My boyfriend hurt me by staring at women.

[violagirl87]

Recently I went on vacation with my boyfriend whom I've been dating for almost a year. I have been struggling with an eating disorder (basically thinking I'm fat and unattractive). I decided to tell him this during the trip.

 

Earlier that day, he had been staring at girls in bikinis. Later on, we played mini golf, during which, he didn't look at me once because he was focused on other women.

 

I know it is natural for guys to notice other girls, but to do it THAT MUCH, and an hour after I had told him how I felt about myself... Do you think this is okay? He really hurt me, and I'm not quite sure what to do.

[the_opposite_sex]

in my opinion, it's disrespectful to stare down an attractive woman, while he's w/ you.

[extraeyes]

My bf does not miss a woman within 2 miles ages 18- 90-...ok, maybe I am exagerating a bit, but he does remind me of a fan...side by side, and he truly does not miss one. Yes, sometimes, it bothers me a bit, but at the same time, I rather know that he is looking and not hiding it from me. He is not hiting on anyone or flirting at all, and he is always hugging and kissing me, so there is not doubt of who he is into.

 

There will always be women hotter than you- it sucks but it is true. I would say that I am an above average woman...but who cares, there are much hotter and younger women out there...and whether he is with you or alone, he would want to look at that. We are human, and we like to look at good looking people or things for that matter.

 

Do I like that he does not miss anything? no a boob, no a nice butt? No, in an ideal world I would prefer he had eyes for me alone, but I look at the big pic, and I try to deal with it..at least he is open about it,and I do the same with guys...I do not let a good looking guy pass by without me saying how delicious he looks. Trust me, he does not like it either!

 

I actually sometimes even point them out...and he can be honest and we can laugh and stare togehter....as the phrase goes..if you cannot...(change!) them...join them.

 

Good luck.

 

ps by the way, you say you are fat and unattractive, how does your bf look like? Brat Pitt? I always feel better about my celulite and fat thigs when I remember my bf is bold..ing..and has a belly- Unfortunately, society says that men can be fat, bold, and gross overall, but we women have a bit of fat..and we do not feel attractive enough.

[MichFan202]

If he truly cares about you, he wouldn't stare at them while he was with you. Every guy knows how to get away with looking at other girls while out on a date. If you caught him, he wanted you too.

[FolderWife]

Good grief, ask him to just look at you when you're out in public. That way, whenever he does look at other women, you can BE SURE to give him a dirty look.

 

My husband respects me when we're out together. He'll hold my hand, or hug me, and NEVER look at another woman....he'll freely admit that he looks at other women when I'm not around. That bothered me a little at first, but then I realized that when I see a good lookin man, yooooou beeet your bottom dollar I'm checkin him out! I'll even smile at him, or say hi sometimes! But when I'm with my husband, I only have eyes for him.

 

I think that's how it should be! I can't expect my husband not to notice an attractive woman, because I NOTICE THEM!!!! But I can expect him not to obviously stare when I'm around

 

That's just common curtiousy. If you already have esteem issues, it should be even MORE common.

 

You've already asked him not to look while you're around. If you catch him looking, be sure to call him on it. If he says, "I'm a guy, I'm supposed to look!" You say, "Well I can accept that, but don't look when I'm around, so I can at least PRETEND that you only have eyes for me...OK!?"

 

If he continues to look, find someone else. Don't marry this clod who can't even respect you enough to respect you in public.

 

Ok?

[Fayebelle]

Are you seeking help w/your disorder? I'm wondering b/c they (eating disorders) can really play tricks on your mind- It's possible he wasn't really paying that much attention to other women(I say That Much b/c most men can't help peeking at women in bikinis )- it may have been your disorder saying he was.

[lifeisloveispain]

I'm a guy. Guys can't help looking, trust me. It doesn't mean any disrespect to our girls or anything, it's just like pre-programmed. Nothing we can do about it. Remember, it's only looking. It's not like he's going over and flirting them up or anything. He's with you, and that's because he WANTS to be with YOU. Not them, or anyone else. Try to keep that in mind. He just can't help being a guy - yeah, I know, we're pigs.

 

Just out of curiousity, are you saying you've never looked at another guy when you're with him? My girl sure does - sometimes she even comments out loud. Then we both laugh, cause at the end of the day, she crawls into my bed and those other guys (however good looking they are) don't get any. And hey, just to mess with him, you can always be like, "Ooo, look at that girl. She is fine! Maybe I'll go talk to her for awhile" and leave him standing there. Then come back and tell him that's what he gets - and to stop thinking about that three-way, cause you know how his sick little mind works. Guarantee he'll stop looking for at least, oh, five minutes.

 

-lifeisloveispain

[dyermaker]

You have two choices. You can:

 

A) Continue to whine and foster pain.

Your pain is internal, it's a construction of your own insecurity. It's destructive to dwell on this. You are in a relationship with a man, and unlike most men, he's not good at hiding it. If you're going to equate him looking at other people with pain, you're going to continue to feel that pain.

 

B) Look at it a different way.

Think of it this way. You think they're more attractive than you. He doesn't. If you think beauty is a function of only physical appearance, you're not giving your man enough credit.

[That_girl]

Tell him to smarten up. He might even be TRYING to make you jealous because he's insecure himself. That's what my ex would do. The current guy I'm seeing does the same thing as well and it really bothers me too.

[FolderWife]

I stubbornly refuse to believe that ANY man, "can't help it" PLEASE!!! There is not some invisible force willing you to look at a woman whenever you see one. A glance to see who's walking past you is one thing, but openly staring is quite another!!!!!

 

If it is sooooooooo impossible for you to not look at another woman when you are with YOUR woman, then walk one step behind her, and look when she's not looking!!!!!!!

 

I know you can 'help it' Puhlease!