to choose you.

 

Besides, he's had the opportunity to revisit what it would be like to be with you again after the break-up and he still isn't sure. How much more can you forsake in hopes of making someone decide if they want you?

 

Time to NC and move on. If you have any chance at all it would be to disappear. It will allow the opportunity for him to feel the loss and your value because engaging with him only enables his behavior and fulfills his needs. If in time he comes back with anything solid, you can consider, if not, you will be well on your way through the healing process.

 

Couldn't have said it better. Kudos to you for staying true to yourself! It's respectable and you will thank yourself later. It's better to be alone than settling in a relationship that isn't fulfilling. Geegirl said it perfectly. He will feel the loss! Don't let that be your main concern though, because it is possible that he will feel it and still not step up to the plate and the reasons will be unknown so stay focused on you. His choices now have nothing to do with you. Great job!