Seen her with someone else

[suladas]

Just saw my ex this afternoon walking to her car with a guy, assuming she is with him, oh man did it hurt for a few minutes it felt like my heart was ripped out and stomped on, obviously I don't know for sure but I am going to assume that is it someone she is seeing. It was the first time i've cried in a very long time. I could be wrong but I doubt it.

 

But now I feel good that I know, I am glad I seen it actually. It means she was a lying b*tch as I had somewhat assumed she was lying to me already about some things, now I know for sure because if she lied about one thing I am sure she lied about tons. Now I can carry on with my life and not ever try to be nice to her again despite being neighbors, some days I thought I would tell her to f**k off if she ever spoke to me, now I know I will. I thought i'd be really sad because I though we had something but honestly I just feel more like f**k her, I deserve a lot better, I put up with a lot and gave her the benefit of the doubt too many times and let myself get walked all over, because I felt bad that she was going through a rough time with things and was doing what I could to help her. Especially considering pre-dating how much I did for her just because i'm a good guy and to be lied to and played like that? I mean I said right from the start of the BU, if she didn't want to be with me just tell me straight out don't give me BS like you want to be alone and all this sh*t and we could still be neighbors without any hard feelings. A lot of stuff still doesn't make sense if she's dating again, but whatever.

 

For a second I thought of texting her something sarcastic like "Oh I like how you're too busy to date" or something but I couldn't even be bothered now. Who knows if I find out for sure they are dating, I wouldn't be surprised if I end up texting her something like that.

 

At least now I don't have to be all nice anymore. Because we share a duplex I was always conscious of making too much noise at night, not having parties at my house, etc but respect earns respect and I have zero respect for someone who lies to me.

 

After the BU I didn't think i'd be able to live next door to her, now i'm happy to. I want her to everyday regret what she did and hate herself for it when she realizes how badly she f**ked up. It might sound harsh, but lying REALLY pisses me off.

 

Although i'm really curious and would like to know for sure if they are together or not. Because I really can't say for sure I mean all I seen was a guy going in her car with her......

 

I've got a date tonight that i've been looking forward to all week though. So at least that is good

Edited November 3, 2012 by suladas

[River Rain]

I hope your date goes well tonight!

 

A word of advice? Don't lower yourself to the anger. That's not who you are. It's tempting to want to tell someone to eff off, but I think you might regret it, not because of hurting her, but because it's not in your character. You don't have to be nice either, just civil or even just ignore her.

[River Rain]

Also, your date will sense if you're bent out of shape. That's not a good way to start things.

 

Yeah that too!

[suladas]

I hope your date goes well tonight!

 

A word of advice? Don't lower yourself to the anger. That's not who you are. It's tempting to want to tell someone to eff off, but I think you might regret it, not because of hurting her, but because it's not in your character. You don't have to be nice either, just civil or even just ignore her.

 

It should, I met her a few hours last weekend and she seemed pretty cool Although i'm worried my ex is going to be on the back of my mind all night wondering who that guy was.....

 

I couldn't ever be civil now, just can't. After how much I did for her (not that I expected anything in return) and to just be lied to? I have too much respect for myself to just be nice and pretend like what she did to me was ok.

 

But if I seen them together again, I plan to just send a somewhat sarcastic text to see her response if anything, as long as I know that, I wouldn't ever be nice to her, unless she had one hell of a good excuse how she's dating someone now and didn't completely lie and play me, which is pretty much impossible. Yes I know my life is better then hers, and I have a lot more going for me, but still it doesn't give her the right to do what she did. I don't know if i'd go far enough to tell her to f**k off but it wouldn't be anything nice.

 

I mean there is a decent chance i'm blowing things out of proportion, and it's a friend, family, or someone from her church or something, it wouldn't be the first time. I wouldn't jump to any conclusion unless I knew for sure, but I just have a feeling that's not the case.

[suladas]

Yeah that too!

 

Ya i'm worried about that. Her friend that set us up knows about my BU a bit, I have no idea if my date does. I am worried that i'm going to be off tonight worrying about it, and I know it looks bad if I say bad things about an ex on a date like that and that I can't bring it up at all.

[dreamstate83]

You could always just take the most direct route and not say anything. Sometimes silence speaks volumes.

[suladas]

You could always just take the most direct route and not say anything. Sometimes silence speaks volumes.

 

Ya I could do that and watch her new RS blow up in her face, which i'm sure it will unless she changed a lot in the last 4 months which I doubt. But I also don't want to give her any satisfaction that she thinks it's ok what she did to me. I don't care about burning any bridges once I know for sure, I wouldn't take her back if she was the last women on earth after going on a date with someone else. The only thing i'd be mindful of is her kids, I wouldn't say anything bad if they were around.

 

I don't know, i'm not going to do anything in a rush. I'll let it settle for a while and see how I feel. I want her to be happy, but it doesn't change what she did and I wouldn't just forget it.

[River Rain]

Ya i'm worried about that. Her friend that set us up knows about my BU a bit, I have no idea if my date does. I am worried that i'm going to be off tonight worrying about it, and I know it looks bad if I say bad things about an ex on a date like that and that I can't bring it up at all.

 

I would assume your date knows if her friend knows. Yes, don't bring up your BU or your ex on the date! That will turn her off! You're trying to move on, so just focus on your date and enjoy yourself. You really need to let go of the anger my friend. Even sending the ex a sarcastic text is only detrimental to you. She might just laugh it off and then you'd feel so much worse and more angry...forget her, she's in the past. It doesn't matter anymore, you have a great potential to live a happy life without any thought of her!

[dreamstate83]

Ya I could do that and watch her new RS blow up in her face, which i'm sure it will unless she changed a lot in the last 4 months which I doubt. But I also don't want to give her any satisfaction that she thinks it's ok what she did to me. I don't care about burning any bridges once I know for sure, I wouldn't take her back if she was the last women on earth after going on a date with someone else. The only thing i'd be mindful of is her kids, I wouldn't say anything bad if they were around.

 

I don't know, i'm not going to do anything in a rush. I'll let it settle for a while and see how I feel. I want her to be happy, but it doesn't change what she did and I wouldn't just forget it.

 

There is one thing you are forgetting. By showing her any anger, you show her that you care. Why give her the satisfaction? Wouldn't your vengeance be better served and to greater effect by not saying anything and leaving her to be the one wondering for once?

[LostOne1]

Don't text her mate. I wanted to do the same with my ex before and I did go off on her. It made things so much worse.

 

Don't contact her about any other guy. The anger won't help at all. Look at what my ex did.. she was so angry she said things she didn't mean to me. And my anger came out too I did things I didn't mean either. And look where anger got us..

 

Destroyed a wonderful 3 yr relationship the best I had... and now there is nothing left at all.

 

So don't let the anger get to you and for ANYONE else out there.

 

ALWAYS stay calm. I know it's tough and I usually am a calm person. But please no matter how much anything hurts.. stay calm and get yourself in a corner along with no phone, laptops etc.. and let your own self think.

 

Anger destroyed my relationship with me and my ex from both of us being angry. So don't let anger get the best of you. It makes us do things we regret and then you can't go back and change it.

[cavalier99]

Yo. Dont flip out on her. BAD BAD BAD. I did this and regret it. My EX was with a new guy only 2 days after breaking up with me. I sent nasty texts ecetera ecerta. She flipped out on me accused me of snooping (which I was) saw pic of them ecetera. She told me to leave her the f alone and to control myself. She was right.

 

This is a MAJOR regret I have. It ended realtivley well until I lost my cool. STAY NC. MAINTAIN SELF RESPECT.

 

Use the anger to move foward and just know now that there is no hope. This is great news!!!!

 

Cavalier

[cavalier99]

The time to flip out was at the end of the relashionship.. even though you didnt have this info (that is semi justifiable). Now you will just look crazy and you will fell like a loser after. DONT FLIP OUT. Go running now kick a tree or something safe STAY NC.

[suladas]

Ya I can see that, but as long as she is dating someone new, there is nothing left to destroy she did it by lying. And like i told myself before, I am no one's second choice, if she so much as went on a date with someone new, I never ever ever consider getting back together. I don't even care about not being with her, it's just the lying and taking advantage of me that pisses me off. If she was honest and BU in a decent way, i'd be HAPPY to see her with someone else.

 

You guys think sending a text like "I'm glad the truth came out that you're just a liar" makes her think I care? If I don't say anything what would she possibly be wondering about? I guess I feel I don't want to "let her off" with what she did. I don't think texting her would make me feel bad or anything if she just ignored it but I don't know for sure.

[River Rain]

Go running now kick a tree

 

I like that advice! I'd say scream in a pillow, but kicking a tree might work, just don't break your toes!

[River Rain]

Ya I can see that, but as long as she is dating someone new, there is nothing left to destroy she did it by lying. And like i told myself before, I am no one's second choice, if she so much as went on a date with someone new, I never ever ever consider getting back together. I don't even care about not being with her, it's just the lying and taking advantage of me that pisses me off. If she was honest and BU in a decent way, i'd be HAPPY to see her with someone else.

 

You guys think sending a text like "I'm glad the truth came out that you're just a liar" makes her think I care? If I don't say anything what would she possibly be wondering about? I guess I feel I don't want to "let her off" with what she did. I don't think texting her would make me feel bad or anything if she just ignored it but I don't know for sure.

 

ANY contact, good or bad, shows you still care. You are giving her the satisfaction of knowing she still has such an impact on you, don't do it. Let go of the anger and forget her lies, it doesn't matter anymore because you aren't with her anymore.

[21flames]

The time to flip out was at the end of the relashionship.. even though you didnt have this info (that is semi justifiable). Now you will just look crazy and you will fell like a loser after. DONT FLIP OUT. Go running now kick a tree or something safe STAY NC.

 

Kick a tree lol, that's a classic, you just can picture a pis*sed of dude running up and kicking it and hurting his foot!

[River Rain]

Kick a tree lol, that's a classic, you just can picture a pis*sed of dude running up and kicking it and hurting his foot!

 

I'm picturing John Cleese for some reason, lol...

[suladas]

The time to flip out was at the end of the relashionship.. even though you didnt have this info (that is semi justifiable). Now you will just look crazy and you will fell like a loser after. DONT FLIP OUT. Go running now kick a tree or something safe STAY NC.

 

I would of, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and wanted to believe that she wouldn't lie to me. I found out more after the BU actually. Not proud of it but I dug on FB a bit and found out she lied to me when she seperated from her ex husband. So I really have no idea how much she lied about. I mean, for all I know I was just a rebound after her seperation and to get her yard finished, even though I did most of it before we dated.....

 

I really have no idea how deep it goes..... If I knew the lies at the time of the BU I would of done it then but I don't do anything like that unless I know for sure.

[suladas]

Kick a tree lol, that's a classic, you just can picture a pis*sed of dude running up and kicking it and hurting his foot!

 

Lol that's a better idea. I had a glass in my hand when I seen them and almost broke it in my hand, that wouldn't of been good......

[cavalier99]

You guys think sending a text like "I'm glad the truth came out that you're just a liar" makes her think I care? If I don't say anything what would she possibly be wondering about? I guess I feel I don't want to "let her off" with what she did. I don't think texting her would make me feel bad or anything if she just ignored it but I don't know for sure.

 

You will definitley feel like a loser. Just read that text. It is the text from the crazy EX. She probably wont even know what you are talking about.

 

She will be laughing about it while she gets nailed by her new boyfriend (or mayby it was a church friend???) and when you walk by her in the future you will lower your head in shame.

 

DONT DO IT

[suladas]

ANY contact, good or bad, shows you still care. You are giving her the satisfaction of knowing she still has such an impact on you, don't do it. Let go of the anger and forget her lies, it doesn't matter anymore because you aren't with her anymore.

 

I guess it doesn't matter much. I wish we didn't live next door to each other then i'd just completely forget her, but since it's not the case it's a bit different. I just know that I can't pretend in the future that everything is ok and just be nice to her.

 

Ya I guess though, I doubt she cares, it's been 4 months we barely dated for 2. I'm just so confused..... Maybe the times she was pushing me away was because she wasn't as into me as she though and wanted to push me to end it? But in the end she still hurt me a lot so I don't see the difference? She even once said if I met a cute girl my age to go ahead and don't worry about her. I just can't make any sense of it, even if she was lying it just don't add up? I do believe at one point she was honestly into me I don't think you can fake it that well, but not to much makes sense anymore.

[LostOne1]

I would of, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and wanted to believe that she wouldn't lie to me. I found out more after the BU actually. Not proud of it but I dug on FB a bit and found out she lied to me when she seperated from her ex husband. So I really have no idea how much she lied about. I mean, for all I know I was just a rebound after her seperation and to get her yard finished, even though I did most of it before we dated.....

 

I really have no idea how deep it goes..... If I knew the lies at the time of the BU I would of done it then but I don't do anything like that unless I know for sure.

It's not worth it man.. you read my post and about my ex earlier...

 

Just ignore it.. ya she lied, so who cares? Your not with her and you shouldn't be and now you know fully why.

 

So why text her? In the end your gonna feel bad about it. trust me.. I said many things after and now I wish from the day she broke up with me. If I just accepted it was a good idea from her part and let her be. I'd be healed by now and I'd know she isn't worth it.

 

But I texted and said things about her lies. What good did it do? Nothing... trust me nothing you do will satisfy you. I tried everything and even what I did recently doesn't satisfy me to make me feel better than her.

 

If I was better than her, I'd have gone NC from day 1 and never looked back. That's what a mature person does. they move on and they have no need to say anything to their ex even if the ex lied or cheated etc..

 

Because a better person knows better than to not waste their time.

 

trust me you seen the hell I went through.. don't text or contact her. It will bring more pain and you will feel bad later even if it seems like it's a good action to take right now.

 

Just tell yourself your done and you could care less if she lied, or cheated etc... It doesn't matter now, what matters is your the BETTER person. So be that better person and don't give into her in any form. No contact no nothing.

[River Rain]

I guess it doesn't matter much. I wish we didn't live next door to each other then i'd just completely forget her, but since it's not the case it's a bit different. I just know that I can't pretend in the future that everything is ok and just be nice to her.

 

Ya I guess though, I doubt she cares, it's been 4 months we barely dated for 2. I'm just so confused..... Maybe the times she was pushing me away was because she wasn't as into me as she though and wanted to push me to end it? But in the end she still hurt me a lot so I don't see the difference? She even once said if I met a cute girl my age to go ahead and don't worry about her. I just can't make any sense of it, even if she was lying it just don't add up? I do believe at one point she was honestly into me I don't think you can fake it that well, but not to much makes sense anymore.

 

When you start to obsess about the "why"...it's never ending. I know you got hurt, I know how that feels. But at some point you need to accept that it was out of your control and that it's over. You deserve happiness and you must do everything in your power to move on. Would you rather be empty and bitter, or happy and grateful? You don't have to be nice to her, every one here has chimed in that you can simply ignore her. Living near each other sucks! But you have to find a way to deal with it. Try to forget about all of this tonight on your date though. Imagine kicking that tree

[suladas]

You will definitley feel like a loser. Just read that text. It is the text from the crazy EX. She probably wont even know what you are talking about.

 

She will be laughing about it while she gets nailed by her new boyfriend (or mayby it was a church friend???) and when you walk by her in the future you will lower your head in shame.

 

DONT DO IT

 

Ya I don't know. It's tough to make sense of. She even said she felt guilty having sex while still legally married, guilty not spending enough time with her kids, etc tons of stuff like that...... It very well could be a friend, don't know.

 

I am glad you all are talking me out of the text, the more I think it doesn't seem to be a good idea. The more I think of it, the more I just wish she was honest and upfront with me, or that it turns out she was. I truely believe she is a good person, but very hot and cold.

[cavalier99]

Have fun tonight!! All is cool!

 

It feels good to be angry and self rightous sometimes. Just not to do anything stupid while angry:). Use it to get powered up for tonight. You are unstoppable!