Self-conscious appearance wise & scared of becoming intimate! . .

[ukie-cutie]

Whether I like to admit it or not, or even care to admit it or not, I know that there are times when I feel really self-conscious. It could be anywhere and at anytime of the day. I could be with someone else or with a group of people. ... people that I don't know and who look across at me. And I just feel like there judging me on my appearance more than anything.

 

I think the reason I'm so self-confident is ever since I broke up with my ex. My ex-boyfriend was abusive both physically & verbally so though I have moved on in one way or another, at times I still hear his voice in the back of my head. My ex-boyfiend was always very critical of my figure. I've always had meat on me, I've never been a thin girl, but I do take very good care of myself. But back then . . He was always making jokes about me.. I guess my ex left me with a complex because I feel self-conscious about becoming intimate with any guy now.

 

How do I get over the fear of becoming intimate? I have fallen for someone who lives in a different country, & I feel if he takes one look at my body he may go blind-sighted. I have stretch marks on my tummy so it doesn't help my self-esteem. Does anyone have any advice on how one can feel better about themselve, & accept there own flaws no matter what?! . . As well as stop having the fear of intimacy?! . .

[Mr Spock]

Hey, stretch marks are really common!! I've got them. I know it's hard to see yourself positively after someone has been SO negative towards you but remember this-Fat or thin has no effect on your ability to boink. Sexy is as sexy does. Only a COMPLETE moron would point out physical imperfections in a bedroom partner that they are currently hoping to do a little loving with. I haven't had any complaints, and I'm not a teeny tiny girl either.

 

So don't be afraid!! I know it's easier said than done, but you're going to need to start to say it to yourself, all the time. Start now. I-AM-ABSOLUTELY-FABULOUS. As long as you're HONEST with your LDR you shouldn't have ANY problems.

[rachelcarney]

I'm with you all the way, ukie-cutie. I have never been a skinny girl either, and I have strech marks on my tummy.

 

When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend who told me that I needed to lose weight because dating me was bringing his popularity down. People can be horrible to each other, that's why it's important to not find your self-worth from someone else, but from yourself. I got an email from him a few days ago (after having no contact for FIVE YEARS) and in it he said, "You are (and always were) a beautiful and amazing woman. I know now that I made you feel otherwise." Your ex may never grow up and realize what he did to you was wrong, but it doesn't matter, because the point is: He WAS wrong, even if he doesn't know it.

 

As for people looking at you across a crowd, you never know what's going on in their heads. They could be thinking "It's not fair, she has breasts, why do I have to be so flat-chested?" or "I wish my hair was straight" or "Those pants don't match that shirt" or "Maybe I should get a pair of shoes like that". It could be anything! So don't waste time worrying about it!

 

I think probably 80% of sexiness is confidence. One way to get confidence is to "fake it til you feel it". Try going out and acting confident about how great you are, even if you don't believe it. I have found that if you don't act embarrassed about your imperfections, other people don't notice them nearly as much. Instead of saying to yourself "I hope he doesn't notice my tummy" say to yourself "He's going to be desperate to bury his head in my luscious breasts". (it looks from your pic that you have 'em, so take pride in 'em!)

[Dork]

If a guy really likes you.. we're talking like not love.. He likes your personality, he likes how you look.. If he truly likes you, he will make a comment like "Oh there's some stretch marks" but overlook it because to you, you are very beautiful. That is love.