JustSomeGuy1 Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 If anyone has seen my other posts, they'll know I get bullied a lot and have recently changed schools and I have no friends pretty much.. I cba to explain it all again but you get the point. Thing is, this kid at my new college invited me to his party.. he told me that although he doesn't talk to me much he wanted the whole class to come.. so I went... I took some alcohol and I don't drink much so didn't drink a lot. Everyone in my class started talking to me when they got a bit drunk and were asking why I'm so quiet and I didn't really know what to say, they asked if I'd had sex with a girl, I didn't answer so they decided to try set me up with a girl... I reluctantly agreed... so this very drunk girl eventually came over to me after talking to them and spoke to me and I didn't really reply much.. I didn't know what to say and she just swore at me and told me to get some balls and talk to girls and walked away.... A lot of people just starred at me, few people laughed and I just broke down, cried and took an hours walk home in the rain... I hate being like this so much.. I just don't know how to better myself... help? Please! Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 I'm sorry you feel so bad. That girl was a drunken fool, don't let that make you feel worse about yourself. Alcohol makes people into idiots at times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustSomeGuy1 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 I'm sorry you feel so bad. That girl was a drunken fool, don't let that make you feel worse about yourself. Alcohol makes people into idiots at times. It's not really what she told me... people have told me that or something similar my whole teenage life.. and a lot worse things too. It was almost normal to me to hear that... it was more that I couldn't even have a normal conversation with someone ... Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 It's not really what she told me... people have told me that or something similar my whole teenage life.. and a lot worse things too. It was almost normal to me to hear that... it was more that I couldn't even have a normal conversation with someone ... Have you tried to see a counselor at school to help you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustSomeGuy1 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 Have you tried to see a counselor at school to help you? Well, I'm actually at college (UK).. and it's all so eurgh... I can't see a counsellor outside my college because it'll go on my medical record and I won't be accepted into the Grenadier Guards and tbh that's all I wanna do... and I can't see a counsellor at college because it'll go on my college record.. This wouldn't be a problem except my mum works at the college I study at, she's the head of admissions dept and student services and all that area so she'd know about it instantly... I really don't want her to find out.. I try to stay strong around my mum.. I don't want her knowing how I really feel Link to post Share on other sites
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Man, that takes me back... I've been there, and others I know have also been like that. People are cruel, there's not a lot you can do to change that. What's important is not what they think of you, or how they react to you, but how you see yourself and how you reach the goals you have. So you have trouble talking to girls. That's no big deal. I was 21 till I had the confidence to approach a girl and start talking to her. It was so difficult before because I was putting them on a pedestal. I swear, they seemed...omniscient, otherworldly. Like when I spoke to them I was naked and they knew me better than I knew myself. When I started dating I began to see them for who they are - human. In time you'll get over that fear, its a very normal thing. Kids making fun of you? Well, I still know people like that. I was at University just last year and I dealt with some arseholes there. Most likely you'll see some form of it throughout your life, but you needn't heed people like that. They aren't you and they've got their own problems and attitudes. Find like-minded people and you'll see you're not alone. If you take anything from my reply, please let it be that: you are definitely not alone in this. I felt like I was for years and it took many a heart-to-heart with friends old and new to realise that the whole time there were people dealing with exactly the same thing, and suddenly it felt like the weight I carried was lifted, shared by others who needed help carrying their weight too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustSomeGuy1 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 Man, that takes me back... I've been there, and others I know have also been like that. People are cruel, there's not a lot you can do to change that. What's important is not what they think of you, or how they react to you, but how you see yourself and how you reach the goals you have. So you have trouble talking to girls. That's no big deal. I was 21 till I had the confidence to approach a girl and start talking to her. It was so difficult before because I was putting them on a pedestal. I swear, they seemed...omniscient, otherworldly. Like when I spoke to them I was naked and they knew me better than I knew myself. When I started dating I began to see them for who they are - human. In time you'll get over that fear, its a very normal thing. Kids making fun of you? Well, I still know people like that. I was at University just last year and I dealt with some arseholes there. Most likely you'll see some form of it throughout your life, but you needn't heed people like that. They aren't you and they've got their own problems and attitudes. Find like-minded people and you'll see you're not alone. If you take anything from my reply, please let it be that: you are definitely not alone in this. I felt like I was for years and it took many a heart-to-heart with friends old and new to realise that the whole time there were people dealing with exactly the same thing, and suddenly it felt like the weight I carried was lifted, shared by others who needed help carrying their weight too. Honestly, I know there are people out there like me... I don't pretend to know other wise... It's just even knowing this I still feel alone, I don't know anyone like me personally... Everyone around me seems to have a decent life and has friends and stuff... I haven't met anyone like me at all... I have no one to share my feelings with.... Honestly, I just don't get girls at all.. No one has ever taken an interest in me, the closest thing I got to getting close with a girl was that pity ridden drunk girl I just told you about... Girls used to laugh and snigger at me when I was walking down the school halls.... Life is ****ed, people are horrible, my generation is judgemental as ****... I'm alone and probably always will be. Link to post Share on other sites
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Honestly, I know there are people out there like me... I don't pretend to know other wise... It's just even knowing this I still feel alone, I don't know anyone like me personally... Everyone around me seems to have a decent life and has friends and stuff... I haven't met anyone like me at all... I have no one to share my feelings with.... Honestly, I just don't get girls at all.. No one has ever taken an interest in me, the closest thing I got to getting close with a girl was that pity ridden drunk girl I just told you about... Girls used to laugh and snigger at me when I was walking down the school halls.... Life is ****ed, people are horrible, my generation is judgemental as ****... I'm alone and probably always will be. You need to find some people like you. You know they're out there. Just have to find them. Girls won't always be such a mystery to you either. Don't beat yourself up about these things. Understand your problems are part of life, lots of people go through them. There's always a way out. Usually it just takes time. If you'd have told me when I was 15 just how many relationships I'd have, just how many women would tell me they loved me, I'd have laughed at you. I said the exact same things you're saying now. Girls sniggered at you in corridors? A girl who knew I liked her tricked me into walking into a door by locking it with her foot, smiling and making sure my eyes were on her as she did so. Everyone laughed and I felt a fool. You'll get past it. You just need to stop beating yourself up and try and find people who're on your wavelength. Honestly, they're out there and you'll feel better if you have people who understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustSomeGuy1 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 You need to find some people like you. You know they're out there. Just have to find them. Girls won't always be such a mystery to you either. Don't beat yourself up about these things. Understand your problems are part of life, lots of people go through them. There's always a way out. Usually it just takes time. If you'd have told me when I was 15 just how many relationships I'd have, just how many women would tell me they loved me, I'd have laughed at you. I said the exact same things you're saying now. Girls sniggered at you in corridors? A girl who knew I liked her tricked me into walking into a door by locking it with her foot, smiling and making my eyes were on her as she did so. Everyone laughed and I felt a fool. You'll get past it. You just need to stop beating yourself up and try and find people who're on your wavelength. Honestly, they're out there and you'll feel better if you have people who understand. OK, so if you're saying I can pretty much sort my problems by finding people like me.... how? Like 100% seriously, how!? I can't even talk to a drunk girl without looking like a fool... I physically cannot talk to people properly like other people can... How am I supposed to find people? Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 OK, so if you're saying I can pretty much sort my problems by finding people like me.... how? Like 100% seriously, how!? I can't even talk to a drunk girl without looking like a fool... I physically cannot talk to people properly like other people can... How am I supposed to find people? It's true that we all have that awkwardness when we're younger and have trouble talking to the opposite sex...with age and experience it does get better. I was terribly shy into my early 20's. And btw, your mom won't know about you seeing school counselor unless you tell her. Counselors don't blab to anyone's parents even if they are the school admin. You just have to make that absolutely clear when you go in. I think it's a very good idea, because if your shyness is so debilitating, it could be more of a social anxiety disorder, and counseling can help you find some new tools to use when trying to communicate with people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustSomeGuy1 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 It's true that we all have that awkwardness when we're younger and have trouble talking to the opposite sex...with age and experience it does get better. I was terribly shy into my early 20's. And btw, your mom won't know about you seeing school counselor unless you tell her. Counselors don't blab to anyone's parents even if they are the school admin. You just have to make that absolutely clear when you go in. I think it's a very good idea, because if your shyness is so debilitating, it could be more of a social anxiety disorder, and counseling can help you find some new tools to use when trying to communicate with people. NO, she will find out no matter how hard I try... See thing is, my college has around 7,000 students, so in order to see "Welfare Services" which is the college nurse, counsellor ect.. You have to book an appointment basically because there are so many students... So, she'll probably see the appointment list, not to mention I know most of the women who work within that area because they're my mums friends and they come over to my house every now and then... I just can't.. it may be hard to understand why I can't.. but my mum cannot find out Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 NO, she will find out no matter how hard I try... See thing is, my college has around 7,000 students, so in order to see "Welfare Services" which is the college nurse, counsellor ect.. You have to book an appointment basically because there are so many students... So, she'll probably see the appointment list, not to mention I know most of the women who work within that area because they're my mums friends and they come over to my house every now and then... I just can't.. it may be hard to understand why I can't.. but my mum cannot find out I guess I understand. But why is it so difficult for you to be honest with your mom? She won't judge you, she may in fact be able to really help you. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustSomeGuy1 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 I guess I understand. But why is it so difficult for you to be honest with your mom? She won't judge you, she may in fact be able to really help you. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Because my mum has been through a lot of stuff recently, I just don't want to worry her. Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Because my mum has been through a lot of stuff recently, I just don't want to worry her. That's tough. But I truly think that your mom would be fully supportive of helping you out, despite hard times she's been through because she loves you and wants the best for you. Besides advice given above, I would say you just need to keep practicing talking...maybe little bits of conversation at a time to people. Link to post Share on other sites
CailinPig Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 First of all, yes you can have a normal conversation. You're doing it right now. So you do have the ability and the 'normalness'. It's just crippling lack of belief and confidence. Have you ever considered that you might have social anxiety? Look it up. It might help. And yes, finding people like you WILL help. You'll find them on sites like this. Link to post Share on other sites
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