Phoebe Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Has anyone been in a relationship or known of a relationship where a person is an addict and they were able to work through it and live happily ever after. Or is it best just to run for the hills? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoebe Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years now (living together most of this time). When we first met he seemed pretty depressed and was drinking a lot, I thought this was because of his recent divorce and figured it would clear up. He drinks every day and gets the shakes if he doesn't. We have had many, many talks about alcohol and how that is likely to be the reason if we split up. He gets better for a while (still drinks but more in control of it), and I did manage to talk him into counselling once when I threatened to leave. He is not a bad man, I love him when he's sober, want to spend the rest of my life with him, kids etc. I hate his drunk self. At the start of next month we are supposed to be moving out of my place and renting a home closer to his work (he currently drives 1-1.5hrs each way). Lately though he is becoming less and less respectful when he drinks. When we met his drinking would reveal a very sweet and loving side to him, even when he would get angry it wouldn't be directed at me. He said that he would never hit me and I believed him. He hasn't hit me, but recently he has yelled at me and made me believe that he could actually do it. It feels like we're on a downhill slope and I don't want to stick around to hit rock bottom. This weekend I was so sure I was going to tell him to leave (after Saturday's performance), I was looking at him and crying because I do love him. We only got through about half of the conversation I was planning to have with him. It's like moving houses is a cross roads in our relationship and if I move with him then I'm committing myself to working things through with him, it's like there's a deadline hanging over us. My head tells me to get out of the relationship, that it will hurt but will be the right decision. Then I look at him and my heart takes over, I love him. What if we work through things together and he gets better. I don't want to leave him when he's down. So please any feedback from people would be much appreciated. Do you know people who have worked together and come through this stronger and better? Are there any success stories out there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoebe Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 Thank you Will and SadinTexas. Right now I'm thinking that I need to give him a chance to turn things around, but I definately want to have a getout plan in place. SadinTexas did your ex-husband continue to go to AA, did it help at all? Link to post Share on other sites
jeezopetes Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 Hi Phoebe, Are you going to Alanon meetings? I recommend giving it a shot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoebe Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 Thank you SadinTexas, I may just take you up on that. Jeezopetes & SadinTexas - I don't think that there are any Alanon meetings where I live right now, just AA meetings. I have found a website like LS dedicated to alcoholics and their families and friends, I think that will help. I gave my boyfriend an ultimatum last night. I told him that his behavior on Saturday was a turning point for me because that was when I went from believing that he would never hit me to believing that he was capable of losing control and doing it. I told him that I was done with his drunk self, that we could only stay together if he sobered up. He is probably going to have to get some doctors advice about weaning himself off the alcohol because he gets the shakes if he tries going a day without it. Which I understand is pretty dangerous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoebe Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 He did tell me last night that he didn't want to go to AA. He said he went there before after his divorce and it didn't help him. Not sure whether to find that encouraging that he knew on his own that his drinking was a problem before we dated or discouraging because he didn't stick with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoebe Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 I don't think that his alcohol use is more than I think, I know he drinks a hell of a lot. 1-2 375ml bottles of Jagermeister a day, consumed in the form of Jager Bombs (with Red Bull) (this is him cutting down from 1 500ml bottle and 1 375ml bottle a day). He also has high blood pressure which I understand makes it even more dangerous for him to get off the alcohol. Well he will either have to commit to some form of treatment or get out of my life. I'm done with alcohol. I may even become tee total myself and I only drink sparingly once in a blue moon myself. I'm just done with it all, ready for a new page in my life. It's up to him to make the decisions to stay in it. I'm finally realised that I can't help him and that doesn't make me a bad person. Yeah the more I research and hear about other's stories of being in a relationship with an alcoholic the more I realize there are a lot of similarities. Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel V. Ross Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Encountering this kind of problem will surely going to ruin your relationship. However, in order to win again the bond of your relationship, you must help your partner to overcome such addiction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoebe Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 Thank you SadinTexas. I'm going to try and stick to my boundries. It looks like I've been enabling him for the past two years though as I've always ended up backing down. Just got to try and stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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