Cara33 Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 I need help dealing with a problem with my boyfriend. My boyfriend goes away a lot (part of his job) for sometimes 6 months at a time. We have known each other as best friends for the past 3.5 years, dated a few times during that time and then decided to get back together last November and give the relationship a final go. We have been living together officially since February (I know thats quick but we have been inseparable for pretty much all of the past 3.5 years when he is in town.) and he bought a house for us to live in back in April before he left for 6 months. Now the problem. I have been insecure the entire time we had known each other about whether or not he loves/ cares about me. In all the time that I have known him, dating and not dating, we have only had sex 3 times, the the last time being in November 2003. He never says anything about love, caring etc. Occasionally he makes an effort to make me feel like he has feelings for me but right before he left the last time, when I was making little heart signs with my hands while listening to him talk, he screamed at me to "cut out the love crap" and that he in no way loved me. Of course, he said months afterward when I have brought it up that he was mad and that didn't mean anything but he's never ever said that he did love me. He says that he just has a problem expressing himself. He knows that I love him and I have given up a lot to be with him. I am hanging on by threads right now. I am a fairly assertive person and in no way passive or weak but I am trying to be fair and give him the chances that he deserves. But I am simply miserable. I have tried talking to him over and over again and he just gets mad. He doesn't want to look at the problem and won't deal with it. I can't survive on faith to believe that he actually cares for me. I think he needs to see a professional about it. I have given him an ultimatum to do so before he comes back Nov 1 or else I will be moving out and moving on. I want to be fair and try and fix whatever is the problem. He came back to visit for 3 weeks a week ago and he hasn't touched me once. (If you were away from your partner that you loved for 4 months, would you be able to keep your hands off him/her?) We got in a fight about it yesterday and he acted like he had never heard that this was a problem before. The fight started because he made comments about that if we break up in December it will because I am using him for his money (though he says that he doesn't believe that I am doing so). I am irritable with him now and he went so far to say that he wasn't going to be in the car alone with me because I told him I was irritable (He was badgering me about what was wrong?!?! I told him he knows what is wrong and that it was making me irritable and to move on to a different subject. So he told me to stop the car and he got out. He walked for 1.5 hours to get home). He's outside hanging out with the neighbour again to avoid talking to me now. I don't know what to do. I am tempted to just pack up some clothes and leave him but I don't have anywhere to go. I realize that I am probably not making any sense but if there is an constructive advice out there, I would appreciate it. Please no insults about my boyfriend when doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
guest11 Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 damn...he isnt worth ****. Realize IT. Lifes to short to spend it with someone who's numb to feelings. You can't change and you got to realize that. Link to post Share on other sites
Cacophony Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 how does he get along with his mom, cara? Link to post Share on other sites
Cara33 Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 He gets on with his mom ok. He's a bit of a mommy's boy in fact though she can be hard to bear at times even for him. Recently she was visiting the new house and took great offense to everything that i had done to it (i decorated it) and so has decided that she does not like me anymore. Umm I am posting more to be polite...lol. Shortly after my last post, my boyfriend came inside and broke up with me. So the request for assistance is now moot. Thanks for reading though Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Sounds like that should have happened a long time ago. If he's willing to have sex with you only three times in three years, and he spurns any attempts at affection, then you didn't have a boyfriend... or really much of a friend, for that matter. Affection, sex, and a loving relationship have been lacking from your life for far too long. Use this as an opportunity to find them again. Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 he may be gay Link to post Share on other sites
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