Getting Passed the First Date

[5105571]

I know it's difficult to ask for this kind of advice especially because none of you personally know me but an outside perspective can be helpful.

 

I'm 29 and over the years I've dated quite a few girls, but haven't had much in the way of relationships. Most of my sexual encounters were either one night stands or were no strings attached situations. This is unacceptable to me. I've been told I'm handsome and cute by random strangers and I don't regard myself as being ugly.

 

I want to really get into a relationship, because frankly, dating sucks and I'd much rather share my life with someone. Here's where my problem lies--I seem to have a problem converting the first or second date into more of a long term thing and I'm not sure why. I'll make a few points about my dating history and hope for some advice from you guys.

 

First, the one night stands I have had and the first dates I do get lead me to believe that I'm not generally creeping women out.

 

Secondly, almost all of my sexual encounters were with women I'm not necessarily interested in on a relationship level.

 

Third, of the relationships I have had they were with girls who are either not completely available to me (live some distance away or other problems that make it difficult to see eachother whenever we want, or have some life problems going on) and I'm usually not 100% interested in them off the bat.

 

Fourth, of the girls I am really, really interested in after just one date, we never get very sexual and they're never up for a second date. This is always the case, and it's very annoying that of the small amount of women that I am truly interested in are never interested in me.

 

Finally, the most successful period of my dating life was when I was looking to just get laid. I simply did not care about a relationship, and that period ended up with me in a long term relationship for a while with a girl who fell in with the girls in point number 3.

 

So, I've come to the conclusion that I am doing one of 2 things. I'm either dating and having successful sexual encounters with girls I largely don't care about because I don't care if they reject me, and/or I'm dating girls that I'm really interested in and I flub the dates because of nerves or I'm not being sexual or flirty enough because I'm worried it will be seen negatively or something like that. I have come off as a little clingy in the past but I try to cool that out and keep it carefree.

 

I wish I could straight-up ask them but it's kind of hard when you're being ignored or you're getting the run around.

 

This is happening to me right now and I'm getting really tired of it. We went out, went to a couple places and she seemed to enjoy herself. She was honest and open about her family and her life in general. We had a few simple kisses on the lips, held hands but we weren't sexual, weren't overly flirty. Called her yesterday and she has not responded.

 

Should I be straight up with her and ask what's going on? Should I let it go? Should I just ask her out again and see if she responds? Should I mention to her what I perceive my problem to be? Ladies, do you find it a big turn off if a guy is not sexual and flirty enough with you on a date?

 

It seems ridiculous to write all of this over someone I've known for a few hours, but this is more than just one person, it's a continuing theme in my life and I'd really like to get passed it.