Seen her with someone else

[suladas]

And just way too much overthinking, overanalyzing that leads to tortured emotions and a big hit to the self-esteem.

 

Definitely, funny thing was during the BU she even mentioned how she though I had low self esteem and should work on myself. Read me like a book actually in most regards.

[suladas]

Dating someone less than 2 months and we get thread after thread from this guy. Hell, this one is up to 6 pages now.

 

He still thinks a 35 year old divorced women with 4 kids he can't provide for (he is only 23) is what she wants.

 

These facts do not matter / register with him...

 

1. She dumped him within 2 months of their first date.

 

2. She has not responded to the last several times he reached out.

 

3. She is dating / sleeping with someone else.

 

This guy has some major problems that none of us can help him with. He will just create another thread in a few days and repeat the process of denying what is plain to see.

 

Gibson, like I said yes i'm having a tough time telling go, but at the same time trying to compare it to a regular 2 month relationship I don't think it's fair, it's going to take more time, especially being my firsts to, and the amount of time being friends beforehand. Plus, it's loosing 5 people, not just one. I mean most of my relapses and problems coping have come from seeing her over and over and over again. I mean even at the 1 week mark, i would go to work and sometimes forget about her and be happy for a bit, then i'd come home and be reminded and just go back. Being off work the last 3 months, i'm home almost all the time to, and it's forced I have no choice. So ya i'm not going to be to hard on myself for why it's taking so long.

 

There is nothing else left to see, her being with someone else is the worst thing. What else can I see? Her kissing him? Can't see where that would hurt me anymore.

 

I'm not denying anything. I know she doesn't want me. I know it, I just can't fully cope with it yet.

 

I really don't know why you bring up with age/kids thing. I don't even want to get into that.

Edited November 4, 2012 by suladas

[Simon Phoenix]

Have you thought about moving? Might be a good idea.

[Tree_Salmon]

Gibson, like I said yes i'm having a tough time telling go, but at the same time trying to compare it to a regular 2 month relationship I don't think it's fair, it's going to take more time, especially being my firsts to. I mean most of my relapses and problems coping have come from seeing her over and over and over again. I mean even at the 1 week mark, i would go to work and sometimes forget about her and be happy for a bit, then i'd come home and be reminded and just go back. Being off work the last 3 months, i'm home almost all the time to, and it's forced I have no choice. So ya i'm not going to be to hard on myself for why it's taking so long.

 

There is nothing else left to see, her being with someone else is the worst thing. What else can I see? Her kissing him? Can't see where that would hurt me anymore.

 

I'm not denying anything. I know she doesn't want me. I know it, I just can't fully cope with it yet.

 

Look, man. At 23 you can do a hell of allot better than this lady.

 

And I saw the same girl almost every day for 6 years and I know that sh*t is not worth me fighting over anymore.

 

You have to grow a pair or the next relationship that lasts longer than a year will end up driving you insane.

 

2 months is a drop in the bucket and an insult to some of us here.

If i was dating some old used up loser for two months I'd erase that sh*t from my memory.

[suladas]

Have you thought about moving? Might be a good idea.

 

Yes, I own and currently not an option. I was actually going to move last fall, but due to some issues proving my income, my mortgage company wouldn't allow it. Tried again this summer, but i'm off work hurt for the last 3 months, won't let me do anything. And really, it was only a very small part because of her. I'm not going to move just to cope with loosing her, not going to happen. Once i'm back at work i am going to consider it, but largely for other reasons, and who knows i could be off work another month, maybe 6 months.

 

Right after the BU I really wanted to, but i'm stonger then that.

[suladas]

Look, man. At 23 you can do a hell of allot better than this lady.

 

And I saw the same girl almost every day for 6 years and I know that sh*t is not worth me fighting over anymore.

 

You have to grow a pair or the next relationship that lasts longer than a year will end up driving you insane.

 

2 months is a drop in the bucket and an insult to some of us here.

If i was dating some old used up loser for two months I'd erase that sh*t from my memory.

 

I know it's nothing like 6 years. At the same time, I view it as much longer then 2 months just because of the amount of time spent together before offical dating. And really man, unless you have been in the shoes of someone getting over someone living so close you don't know how bad it is. There is at least one other person doing it I seen in this section, and it isn't their first RS and they even said how much harder it was. I know i'm stupid to still be having a tough time nearly 4 months later, but it is what it is, and i'm getting better all the time.

 

I really believe getting over any RS after this will be a cakewalk for a few reasons, being able to just cut them out and never see them sounds a lot easier. Also knowing it wasn't the first BU and likely won't be the last, i think would help. And finding two women you connect with, you believe there will be many more compared to when you're still at one. Every single one of my friends had a tough time getting over their first GF, after that most didn't care much, some stop caring at all.

 

As far as her kids and stuff, I really don't wish to get into that. I knew what it was, and I didn't view it as settling or I could do better, I was happy. Granted, I can't say for sure if theres many others who will make me much happier, i really don't know I hope so.

[Tree_Salmon]

I know it's nothing like 6 years. At the same time, I view it as much longer then 2 months just because of the amount of time spent together before offical dating. And really man, unless you have been in the shoes of someone getting over someone living so close you don't know how bad it is. There is at least one other person doing it I seen in this section, and it isn't their first RS and they even said how much harder it was. I know i'm stupid to still be having a tough time nearly 4 months later, but it is what it is, and i'm getting better all the time.

 

I really believe getting over any RS after this will be a cakewalk for a few reasons, being able to just cut them out and never see them sounds a lot easier. Also knowing it wasn't the first BU and likely won't be the last, i think would help. And finding two women you connect with, you believe there will be many more compared to when you're still at one. Every single one of my friends had a tough time getting over their first GF, after that most didn't care much, some stop caring at all.

 

As far as her kids and stuff, I really don't wish to get into that. I knew what it was, and I didn't view it as settling or I could do better, I was happy. Granted, I can't say for sure if theres many others who will make me much happier, i really don't know I hope so.

 

You're going to look back at 26 when you're dating some hot 24 year old with no baggage and punch yourself in the balls for ever giving this much of a sh*t.

 

Listen to what I'm telling you.

If you want to switch out with me I'd love to be 23 again.

 

And i'm not even that much older than you so, believe me, every one of your 20's counts. Don't waste it on some lady who's already lived through them.

 

And don't start some age argument either. That sh*t matters when in this range. She's in a completely different world than you.

 

You'll see this more and more.

[suladas]

You're going to look back at 26 when you're dating some hot 24 year old with no baggage and punch yourself in the balls for ever giving this much of a sh*t.

 

Listen to what I'm telling you.

If you want to switch out with me I'd love to be 23 again.

 

And i'm not even that much older than you so, believe me, every one of your 20's counts. Don't waste it on some lady who's already lived through them.

 

And don't start some age argument either. That sh*t matters when in this range. She's in a completely different world than you.

 

You'll see this more and more.

 

I highly doubt it, if anything i'm sure I will view it as a learning experience. How is it wasting if you're happy? I started the whole drinking/partying phase at like 14, I did the bar scene at 18 for a while, I am tired of it. Everyone is different, I mean i have many friends who married nearly out of high school, others who have never been in a LTR they just do ONS or FWB, neither is right or wrong but for different people IMO. Call me weird, I will take a nice dinner, movie, walk, anything like that over a night of drinking, partying, or clubs. I enjoy things like camping, snowboarding, snowmobiling, but that has nothing to do with dating someone older, I can still do them either way. I really don't get why you think 20's are so important not to be with someone older? What am i missing out on dating someone older? Kids aside, you could be with someone who's 23 and has 2-3 kids. I'm not trying to say you're wrong, i'm trying to understand your viewpoint.

 

I've had people give me different advice, some people obviously say what many here do, why would i want to be involved with her? Or just have some fun and move on. Others even said if you're happy go for it, and some of them are in their 30's and married.

 

I'm sure in time i will look back and wonder why it took so long to get over her, but i'm sure it won't be asking myself why I dated her.

[Tree_Salmon]

I highly doubt it, if anything i'm sure I will view it as a learning experience. How is it wasting if you're happy? I started the whole drinking/partying phase at like 14, I did the bar scene at 18 for a while, I am tired of it. Everyone is different, I mean i have many friends who married nearly out of high school, others who have never been in a LTR they just do ONS or FWB, neither is right or wrong but for different people IMO. Call me weird, I will take a nice dinner, movie, walk, anything like that over a night of drinking, partying, or clubs. I enjoy things like camping, snowboarding, snowmobiling, but that has nothing to do with dating someone older, I can still do them either way. I really don't get why you think 20's are so important not to be with someone older? What am i missing out on dating someone older? Kids aside, you could be with someone who's 23 and has 2-3 kids. I'm not trying to say you're wrong, i'm trying to understand your viewpoint.

 

I've had people give me different advice, some people obviously say what many here do, why would i want to be involved with her? Or just have some fun and move on. Others even said if you're happy go for it, and some of them are in their 30's and married.

 

I'm sure in time i will look back and wonder why it took so long to get over her, but i'm sure it won't be asking myself why I dated her.

 

Youre assuming that everyone else wants those other things? I never did "fwb" or whatever else you assume people who have some balls do.

 

You can have all those great things you like with someone your age or younger who you will be WAAAAY more compatible with.

 

You just dont know any better because you haven't experienced it yet.

 

You'll mentally thank me for being right when you prove yourself wrong with the next one.

[suladas]

Youre assuming that everyone else wants those other things? I never did "fwb" or whatever else you assume people who have some balls do.

 

You can have all those great things you like with someone your age or younger who you will be WAAAAY more compatible with.

 

You just dont know any better because you haven't experienced it yet.

 

You'll mentally thank me for being right when you prove yourself wrong with the next one.

 

I hope so, I really do. I know i haven't. I guess partly is because at 23, trying to find someone who has similar interests and goals as me is nearly impossible. The OLD date was close in a few things, but off in SO SO many others. I find anyone who isn't into the party phase is boring and lame and wants to just sit at home all the time or something. I told myself a few times during the RS, I wish I had more experience to know if this was truely a good RS, or not.

 

I'm going to improve my OLD profile and try to be optimstic about meeting someone and see what happens.

 

But i'm curious what you think i'm missing out on by dating someone older like that?

[River Rain]

I'm going to improve my OLD profile and try to be optimstic about meeting someone and see what happens.

 

But i'm curious what you think i'm missing out on by dating someone older like that?

 

Good for you, be optimistic and have fun on the OLD sites. Remember, nothing is so set in stone.

 

I think that considering your desires and lifestyle, it's not bad to date older women at all. And 7 years isn't that much older to be honest. Although age doesn't necessarily define maturity.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm not going to rip on him for being mopey about a two-month thing, because I initially came on here because of a two-month thing that died. As weird as it was, I had more of a loss/emotional connection with it than I did with relationships that were much longer. But my moping definitely didn't last as long as suladas' has. My ex wasn't my neighbor, she is the sister-in-law of my best friend, so its something I get reminded of semi-regularly. But ultimately, I said "f--k it". If she thinks she can do better, go ahead and try. I'll be just fine.

[suladas]

Good for you, be optimistic and have fun on the OLD sites. Remember, nothing is so set in stone.

 

I think that considering your desires and lifestyle, it's not bad to date older women at all. And 7 years isn't that much older to be honest. Although age doesn't necessarily define maturity.

 

I figure I might as well, why not explore all possible options? Also told myself to stop being so picky about looks, i've passed over so many just by a picture instead of reading the profile.

 

Ya pretty much, but i've found most women even later 20's don't think someone my age is mature enough for them for the most part. I mean i have to be with someone with the same drive as me, I can't be with someone who's only goals in life are to get drunk every weekend and live at home forever.

[suladas]

I'm not going to rip on him for being mopey about a two-month thing, because I initially came on here because of a two-month thing that died. As weird as it was, I had more of a loss/emotional connection with it than I did with relationships that were much longer. But my moping definitely didn't last as long as suladas' has. My ex wasn't my neighbor, she is the sister-in-law of my best friend, so its something I get reminded of semi-regularly. But ultimately, I said "f--k it". If she thinks she can do better, go ahead and try. I'll be just fine.

 

Ya having that connection just makes it take so much longer, for the first while coming home felt like getting punched in the stomach. Honestly, I was 99% fine up until yesterday. Didn't cry for like 2 months, accepted we'd never get back together, realized that were better off not together. But yesterday just hit me like a truck. And picturing her having sex with someone else? I can't think of any worse pain. It's weird, for a while I had assumed she got back with her ex, I didn't care I just though "Wow good luck with that", but some new guy just hurts for some reason. I really wish when I reached out she would of just said something harsh like "leave me alone" "I don't want to be with you" something like that so I would of stopped caring a long time ago and this new crap wouldn't of hurt.

 

I'm better already, went for a run this afternoon on the treadmill, getting out of the house helped. Coming home wasn't as bad as it has been the last 2 days. Joining the gym again tomorrow, even if I have to take it slow it will help clear my head and stop thinking about this.

[morichu]

You're experiencing this thing called "life". In the future you need to not get so close to the girl you're dating and realize you will likely not end up marrying her, and she will eventually have sex with someone else after ya'll break up.

 

I'm 23 years old, like you. I dated some girl for 7 months, dumped her, found out she was ****ing someone else soon after our break up. What did I do? Nothing. I realized that's how life goes and just moved on immediately. Never contacted her, never felt angry, just moved on to new friends and girls. What's in the past is in the past.

 

 

I suggest you man up and do the same. There's a million other fish in the sea.

[Simon Phoenix]

Ya having that connection just makes it take so much longer, for the first while coming home felt like getting punched in the stomach. Honestly, I was 99% fine up until yesterday. Didn't cry for like 2 months, accepted we'd never get back together, realized that were better off not together. But yesterday just hit me like a truck. And picturing her having sex with someone else? I can't think of any worse pain. It's weird, for a while I had assumed she got back with her ex, I didn't care I just though "Wow good luck with that", but some new guy just hurts for some reason. I really wish when I reached out she would of just said something harsh like "leave me alone" "I don't want to be with you" something like that so I would of stopped caring a long time ago and this new crap wouldn't of hurt.

 

I'm better already, went for a run this afternoon on the treadmill, getting out of the house helped. Coming home wasn't as bad as it has been the last 2 days. Joining the gym again tomorrow, even if I have to take it slow it will help clear my head and stop thinking about this.

 

I have no idea if my ex is f---ing somebody else and I quite frankly don't care. If she isn't f---ing me, then it doesn't really matter. Nothing she does has anything to do with you, so don't allow it to hold you back.

[suladas]

I have no idea if my ex is f---ing somebody else and I quite frankly don't care. If she isn't f---ing me, then it doesn't really matter. Nothing she does has anything to do with you, so don't allow it to hold you back.

 

I didn't know until I seen it, and I really wish I didn't actually. As much as I tell myself if she thinks she can do better, good luck with it, I think it once in a while but sometimes I still go back to missing her, and thinking of the good times. I know what she does doesn't matter to me at all, but when i'm forced to see and know it, i'm having a tough time not letting it get to me. I mean on saturday night I was laying in bed couldn't sleep, and I heard her and assuming him come home, how can I NOT think about what is happening right next door? It felt impossible. But at least I can look at the bright side, i've made huge improvements on it since the BU.

[Simon Phoenix]

I didn't know until I seen it, and I really wish I didn't actually. As much as I tell myself if she thinks she can do better, good luck with it, I think it once in a while but sometimes I still go back to missing her, and thinking of the good times. I know what she does doesn't matter to me at all, but when i'm forced to see and know it, i'm having a tough time not letting it get to me. I mean on saturday night I was laying in bed couldn't sleep, and I heard her and assuming him come home, how can I NOT think about what is happening right next door? It felt impossible. But at least I can look at the bright side, i've made huge improvements on it since the BU.

 

She's not part of your life. It does not matter. Turn the page. Should have turned it a while ago.