Second separation

[downinpa]

My wife informed me yesterday that she wants a divorce. This is the second time that we have been in this situation but it is a little different this time around.

 

The last time we separated was because I reconnected with my ex-wife because of my son who I hadn't seen in 15 years. He was in some trouble and my ex reached out to me as a last resort to assist her in getting my son on the right track. After taking care of the issues with my son I took advantage of the opportunity to question my ex about what had happened between us because she had just left me and took my son away. I let her know how I felt about it and she was very apologetic. We continued to talk for a couple of months both on the phone and through texting and most of what we discussed was about my current situation with my current wife. My wife and I weren't getting along and were fighting a lot and both of us were very hurt. We had distanced from each other over a long period and both of us were frustrated with each other. My wife became suspicious and checked the phone records and flipped when she saw how much I was talking to my ex. I saw no harm in it as I had no intention of rekindling anything and I would NEVER EVER cheat on my wife under any circumstances. We argued about the communications and she screamed "LEAVE!! Just GET OUT". The look in her eyes told me all I needed to know and I left. I stayed with a friend for about 5 days and my wife called me and asked me to come back. It took a conversation with an old friend for me to realize that I was actually cheating on her emotionally and I terminated all contact with my ex unless it was concerning our son and I explained to my wife that I realized what I was doing, apologized and promised it would never happen again.

 

Since that episode I insisted on marriage counselling and we went together along with me going, on my own, to another counselor. The marriage counselor that we both went to was nice but it didn't really help either of us in getting our issues fixed.

 

To make a long story longer, we have been going in a never ending circle of getting close then distancing again and I guess the last week + was her last straw. She is 10 years younger than me and she has started going out with her girlfriends every weekend to drink and dance because she says that's the only time she has fun. We have 3 children between us in our home ranging in ages from 5 to 12 and I worked in Bars and nightclubs for over 20 years so I don't have any interest in going with her even though she has invited me on several occasions. (I regret that now) She came home a few weeks ago and during a talk about our relationship she informed me that she danced with a guy she met at the bar and had been talking to for a couple of weeks. She is a beautiful woman and has always been faithful and caring but I let her know that I didn't like it and that I would never do that if the roles were reversed and she agreed. She has continued to go out and even invited me to go with her several times even though the last week has been rough between us she asked me to go with her this time again. We got into an argument over her going out again and I asked her if the guy she danced with was going to be there tonight. She got really mad and said she wanted a divorce, not that we needed time apart or that she needed space but a divorce. She proceeded to go out and she came home without her rings on. I did a little snooping (as she did to me when talking to my ex) and found a guys number in her call log and also in her text log. They have been calling each other during the day while she is at work and my wife texted him tonight while she was at the bar. She asked if he was coming out and he replied no but maybe they could get together Saturday or Sunday. Her response was "Really? That's too bad. Wish u were here!". This happened today and I am devastated. They have called each other for the last 3 days and just yesterday she swore there was no one else and tonight she said she didn't want anyone else. Now I don't believe her. I understand that maybe they are just friends and she enjoys his company or whatever but this is a major red flag to me. She has been faithful for 12 1/2 years and I don't want that to change but when there is another guy and the rings are off it doesn't look very good. Even though we have our problems and have for a long time I believe in my heart, with some hard work this relationship can work and we can be truly happy together. I have no desire to be with anyone else and until now I believed that she didn't either.

 

I just bought "Love Must Be Tough" because it was recommended by a couple of people in another thread and I want to do everything I can to get another chance.

Also of note, she has been drinking every evening and going to lay in bed as soon as she gets home from work for a long time. I think she is depressed because our relationship is not as fulfilling as she would like and she is seeking attention for others because I don't give her enough. I distance myself because she is depressed and it is just compounding the problem for both of us. I love my wife and I see the errors in both of our ways but it seems now it is too late to save it judging by everything that has happened the last few days.

 

I've never posted anything in a forum like this but as I said, I'll do whatever it takes to save my marriage. Please provide any insight or opinions, I don't really have anyone to talk to although I am going to try to get back to the counselor. My friends provide their points of view but I am not satisfied with just talking about it, I want to fix it. I hope it isn't the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read all of that although there is a lot more to the story.

 

I want so badly to tell her I know about the other guy but my initial thought is that it would only be detrimental to working things out. She doesn't know that I know about him at this point. Thoughts?

Edited November 3, 2012 by downinpa
addition and readability

[Yasuandio]

Dobsob's book might suggest you bring this fellow out into the open, and create a crisis over it. How soon till you get the book? Have a look on-line at "Marriage Builders" - specifically, Pan A and Plan B. It's free. I'll have to think about you issue - but when a women strays - time is of the essense. You must know about the Walk Away Wife by now. If not, look that up. Her bar-hoping is unbecoming and INAPPROPRIATE behavior for a married woman. A girl's night out - one in 2-3 weeks, ok. But not what your wife is doing. Allowing this is leading to a BIG problem as you can see. I'd keep my mouth shut about the invasion of privacy for now.

 

Marriage Builders suggests Transparancy. You can offer that, and then adk the same of her - in an effort to "improve" your relationship. Ha. Move slow. Use that web-site - there is a great article on how to prevent infidelty. Both of you read it eventually - and put it into practice. You want her to feel secure, right? She may already be on her way in the out door, so, perhaps try this "bach door" approach, soon, but delicately.

Yas

[downinpa]

Thank you for your reply and having the patience to get through it. If its any indication of my awareness of the time issue, I already ordered the book on my iPhone and have read over 700 pages. The last chapter I read started on page 704 if I remember correctly and it describes exactly where we are at right now. I didn't sleep at all last night so I did a lot of research.

 

I can't bring the other guy into the open without making it known that I found out from her phone. It doesn't make it right but she did the same thing when I was talking to my ex.

 

I did ask her this morning if she really wanted a divorce and I said she didn't have to answer if she wasn't comfortable. She took a while to address the question but in the end decided she couldn't give me one right now.

 

How would you suggest I bring out the other guy in this position. It's killing me to know but is not worth jeopardizing any possibility of salvage.

[Yasuandio]

Thank you for your reply and having the patience to get through it. If its any indication of my awareness of the time issue, I already ordered the book on my iPhone and have read over 700 pages. The last chapter I read started on page 704 if I remember correctly and it describes exactly where we are at right now. I didn't sleep at all last night so I did a lot of research.

 

I can't bring the other guy into the open without making it known that I found out from her phone. It doesn't make it right but she did the same thing when I was talking to my ex.

 

I did ask her this morning if she really wanted a divorce and I said she didn't have to answer if she wasn't comfortable. She took a while to address the question but in the end decided she couldn't give me one right now.

 

How would you suggest I bring out the other guy in this position. It's killing me to know but is not worth jeopardizing any possibility of salvage.

 

Don't do aanything right now accept get quite. Google Homer McDonald with the word "interviews" - his work helped me trememdously. Listen to the free audio tapes twenty times if thats what it takes to drive the concepts into your head. "The Three Sentence" method might be perfect for you.

 

I don't think pissing a woman off that is anout out the door is the smartest idea. Promise me - to listem to those tape - at least half a dozen times. Then read the free material. And get back to us. What your going to learn is counter-intuitive.

 

To stop being a selfish baby, and give her what she wants, offer to help find her apartment, and help her move - enthusatically, say something to the effect of

 

"honey, I PREFER to have the marriage, but I understan if you want a divorce and I will help you get an apartment and move out right away."

 

You don't have anything to lose but your dignity - if you keep on going the way you are - asking her over and over if she still wants a divorce (with covert knowledge she has boyfriend).

 

You make that statement to her - send her off to the boyfriend, and get your balls out of her purse. Don't give up what you know. That is like showing your badge when you are an undercover cop. Keep your mouth shut - and be enthustheastic about how you will go about a new sort of life. NOW, GET TO THE HOMER MCDONALD MATERIAL. Screw the Tough Love for now. Yas

[downinpa]

Thanks Yas but I would be the one to leave. Same idea but just clarifying. I will look at / listen to the sources you provided. I hope you have assisted in saving my family, they are my world.

[Soxfaninfl]

If she doesn't want to work on things and wants a divorce then ask her to leave. Do not leave! That was my mistake. My ex-wife wasn't inconvienced because she was still living in our home. She will want to come back home because she will miss it. When she starts to miss it, she will change her mind about working on the marriage.

Edited November 3, 2012 by Soxfaninfl

[riverratt]

The topic of communicating with an ex is a mixed bag for me. My ex and I get along fine. We do have a child together so we will have to communicate. We will meet to have coffee sometimes just too BS.

 

I would never consider getting back with her for reasons that have nothing to do with being able to get along. I guess I don't buy the fact that most people feel they must hate their ex. I know that some have good reasons too and get that. If I was in a relationship and they talked to their ex I wouldn't just flip out. I would have to know more before I went off about it.

 

I wouldn't call what you had an EA but what you said you guys discussed.

[downinpa]

Wow, what a great group of people to take the time and put so much effort into helping others that are in hopeless positions. I would never have drempt of this kind of support. I can't thank you enough.

 

I listened to the tapes, read all of the suggested material minus the last few chapters of Dobson which I will finish tonight. I have a grasp of the information but must drill it all in my head and respond to situations on the fly. I was lucky enough to have already responded as suggested to the statement that she wanted a divorce. I am unable to afford the house due to my income and that is the reason for me having to leave. We are speaking civily today when talking about the kids and she has asked me to go with her to dinner with her family, for what it's worth. I am going because one of her biggest gripes is I dont go to her family's functions with her because some have expressed bad feelings toward me and our children.

 

I feel much more confident now than I did when I made my original post and I have you to thank for it. You are great human beings and should be proud of yourselves. I only hope it works out.

[downinpa]

Quick update-

 

I have found someplace to stay but can't go there for a few days. I have discussed with my wife the issues that needed to be addressed when I leave such as; how much money she will need to cover the bills, when I can see our kids etc. We ended up discussing how we got here and I told her that I have read several articles from several different experts that explains why this happened and how people tick. She refuses to see that the actions we have taken are a result of natural programming and are not a matter of us not being compatible. I asked her to consider seeing another counselor that subscribes to the methods I have read about but she is very stubborn and is fighting me every inch of the way. I guess that I have hurt her so deeply that she doesn't want to fix it. I am going to re-read (and listen to) all of the information again and again until I have it burned into my brain.

 

We had some discussions yesterday and I brought out the OM. She had deleted the messages and calls from her phone and I brought it up to her calmly. She denied any emotional attachment and said that they just discussed a website that he wanted to build but her saying that she missed him and wished he was there says otherwise. When I questioned her about those statements she said that I have female friends too and she should be able to have male friends. I simply said that I have NEVER told any of my friends that I missed them and since they have only known each other for a month or so, I didn't believe that it was a comment that was in line with her story. She conceded I guess you could say. She went on to tell me that she knows there is something wrong with him because he is in his 30s and has never been married, there must be a reason for that she said. I just explained that I am very concerned because friendships like this can turn into much more and if that happened I would never be able to reconcile. I also expressed that I was considering confronting him in person and letting him know that I knew what was going on and that he needs to move on.

 

I have an appointment this morning with a counselor that specializes in this type of situation and am excited to speak with him. I hope it provides some solid feedback for me as this is driving me crazy.

 

*During our last discussion last night she still had her walls up but floored me towards the end of the talk by saying she didn't want to lose me. I immediately broke down because that was the last thing I expected to hear from her. I am hoping that it is true and not just an appeasement to keep things civil until I leave.

Edited November 5, 2012 by downinpa
Addition

[downinpa]

Had a good talk with wife last night and she said she told the OM that she needed to back off and needs space/time. Obviously, she still wants me to leave and I can't fully believe that she wants to back away from David. I can't deal with it if she cheats on me, she has always been faithful but that can change very easily and quickly. I thought we were making a little progress during our talk as I started reading His Needs, Her Needs and it provided great info. I even read some of the book to her to get her to understand what I was trying to explain to her about the affair and how they happen. She was at least paying attention but her reactions tell me that she is confused. I fear if I leave then she will go to David because of how hurt she feels. I know she needs space but I don't understand why I can't continue to be here with my family and support her. Any advise on this would be appreciated.

[karnak]

You're a doormat.

[Yasuandio]

Quick update-

 

I have found someplace to stay but can't go there for a few days. I have discussed with my wife the issues that needed to be addressed when I leave such as; how much money she will need to cover the bills, when I can see our kids etc. We ended up discussing how we got here and I told her that I have read several articles from several different experts that explains why this happened and how people tick. She refuses to see that the actions we have taken are a result of natural programming and are not a matter of us not being compatible. I asked her to consider seeing another counselor that subscribes to the methods I have read about but she is very stubborn and is fighting me every inch of the way. I guess that I have hurt her so deeply that she doesn't want to fix it. I am going to re-read (and listen to) all of the information again and again until I have it burned into my brain.

 

We had some discussions yesterday and I brought out the OM. She had deleted the messages and calls from her phone and I brought it up to her calmly. She denied any emotional attachment and said that they just discussed a website that he wanted to build but her saying that she missed him and wished he was there says otherwise. When I questioned her about those statements she said that I have female friends too and she should be able to have male friends. I simply said that I have NEVER told any of my friends that I missed them and since they have only known each other for a month or so, I didn't believe that it was a comment that was in line with her story. She conceded I guess you could say. She went on to tell me that she knows there is something wrong with him because he is in his 30s and has never been married, there must be a reason for that she said. I just explained that I am very concerned because friendships like this can turn into much more and if that happened I would never be able to reconcile. I also expressed that I was considering confronting him in person and letting him know that I knew what was going on and that he needs to move on.

 

I have an appointment this morning with a counselor that specializes in this type of situation and am excited to speak with him. I hope it provides some solid feedback for me as this is driving me crazy.

 

*During our last discussion last night she still had her walls up but floored me towards the end of the talk by saying she didn't want to lose me. I immediately broke down because that was the last thing I expected to hear from her. I am hoping that it is true and not just an appeasement to keep things civil until I leave.

 

First of all, Recall what Homer says when wifey suddenly "changes her mind." Don't take her back fast. Stay cool - respond as he told you. Date. Date her. say, "Honey, I really want to see things work out, but we are going to need some time" or whatever it was Homer suggested.

 

You practically did the opposite - wrong strategy. Pick yourself up, and change positions - "you've been thinking about it, and you want to give her the space to explore her......." Go away awhile, let her see the consequesnces of her decisions.

 

You let her get away with this, then kiss her feet if she changes her mind, then SHE LOSES RESPECT FOR YOU. Plus, you dignity is out the window.

 

Next thing I want you to look uo is called "hysterical bonding." Do it now. This happened to me - and it hurt. Did you look up the 180's? What about the Divorce Busting Site? Techniques like "Act As If," "The Last Resort," "Going Dark, Etc.? They have a great website with a forum just like this. It is where the 180's originated.

 

Also -DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFEY WHAT YOU ARE READING! It's for you only. The only possible thing I woulf recommend sharing is the Marriage Building site (with the exception of Plan A and Plan B). Those are some great articles. Hope this comes in time to help you.

 

You see - you were already getting results! Keep it up. Yas

[aMguilts]

hello downinpa

 

Yasuandio is exactly right.

 

Act as if everything is perfect with you, Read the very 1st word of this sentence. Act.

Because, well it`s not is it? But you need to give her the impression that it is.

When ever you see her, be aloof, smile a lot, above all act happy.

You can even practice this on your own, acting happy ( i have to do it whenever i`m with or near anyone and if there was ever an award for acting `happy` i`d get the oscar everytime time, but thats another story)

 

Something else you can do. Just be ok with everything she says or does.

Obviously, if she looks at you and says,` get on your knees and beg for me to take you back`

Then you don`t!!.(common sense here , but then again, when someone wants something so bad, they will do ANYTHING)

 

She says ` i want you to move out`

(smile) say ` ok, i`ll start looking for a place right now`

THEN?

You go and look for a place.

From your 1st post you come across as insecure? Would you agree?

 

aMillion

[downinpa]

LOL I posted on Marriage builders and they are saying the exact opposite thing, I should not leave the house and I should make Love Bank Deposits but I should confront the OM and let him know what's up. I should also expose the affair to everyone and brace myself. I'm so ****ing confused I don't know what to do. I don't even know why this is happening. F IT!!!

[aMguilts]

LOL I posted on Marriage builders and they are saying the exact opposite thing, I should not leave the house and I should make Love Bank Deposits but I should confront the OM and let him know what's up. I should also expose the affair to everyone and brace myself. I'm so ****ing confused I don't know what to do. I don't even know why this is happening. F IT!!!

 

downinpa, calm down.

It`s not over ok? ( you divorced yet? no? So its NOT over)

 

I can see where they are coming from when they say things like `don`t leave the house`. But to me that is wrong. IF, you don`t leave the house, you will come across as someone that is argumentitive, stubborn, immature, someone that will say to someone ` hit me, hit me , hit me...go on..hit me` , and then say` why did you hit me?` AFTER they been hit!.

 

I know you want all the answers now, i know you just want to do `the best thing`.

 

Stop trying to work out what went wrong.

I`ve been where you are now.

Acceptance was my release

 

Keep posting..keep believing( in yourself), never , ever give up

 

Hugs

aM

[GorillaTheater]

I have to second the opinion on MarriageBuilders to stay in your home. You moving out sets a bad precedent for custody issues, if nothing else. Besides, she's the one who wants out, so let her be the one who's inconvenienced.

 

Both MarriageBuilders and DivorceBusters are in my opinion "orthodoxy" sites, based on the books written by the site founders. The former favors nuclear exposure, the latter does not favor exposure at all, and at both sites you get banned for expressing opinions which differ from the "orthodoxy" and tend to be a little too "soft" when it comes to you standing up for yourself. You're better off posting here or at TalkAboutMarriage, which have experienced posters who have no Party Line to adhere to. Even then, you're going to get differing views (like on whether or not to leave the home), so weigh those views carefully and do what's best for you and your kids.

[aMguilts]

I have to second the opinion on MarriageBuilders to stay in your home. You moving out sets a bad precedent for custody issues, if nothing else. Besides, she's the one who wants out, so let her be the one who's inconvenienced.

 

Both MarriageBuilders and DivorceBusters are in my opinion "orthodoxy" sites, based on the books written by the site founders. The former favors nuclear exposure, the latter does not favor exposure at all, and at both sites you get banned for expressing opinions which differ from the "orthodoxy" and tend to be a little too "soft" when it comes to you standing up for yourself. You're better off posting here or at TalkAboutMarriage, which have experienced posters who have no Party Line to adhere to. Even then, you're going to get differing views (like on whether or not to leave the home), so weigh those views carefully and do what's best for you and your kids.

 

GorillaTheater hi

 

words in bold- i couldn`t agree more! which is really sad. No one is aloud to be themselves or to say how they really feel or express themselves:eek:

 

But this- "I have to second the opinion on MarriageBuilders to stay in your home. You moving out sets a bad precedent for custody issues, if nothing else. Besides, she's the one who wants out, so let her be the one who's inconvenienced"

 

I disagree with. For the reason`s i put in my last post. But then again it depends on the OP. Whether he wants to carry on with the nightmare he is in right now, or he wants to carry on, getting better and growing stronger?

 

Staying in the house will do nothing, You won`t come across as `being `assertive` as the formention sites will ` advise` you to do.

 

sorry to disagree with you GorillaTheater

just my view on it. You may be right, but then again i may not be wrong:)

 

aMillion

[downinpa]

I've been thinking about my first marriage and remembered how much pain I went through when she left and when I got the papers etc. I decided to call a lawyer to get a consultation for a divorce. No, I still don't want it but she does and I can't fight her anymore on our marriage being fixed. It's destructive and a major toll on all of us, even the kids. I want to get as much info as I can from the lawyer so I know what is going to be involved and to see if it's possible for me to keep the house. I told her that I scheduled the appt and she got mad... I don't understand why tho. She was banging stuff around and driving like a mad woman. I don't get it, I thought that was what she wanted. I am staying here tho. I still love her and want to work it out but I also I just want it over and done with.

[downinpa]

My son asked if we could schedule family night every week and I asked my wife to handle the question since she is the one that wants to divorce. We ended up having a talk for our very first family night and she told our 5 & 8 yr olds that Mommy and Daddy have decided to go our separate ways. I shot her a look but let her finish talking. She continued to explain that sometimes people just don't get along and everyone will be happier when it's all over. Then we got the questions about where we would live etc etc. When she had finished her version of it I said wait a minute, you can't put this on me!! I take full responsibility for my part of us not handling situations correctly but I am still trying to save this marriage and do not want a divorce!! I then explained that Professionals determined that children over the age of 5 should hear the truth about an EA and I called her on it. She said that the EA wasn't why we were getting divorced and I said yes it is, because a few days before I found out about it we were making love and spooning and telling each other how much we loved to hold each other etc. This was either the reason or the straw that broke the camels back.

 

So, today was a busy day and I don't feel optimistic about it at all. I pissed her off first thing in the morning, she had a bad day at work, then she comes home and we voted together, I told her that I scheduled an appt with an attorney and then we had the talk with the 2 youngest kids about what was coming.

 

I did explain to the children that Mommy had a boyfriend and Daddy didn't want that. I also told them that we both love them and always will and that this is not in any way their fault. She is really pissed and that's ok. I don't like to hurt her or make her mad but there has to be accountability here I think. I made sure to let them know that Daddy didn't want us to break up as a family but sometimes there is nothing that can be done about it. I have been pushing for MC but she refuses. Then she will start to look like it's sinking in and then she snaps back out of it again. Now that she's this mad I don't think things are going to civil anymore but that remains to be seen. I will continue to not only be civil but I will help out and be here for my family.

[downinpa]

Wha? I didn't understand your post, sorry. Maybe post it in your native language and I can google translate it.

[Yasuandio]

LOL I posted on Marriage builders and they are saying the exact opposite thing, I should not leave the house and I should make Love Bank Deposits but I should confront the OM and let him know what's up. I should also expose the affair to everyone and brace myself. I'm so ****ing confused I don't know what to do. I don't even know why this is happening. F IT!!!

 

Man, you gotta get a grip. Karnak is tight. One place an inscure person does not need to post is on "Divorce Busters" site. Thet will tear you to shreads. Read the threads - don't start posting on them. Damn, how amny things can you keep up with. You are all over the place. Post here for now - and learn about the methods, the other places I showed you are not cults that you have to subscibe to 100%.

 

I gave you these recommendations so you can take (through reading and listening) the portions that are useful to you.

 

Marriage Builders (transparence, plan A and plan B, articles to prevent infidelity)

 

Divorce Busters ("Going Dark." "Act as If," "Lasr Resort," "180")

 

Homer (3 Sentence Method, Be Happy, Patience)

 

Ok, so what is the first thing you do, when you see some results? Kiss her feet. Didn't you learn anything?

 

Do you seriously think "Love Deposits" are going to get you anywhere at this point? I mean, get real. You have to comb the materials and apply to your situation. You are in the LAST RESORT situation right now. Plus, you should be packing her bags - not the other way around, in my opinion. Exactly the way Homer said in three sentence method.

 

If you leave - make it temporary business for no longer than 3 days. YOU CANNOT ABANDON YOUR HOME. Unless you want to have the judge give it to your adultress. Yes, ADULTRESS. Take your balls out of her handbag. Build, even some phoney confidence. Go buy some new clothes and shoes, go to the salon and get a kick'in hairstyle. Go out in the evening after the kids go to bed. Even just for an hour to meditate.

 

I guess I'm not sure why you have to be the one to leave, when she has the boyfriend. That stinks.

 

Yas

[aMguilts]

hey downinpa

 

I guess yas(ok to shorten?) is pretty much on the same path as what i have posted, minus the moving out.

 

What you need to see is the end goal. All the other posters reckon you should stay in your home and let her move out. I can see their POV in that. By doing that , you will come across as the one in charge, but it`s a defense against an attack, i.e you are defying her wishes.

 

Can i ask you a question?

 

What means more to you, bricks and cement or what you feel in your head and heart?

 

aMillion

[aMguilts]

I guess I'm not sure why you have to be the one to leave, when she has the boyfriend. That stinks.

 

Yas

 

I agree.

 

Ah i don`t know about this one.

My view is it`s better to leave with your head held high than to stick around and fight for what?

 

I`m not arguing yas

it`s a tough one

 

aM

[downinpa]

The plain and simple answer to that is my Wife and kids are the most important things in the world to me bar none. I will fight to the death to protect them. The discouraging part is that the feeling is not mutual from my wife at this time. I am staying in my home, not to defy my wife but to be there for her and our children even tho she doesnt want me there. I told her the last time we had a bad arguement that she could have it all, it doesnt matter. I didnt say it because I have no balls, I said it because my possessions mean nothing when compaired to my family.

[Yasuandio]

Here is the fact that "untoughens" the situation, and lends some clarity, in my humble judgment. If you were to leave, there is a distinct possibility you won't be coming back, a divorce will occur, and you will give up your children a large percentage of the time (ask any man here).

 

Do you want to take that chance? Does anyone want to advise this man to take that chance?

 

I think the best plan is to gather evidence of her indiscretions, to put it mildly. Tape record convos. Get to an attorney NOW. Get your financials in order. Be really nice, happy, enthusasitic. You love your wife, so promote what she desires. Let her fly. A person that really loves you will fly back.

 

Then listen to HOMER. Tell her you are going to help her move in with, who is the guy, David? Then have a PI gather the evidence. If you don't let her hit rock bottom (i.e., David gets sick of paying for her, and doesn't appreciate her taking over his HQ), she will have a new boyfriend every year. [Whether you know it or not.] Oh, dear, please tell me I'm wrong, tell me I didn't read that you are on a first name basis with this cheater and home-wrecker. Surely, I must be mistaken. I hope so.

 

Here is my advice today. Study, study, study. Study Homer McDonald. You may even need his therapy - seriously (Can you afford $2600 for 4 half hour sessions?). If you just listen and read what out there, and perhaps buy the e-book, you got it made. Homer will even talk to you on the phone a little while - and he does not recommend his own therapy - cause you can do this yourself if you adhere to the principles that are throughly covered in the material.

 

The expensive therapy is for those who need their hand held in "acting happy," and "doing things that will, indeed, make you happy." By now, you know what that is. Don't share what you're reading with your wife unless it's the Five Love Languages. Clear out the computer files and history - or you will just look like another word for a cat, and shoot yourself in the foot.

 

You may actually determine you do not want this type of adultress in your life. Have you thought about what example tolerating adultry/cheating serves for your children? I mean, HER CONDUCT, and your response to it?

 

Think pocketbook, purse, handbag. You get me? Yas

 

P.S. EA is BS.

Edited November 7, 2012 by Yasuandio
Added some detail, corrected a few typos.