I Survived Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Thanks kiababy - I hope everything works out for you, too. Hug those kids for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanou22 Posted August 12, 2004 Author Share Posted August 12, 2004 Sinner, I started the thread because we don't hear anymore about the OW that have posted. All you see are the newbies and then they go away after some bashing. I have started this thread because I am tired of communicating in PM with different OW. I don't get bothered by the bashing. I don't have any shame in regards to my relationship. I am trying to figure out what brought out that kind of reaction by still hurting.......(Noticed it got deleted by the moderator). Link to post Share on other sites
Taken_Angel Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 FYI: I AM NOT NOT NOT a married or scorned woman! I will NOT bash ANYONE for being an "OW" but I find it SAD AND PATHETIC the situation not you "OW" that even KNOWING they have a WIFE and sometimes kids at home that you would continue to allow them to see you and sleep with you, knowing you are only "stealing" a bit of their affection, none of their respect or honest love. The man is WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG but you are almost equally as wrong for ALLOWING him to be with you w/out caring how the wife would feel if she knew. I won't say "leave leave leave" because ya'll must be lacking something in other areas of your life that you get from your MM be it financial, emotional, sexual, whatever.....if it works for you okay but be prepared when "KARMA" comes knocking! Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanou22 Posted August 12, 2004 Author Share Posted August 12, 2004 Originally posted by Still Hurting So, if your ultimate goal is to make your MM's marriage better - you're on the right track. Someday, hopefully, she'll find out about you and they will have to work through it. Maybe they'll make it, maybe they won't and you'll end up with him whether you like it or not. But why are you wasting so much time on him????? Think about yourself. Are you really happy being second?? As selfish as it may seem, I don't have any interest in what happens to his marriage. I am almost sure she will never find out about me. I have no intentions of telling her. If she finds out something one day, it would be with another OW and not me. I don't consider myself wasting any time on him. It is not like I am dedicating my time for him. Don't get me wrong, I think about myself and how I would advance in the different areas of my life. I know I will not be living forever in the area that I am in. I also know that once I meet someone that I am interested in he will be gone. He understands those things also. I am not putting my life on hold because of him. I don't see myself as being second....I just take it the way it is. It is not something lasting forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 So when I advise OW to leave a MM- it's not b/c I'm "blaming" them- it's b/c they are here. If the MM showed up I'd tell him the same thing. I think it is the responsibility of everyone to uphold the moral bonds of marriage- not just the married couple's. Perhaps if everyone- not just OW or OM - had more respect for marriage vows there wouldn't be so many affair related catastrophies. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t45340/ Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Yes, I just got my knuckles rapped by the moderators I've complained many times that as an OW, it's so hard to express our thoughts and feelings without being constantly berated. It's tiresome ....which is the point of Fanou's thread in the first place!!!! As an OW, I can't talk to anybody about any of this, and I definitely do not have the love and support of my family - except for my kids who know nothing about this situation. I don't want to have to censor myself all the time but it's discouraging to post here Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Why is it discouraging? Who cares what others think about it? If you need to express yourself then you should be free to do so. I'm not totally sure what's going on in this situation about getting in trouble by the moderators but I think no matter who is talking and what the situation you should be able to voice what you think honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanou22 Posted August 12, 2004 Author Share Posted August 12, 2004 Kia, Don't worry about it. This is why I started the thread anyway. Feel free to talk as much as you want...... I want us to post when we are happy, angry, sad.......There will always be someone to listen (or actually read) Forget about the others. Do whatever you feel like. Any dates this weekend???? Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 You have to find a way to voice your feelings w/out making personal attacks. Think before you type if you will. Most of us have been guilty at one time or another. I think that's another underlying point to this thread----teach a bit of courtesy. Link to post Share on other sites
lioness Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Hmmm... My MM and I broke off physical relations, and I am trying to move on. I saw him yesterday and he said he still loves me. But he doesn't plan on leaving his wife for another year or two, until his son is old enough to remember him as daddy. New problem: he offered to go hiking with me (I need a partner, because women who hike alone around here are getting assaulted) and I really want to go. So? Do I? Am I setting myself up? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Originally posted by lioness Taken has had a couple of posts removed... why? Hi lioness, Any and all questions or comments regarding moderator decisions should be directed to the moderators via "contact us," rather than posted on threads. There are several reasons for this: one, it diverts the discussion into an off-topic query regarding moderator actions; two, moderators will not discuss editing/deletions of others' posts -- moderators communicate directly with the concerned party. FYI: posts are edited or deleted when they contain: personal attacks, email addresses, links to commerical websites, long chunks of quoted copyrighted material from other sources, or other inappropriate material. For new members or those who need a refresher, please check out the user guidelines, here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/guidelines. Thanks for your cooperation. Best regards, midori Link to post Share on other sites
Taken_Angel Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Originally posted by lioness Hmmm... My MM and I broke off physical relations, and I am trying to move on. I saw him yesterday and he said he still loves me. But he doesn't plan on leaving his wife for another year or two, until his son is old enough to remember him as daddy. New problem: he offered to go hiking with me (I need a partner, because women who hike alone around here are getting assaulted) and I really want to go. So? Do I? Am I setting myself up? If you feel that it is the right thing to do, maybe you should. If you are trying to "move on" maybe going hiking "alone" with him isn't the best choice to make. Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 I know, I really shouldn't care what others say and sometimes I don't....but sometimes I'll post something and get back reams of posts saying essentially the same thing over and over - how bad, wrong etc. it is to have an affair....well DUH! I know that, but if it was so easy to leave there would not be so many of us here.....anyway - the other OW/OM who I want to share with, won't post because they don't want to get judged or berated for expressing themselves. What a shame. Thank goodness for the brave ones like Fanou, Spock and others who have the guts to post their thoughts right or wrong. We're not trying to recruit more people for G*d's sake, we're just sharing our stories. Please respect that. And by the way, with the exception of my very first post - I don't ever knock the wives. Link to post Share on other sites
lioness Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Thanks Taken, it's a tough call. We also were really good friends before we became intimate, and I wish more than anything to have that back. I don't want to give him up at all, but I did not want to be on the roller coaster of LOVE anymore, especially after seeing how difficult it can be (by reading other OW's posts!) He's the one who broke off the physical relations anyway. And I have no other men I can ask to go with me. Kia? Fanou? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanou22 Posted August 12, 2004 Author Share Posted August 12, 2004 Oops Already answered Link to post Share on other sites
lioness Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 I DO think about waiting for him. As mad as that makes me feel about myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanou22 Posted August 12, 2004 Author Share Posted August 12, 2004 Seems that you want to wait for him or at least be available once he is free. I say once you cannot handle the relationship then it is time to move on. Otherwise you take what he has to offer and wait..... I don't encourage that part but if this is what you feel then by all means do so. You may want to give the hiking a try and see whether you can be together without the sexual part. Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Actually, one of my ex bf's will be coming in from out west to tape a T.V. show (he's a stand up comic), so we'll hang out. I can't wait to see him! MM is especially jealous of this guy because he's the only man I've ever let stay over at my house - only because we no longer have a physical relationship and my sons just adore him. He's not staying at my house this time though, he's being put up in a hotel. Lioness, hmmmm.......if you don't want to get involved with him again - don't go. Go hiking another time, with an available male friend. Link to post Share on other sites
lioness Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Well, thanks for telling me what I wanted to hear. I think I am going to go hiking with him. We have both agreed that we are experiencing an entire new range of emotions for each other, but our timing is wrong. And of course, I wonder if he will ever really leave her... (it's nice to read postings that say it does happen!) He tells me to move on, then in practically the same breath, he says it would tear him up to see me with someone else. If we get within 2 feet of each other, there is an actual tangible physical heat. It's insane. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanou22 Posted August 12, 2004 Author Share Posted August 12, 2004 That sounds like a nice way to spend a weekend. I love weekends with friends. MM has gotten jealous recently because of a guy that I met a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately the guy lives in a different state. MM is always asking about him whether I e-mail the guy and talk with him which I do. He is afraid of losing me for him. We had a talk about it should the situation come up. He knows that he would have to step aside and allow me to explore any new potential relationships. Anyway he has promised a weekend getaway. I have yet to get my full weekend with him. Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Lioness, I just went back and read one of your previous posts.....he'll leave his wife in a year or two???? What if she becomes pregnant AGAIN in that time......? Don't wait for any man sweetheart. And please let me share an experience I had recently: Before I met MM, I was seeing a man who was 'separated' but still living in the same house with his wife. To make a long story short: recently she filed for divorce, now when I talk to him he's a WRECK - divorce is an ugly, painful process. Even if your MM leaves his wife, you're not going to get 'happy/sexy' MM - you'll have to deal with the emotional rollercoaster and legal s**t of his divorce......can you be patient and supportive during that too? Add another.......18 months at least on top of the 2 years you're already waiting. I used to be CRAZY about that guy, now I can barely stand to talk to him. And as much as I love my current MM to pieces, I WILL NOT WAIT for him, I continue to date and he knows that the day I fall in love with someone else, it's 'buh-bye' to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanou22 Posted August 12, 2004 Author Share Posted August 12, 2004 I don't see why he has to wait until his son is older. I would think it would be easier to leave now than later, that is if he is really leaving. He will get to see his child no matter how little time he will have. It will be up to your MM to make sure that his son knows his father. Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Fanou - yeah I am DYING to get a whole weekend with my MM too. I did get a night with him on Monday though when he called me at 2:00 a.m. to come and rescue him from some strip club he was at with a buddy. His friend was inside getting lapdances when I found him outside on the sidewalk.....drunk. I dragged him into my car and took him home with me (a 40 minute drive back to my house from downtown), thank goodness my kids were away. I'm thinking of getting tights and a cape to wear whenever I have to go rescue him...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanou22 Posted August 12, 2004 Author Share Posted August 12, 2004 I want him to be able to stay with me a the whole night.......... Unfortunately with the baby that is not feasible right now. Link to post Share on other sites
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