vanillabeach Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Hi, not sure where to start I'm married and have been happily so for nearly 10 years. I never thought I'd be interested in anyone else, my husband is a lovely, kind person (ok except for that bit in my other thread ). And then one day it just happened out of the blue - the most amazing man looked into my eyes and it literally felt like a magnet, like this was what I'd been waiting for all my life. I've met lots of men at work, and I know how to flirt in a 'normal' flattering manner (I'm an airline employee, it's part of the job description ) so it's not that I'm not lacking contact or interest. I don't even know what I'm asking, I guess I would like to get to know him better. Or stare into his eyes forever. Maybe I'm asking if its ok to go for a coffee with him? But could he ask me if he knows that I am married? Please don't advise to 'just forget about him' because it doesn't work. I hadn't seen him for nearly a year, and when he saw me neither of us could hide the excitement and happiness to see each other again. A responsible thing to do would be to just leave it at that. Tempting fate probably isn't the best move... I will see him again in 6 weeks time. And I simply cannot wait. I'm planning my outfits even though he has never looked anywhere other than into my eyes. And there was me thinking love at first sight is a silly little thing made up by novelists. Has this ever happened to anyone else? And what did you do about it?? Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Subconsciously, you're getting ready to destroy your marriage. Guess that, deep down, you feel that your relationhip is now running its course. And you're getting ready for other "options". Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 I will see him again in 6 weeks time. And I simply cannot wait. I'm planning my outfits even though he has never looked anywhere other than into my eyes. just so we can all stop sniping at you and better understand the timeline involved, are you planning on talking to or separating from your husband in this 6-week interval? Does your H have any sense of what's going on? Are there kids involved? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 People that are semi-happily married do meet other people that they like better, it happens every day. When you see your new guy again, it may be good to tell him early on that you are married, etc., so that everything is up-front. Most people over a lifetime only meet two or three people that they are madly in love with, so I say take a chance. Of course, it's best to make a decision one way or the other, in say, about six months or so. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Most people over a lifetime only meet two or three people that they are madly in love with, so I say take a chance. Take a chance regardless of the impact on the other people in your life? And then when you meet the next of the "two or three" people, do you throw it all away, betray and alienate everyone and "take a chance" again ??? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Has this ever happened to anyone else? And what did you do about it?? Yup, MC and divorce. Good luck:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanillabeach Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 Subconsciously, you're getting ready to destroy your marriage. Guess that, deep down, you feel that your relationhip is now running its course. And you're getting ready for other "options". Hmm that makes a lot of sense... Something to think about. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanillabeach Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 just so we can all stop sniping at you and better understand the timeline involved, are you planning on talking to or separating from your husband in this 6-week interval? Does your H have any sense of what's going on? Are there kids involved? Mr. Lucky Oh dear, you sound really upset. Two kids. My H saw us talking and went mad (he is v jealous). We spoke about it. He wasn't happy but is now assuming I won't talk to the other guy again. I will though. In 6 weeks time. Yay! Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanillabeach Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 People that are semi-happily married do meet other people that they like better, it happens every day. When you see your new guy again, it may be good to tell him early on that you are married, etc., so that everything is up-front. Most people over a lifetime only meet two or three people that they are madly in love with, so I say take a chance. Of course, it's best to make a decision one way or the other, in say, about six months or so. The guy knows I'm married. Actually I mentioned it in the second sentence I ever said to him. He hasn't made a move or anything. I like that Decisions, decisions... Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanillabeach Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 Yup, MC and divorce. Good luck:) Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 It isn't "love at first sight". Love at first sight is fictional. You can't truly love someone until you actually know them. What it is is chemistry mixed with fantasy. You've filled in all the blanks with positive, romantic, passionate fantasy. When in reality, you don't know what life with this guy would be like. He could have some MAJOR issues he is hiding from you now. I have no issues with you pursuing this man - IF you leave your husband first. If you truly think this guy will make you happier, then by all means, run to him. But don't leave your husband thinking he is the one. Tell him and let him move on with his life too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 The guy knows I'm married. Actually I mentioned it in the second sentence I ever said to him. He hasn't made a move or anything. I like that Decisions, decisions... He probably hasn't made a move because you're married, and it sounds as if he is equally attracted to you. It can be agony to like someone and have it be unclear as to what is going on, but try to make it known to him that you are interested, and see where the chips may fall. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 (edited) Two kids. Super! Congratulations! He wasn't happy but is now assuming I won't talk to the other guy again. I will though. In 6 weeks time. Yay! I'm very happy for you... Mr. Lucky Edited November 6, 2012 by Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanillabeach Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 How would you feel if this sort of this was reciprocated? meh, who cares, right?! I mean kids grow up fine in broken homes. No worries, Cheers. Enjoy YOUR life. Reciprocated by H or other guy? And yes, I tend to try and enjoy MY life. Not sure who's life you're currently enjoying?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanillabeach Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 Lol you're a funny little man Mr Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanillabeach Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 It isn't "love at first sight". Love at first sight is fictional. You can't truly love someone until you actually know them. What it is is chemistry mixed with fantasy. You've filled in all the blanks with positive, romantic, passionate fantasy. When in reality, you don't know what life with this guy would be like. He could have some MAJOR issues he is hiding from you now. I have no issues with you pursuing this man - IF you leave your husband first. If you truly think this guy will make you happier, then by all means, run to him. But don't leave your husband thinking he is the one. Tell him and let him move on with his life too. True, I obviously don't love that guy, I don't even know him. And I most certainly won't leave my husband for him. Ok maybe in my little girl phantasies;) in reality he earns next to nothing (working hard but in a different country with low salaries and a really bad economy) so that's not really an option. Oh well, a girl can dream Link to post Share on other sites
ladyabstrused Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 He wasn't happy but is now assuming I won't talk to the other guy again. I will though. In 6 weeks time. Yay! So you're not going to tell your husband the truth about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 And I most certainly won't leave my husband for him. Ok maybe in my little girl phantasies;) in reality he earns next to nothing (working hard but in a different country with low salaries and a really bad economy) so that's not really an option. Oh well, a girl can dream How modern and creative of you to have come up with a way to have both income and passion in your life. Follow your dreams... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
SWEETIE33 Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 OMG! I feel like I wrote that! I have the same chemistry with a man over 4 years. I am married and I need this other man like he is food for my soul. When he makes love to me I can feel our souls coming together. Link to post Share on other sites
CarboniteCammy Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Does your husband know that you have feelings for a stranger? Who knows, maybe he also has feelings for other women and if you told him, you guys might be able to work out an open marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
SWEETIE33 Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Yes. The man is not a stranger and he accepts that i love another man. We just co-exist as friends now. He is free to do whatever he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanillabeach Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 How modern and creative of you to have come up with a way to have both income and passion in your life. Follow your dreams... Mr. Lucky Hmm no, more like a sensible way because someone has to earn enough money to feed the kids, right?! And where did you see passion in this??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanillabeach Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 Yes. The man is not a stranger and he accepts that i love another man. We just co-exist as friends now. He is free to do whatever he wants. That sounds like the best (or most sensible anyway...) option. Sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanillabeach Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 So you're not going to tell your husband the truth about this? The truth about that I plan to talk to the guy again? Of course I told him I would. There are always at least 200ppl around so we're really just talking. Tell me what's wrong with that?! Link to post Share on other sites
ladyabstrused Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 The truth about that I plan to talk to the guy again? Of course I told him I would. There are always at least 200ppl around so we're really just talking. Tell me what's wrong with that?! Well it came across as though your husband assumes you're not going to talk to this guy again and that you didn't say anything to that. But that's cool if your husband's in the know. I just think honesty is always the best. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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