I am alone.. and feel lonely!

[KRIS87]

Hi All

 

I am a 25 yo Indian male... Got out of a 6 year old relationship in late April this year.. I feel so low and lonely.. considering the fact that I tried to make this relationship work.. for over 4 years, I worked hard, earned a Masters in Engineering, had 3-4 part time jobs.., all for this one girl, i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.. Somehow I was not ready to marry her 6 months ago.. But then, Now I am.. 6 figure income, a nice car, I can afford my bills, can rent a nice home.. its all good now.. but way back, 6 months back, I asked her for more time to settle down and then talk about marriage.. then came drama.. and we split..

 

Now and all through these 6 months.. every minute of my sheer existence, I can not get this girl out of my head..

The only thing that we have in common, at the moment is our mobile phone plan! Weird? long story short, when we split, we discussed that we still be friends and figured we let this phone connection, remain as it is..

 

Every time I log in to see my usage and stuff.. I cant help but look into who she has been talking with.. I know.. I am being a creep! But.. I cant stop myself from doing it.. Anyway.. For the past 4-5 months, she has been talking for hours to one number.. annoys me, devastates me.. 1 month into abandoning me, she already has someone else in her mind? So to clarify things up, I call her best friend who is also my friend (she was in fact introduced to my ex, by me.. so this is still fair!)

The next thing I hear was so shocking and I just have not been able to snap out of it, yet.. She said that my ex was already engaged.. to this Doctor dude.. Well settled, making like a tonne of money, in NY, maybe owns a house too!

 

Started to think she began to put up a drama maybe because her family forced her into getting married to the Doc dude and not me! maybe.. something like that.. But I still could not hate her..

 

I feel lonely now.. because considering I have tried to show a growth, both in wealth and earned a society status, I still lost her.. The thing about Indian parents is that, they want to make sure their daughter gets married to a wealthy, well educated, well respected guy.. I wanted to show her parents I was capable of what they were looking for.. Now that she is getting married in December, all that "showcasing my capabilities" is gone now.. But still.. I cant get her out of my head.. Should I even care anymore for her?

 

They say time is the best healer.. but what she was able to do in a month, I am unable to do in 6.. Is this the end of the line with respect to relationships for me? Am I going to end up thinking about her for the rest of my life?

Help me...

 

 

Sorry about the especially lengthy post!

 

 

-Kris

[NateC]

I won't say you won't never think about her - because you will. But - there is a light at the end of all this. You're successful in your personal life leaving you to devote energy into your social life. Start with that and work your way back to a full recovery. Make some friends, enjoy yourself and what's in front of you. She may come back in your head on occasion, but you have to accept that she moved on and so should you. You will find someone even better.

[kamani]

I understand your pain. I'm sure time would heal, but let it alone. Having phone contacts, online access, searching about her by mutual friends, would only delay your healing process. Now that she is gone, you can't have her again, so stop searching about her.

 

'But I still could not hate her..'

 

You don't have to hate her. True love cannot hate the one who you loved once.

 

'because considering I have tried to show a growth, both in wealth and earned a society status, I still lost her.. '

 

What you have worked hard and earned so far is for you, and not for her! You shouldn't think like that. Don't be this pessimistic, think that you deserve a girl far better than this one.

 

I think you should cut off this so called 'common telephone plan' immediately. This is giving you hell.

 

Treat yourself better, try to stay NC at least 6 months, I warrant success. Again, no contact is 'no contact' and not limited contact.

 

Good Luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi All

 

I am a 25 yo Indian male... Got out of a 6 year old relationship in late April this year.. I feel so low and lonely.. considering the fact that I tried to make this relationship work.. for over 4 years, I worked hard, earned a Masters in Engineering, had 3-4 part time jobs.., all for this one girl, i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.. Somehow I was not ready to marry her 6 months ago.. But then, Now I am.. 6 figure income, a nice car, I can afford my bills, can rent a nice home.. its all good now.. but way back, 6 months back, I asked her for more time to settle down and then talk about marriage.. then came drama.. and we split..

 

Now and all through these 6 months.. every minute of my sheer existence, I can not get this girl out of my head..

The only thing that we have in common, at the moment is our mobile phone plan! Weird? long story short, when we split, we discussed that we still be friends and figured we let this phone connection, remain as it is..

 

Every time I log in to see my usage and stuff.. I cant help but look into who she has been talking with.. I know.. I am being a creep! But.. I cant stop myself from doing it.. Anyway.. For the past 4-5 months, she has been talking for hours to one number.. annoys me, devastates me.. 1 month into abandoning me, she already has someone else in her mind? So to clarify things up, I call her best friend who is also my friend (she was in fact introduced to my ex, by me.. so this is still fair!)

The next thing I hear was so shocking and I just have not been able to snap out of it, yet.. She said that my ex was already engaged.. to this Doctor dude.. Well settled, making like a tonne of money, in NY, maybe owns a house too!

 

Started to think she began to put up a drama maybe because her family forced her into getting married to the Doc dude and not me! maybe.. something like that..

I feel lonely now.. The thing about Indian parents is that, they want to make sure their daughter gets married to a wealthy, well educated, well respected guy.. I wanted to show her parents I was capable of what they were looking for.. Now that she is getting married in December, all that "showcasing my capabilities" is gone now.. But still.. I cant get her out of my head.. Should I even care anymore for her?

 

They say time is the best healer.. but what she was able to do in a month, I am unable to do in 6.. Is this the end of the line with respect to relationships for me? Am I going to end up thinking about her for the rest of my life?

Help me...

 

 

Sorry about the especially lengthy post!

 

 

-Kris

[River Rain]

Yes, I agree, cut off the mutual phone plan. It serves as a temptation for you to keep tabs on her, and you don't want to do that, it just keeps opening up the old wounds.

[pcplod]

Hey!

 

You are in mourning, You are maudlin. You are feeling really, really low and feeling really sorry for yourself. So what's new, whether you are white, brown, black or a peculiar hue of green?

 

It's only been 6 months so it's still pretty raw, but you do have to decide at some point to move psychologically on, and yes, ditch that shared phone plan before it seriously does your head in.

 

It may be it is as you see it or maybe it was just a case of she was tired of waiting. As of now does it really matter? If you could travel back in time would it really matter? Sometimes you may love someone but that doesn't necessarily mean that you are meant to live with them forever. It is just the way it is. There will be other opportunities unless you are going to deny them to yourself and only you can decide whether living in the West, I assume that you live in the West, what cultural norms you want to adhere to.

 

This is just a wee personal preference, irrespective of cultural niceties but I prefer to decide who I want to partner with, to please me, not my parents or anyone else in society simply because I have to live with the decision and if it goes wrong then it is my mistake, my problem to fix, to be over-simplistic about it.

 

Here's another thought. You look to expectations of her parents for what has happened, as a possible cause. Maybe, but maybe not. If you are a Caucasian man you have to contend with the fact that many, many Caucasian women are not looking just to marry for love. They want the guy who is good looking, sexy, powerful, resourceful, well-off and they may well discuss it with their parents but in the end of the day if they reject you it will be their decision and it will be upfront, whether it is for security or nesting reasons or not. In other words, being that man is not any easier, no matter what your cultural context.

 

You will get over it becuase you simply have to and becuase you owe it to yourself. And on top of that you are a much wiser person than 6 months ago and that is invaluable to any future relationship. Good can from it, if only you will let it.

[KRIS87]

After reading all the replies, I honestly, felt better..

I sent out an email to her saying this plan should end, telling her that if the relationship has ended, it really ends.. No lose strings anywhere!

 

So that's that.. I would not say I am trying to forget her.. which would be absurd. I am however, trying to move on..

 

I will get better.. and like pcplod mentioned, when I choose my SO, I should look for how we will match rather than think about how her parents/family will accept us.. Thanks man!

 

Feeling much better. its been 3 days since I turned off my phone.. Got myself a new phone. catching up with friends and family, updating my new contact info with them.. actually feels great to have so many people to talk to.. for a while, I stopped thinking about her.. feels good.

 

Thank you All!

[kamani]

Good Luck.

 

You have earned a lot for your age. So be happy, that's for you and not for anybody else.

 

Please don't forget that 'talking about the phone plan' should end. No more emails should be there. Otherwise you are going to get hurt again.

[bolainmarsh7]

I was the same, I went to a small religious private school in the middle of nowhere, my best friend lived 40mins away and I never fit in at school. Most of my high school years I felt depressed and neglected, I was very emotional and did cry a lot because when I wasn't at school with people who ignored me, I was at home with parents who acted like I didn't exist half the time and a brother who I hardly talked to.

[Timothy]

I am feeling bad for you and completely understand the phase you are going through. This happens but things will be fine as the time will go by. Just move further and don’t let the past ruins your future.

[allenpo123]

You are a successful man and you should make it your advantage. So she married a Doc guy in NY, she may happy or not (if it was a forced marriage), but it is no longer your business, she's taken. Really start understanding this and although it might be hard, I think it will help you recover faster, move on and find that next lucky girl.

[KRIS87]

Hi All

 

Thanks for your replies..

I have moved on now.. The girl I described in the post, is definitely in the past now..

 

Right now, I am dating this very sweet girl, who has a great understanding of the things I have been through and has really been there for me the past few months.. I feel really good now.. feel amazing actually!

 

I haven't been this positive for a while, and now am most definitely the most happiest person ever!

 

 

Thank you all!!!

Cheers!

Kris

[blur2007]

I just read this whole thread so far and just want to say good for you these things happen. I don't believe that every little thing happens for a reason but they can be overcome and it takes time. It can be a long time for a short period of time. You just have to keep your head up no matter how tough things can get.