John1 Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Hi. Me and my ex were going together for 4 years...We were on the verge of moving in together..which we both couldnt wait for for 14 months ago we split up over me drunkenly kissing a girl from work... I was stupid.. As she was my 1st serious g/f this was my 1st breakup and I handled it really badly... I begged ./ pleaded etc.. kept calling her, even calling her very very late at night.... she changed her phone number, she told my friends to tell me she wanted nothing to do with me anymore... I sent her letters every 3-4 weeks or so, just telling her i love(d) her and wanted a 2nd chance... When we were together we would speak to each other 4-5 times per day... in the 14 months apart we have spoken to each other about 10 times and it has been me who has initiated contact on nearly every occasion... Its 2 months now since Ive heard or seen from her....It may be a bit late to put the No Contact rule in place.... but will try anyway.. well the last time i saw her in street... we walked and talked for a while but when it was time to go , i again asked for 2nd chance ( stupidly) and she said no, why would she want to give me a 2nd chance, shes having a great time been single.... i asked if we could meet up sometimes for coffee and she said no... this was a girl who upto 14 months ago wanted to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me... when we were together she was a bit insecure.. she would write me letters ( for a while we lived about 3 hrs apart) saying how she never wants us to break up and wants to be together forever.. thats she hopes im happy been with her etc etc... now its like shes the total opposite.. she wants nothing to do with me... And all because i kissed a girl from work one night while i had too much to drink.... People say to give her time and she will come back... even some of her friends say that.. but its 14 months now .... Like she doesnt call me or nothing.... I dont know how they can change from " i cant wait for us to move in togehter , and get married and have babies" to " i dont love you anymore, i want nothing to do with you" ..... she seems to be a different person... like a cold, heartless, stubborn girl... definitely not the girl i fell in love with 5.5 years ago... Hopefully in time her feelings may change but i dont know... I know I hurt her badly and should have respected her wishes and not constantly contacted her but my mind was clouded by all thoughts going through my head.. I honestly thought that every letter I sent to her would be letter to get through to her to let her know that I made an honest / stupid mistake and still love her... In the 14 months we have been apart I can honestly say im still in love with the girl but at times am bitter that she doesnt or hasnt given me a 2nd chance, I know i was in the wrong (110% in the wrong) but I thought that love would get us back together... I havent seen or heard from her in 2 months, the last time we spoke we left on emotional terms ( on my part) , she was sympathetic of me but still said she is happy and wont be getting back together... Im happy for her that she is enjoying life but I feel that shes only putting on this as a front... I could be 100% wrong but I feel that shes only letting me know she is happy to hurt me.. But I could be 100%wrong about this.. I know it might be too late to start NC. but will give it a go... its 2 months now... Im also thinking of starting to go out and date people.. a few months ago that thought was impossible for me.. but every day i seem to be getting better even though i would still love for my ex to give me a 2nd chance... thanks for your time. Have a good Day. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Hon, I'm not trying to be harsh, but I feel like I need to say, "let her go." Feelings change sometimes. If you all are young, four years is a long time. I'm 23 and I think 6 months is a long time, lol. Maybe she wants to experience some of the world for herself, rather then having you there to catch her if she falls. 14 months is a LONG time for you to waste waiting on one person. Maybe you shoudl try to date around and forget her. Perhaps there will be a time in the future when you two will get back together; however, don't listen to her friends unless they are psychics. My mom always used to say, "Don't wait if you don't have a ring on your finger." It's a bit archiac, but i think that the general principle applies. Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Yes it's too long for a reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
KitWalker Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Great answer Dork....nice to see some people come back with good feedback I dont think any time is too long for reconcilation provided that in the meantime you can be strong, move on in your life and let it happen! What if you decide to give your ex 1yr to come back to you and she takes 1yr and 1 week? Does that mean you're going to say "no" to her because of a time constraint????? Why are there some patient and some impatient people out there?? Cos we're all different thats why! There are people who have broken up and gotten back after 2yrs or so apart.....some have got back after 2 weeks? It varies!! Dont look at numbers, look at yourself! Have you improved that she/he would WANT to come back to you? Have you gotten rid of the sulky, stubborn and sad look about you? Are you going otu in the meantime to just brush up on your dating skills??? Remember, if she/he comes back, it will start with a date! If you've lost that ability to just go out on a date....what hope have you got of starting a relationship if you dont know how to be a great and fun date???? Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 (LOL...nice use of sarcasm, Walker) I some what agree with Walker, including the clause that you are happy being alone and on your own BEFORE you take her back. IMHO, kissing a girl in fit of alcohol influenced hormones is pretty sh*tty. However, IF she had loved you, she would have wanted to work it out. I think that she may have been using that as an excuse to end the relationship with no blame on her shoulders. There were probably problems that she had in the relationship that she did not bring up with you, if she was that ready to head out. Move on, find another nice girl, and don't make the same mistakes the next time. :-) Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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