I'm breaking no contact tomorrow...

[ReadMyThread]

Before you guys go yelling at me not to let me tell you why. Right now, I sit and think. "What if we did get back together." "Is she hurting right now?" "I wonder if she is crying now.". See, the thing is, she broke NC 3 times after 63 days and the 3rd time she broke it it was with a Facebook message saying, "Please talk to me... Your the one who said we could be friends and that's what you wanted.". That made me look at her page and she posted a status that made it obvious that dumping me was something she now regretted. She posted this status BEFORE she tried to reach out to me the 3 times that she has. I haven't replied to her at all.

 

Ever since I have got that message. I have been going crazy. It makes me think she wants to get back together but I really don't know if that's what she wants. Everybody says, ignore them until they clearly tell you that they regret what they have done and want you back but to be honest, I don't see someone just coming STRAIGHT OUT and saying something like that without AT LEAST A LITTLE conversation to open it up. I mean would you open up a conversation with, "OH MY GOD I MADE A MISTAKE I LOVE YOU PLEASE TAKE ME BACK?". No.

 

So with her sending me these messages and posting that status about regretting it, I feel I have to break no NC and see what she wants IN ORDER TO MOVE ON! If I don't contact her back, I'm just going sit here and wonder why she sent me these messages and texted me, and everything along there. (Is she missing me now?. Why is she even trying to talk to me).

 

I'm going to reply with this...

 

"With all do respect ______, and I don't mean this in any mean way but usually when someone breaks up with someone they are basically telling that person that their life would be better without you in it and that they want nothing to do with you anymore so I don't comprehend why you are trying to contact me. If it is that serious, you know where I live. lol.".

 

Should I changed anything about it? It sounds too angry doesn't it? Like I'm mad at her. I mean I am lol but I don't want it to come off like that. I was thinking the ending should be "If it is that serious, you know where I live and you know my phone number. lol.". As in then it would lead to her texting me on why she did it instead of in person if that were the case. I'm lost.

 

IF SHE REPLIES, then I will know she either wants to be with me or just wants to be friends (which won't be happening that's for sure. Ever.) Then I can either make the decision of being with her or tell her that we can't be friends and then move on KNOWING that she doesn't want to be with me anymore.

 

IF SHE DOESN'T REPLY, then I know she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. It will hurt but hey, then I will know and wouldn't sit here wondering why she did this and what she is thinking right? Then I can move on.

 

Breaking NC would be better for me I think. In order to move on. Do you guys think I should change anything in my respond to her? And do you guys think I should break NC? I HAVE to know what she is thinking and wants. It's killing me!

 

Like I said before, If she did in fact wanted to be with me again I wouldn't see her coming STRAIGHT OUT and saying it without some sort of response from me. She is stubborn lol. I KNOW she regrets it due to her facebook status. I should just talk to her. See what she wants and if she wants me I'll have a decision to make and if she doesn't, life will go on. What the hell? I feel stupid for posting this. I'm so lost guys. Please help.

[ReadMyThread]

Why, again, did she dump you?

 

lol I have nooooo clue. She threw 2,000 reasons at me. First it was, her dad said she shouldn't even be in a relationship right now. Then it was, she wanted to focus on school more. Then it was, that I wasn't doing anything with MY future and finally it was, she wasn't happy. Then she finds out I was hanging out with another girl after the break-up and texted me telling that she left me for another guy. So I guess for another guy. She hasn't go with him though. I think he told her it wouldn't work but I don't know anything about what she has been through since the BU.

[CMH309]

To me, it sounds angry. Why don't you tell her the truth of what you are feeling? I always thought of NC as a way to totally get over them because you want things to end.

 

It's silly to think someone has to proclaim 'My life is horrible without you, I need you back' that doesn't solve any problems you two had. Communication does and you are not communicating....

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, first of all, you need to stop worrying about being mean. She dumped you. Get that stupid thought out of your brain. Stop sucking up to her. And you need to be more to the point with that message. It's too rambling and you are trying too hard to kiss her ass. You need to man up and tell her what you are thinking concisely and leave her no wiggle room.

 

"Why are you trying to get ahold of me? When you broke up with me you hurt me and every time you try to get ahold of me you are hurting me. So why are you doing it? What do you want?"

 

Something like that. Don't be a kiss ass, she's the one that hurt you. And if she responds "Well, umm, I just miss talking to you." then you respond "I miss you too, but you are the one who wanted to break up. Unless you want to get back together, we can't talk. It's not something I can do right now and you need to respect that."

 

Either way, don't back down from what you want. Though I have a feeling you will. Not that that makes you bad, but you just don't seem to be in the emotional state to handle this. She's going to act sad or pouty or like the victim and you are going to fold. Not trying to be mean, just seems like that's the way it's heading.

[ReadMyThread]

To me, it sounds angry. Why don't you tell her the truth of what you are feeling? I always thought of NC as a way to totally get over them because you want things to end.

 

It's silly to think someone has to proclaim 'My life is horrible without you, I need you back' that doesn't solve any problems you two had. Communication does and you are not communicating....

 

Yeah your right. Help me make it NOT sound mean lol. How should I tell her how I feel? What do I say? Well I was intending NC to get over her until she came to me with this BS. lol.

 

Your right that doesn't fix the problems a couple has but it does open up to the communication you two CAN NOW have NOW that you KNOW there were problems. Man, when she left me, it was out of the blue!!! I didn't think we had any problems but I see them now and if we were to talk again I could issue our problems to her.

[ReadMyThread]

Dude, first of all, you need to stop worrying about being mean. She dumped you. Get that stupid thought out of your brain. Stop sucking up to her. And you need to be more to the point with that message. It's too rambling and you are trying too hard to kiss her ass. You need to man up and tell her what you are thinking concisely and leave her no wiggle room.

 

"Why are you trying to get ahold of me? When you broke up with me you hurt me and every time you try to get ahold of me you are hurting me. So why are you doing it? What do you want?"

 

Something like that. Don't be a kiss ass, she's the one that hurt you. And if she responds "Well, umm, I just miss talking to you." then you respond "I miss you too, but you are the one who wanted to break up. Unless you want to get back together, we can't talk. It's not something I can do right now and you need to respect that."

 

Either way, don't back down from what you want. Though I have a feeling you will. Not that that makes you bad, but you just don't seem to be in the emotional state to handle this. She's going to act sad or pouty or like the victim and you are going to fold. Not trying to be mean, just seems like that's the way it's heading.

 

But I thought showing anger is bad. As it shows you still care for them? Wouldn't I want to act calm and direct as that meaning I don't care for her (even though I do) and that my life will go on with or without her? I don't want to come off as an angry wreck now that she has left me. Like I'm mad at the world lol. I mean if it's better to show anger towards her and be direct I will re-word what I will say but I don't see showing that much anger would help anything. Then SHE would respond with an angry response and we will just fight lol. Right?

[CMH309]

I don't know your whole story, nor am I the best at dating myself, but here is the best advice I have.

 

" I do not understand why we broke up. I was hurt and confused and needed time to sort through my feelings regarding the relationship and how I wished to proceed. I hope you took the time to sort out how you feel also and are ready to talk about what wasn't working for you."

 

That's IF you want to get back with her that's what I would say....

 

If you don't then go with:

 

" I do not understand why we broke up. I was hurt and confused and needed time to sort through my feelings regarding the relationship and how I wished to proceed. I have concluded that the relationship wasn't working for me. I don't wish any further contact as I have made my decision"

[ReadMyThread]

And what exactly is it you think is going to happen when you contact her?

 

In the best possible scenario, you'll be stuck with a girl you know doesn't really think all that much of you, or is a fruitcake.

 

I guess closure. Then I will know why she is the one trying to contact me.

 

Maybe she has made a true mistake. I wouldn't be with her again without seeing big changes and with a quite long period of time to pass before calling us a couple again.

[thembones]

IF SHE DOESN'T REPLY, then I know she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. It will hurt but hey, then I will know and wouldn't sit here wondering why she did this and what she is thinking right? Then I can move on.

 

Breaking NC would be better for me I think. In order to move on. Do you guys think I should change anything in my respond to her? And do you guys think I should break NC? I HAVE to know what she is thinking and wants. It's killing me!

 

I had to know. It was killing me. 2 months NC and I just had to know if there was even a chance for us. I contacted her and we met in person after an hour of catching up on the phone. I did what I had to do and I DO NOT REGRET IT. I tried.

 

I posted a thread about it yesterday if you wish to read. Be prepared for no reply or a negative. If I was not prepared, I would have been crushed. If you need to do it, DO IT. I had to and I did it. Just say what is on your mind and let the pieces fall as they will.

[ReadMyThread]

I don't know your whole story, nor am I the best at dating myself, but here is the best advice I have.

 

" I do not understand why we broke up. I was hurt and confused and needed time to sort through my feelings regarding the relationship and how I wished to proceed. I hope you took the time to sort out how you feel also and are ready to talk about what wasn't working for you."

 

That's IF you want to get back with her that's what I would say....

 

If you don't then go with:

 

" I do not understand why we broke up. I was hurt and confused and needed time to sort through my feelings regarding the relationship and how I wished to proceed. I have concluded that the relationship wasn't working for me. I don't wish any further contact as I have made my decision"

 

Not bad! I like this. Although only part I would take out is the first because I do understand why we broke up lol. But they rest is nice.

[Simon Phoenix]

But I thought showing anger is bad. As it shows you still care for them? Wouldn't I want to act calm and direct as that meaning I don't care for her (even though I do) and that my life will go on with or without her? I don't want to come off as an angry wreck now that she has left me. Like I'm mad at the world lol. I mean if it's better to show anger towards her and be direct I will re-word what I will say but I don't see showing that much anger would help anything. Then SHE would respond with an angry response and we will just fight lol. Right?

 

But you still do care about her. By responding, you are showing that. You need to stop being a wuss. Nothing I said was angry, it was direct and to the point. You want her right? Then you need to tell her that and you need to explain that the only way you will talk to her is if she's willing to come back. Otherwise, you aren't down for taking those steps right now.

 

The last thing you want to be is in limbo. You think it's bad now? Just imagine how bad you'll feel when you are hanging out and you are trying to read every little thing she's doing as a sign of whether or not she wants you. How bad it will be hanging out with her without showing the affection you had before and wondering if you'll ever seen it again. You need to make sure that doesn't happen, because that's worse than what you have now.

 

You need to look out for what's best for you and stop worrying about if she's crying or moping. SHE CAUSED THIS BY BREAKING UP WITH YOU. She didn't give a crap about your feelings when she dumped you with little explanation, so why are you basing all of your reactions on her. Be strong, be a man and let her know what you want.

[ReadMyThread]

I had to know. It was killing me. 2 months NC and I just had to know if there was even a chance for us. I contacted her and we met in person after an hour of catching up on the phone. I did what I had to do and I DO NOT REGRET IT. I tried.

 

I posted a thread about it yesterday if you wish to read. Be prepared for no reply or a negative. If I was not prepared, I would have been crushed. If you need to do it, DO IT. I had to and I did it. Just say what is on your mind and let the pieces fall as they will.

 

Well I'm glad to know someone else felt that same way I do right now and wanted to. Now I won't get yelled at as much and they can yell at you too lol. JK. But yeah I feel I have to. If we have a chance to work, it's not going to work by me ignoring her EVERY TIME she tries to contact me right? She will eventually give up trying and see I wouldn't want to be with her. I have to. I'm going to. Man I know it's going to hurt if she doesn't want to be with me but I guess you have to risks in life right?

[ReadMyThread]

But you still do care about her. By responding, you are showing that. You need to stop being a wuss. Nothing I said was angry, it was direct and to the point. You want her right? Then you need to tell her that and you need to explain that the only way you will talk to her is if she's willing to come back. Otherwise, you aren't down for taking those steps right now.

 

The last thing you want to be is in limbo. You think it's bad now? Just imagine how bad you'll feel when you are hanging out and you are trying to read every little thing she's doing as a sign of whether or not she wants you. How bad it will be hanging out with her without showing the affection you had before and wondering if you'll ever seen it again. You need to make sure that doesn't happen, because that's worse than what you have now.

 

You need to look out for what's best for you and stop worrying about if she's crying or moping. SHE CAUSED THIS BY BREAKING UP WITH YOU. She didn't give a crap about your feelings when she dumped you with little explanation, so why are you basing all of your reactions on her. Be strong, be a man and let her know what you want.

 

lol. I swear I love you Simon. You ALWAAAAAYS say the right thing lol. As soon as I read the limbo part and hanging out with her wondering if she would want me then or not it hit me as me not EVER wanting that BS. Your right. I have to come straight out and tell her how I feel. I'm going to send her what you told me to send her. I guess tomorrow I find out.

[thembones]

Well I'm glad to know someone else felt that same way I do right now and wanted to. Now I won't get yelled at as much and they can yell at you too lol. JK. But yeah I feel I have to. If we have a chance to work, it's not going to work by me ignoring her EVERY TIME she tries to contact me right? She will eventually give up trying and see I wouldn't want to be with her. I have to. I'm going to. Man I know it's going to hurt if she doesn't want to be with me but I guess you have to risks in life right?

 

It hurt me, sure. But I just had to know if she would be willing to give it another chance after 3 months apart of very very limited contact. Fk what other people think, do what you feel you need to do, if you truly feel you need to do it. People on here have great advice, but sometimes you have to follow your heart.

 

My situation hurt when I got the answer. It hurt bad for about a day. I woke up and cried in bed for 30 minutes the next morning and I had never done that before. Two days later, and I already feel better. It helps me think and wonder less. Like you I am sure, she was on my mind every free moment I had. Not so much now though. But you TRULY have to be prepared for rejection, again. If you are not ready, you may just make an ass out of yourself. Good luck.

[Simon Phoenix]

lol. I swear I love you Simon. You ALWAAAAAYS say the right thing lol. As soon as I read the limbo part and hanging out with her wondering if she would want me then or not it hit me as me not EVER wanting that BS. Your right. I have to come straight out and tell her how I feel. I'm going to send her what you told me to send her. I guess tomorrow I find out.

 

Maybe sleep on it a day or two. Maybe there's a better way to say it than I did. But being direct and to the point is what you want to do if you must contact her. Limbo is bad. I would at first ask her why she's contacting you though. I wouldn't bust right out telling her that you want her back. And to be honest, when she does respond, wait a few hours, even come back here and ask the group. It sounds juvenile and like a game, but making her sweat a bit isn't the worst thing in the world.

[ReadMyThread]

Maybe sleep on it a day or two. Maybe there's a better way to say it than I did. But being direct and to the point is what you want to do if you must contact her. Limbo is bad. I would at first ask her why she's contacting you though. I wouldn't bust right out telling her that you want her back. And to be honest, when she does respond, wait a few hours, even come back here and ask the group. It sounds juvenile and like a game, but making her sweat a bit isn't the worst thing in the world.

 

Gotcha. No limbo for me that's for sure. Oh, believe me, tomorrow when I contact her, I'll be on here in need of what to say depending on what she says if she even does say anything lol.

[Simon Phoenix]

Gotcha. No limbo for me that's for sure. Oh, believe me, tomorrow when I contact her, I'll be on here in need of what to say depending on what she says if she even does say anything lol.

 

That's a good idea. There are definitely smarter people than me on here when it comes to this stuff. But yeah, if you have to do this, no limbo and don't be a wuss. And be prepared to move on completely if need be.

[Frank13]

You need to man up and tell her what you are thinking concisely and leave her no wiggle room.

 

"Why are you trying to get ahold of me? When you broke up with me you hurt me and every time you try to get ahold of me you are hurting me. So why are you doing it? What do you want?"

 

 

Although I can understand the OP's reason for wanting to break NC, the OPs message was horrible. He is the one that said they could be friends, and then changed his mind. That's all she is asking for.

 

I don't think his message sounded mean, it just sound like he was playing a victim and being over dramatic. People break up with someone all the time but want to remain friends so the -

 

"their life would be would be better without you in it and that they want nothing to do with you anymore" sounds like a crybaby pleading fdor validation that this is not the case.

 

That said, your message would be good if the second sentence was left out. That too is the "poor me" crap that makes it look like he is spinless.

 

I would go with the "Why are you trying to get ahold of me?" and leave it at that or add "What do you want" to it, but no more.

 

None of this "you hurt me" crybaby stuff. It makes him look weak and pathetic.

[Simon Phoenix]

Although I can understand the OP's reason for wanting to break NC, the OPs message was horrible. He is the one that said they could be friends, and then changed his mind. That's all she is asking for.

 

I don't think his message sounded mean, it just sound like he was playing a victim and being over dramatic. People break up with someone all the time but want to remain friends so the -

 

"their life would be would be better without you in it and that they want nothing to do with you anymore" sounds like a crybaby pleading fdor validation that this is not the case.

 

That said, your message would be good if the second sentence was left out. That too is the "poor me" crap that makes it look like he is spinless.

 

I would go with the "Why are you trying to get ahold of me?" and leave it at that or add "What do you want" to it, but no more.

 

None of this "you hurt me" crybaby stuff. It makes him look weak and pathetic.

 

Fine by me. The less of a wuss he sounds and the more direct he is, the better.

[ReadMyThread]

Although I can understand the OP's reason for wanting to break NC, the OPs message was horrible. He is the one that said they could be friends, and then changed his mind. That's all she is asking for.

 

I don't think his message sounded mean, it just sound like he was playing a victim and being over dramatic. People break up with someone all the time but want to remain friends so the -

 

"their life would be would be better without you in it and that they want nothing to do with you anymore" sounds like a crybaby pleading fdor validation that this is not the case.

 

That said, your message would be good if the second sentence was left out. That too is the "poor me" crap that makes it look like he is spinless.

 

I would go with the "Why are you trying to get ahold of me?" and leave it at that or add "What do you want" to it, but no more.

 

None of this "you hurt me" crybaby stuff. It makes him look weak and pathetic.

 

Well alright. So that's it eh? "Why are you trying to get a hold of me?"? Gotcha. Only thing is she sent me that message on Friday. Friday morning. She hasn't sent any since then so would I said "Why WERE you trying to get a hold of me?" or stick with the why are you becaus she isn't anymore so far. I think me ignoring her pretty much told her I want nothing to do with her and now she is hurting and won't reach out anymore because I just ignore her.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well alright. So that's it eh? "Why are you trying to get a hold of me?"? Gotcha. Only thing is she sent me that message on Friday. Friday morning. She hasn't sent any since then so would I said "Why WERE you trying to get a hold of me?" or stick with the why are you becaus she isn't anymore so far. I think me ignoring her pretty much told her I want nothing to do with her and now she is hurting and won't reach out anymore because I just ignore her.

 

Wait, she hasn't tried contacting since Friday? Kind of lame to be contacting her now then. At least wait for the next one. It will have been four days by the time you text her. That's a little weird.

[CptSaveAho]

Have you noticed and reflected on the actions in big picture...

 

You held nc for 60 days...

 

She said oh no he doesnt im going to message him ... she stopped messaging you

 

Now your mind is playing games with you.... what if this... what if that... i need "closure"

 

If you read and understand what closure is in how people view it... its a LAST CHANCE RELIEF to get another chance... "Look at all the things I've changed blah blah"

 

People just hide behind the word "closure" Well guess what, after you get the closure, you dont magically move on. The cycle repeats itself 2 months later. Damn I messed up, lets do it again and get closure right this time

 

Keep doing what you were doing. I assure you NC is the right way

[ReadMyThread]

Wait, she hasn't tried contacting since Friday? Kind of lame to be contacting her now then. At least wait for the next one. It will have been four days by the time you text her. That's a little weird.

 

But what if she never tries to contact me again? I have already ignored her 3 times. Why would she try to contact me again? I feel she seen I ignored her and now she isn't going to try anymore because it hurts her when i dont respond and will just go on without looking back. I do agree it would be kind of weird but I could say something like "I have been debating to message you back and figured I would. What is it you want from me?"

[Simon Phoenix]

But what if she never tries to contact me again? I have already ignored her 3 times. Why would she try to contact me again? I feel she seen I ignored her and now she isn't going to try anymore because it hurts her when i dont respond and will just go on without looking back. I do agree it would be kind of weird but I could say something like "I have been debating to message you back and figured I would. What is it you want from me?"

 

Then who cares, move on. You keep forgetting that she caused this by dumping you. It's not your job to cowtow to her whims. If there's any chance that she wants you, she'll contact you again. Even if she doesn't, she probably will. She understands why you aren't talking to her -- she even made mention of it in one of the messages you sent her.

 

You can't be the doormat.

[CptSaveAho]

But what if she never tries to contact me again?

 

You move on, find peace, live happily ever after?

 

I have already ignored her 3 times. Why would she try to contact me again? I feel she seen I ignored her and now she isn't going to try anymore because it hurts her when i dont respond and will just go on without looking back. I do agree it would be kind of weird but I could say something like "I have been debating to message you back and figured I would. What is it you want from me?"

 

honestly, if she cared about how you feel, she would get the hint and stop. She has no idea what she is doing and in essence you are "training her" by not responding saying its not ok for us to continue to talk at her convenience