WonderingOne Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I'm a 50 year old woman, married 27 years to a great man who also happens to be a drummer in a rock n roll band. His band is really good and plays out in bars usually once a month. I used to go to their shows all the time, but anymore, I feel like it's just torture when I do. I can't stand to watch other women dirty dancing and practically make love to him through his music from the dance floor, and I hate it even more when he obviously enjoys it. You see, I've never been a big dancer and I'm jealous that they can dance for him like I don't. Although I'm friendly, I'm also not a great socializer or one to have close friends, so I always have to walk into these bars alone which I hate. Most of the time the other band wives are there with their circles of friends, and they all dance and try to get me out there, and on occasion I have, but lately I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't feel like I fit my husband's band-lifestyle anymore and my jealousy is making me and my marriage sick. I don't know what to do!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderingOne Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 I'm afraid he'll be attracted to them more than me and be tempted to cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
BeyondtheClouds Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 **** Most of the time the other band wives are there with their circles of friends, and they all dance and try to get me out there, and on occasion I have, but lately I just can't bring myself to do it.**** That's nice that the other wives include you. Why do you have a problem regularly joining them? Your musician husband chose you, so it seems you must have one or more things about you that he likes. You also chose him (one of the advantages of Western society)........ but still I feel that we all have the responsibility when choosing our partners to understand what a life with them will most likely mean. If you knew that he was a musician and you didn't like having the rock chick type life -- even at the part time level, then you should not have chosen him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderingOne Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 Don't think I haven't thought about that, early on and all the years through. He's always been in bands on and off, but this is the first band that he's played out so much and has groupies. I've told him he chose the wrong person, that I just can't do this, watch him attract and make connections with other women. Things change over time, especially as you get older and you feel like you're growing apart instead of more together. The dancing is a big part of it for me. I've always had anxiety when it comes to dancing because I'm self conscience and have a very hard time getting out there, so I don't feel I fit in. Oh and I know I'm supposed to just trust him, right? But you see, I really don't trust anybody, trust is blind to me. I don't trust him to not emotionally bond with these other women because they give him something that I don't or feel I can't. My only solution besides dissolving our marriage over this, is that I should just not go to his shows anymore so I don't see these things that bother me (at least until I see photos on FB). If only I could stop my thoughts and feelings I'd be ok, but I don't know how. Link to post Share on other sites
lovebug1234 Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 sorry to hear =( how have you been dealing with t his for so long. i think you need to go and find your own sexuality (i'm serious). Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Even if you were the type to go out and dance, he could STILL leave you. THat is just how life is! It is not predictable, even with the most SIMILAR couple. If he is really in love with you, and if he values your marriage and wants to be with you above and beyond anyother women - HE WILL. If your the women he really wants to be with, he will not care that your not the type to socialize and dance! I never danced or went out clubbing like most people my age, before I met my boyfriend...... In fact, the very first club I went to, I had my first shot, and then proceeded to get drunk enough to go dancing. ...I COULD NOT DANCE. I was terrible; so terrible, my bf got in on his phone!!!!!!!!!! Really, he did not love me any less because of it, and probably thought more of me because I did not care what people thought of me! If you really do not feel comfortable or that your personality is compatable with dancing and going to his concerts and socialising all night, it may truly be who you are, and no amount of t will make you ever enjoy it. I found, however, that I did enjoy it all, even though to this day I STILL cannot dance to save my life..... Link to post Share on other sites
Magica Posted November 22, 2012 Share Posted November 22, 2012 I think you might be focusing on the wrong things when you go to see his shows. I assume he likes having you there; could you go to his show and just be there for him, showing him that you're proud of him doing something he loves and is good at? Could you have a discussion with him about that, so he knows that's what you're doing? Link to post Share on other sites
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