I'm about to break!

[Quest4_TheLost]

Hi, I haven't put many posts here.. One when I was falling in love with the guy that I am now broken up with.. Small back story we were on and off for about 8 months. I am currently atabout 23 days of NC.. I have never gone more then 2 weeks..

 

 

I have been here since 2009 since my divorce and since I have come back for a few relationship issues and ended up having to change my name because I stupidly showed a bf at the time and he started snooping after we broke up.

 

HELP I'M AN IDIOT.. So I met this guy on a place called tagged. Free dating/friend site. After everything failed I deleted all of my accounts. After 23 days of nc and doing SO well I stupidly created an account to go see what he has been up to. I found nothing really he said goodbye to tagged about 30 days ago after I deleted my accounts he decided not to really hang out there. He logged in 3 days ago he prob still talks to friends there.

 

I'VE BEEN FIGHTING THIS AND FIGHTING THIS.. Today for some reason after coming here to read I just couldn't fight the urge any longer. I looked through all his pictures and I truly miss the guy. He just got out of an 8 yr relationship and is pretty emotionally unavaialbe I am also going through my own things with my own baggage.. He basically is unable to give me what I need in a relationship.. I wish we could still be friends but I know its not possible right now. I am trying SO HARD TO GET HIM OUT OF MY HEAD!!

 

I want to txt him see how he is doing.. Talk to him FIX THINGS!! SOMTHING ANYTHING OMG OMG OMG!! TELL ME THIS IS A BAD IDEA!!

[Quest4_TheLost]

I just want to hear from him!! Hear is voice!!

He was always happy when I would contact him and seemed genuinely happy to hear from me. BUt he never contacts me ITS ALWAYS ME! ME ME ME!

I convincing myself that I could talk to him and work things out. I can make things better..

 

This IS NOT CORRECT!! I know from past experience trying to go to the person and work things out dosen't work in my favor.. WTF am I doing to myself!

[Quest4_TheLost]

Ok.... No need to panic or anything.. I didn't off myself! WOOT WOOT!

Thanx for all the NON replies..

 

Anywho I didn't go through with it and I tell you what my kitchen is SOO clean! HA!

... Yes I f***ed up today.. But- I CAME I SAW AND I CONQUERED!! Wooohooo! Writing here and coming back to read and see what a jack@ss I looked like is helpful too! So another mini victory for me and on to day 24..

[not-a-drive-by]

I am glad you held on and didn't call him to hear his voice. Those urges eventually subside. I am on 55 days NC now . Trust me, it gets easier. I never thought I would go this far without hearing or seeing him. Almost at the 60 days mark of NC, and 5 months since BU. Of course, there are days where I miss him a hell lot and have urges to contact him. But then I text another friend, cry a bit or just try to keep busy. I don't want to be the one who always initiates contact any more, or the one who tries to keep whatever is left of us alive if he doesn't want to try. I am starting to believe that time heals all wounds.

 

My birthday is coming up in 3 weeks, and so is our was-to-be 3rd year anniversary. Definitely not looking forward to it. Just hope I don't breakdown .

[Quest4_TheLost]

Wow.. 55 days congrats!! I completley agree with not being the one to get intouch with him. I did it for way to long and hate myself for it! I definetly can't wait until those feelings subside. I really don't think I will hear from him again and I'm and doing my best to just be ok with it but somtimes it causes a bit of anxiety and I start to panick thinking (hes gone forever) NO he can't be.

 

I know it will be ok.. My birthday just past didn't hear a word either. How long were you with him for? Sry about the dates coming up I know how you feel been through those moments before. Ty for your reply