too shy to ask

[apple of sodom]

My problem is that I started a new job two weeks ago that is really terrific and I work with a man who is absolutely amazing and we have a million things in common. Doesn't sound like a problem does it?

 

Well for me it is a big problem. I can't talk to him because I'm too nervous. Just being near him makes me actually start shaking. I scrutinize every thing that comes out of my mouth and I end up freezing up and not saying anything. I always have this problem when I'm with someone I really like. I want to talk to him, and I know we have a lot in common, but it's almost impossible. He is as shy as I am. We have only talked a few times, and it wasn't really at any length.

 

I have to walk through his office to get to mine, and I noticed the posters he has on his walls. The posters are mostly the same posters I have in my own house. He has clippings on his bulletin boards about bands, movies, and books that I am crazy about. We are both in to the same scene. Initially I was very physically attracted to him, and when I saw the posters it only intensified. So it sounds easy, right? Just strike up a conversation while i'm passing through his office? Believe me, I have tried that. I am tongue tied. He started talking to me last week, asking me about a graphic I had on my shirt and I could hardly respond. I stumbled and didn't know what he was saying because I was so nervous.

 

When we walk past each other we hardly look at eachother, we'll just mutter and nod. He talks to everyone else at work openly and he jokes around a lot. But when it's just the two of us we hardly say anything. I blame it on myself, mostly. I just can't open up. He has tried talking to me and I ruined it. I've seen him outside walking around town, passed him on the street and I can hardly say hello.

 

The only progress I had was smiling at him one day and he smiled back and started talking to me. Like I said, I ruined that. I know it seems so easy. I have a lot of things I could bring up to start a conversation. But I'm also afraid of actually taking the plunge and showing interest in him. But at the same time I would love to ask him out or something. I don't know how to handle this. Are there any signs that a person is receptive to you?

 

He is sort of a shy guy and he doesn't say much. He keeps to himself and occasionally he'll talk to other people, but for the most part he's sort of aloof. I don't know if he has a girlfriend, but i'm pretty sure that he doesn't. Some people say he's sort of a "dork." I have never felt this nervous about a person before. Aaahhh!!!!!! Help! I don't want to ruin my job or make it uncomfortable for either of us, but at the same time I can't think of a single way to get over this fear of talking to him.

[Tony T]

It is really sad to think of the wonderful relationships that never were because one or both people were just too afraid to begin a conversation or express an interest.

 

Usually, the source of the anxiety is the fear of rejection. But your bigger fear out to be that of missing out on what could possibly be the greatest relationship of your lives. (Fear of rejection is the number one fear in the entire world)

 

Just remember, someone cannot really reject you if they don't know you. So, if you make the first move and you get shot down, it really has nothing to do with you. It has to do with some other things that may be going on in his life. Since he does not know you, he is not rejecting you.

 

Why put yourself through all this anguish when you could find out where you stand in just a few moments. Your shyness and fear will detract a great deal of joy from your life. Get over it.

 

Somebody quoted me a poem one time, went something like this:

 

No sadder words of tongue or pen,

 

Are those which say "it might have been"

 

You'll never know unless you make a move. Do it today!!!

 

See if the company doctor will write you a prescription for some Xanax to calm you down long enough to talk to him. Xanax is often prescribed for social phobias on a temporary basis. Don't get hooked.

[Mitch]

See if the company doctor will write you a prescription for some Xanax to calm you down long enough to talk to him. Xanax is often prescribed for social phobias on a temporary basis. Don't get hooked.

For God sakes Tony, TELL ME YOU ARE KIDDING!

 

This should be last resort kind of crap.

 

Have him write a scrip for some Dexedrine or Ritalin too so you can memorize all your spreadsheets while you're at it.

 

Because any Doctor who writes a prescription this fast for something this specific is likely a quack.

 

----------------

 

Remember, you work with this guy. Depending on office size, that can REALLY complicate things and be a potential pain in the arse down the road.

 

But to meet him, try to get involved in a project he's currently working on. Have another co-worker help with logistics if possible.

 

Will you be nervous at first. Yes, you will.

 

It will pass and in time neither you nor the guy will remember or care.

 

(and it's 100% natural to boot!)

[Deejette]

I think you should really wait until he approaches you because the work scene can become difficult if the relationship turns sour. He may truly be attached to someone already and is not open to a new relationship. So you must find that out first if you do decide to start dating him.

 

You can start by talking about the films you have in common. You can say you noticed the clippings he had in his workspace and start a commentary on why you liked that movie. You can tell him about a similar movie you would like to see. Somehow you have to move the conversation towards finding out if he is attached. You can say you were looking for someone to go to the movie with, that none of your friends like those kinds of movies. That will leave open the space for him to volunteer something about his friends, girlfriend, or wife.

 

You will have to leave it at that because forcing the issue under the circumstances of being at work can have bad consequences for your pride if you have to pass him in the hall every day.

 

My problem is that I started a new job two weeks ago that is really terrific and I work with a man who is absolutely amazing and we have a million things in common. Doesn't sound like a problem does it? Well for me it is a big problem. I can't talk to him because I'm too nervous. Just being near him makes me actually start shaking. I scrutinize every thing that comes out of my mouth and I end up freezing up and not saying anything. I always have this problem when I'm with someone I really like. I want to talk to him, and I know we have a lot in common, but it's almost impossible. He is as shy as I am. We have only talked a few times, and it wasn't really at any length. I have to walk through his office to get to mine, and I noticed the posters he has on his walls. The posters are mostly the same posters I have in my own house. He has clippings on his bulletin boards about bands, movies, and books that I am crazy about. We are both in to the same scene. Initially I was very physically attracted to him, and when I saw the posters it only intensified. So it sounds easy, right? Just strike up a conversation while i'm passing through his office? Believe me, I have tried that. I am tongue tied. He started talking to me last week, asking me about a graphic I had on my shirt and I could hardly respond. I stumbled and didn't know what he was saying because I was so nervous. When we walk past each other we hardly look at eachother, we'll just mutter and nod. He talks to everyone else at work openly and he jokes around a lot. But when it's just the two of us we hardly say anything. I blame it on myself, mostly. I just can't open up. He has tried talking to me and I ruined it. I've seen him outside walking around town, passed him on the street and I can hardly say hello. The only progress I had was smiling at him one day and he smiled back and started talking to me. Like I said, I ruined that. I know it seems so easy. I have a lot of things I could bring up to start a conversation. But I'm also afraid of actually taking the plunge and showing interest in him. But at the same time I would love to ask him out or something. I don't know how to handle this. Are there any signs that a person is receptive to you? He is sort of a shy guy and he doesn't say much. He keeps to himself and occasionally he'll talk to other people, but for the most part he's sort of aloof. I don't know if he has a girlfriend, but i'm pretty sure that he doesn't. Some people say he's sort of a "dork." I have never felt this nervous about a person before. Aaahhh!!!!!! Help! I don't want to ruin my job or make it uncomfortable for either of us, but at the same time I can't think of a single way to get over this fear of talking to him.