Second separation

[downinpa]

@ - Yas (I hate the @ symbol, it feels like I'm throwing something @ you) I made up my mind about leaving, It's not going to happen PERIOD. No further explanation needed, it is what it is. I totally agree that it would be a roll of the dice and I would have no way of showing her the changes that I am making to myself to recover and improve the relationship we had before.

 

As for the gathering evidence part, I agree with you on one hand and I disagree on the other. CYA comes into consideration here but my gut feeling tells me that she doesn't want the divorce just yet. If I were to continue on the path that I WAS on it would have been a forgone conclusion but I am not on the same path that I was just this morning. I have done a lot of thinking and soul searching in the last couple of days and learned a load of useful information in the last 2 weeks. If I were to bug her phone and she found it I am fkd period (read several people had the software screw up phones performance). I have, FOR NOW, accepted her explanation and will take it for what it is. What happens in the future may swing that feeling back and forth but I can't justify yet, risking the entire recovery on a roll of the dice.

 

Yesterday was the worst day as far as her being angry since this whole thing started. Everything went wrong for her that possibly could and she was livid, unfortunately I had to take the brunt of it but according to the package I am reading now, it ends up being my job for a while. I cannot make her change, I can only change myself and I am as much of the real problem in our marriage as she is. My inability to communicate and correctly perceive her feelings and expressions are the root of our problems and they drove her to David. (I only know his name because I did some detective work on his cell phone number.) No, I am not on any basis with him except that if I see him near my wife again there may be arrests handed out. He's not aware of it yet but I have full intention of getting my family back, including my wife and anybody that threatens that is going to regret it for the rest of their lives. I have to remember that my wife, as far as I know, has never betrayed me or lied to me in the past and until I can prove otherwise I must give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

I sincerely appreciate everyone that posts here because one, it shows that you all care about others and that in itself is encouraging. It means that there are still decent people in this F'd up world. I am extremely thankful for your opinions no matter what they are.

 

We had a talk with the 2 youngest kids (6 & 9) last night and I allowed her to tell them what was going down in our house. She said "Mommy & Daddy had decided to go our separate ways because sometimes people just don't get along and they would be happier" blah blah blah... I'm gonna get sick just typing it out. I let her finish and stared at her the whole time with a look that could kill. She asked me why I was looking at her like that and I said "You need to tell them the truth, the WHOLE truth". She knew exactly what I meant. She said "I knew you wouldn't like the way I explained it!!!" and walked away. I proceeded to tell them so she could hear what had happened, Mommy had a boyfriend etc etc etc. She came back at me saying that wasn't the reason for the divorce and we have been unhappy for years. I agreed with her but also explained that the OM was the straw that broke the camels back. (Personally I think it was dual purposed- A way to get out of the relationship and to get the attention she was craving) I found this in her computer history - Monique Honaman: I Just Wish He Would Have An Affair!

 

I came from a divorced family and until a few months ago, never knew what had happened and it has affected me in my life. I will not do that to my kids, they will know the truth no matter how painful it is. Like my Step Dad always said, "You do the crime, You do the time". I am not minimizing what she did but if she only talked to him like she says then I can deal with that for now, but if I come to find out that more happened then I will have to cross that bridge when I get to it. I makes me sick to even think about it and it is still a possibility but I haven't proven it... yet.

 

Please give me your input on what I have said here but the info I am reading now is from Couple's Therapist Exposes The Horrific 75% Failure Rate Of Traditional Couple's Therapy and so far I subscribe to almost every word of it. Check it out and tell me what you think.

 

Thanks again for your input.

[aMguilts]

The plain and simple answer to that is my Wife and kids are the most important things in the world to me bar none. I will fight to the death to protect them. The discouraging part is that the feeling is not mutual from my wife at this time. I am staying in my home, not to defy my wife but to be there for her and our children even tho she doesnt want me there. I told her the last time we had a bad arguement that she could have it all, it doesnt matter. I didnt say it because I have no balls, I said it because my possessions mean nothing when compaired to my family.

 

Hey downinpa

 

ok you decided to stay.

 

 

i understand:). It`s going to be hard. Try not to argue with her.

 

good luck

aM

[Yasuandio]

I'm, at the very least, happy you are staying, and being honest with your children. You gotta believe what ya gotta believe. Ask World Gone Wrong. Good Luck. Yas

 

P.S. EA is BS 4 PA