Jealousy/Insecurities interfering with my relationship.

[acapelo_dp]

For starters, let me give you some background information. I have been dating a guy for 6 months officially, we started hooking up 8 months ago in February and were long distance friends for 3 years. We are currently in a long distance relationship, he is finishing his last year of university 2 hours away and I am finished school in my hometown working. We see each other quite frequently, never apart more than 2 weeks usually.

 

There have been some problems arising. For some reason I always get jealous in the beginning of a relationship, probably because I am insecure. When my boyfriend and I were friends we would flirt, but I had a boyfriend so it never went farther until I broke up with my ex. I went to visit my now boyfriend, we had sex, and decided we liked each other and would continue to hang out.

 

Some problems that are now arising: when we were friends, even in early January/February he would talk about girls to me. He would tell me who he wanted to date and who he found attractive, which now gets brought up. I am jealous of these girls as I find them to be better than me and I can't help it but I don't feel special that he would make a big deal out of them to me and then suddenly like me?

 

Also, I recently found a message on facebook between him and a girl friend. She lives far away but would come visit his school sometimes to see friends. I know I shouldn't have snooped but he talked to her when we were beginning to hook up, telling her how gorgeous she was, how he loved her (as a friend, I guess) how he wish he could have seen her on the weekend, and mentioned how they were going to put they were in a relationship together a couple months back to make his ex gf jealous. I felt very hurt, even though we weren't official, we still established that we liked each other and were getting to know one another. We already talked about it, he is sorry, and promised something like that would never happen again. I just can't get it out of my head. I feel since we were friends before dating that I'm not special, he never thought I was then since he was a big flirt. Also the fact that he never gets jealous kind of alerts me to think he doesn't care as much as he says.

 

I just don't know how to get past this. It sounds trivial, but I feel pretty hurt by the whole ordeal. I would be the one he would talk to about girls he liked/was interested in dating, and when he started with me, he still talked to other girls and flirted with them. How do I get past this ? He doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

 

I know he loves me and he is very sweet and loving but I can't get it out of my mind. He is not good at talking about things as he gets angry or too upset about it so I'd rather leave the topic alone, I just want others opinions.

Edited November 4, 2012 by acapelo_dp