Analysing situation with ex?

[clemson843]

Hi,

 

I recently dated a girl that got out of a relationship that lasted around 1 year. She said the reason for the break up was she didn't feel that the relationship with him was going anywhere.

 

Needless say, when we dated everything went amazing. Both of us seemed happy, we were spending atleast 4 days a week together, and talking everyday. We had waited a month to start dating to make sure she was ready, then we dated for around 2 months.

 

We got into a small argument after I said that I didn't like her talking to her ex boyfriend, or talking to me about him. It made me feel like I was a rebound and that she was getting back with him. Needless to say, we spoke on the phone one night and she mentioned him again. I texted her the next day saying that I didn't think this was going to work out if she kept doing that. Well, that night she said we needed to talk. We talked for a little bit and I asked her if she was thinking about breaking up with me. She said she didn't know, and I told her well if she was thinking about doing it, to go ahead and do it. She hesitated, but she did it.

 

After she did it, she sent me a very long text message saying how amazing I was, how not to change and all this stuff. Well, I think I smothered her a bit and caused her to go away from me. I haven't been taking it well because I had high hopes for this relationship. This was the first relationship I planned on taking seriously after getting out of a 2 year relationship myself, and I thought that we were both on the same page about making this work for both of us if we were going to do it.

 

Well, yesterday we got in a fight because I found out she was staying at her ex boyfriends house. She told me the night before she wasn't with anyone, and when I asked her why she was there then she told me she said she wasnt with anyone because she didnt mean like that. I'm not sure if this is true or not, but I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt there. She said nothing happened. Well we talked for about an hour during this conversation and the majority of it was at first her telling me how I was a crappy person for not talking to her before jumping to conclusions, how we were never going to get back together, etc. Then it because how she needed space and I needed to be more mature about things if I wanted her back and that I needed to prove it. She told me not to talk to her today, and I didn't. She mentioned during the conversation that she had hopes we would fix things, and we would work out. She even mentioned stuff like if we broke up over something this small what would happen if we were together longer.

 

I know, couples will fight. I told her straight up that honestly I didn't want her to break up with me, and I didn't want that. At the time I just felt that if she is willing to give up on me that easy, she isn't worth it. But I miss her now and I want to get her back. We talked about how in the future if we did get back together we wouldn't ever threaten break up incase is was serious.

 

Well, tonight I find out from a mutual friend she is with her ex again. Theres a reason she could be over there and not at her place, (Avoiding roomate and her girlfriend) but I feel she could still have feelings from him.

 

I'm confused as to why she would spend so much time with me, just to bounce back to him. It's only been around 12 days since we broke up, and she still says that she loves me and wants to be with me and give things a chance, but that i've pushed her away and needs time.

 

The thing I'm worried about is the situation with her ex. She has a right to do what she wants as we aren't together, it does bother me that she would do it if she did, but I'm willing to put that behind us. The first night she was with him I know she was upset because she tweeted at 3 am she couldn't sleep. That kinda gives me a hint that she wasn't very happy over there, and it could be due to me.

 

I hate that I pushed her away, but I don't really know how to go about getting her back. This also is a situation where I can't just go see her, as I live 2 hours away.

 

What do you all thing this is? Just a rebound with her ex or was I the rebound? She had been with other guys between the ex and I.

 

I just think it sucks to give up on a girl after such a short period of time when we really were developing to have a strong connection. We had plans the weekend she broke up with me too, I was going to stay with her and go to her little brothers birthday party. I mean she introduced me to all of her family and everything... (We've known each other for around 6-7 years)

[Tiera D]

your a rebound,same thing happened to my last relationship,one month dating two month serious..trust me she slept over in her ex house its almost certain theres sex involved..Its over now,so shes trying to push her blame on you..sleeping in her ex house should be enough closure to you and move on..Trust me in this go NC and move on,i assure you within sometime she will start throwing you breadcrumbs

 

TD

[Charles Burrell]

Don't make a fool of yourself and move on. She is dating 2 person (you and her ex) at one time but not confessing it. If you broke up with her then there is no point of contacting her again.

[clemson843]

Yeah. I guess it's just not what I really wanted. I liked this girl for a long time, then we hit it off. Had high hopes, but I guess in the long run its best so I don't get hurt more than this.

[Tiera D]

Thats why i love only myselve now..i will never put my heart to another person every again,call me cold or emotionless but atleast no more heart breaks..Good luck NC

 

TD

[dreamstate83]

Thats why i love only myselve now..i will never put my heart to another person every again,call me cold or emotionless but atleast no more heart breaks..Good luck NC

 

TD

 

See you in a year. I say that every time too

[todreaminblue]

This is what I dotn get when you start a relationship and you say you need time away to think about whether you should be in a relationship but then the person wants the relationship to work.....to me and i feel really retarded because it seems every thread on the board has this time away thing to work a relationship out.......you dont spend time apart to work out a relationship.....TOGETHER....if you are in a relationship that is united you need to unite to work out issues not separate .......to me its childish logic.......

 

you go to a neutral corner say a counsellors office if you cant work it out together you bring more ammo to the party not have the party in separate places and talk over texting and phone calls..............time out in a relationship to me is going for a walk to calm down....little problems should not be dealt with by saying i think we should separate i need time to think....you deal with the problem and get it over with...you dont let the sun go down on an argument....you shouldnt go to sleep and wake up with that on your head then...that to me is logical....this is too ....you NEVER say you want to break unless you absolutely know that you cannot be together anymore.......otherwise why say it its just manipulation as a tool to get what you want..

 

women shouldn't make major life changing decisions while pmsing....and guys shouldn't fly off the handle and just be honest as soon as they feel something is wrong and not let it fester so they do fly off the handle.....deb

[ForeverlovingRami]

This is what I dotn get when you start a relationship and you say you need time away to think about whether you should be in a relationship but then the person wants the relationship to work.....to me and i feel really retarded because it seems every thread on the board has this time away thing to work a relationship out.......you dont spend time apart to work out a relationship.....TOGETHER....if you are in a relationship that is united you need to unite to work out issues not separate .......to me its childish logic.......

 

you go to a neutral corner say a counsellors office if you cant work it out together you bring more ammo to the party not have the party in separate places and talk over texting and phone calls..............time out in a relationship to me is going for a walk to calm down....little problems should not be dealt with by saying i think we should separate i need time to think....you deal with the problem and get it over with...you dont let the sun go down on an argument....you shouldnt go to sleep and wake up with that on your head then...that to me is logical....this is too ....you NEVER say you want to break unless you absolutely know that you cannot be together anymore.......otherwise why say it its just manipulation as a tool to get what you want..

 

women shouldn't make major life changing decisions while pmsing....and guys shouldn't fly off the handle and just be honest as soon as they feel something is wrong and not let it fester so they do fly off the handle.....deb

 

You marked my words, I've been thinkin this alot ever since we broke up...No wonder she said " break for me is the same thing as break up"... Guess I was too immature or unexperienced to realise the real facts and how to handle a women/relationship right... Now shes with this older guy, **** me

[clemson843]

I told her I don't want anything to do with her anymore. 4th time someone has told me that she was sleeping with her ex boyfriend. Apparently twitter geotags tweets and it did show her at his house those nights.

 

Fact is, any human being deserves better than to be treated like that. If someone loves you, they would never in a million years do that to you. Ever. The last thing you want to do when you love someone is hurt them.

[Tiera D]

I dont really think true love exist anymore in this age anymore,only in the movies..dont anyone felt we humans are more and more like animals concerning sex? single mothers with multiple kids from multiple unknown fathers(similar to animals) , sex without commitment (similar to animals too) ,heck even exchanging sex partners like some object (Animallike),theres nothing civilized about sex anymore..we are just like animals..my opinion

 

TD

[clemson843]

It is definitely extremely rare now. People hook up because it's easier, and more convenient to them. I'm from the south, and raised with morals. Not a religious person but I still believe in commitment, dedication, and loyalty.

 

The only thing I want is a girl that I can make happy, and will make me happy too. One that will be there by my side even when I make mistakes. One that will work with me, and not run at the slightest error. I'm not asking for a super model, or some Hollywood love story.