What the heck just happened?

[SomewhereOverHere]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm a bi chick who's only had flings with ladies in the past. So, I'm brand new to the rules of dating chicks. Recently, I've decided to start dating women. Well, I met a girl online. We met up and had instant chemistry and hooked up on the first date. (Mistake, I know.) The day after we texted and added each other on Facebook. I tried scheduling a second date and she kept declining me, but said she'd hang out another time. So, I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she was just busy and backed off.

 

A week later I say hi and invite her out to go dancing. She said yes. When we met up, she brought her best friends and introduced me to them. I thought, oh cool, she's allowing me to meet her friends. Well, as the night progresses she grinds all over her best friend (who's a lesbian with a g/f). (Her other friend said to me that she hopes I'm not jealous, there's nothing to the two of them, they're just besties.) I'm a confident person and I don't get jealous often. So, I'm not worried!

 

Next, my girl pulls me aside and said she's still has strong feelings for her ex. She told me I was hot, amazing and beautiful. I thought she was ending it. I said, "Ok, I can understand that. What does this mean? Would you like for me to leave? Quit contacting you?" She said, "No, no! I'm just telling you how I feel." I said, "I can understand that. *hug* It took me a 1.5 years to get over my ex! *laughs*" We went outside with her friends and she gave me a huge hug.

 

Next we're all dancing and she starts grinding with her best friend again. So, I slightly back-off and other chicks start dancing with me. She reaches across and pulls me back to her. (I'm thinking, ok, she still likes me?) Then she grinds with her best friend again. I leave the dance floor to get a drink. When I return they were all gone. I tried texting her...nothing. As I take the hint, I see her bestie running past me. I ask her where everyone went? She snipped at me that she was going to meet up her girlfriend and walked away...so basically I can eff off.

 

I left the club so confused. She never contacted me again, yet threw me confusing vibes of interest. I knew she was too young for me, there was a 10 year age gap, but I liked her wanted to get to know her more. Do women like this want to be chased? Is this typical in lesbian relationships? Did I miss something and not read between the lines? Appreciate any insight.

[Mrlonelyone]

I don't know how "lesbian" my relationships with women and transfeminine people can be called but here is my opinion.

 

She may be in a more open relationship state of mind and was introducing you to that. As in she's not in a RLship with her bestie but they at least occasionally do it.

 

The age difference could simply mean she's not looking to be in a 1 on 1 relationship.

[SomewhereOverHere]

I appreciate the insights. What you said about her being in an open relationship makes sense. I do think it's immature & rude to ditch. Clear communication would have cleared things up.

[Daniel V. Ross]

Not only you who is experiencing with this problem. Face the reality and learn on how to live with it.

[Donaghy]

I appreciate the insights. What you said about her being in an open relationship makes sense. I do think it's immature & rude to ditch. Clear communication would have cleared things up.

 

Dated a girl like this once.

We had sex on the first date, met up for the second where all she wanted was to have a picnic date and cuddle with me in central park, and a couple days after our third date she disappears. I text her and she tells me that she's off on a date with someone else. Pfft!

 

Don't know why they do it, but they do.

[Newticus]

There is a possibility she wanted you there to make her "bestie" jealous.... As you said, she kept grinding all over her while her friends girlfriend was not there and disappeared when the girlfriend showed up. It was not a very nice play on your lady friends part, but I would consider yourself lucky things never progressed that far if she is open to using and manipulating people like that. And this doesn't really have anything to do with being gay, it has to do with being young and selfish.

[Radu]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm a bi chick who's only had flings with ladies in the past. So, I'm brand new to the rules of dating chicks. Recently, I've decided to start dating women. Well, I met a girl online. We met up and had instant chemistry and hooked up on the first date. (Mistake, I know.) The day after we texted and added each other on Facebook. I tried scheduling a second date and she kept declining me, but said she'd hang out another time. So, I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she was just busy and backed off.

Not necessarily a mistake, depends on how you are as a person.

Her way of acting so far seems to indicate to me that she wanted a ONS, and later on maybe a FWB arrangement.

 

A week later I say hi and invite her out to go dancing. She said yes. When we met up, she brought her best friends and introduced me to them. I thought, oh cool, she's allowing me to meet her friends. Well, as the night progresses she grinds all over her best friend (who's a lesbian with a g/f). (Her other friend said to me that she hopes I'm not jealous, there's nothing to the two of them, they're just besties.) I'm a confident person and I don't get jealous often. So, I'm not worried!

You should have been.

Grinding is simulated sex, should be a serious boundary not to get involved in this kind of stuff.

 

 

Next, my girl pulls me aside and said she's still has strong feelings for her ex. She told me I was hot, amazing and beautiful. I thought she was ending it. I said, "Ok, I can understand that. What does this mean? Would you like for me to leave? Quit contacting you?" She said, "No, no! I'm just telling you how I feel." I said, "I can understand that. *hug* It took me a 1.5 years to get over my ex! *laughs*" We went outside with her friends and she gave me a huge hug.

And the problems keep piling on.

If she still had a thing for her an ex, why :

- is she grinding with another girl ?

- dating ?

 

Next we're all dancing and she starts grinding with her best friend again. So, I slightly back-off and other chicks start dancing with me. She reaches across and pulls me back to her. (I'm thinking, ok, she still likes me?) Then she grinds with her best friend again.

Ok, this is obvious.

She is keeping you on the backburner, kinda like how some women are so desperate to not be alone that they will string the SO along, while playing the field.

Or they were both auditioning for a polyamory couple or something.

 

I leave the dance floor to get a drink. When I return they were all gone. I tried texting her...nothing. As I take the hint, I see her bestie running past me. I ask her where everyone went? She snipped at me that she was going to meet up her girlfriend and walked away...so basically I can eff off.

Immature coward.

 

I left the club so confused. She never contacted me again, yet threw me confusing vibes of interest. I knew she was too young for me, there was a 10 year age gap, but I liked her wanted to get to know her more. Do women like this want to be chased? Is this typical in lesbian relationships? Did I miss something and not read between the lines? Appreciate any insight.

10yr difference is not that high even for straight relationships, why should it be that high for gay ones ?

 

---

 

A while back i joined a lesbian forum [as a man, didn't hide it], to try and figure out women. I figured that i should go to the source as they probably understood them better.

Turns out they were a mistery even for them, but i did notice that basically same rules apply to both gay and straight relationships.

They are all relationships, so what i wrote above i would have easily written if you were male.

 

I have a suspicion that you were willing to get over some of her bad behaviour because of the smaller dating pool that comes with being gay.

Look inside yourself and see if that's true.

Because you forgave alot with her, you should have made a stand when she started grinding again and pulled you back into the dance.

I also suspect that she is early 20's. For these women what the 'circle' thinks of her friends is paramount; they are desperate for social acceptance.

They generally do not make for good relationship material [regardless of being male/female], though there are some 'gems' amongst them.

 

And stop trying to figure out what their relationships were.

That is besides the point, unimportant at this stage.

What you need to remember is how disrespectfull she was with you.