CptSaveAho Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I really dont see the need for all this drama... You aren't honest with yourself... what number email is this? You posted 2-3 weeks ago about sending her one. She's half way around the world You really look pathetic sending these messages to her. Get over yourself, look in a mirror, fix whatever demons are haunting your present, move forward and profit! Link to post Share on other sites
ImYours Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Seriously people...Its therapeutic to do what he did. I dont understand all the "negativity". Support is offered here in a way that we need to be able to express ourselves. The anger out of some people makes me say no wonder they are single! Anyways...I am sure the letter felt great to write. Clearout all of that crap. I know you have no expectation other than to yourself. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Seriously people...Its therapeutic to do what he did. I dont understand all the "negativity". Support is offered here in a way that we need to be able to express ourselves. The anger out of some people makes me say no wonder they are single! Anyways...I am sure the letter felt great to write. Clearout all of that crap. I know you have no expectation other than to yourself. :-) You have confused difference of opinion with anger. I'm not angry that he did it. I have no emotional tie to it. I just don't buy that he's done with it, because the act of writing the letter, plus what he wrote, suggest otherwise. That doesn't make me angry, it just means I have a different opinion. Relax. That being said, if he truly gets closure from it, good for him. I think it might be too early to do a victory dance though. Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Its therapeutic to write the letter... its retarded to send it... if you actually read and understood what he wrote "you were right to dump me but i changed and im leaving the door open so we can try again" is what it says he validates the reason for the breakup, that hes a chump, and doesnt have the coping skills to actually move forward in a healthy manner. There's a highschool kid on the forum right now that has more balls and a tighter game then this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Its therapeutic to write the letter... its retarded to send it... Agree 100 percent with this. I wrote one just to get my thoughts out of my head. It was great. Never in a million years would I send the thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 Interesting to read the different reactions to the letter. I don't know you and I certainly don't know all of the story (and haven't spent time to try and get a picture of your past through this site) but I see nothing wrong with it. It seems like there are all these rules about how one should act after a breakup and how one should move on and if you do this than you'll get that. Or if you do this than you must be that. In some cases I would agree there is proof that for the majority some of these actions are absolutely positive in the long run but there are others I absolutely think are crap....that is they wouldn't work with me or jive with who I am. I don't verbally express myself very well, especially about my emotions, and that's a nice little moot that has been built due to some bad relationship experiences. I have learned enough to try and controll my reactions, usually keeping big mouth closed so as not to over-react or completely shutdown the other person....BUT, when it comes to my heart, the tears can come out of nowhere and keeping those emotions in check are damn near impossible. So for me, the written word has been the best way to express exactly how I feel..and I do and I press Send. Yeah, some of it can be pitiful, some angry, some all over the place on the emotion scale....I go back and read them when in a better place and find myself asking "who wrote this". And if I feel badly about something I wrote later on then I'll write an apologize. See the thing is, it isn't about the other person...its about me. These are my emotions period and I am going to express them. If they read the email or letter, great. If they delete them, fine. I was recovering from a breakup and working on being friends with an ex and now I'm dealing with the "we can't be friends request" because it has caused him confusion in regards to his current girlfriend. I wrote and expressed everything about how I feel regarding how he handled things all the way through to saying how I truly felt about him. I know I won't get a response and who knows if it'll ever be read but I found it very liberating. I asked for nothing and for me it has simply left the door open for possibilities to include never hearing from them again to maybe something down the road. It really doesn't matter as I was honoring my emotions, all of them, and to be honest I felt better about me. As I said, my approach or way of thinking isn't for everybody, but I simply view your letter as something you needed to do for you. Nothing more, nothing less. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamstate83 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 Yeah, still don't regret sending it. For me, it helped a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 How did I miss this thread? Oh well. I 100% understand where you are coming from sending it, I am back and forth doing one myself. But at the same time if I do, it ain't going to be no apology, or thanking her for breaking up with me. I don't understand that part. Yes we are all human everyone makes mistakes but if you did nothing crazy and had good intentions you shouldn't need to apologize for anything. Even if you deny it, I truely think you want a response. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamstate83 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 How did I miss this thread? Oh well. I 100% understand where you are coming from sending it, I am back and forth doing one myself. But at the same time if I do, it ain't going to be no apology, or thanking her for breaking up with me. I don't understand that part. Yes we are all human everyone makes mistakes but if you did nothing crazy and had good intentions you shouldn't need to apologize for anything. Even if you deny it, I truely think you want a response. I'm at the point of no return where if she came back I wouldn't take her back. When I was in my early twenties I took someone back and the spark was just gone. Something about the grieving process snuffed out whatever fire I had at the time and the second chance seemed shallow and empty. I'm not really interested in reliving a shallow relationship again Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 I'm at the point of no return where if she came back I wouldn't take her back. When I was in my early twenties I took someone back and the spark was just gone. Something about the grieving process snuffed out whatever fire I had at the time and the second chance seemed shallow and empty. I'm not really interested in reliving a shallow relationship again Why send it then if you don't want her? That's the way the letter reads, or at least that you want to be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamstate83 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 Why send it then if you don't want her? That's the way the letter reads, or at least that you want to be friends. Mostly just to clear the air and dissipate negative feelings from the past few fights we've had post-breakup before going NC. We have a lot of great memories together, and I'd rather her be able to remember the good times even if we never speak again. The last time we spoke emotions ran high and ended on a fairly bad note. As for friendship? I might be okay with that down the line but for the moment I'm happy just being me. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 Why send it then if you don't want her? That's the way the letter reads, or at least that you want to be friends. Yeah, I still don't buy it. That letter was way too sappy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamstate83 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 Yeah, I still don't buy it. That letter was way too sappy. eh it's whatever at this point. /shrug Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 I sent one. Wasnt thinking straight at the time. I regret it a lot, think it really pushed her away, just told her id miss her and loved her and wished her the very best in the future - only sent one email/message a week after our breakup - it prompted her to delete me and all my family and friends off all social networks and telling me to never contact her again...... In retrospect i put myself in a situation where I could be hurt - guess I thought she still cared a lot at that point and underestimated how far gone she was. Having said that mate - it wont have made any difference to the end result - if we were meant to be together we would be, if we arent then this was the proof I needed to move on. Same with you mate - you have nothing to lose, as long as you can handle the hurt that might come. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamstate83 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 I sent one. Wasnt thinking straight at the time. I regret it a lot, think it really pushed her away, just told her id miss her and loved her and wished her the very best in the future - only sent one email/message a week after our breakup - it prompted her to delete me and all my family and friends off all social networks and telling me to never contact her again...... In retrospect i put myself in a situation where I could be hurt - guess I thought she still cared a lot at that point and underestimated how far gone she was. Having said that mate - it wont have made any difference to the end result - if we were meant to be together we would be, if we arent then this was the proof I needed to move on. Same with you mate - you have nothing to lose, as long as you can handle the hurt that might come. There won't be any hurt. We already don't talk and it doesn't really matter to me how she responds Link to post Share on other sites
dweemyss Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 In the end we are each responsible for our own emotional lives and how we impact the lives of those whom we have relationships with. I do not believe that there is any one set of right and wrong that governs how we as individuals cope with separation and loss, or with moving on for those that prefer less laden terminology. To sit down and write a letter that takes responsibility for one's part in the dissolution of a relationship speaks to courage and honesty. If emotion is also expressed: regret, missing that person who will receive the letter, well.... I would challenge those that speak of cutting off all ties that there is similar emotion expressed in the rejection of a former partner or lover, just from the opposite side of the coin. And ultimately, we all are entitled to exploring different ways to gain closure. What we all need to do to grow and learn from these experiences is try our best to be honest with ourselves, and with those we choose to spend our lives with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 I understand that - but his ex has a boyfriend - to me that;s the issue not the breakup itself or the letter- if shes dating someone else then sending a letter really doesnt seem like a good idea. But thats my take - when I sent mine, I had no idea whether my ex was seeing someone else or not, as wed always been civil in the past, i wasnt quite expecting her response. Link to post Share on other sites
dweemyss Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 This a bit of a sideways observation and in no way is this meant as a justification for the decisions and behavior of anyone's ex. I grew up prior to FB, Twitter and all the social media options we have today. And I think that sometimes today when people breakup with their partner, spouse or lover, the instinct to delete all avenues of contact is even stronger. I date myself when I write this, but I used to be able to simply shut my front door to gain uninterrupted privacy and space. And now with texting, FB etc so prevelant and invasive in our daily lives, there is an even greater need to retreat for healing. I have done the exact thing myself, deleting FB friends, blocking etc, etc. For me at least the instant access social media provides is at times a double edged sword which can hinder my ability to gain privacy and perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
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