Need some answers... struggling

[sarah_valentine]

Hi everyone, just looking for insight on this. I grew up in a Christian family but would not describe myself as a Christian, although I do believe in God. I went through patches of being a strong believer then not believing at all, and now I think I have settled back to a more comfortable... understanding. I feel more at peace with God and pray and try to have faith. Once in my life I really despaired, and I felt that I actually felt his presence, and this year something similar happened again, so I do believe.

 

But I also don't understand it. I recently went through a break up and am trying to deal with it, but it left me feeling really rejected and horrible. In practical terms there were some signs that I should have listened to and probably not gone out with him at that stage (I think I should have realised he wasn't completely ready for someone new). At one stage early on I was really strongly going to walk away, but the next day completely randomly I ran into his friend and we got talking, and basically convinced me to go for it. When we were on a "break" (stupid I know), I was leaning towards walking away again, and then on two consecutive days I received things from him that he'd sent a lot earlier and which convinced me to keep trying.... it failed in the end though.

 

After feeling SO rejected by him, and having had a fall out with my best friend a few years earlier, my best friend suddenly turns back up in the picture and apologises for how she treated me... right when I was feeling so rejected it was like I got affirmation in some form that I meant something to somebody.

 

Also, a few years ago, I went through a really horrible patch and got talking to this guy, there were a lot of coincidences there and he really did help me through it, but we were too close for it to be appropriate and I have regretted it since. But I felt like he was put there to help me, and he did.

 

I think this might be a confusing post... but I guess what I am wondering is how do I get signs, that really are quite random, encouraging me in one direction - but then I also feel that I have just been continuously screwed over in my life? I feel like I'm on the "right track", but why does this track have pain for me?

 

I know that there is always the option that it could be negative influences, but I don't believe it's that. To some degree (when I despaired) I believe I felt that... it was like external voices telling me I was worthless ("you are" statements, not "I am"), and when I truly lent on God and knew I couldn't do it myself anymore those voices disappeared so I don't believe they were coming purely from my own head.

 

Anyway, I don't know what the point to this post really is. I am just feeling really lost, this recent break up has confused me - why would I be encouraged to go on a path that holds pain? I also don't know what the future holds for my ex, I'm struggling to let go a bit even though I don't know if he would be right for me. I am just basically really confused, I feel like I'm being used as a tool for other people to learn things, and meanwhile I get hurt while they get to learn and then go on and be happy.

 

I don't know... anyone have any help?

[BetheButterfly]

Relationships that are not casual take commitment. It's like planting a seed. You have to water it and make sure the conditions are good: the soil needs to be good and filled with nutrients. You don't want weeds around it. The sun needs to give its light. When the conditions are good, the seed sprouts and the delicate little life begins!

 

Relationships are a life of their own, depending on the weaving of two lives together.

 

My advice is to pray. Ask God to help you grow. Seek and find Him. Don't seek for a man just yet.

 

Work out. Make sure to take care of your body.

 

Help in the community. Make a positive difference in the lives of others!

 

Enjoy time with friends and family. Make them feel special cause they are!

 

Write down your goals in life. Then, set about to do them!

 

As the soil around you gets richer, then eventually you will have roots which will help you weather storms. Then, search with wisdom and with a list of the qualities you would like in a partner. He will be searching for you. Make sure he is a guy with a firm foundation, good roots with good, nutrient-rich soil and keep your relationship with him in good condition so that y'all can grow together.

[Eve]

Anyway, I don't know what the point to this post really is. I am just feeling really lost, this recent break up has confused me - why would I be encouraged to go on a path that holds pain? I also don't know what the future holds for my ex, I'm struggling to let go a bit even though I don't know if he would be right for me. I am just basically really confused, I feel like I'm being used as a tool for other people to learn things, and meanwhile I get hurt while they get to learn and then go on and be happy.

 

I don't know... anyone have any help?

 

Thanks for sharing your very personal experiences.

 

I have had many experiences of an 'otherness' and later found that this otherness responds to the name of Jesus. In short, things got worse because it felt like a big light was shining just on me. This was not really what I thought I had signed up for and so I felt quite cheated. I found that I did not like myself as much as I had thought previously and everything I did seemed to be heightened. Miserable time.

 

I think this is the chastening period where you eventually come full circle back to understanding that ones influence on the world is quite small. For me, my journey began to focus more on what I could do to help others and then my spirit was helped to love more easily. In total, learned to ask very specific things in prayer and began to journal. I also solidly looked at what characteristics I found desirable in a male, down to what I wanted sexually (I was 26 at the time and severely horny). I did this all before God and basically got on with my life, dealing with individual things as they came along.. as you do - but with the intention in my heart to see things through till the end.

 

Over the past near 20 years I cannot even add up the amount of seriously profound experiences I have had through following this formula. I have read the Bible a few times in this time, been baptised and been part of and left a couple of Churches too but the primary practice has been that I turn my heart to God, whether things are good or bad and honour my experiences as my own without trying to influence others to believe me. I think this poise and practice has prevented me from attracting further time wasters into my life. Now they actually stay away from me without my having to do anything!

 

for you, right now I would say that the break up thing is most central. At a basic level I do think it would be good to bless this person in order to move on but honour two things that this relationship gave to you. Things will become clearer as time goes on. Is he a seeker too?

 

Bethebutterfly is right in that all things begin as seeds and this will all be part of a seed that is growing in you. That's how faith works. I think sometimes we are not aware of how big the seed actually is and can feel that it is very small when actually it is growing quite well. That's how I relate the passage where we are told to 'not lean on our own understanding'.

 

All in all I believe your testimony, even the dark things which have happened. I have actually been physically attacked by dark forces previously but now understand that this was to basically try to **** me up so that I would doubt myself. Usually when things like that happen it is because something good is about to happen. Nowadays when I am attacked (thankfully this does not happen in as extreme a way as previously) well nowadays I know to have even more faith, lol.

 

I really hope that things start to turn around for you and would advise that you seek the answers from God/Jesus in the form of a journal and honest heartfelt prayer. I hope you are well supported in real life and that you are not too isolated. Be careful of a lot of introspection if you are very isolated.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[M30USA]

Sarah, I have also done what I've thought was right at the time (even with prayer) and wound up in a situation where I've asked, "How could God possibly let this happen when I prayed to him for wisdom BEFORE I made the decision?"

 

Not all bad fortune in life is the result of our own sin. Much is, but not always. Just read the book of Job for an example.

 

But even when bad fortune struck me recently, I still came through the other side not necessarily "better because of it", but more dependent upon God. We should all stop judging life circumstances by how they changed our happiness, health and finances--and start looking at how they increased/decreased our dependence upon God. If we suffer greatly and become less happy, but have an increased fellowship with God, then we should be thankful for the bad that we experienced. Paul said to be thankful in "all things". That means evil and suffering, too.

[pie2]

I completely agree with M30...God wants us to learn to rejoice in the good times, and bad.

 

I am just basically really confused, I feel like I'm being used as a tool for other people to learn things, and meanwhile I get hurt while they get to learn and then go on and be happy.

 

I know that for me, I have to go through similar situations over and over, with the hope that one day I'll learn to react with a humble spirit! I'm very stubborn though, and a slow learner . Sarah, maybe God is giving you the opportunity to learn how to have a different perspective on the trials you experience.

 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight". Proverbs 3:5-6

[M30USA]

I completely agree with M30...God wants us to learn to rejoice in the good times, and bad. .

 

I had a truly bizarre experience during the peak of my divorce. I remember driving at night back from some errand related to the divorce, totally stressed and broken, and the words "Thank you, Jesus" literally came out of my mouth. I can tell you with 100% certainty that this was from the Holy Spirit. I could think of no human explanation or why I would thank God for such a seemingly awful situation. But the Holy Spirit was making me aware of my brokenness and how it was making me stand entirely upon God's strength and not my own. Humans NEVER have strength of their own. There is merely the ILLUSION of strength when we happen to have good health and fortune. But it's a blessing when God reveals your weakness by taking things from you which you've been mistaking for your own strength.

[pie2]

But it's a blessing when God reveals your weakness by taking things from you which you've been mistaking for your own strength.

 

Of course, it is hard to hear about others going through those trials! I guess we just have to keep faith that it's all for the best in the end.

 

 

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-11

[sarah_valentine]

Thanks for your replies everyone I think I need to keep thinking about it a bit, but it has made me think about what I want out of life and I think I need to focus more on giving to others. To be honest, the extreme Christianity "take joy in suffering" stuff doesn't really appeal to me. But I do think I should be focusing more on how I can give back and less on what is happening to me, and I think I will find happiness there too.

 

Thank you everyone

[mercy]

Thanks for your replies everyone I think I need to keep thinking about it a bit, but it has made me think about what I want out of life and I think I need to focus more on giving to others. To be honest, the extreme Christianity "take joy in suffering" stuff doesn't really appeal to me. But I do think I should be focusing more on how I can give back and less on what is happening to me, and I think I will find happiness there too.

 

Thank you everyone

 

I believe there is a still quiet voice within that will never steer you wrong. I believe that God dwells within you. You can trust that voice within you. You are a powerful human being with much to give this world. You are a gift.

 

Giving oneself to others is a gift that keeps giving, to you. Sometimes when we get the focus off of ourselves and onto others it can be healing to our soul.

 

Find your path, your authentic self and you will find peace. How can you do that? look past yourself, see the world with different eyes. Ask yourself, ask your heart what will bring you peace and joy. Your path is the only path that will bring you happiness.

 

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. (Matthew 7:7)

 

"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being."

 

 

Hafiz

[M30USA]

I believe there is a still quiet voice within that will never steer you wrong. I believe that God dwells within you. You can trust that voice within you. You are a powerful human being with much to give this world. You are a gift.

 

Giving oneself to others is a gift that keeps giving, to you. Sometimes when we get the focus off of ourselves and onto others it can be healing to our soul.

 

Find your path, your authentic self and you will find peace. How can you do that? look past yourself, see the world with different eyes. Ask yourself, ask your heart what will bring you peace and joy. Your path is the only path that will bring you happiness.

 

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. (Matthew 7:7)

 

"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being."

 

 

Hafiz

 

I completely agree. All I would add is that we should occasionally "test" the inner voice of the Spirit to see if it "lines up" with Scripture and is producing fruit which makes us more like Jesus.

[songbird70]

WHO IS GOD...lol???? he seems to be a jokester...lol

[ComingInHot]

SV;

I think we have ALL been where you are and will be again.

 

Do you READ God's love letter to you? Every time I open the living word it is new to me. I think the issue for many raised in a Christian home is that we feel sound that God is real & we believe what we have been taught or told growing up BUT that is the extent of our relationship w/God. Oh how He wants More of a relationship w/us!! He wants us to SEEK him out. We do that by going to His word.

 

Interestingly enough as you read about the sex, lies & deceit, wars, slavery and absolute corruption of society ( including those handpicked by God to fufill his works), our lives today are not that much different**

 

For you, know that He calls gently yet in a voice that cannot always be ignored. And that (Especially for those that believe), in this life we WILL have trouble.

God Never promises a cushy happy life if we choose Him. He states that if we Do, then we absolutely WILL suffer at the hands of his enemies.

 

Why then is this Good news for you?... Because we are passersby through this life. It is Over in the blink of an eye. For those that have chosen God & been forgiven through Christ Jesus have a place being prepared for us in His Kingdom. And THAT is for eternity!!

[Eddie Edirol]

I know that there is always the option that it could be negative influences, but I don't believe it's that. To some degree (when I despaired) I believe I felt that... it was like external voices telling me I was worthless ("you are" statements, not "I am"), and when I truly lent on God and knew I couldn't do it myself anymore those voices disappeared so I don't believe they were coming purely from my own head.

 

Anyway, I don't know what the point to this post really is. I am just feeling really lost, this recent break up has confused me - why would I be encouraged to go on a path that holds pain? I also don't know what the future holds for my ex, I'm struggling to let go a bit even though I don't know if he would be right for me. I am just basically really confused, I feel like I'm being used as a tool for other people to learn things, and meanwhile I get hurt while they get to learn and then go on and be happy.

 

I don't know... anyone have any help?

 

Your paths always have pain for you probably because you didnt approach your decisions with complete suspicion. its not romantic, but its what you have to do. When you deal with people and relationships, you have to assume for a while that it isnt going to work, that everyone has an agenda that isnt in your best interest. You have to work at it, and not just "let it go" and see what happens, and at the same time put your heart in 100%, without knowing that you have a guarantee that you wont get heartbroken. Dont fly into love clouds blind, you could be flying into a hurricane but cant see it from the outside. Dont let people learn from you without you learning from them.

 

When you thought you leaned on God for support, you were really leaning on yourself. Nothing helped you but you, you just psyched yourself out of a funk. Hopefully you wont go through these pains anymore, but if you do, you will learn that they will keep happening unless you think for yourself, and dont wait for anyone to support you.

 

This site is the best site to get dating advise from to avoid making mistakes that you previously made, and if you work with it, you should see better results in your decision making, then you will learn how to make the better decisions for yourself. You can be spiritual all you want, but realize that wont help you anticipate other peoples actions that arent in your favor. Learning the actions to anticipate will. Its what this site is all about. Keep your spiritual life and dating life separate, if you combine the two, you will hope for better results, rather than learning how to make the better results happen for yourself.

[mercy]

SV;

I think we have ALL been where you are and will be again.

 

Do you READ God's love letter to you? Every time I open the living word it is new to me. I think the issue for many raised in a Christian home is that we feel sound that God is real & we believe what we have been taught or told growing up BUT that is the extent of our relationship w/God. Oh how He wants More of a relationship w/us!! He wants us to SEEK him out. We do that by going to His word.

 

Interestingly enough as you read about the sex, lies & deceit, wars, slavery and absolute corruption of society ( including those handpicked by God to fufill his works), our lives today are not that much different**

 

For you, know that He calls gently yet in a voice that cannot always be ignored. And that (Especially for those that believe), in this life we WILL have trouble.

God Never promises a cushy happy life if we choose Him. He states that if we Do, then we absolutely WILL suffer at the hands of his enemies.

 

Why then is this Good news for you?... Because we are passersby through this life. It is Over in the blink of an eye. For those that have chosen God & been forgiven through Christ Jesus have a place being prepared for us in His Kingdom. And THAT is for eternity!!

 

I just love love love this post! :love: