MichFan202 Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I have been seeing this girl for about 4 months now, last night she told me that get was seeing someone for the first two months of our relationship. He wasn't really a date, he was someone that she just had sex with (something I really wanted to know ). He called her last night and that is how I found out. She never said anything to me about dating anyone else and always told me that she just wanted to take things slow. After finding this out, I wasn't mad but just hurt. I have never had anyone do something like this before to me, and I have never cheated on anyone. It has been a month and a half since they last did their thing, but I cant get over the fact she lied to me for so long. Now I am going back on forth whether to keep dating her or not. She said how sorry she was last night and did the crying thing, I just dont know if its even worth seeing her again. Thanks for any help. Link to post Share on other sites
Pained Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 It depends on a couple of things. Did she LIE to you, or did she just not tell you? Sorry, if you mentioned it I may have missed it. If she lied, then you should probably move on. Secondly, do you really want to date someone who just has sex with guys? I mean, there's nothing wrong with it if both you and the other person are cool with it, but I know a lot of guys who wouldn't date a girl who sleeps around. I think only you can make the decision. However, I personally wouldn't date someone like that. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Do YOU feel like this is a deal breaker? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MichFan202 Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 She has only slept with 3 guys, including me, and she is 20. So its not like she just hooks up with people. She didn't really lie, she just didn't tell me, sorry for the confusion. I dont know if its a deal breaker thats the problem. She really didn't do anything wrong since we weren't bf/gf until a month ago. But she always told me that she was just hurt in a relationship and wanted to take it slow. Now each time I think back to all the things we did and knowing that she was hooking up with someone... It just sucks. I like her alot, I just dont know if its worth it, I dont know if I can trust her. Link to post Share on other sites
Pained Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 When I was 20 I had only had one partner. She's still pretty young, and you may not think she's hooking up, but if she's having sex with a guy without actually being in a relationship, then that's pretty much what she's doing. As Monday said, you need to figure out if this is a dealbreaker. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I didn't have SEX with a guy two months into my relationship, but I did have a "friend" with benifits that I hung out with for about 6 months before I met my now husband....and I continued to "see" him for about a week after I met my husband *while my husband and I were still getting to know each other, and not officially a couple* But then when I fell in love with my husband, this guy never entered my mind again. I can see her side, and I can see your side. My husband knew about our friendship, but I don't think he's aware that it continued on for a week after I met my now husband....no use telling him now, though, because it'll just hurt him for nothing. That guy means nothing to me now. I can understand how it would bother my husband though. So this one is really your call. New relationships are always iffy, and she probably didn't figure you two would end up serious....but when she fell for you, she ditched this guy...right? However, you could've considered your relationship serious *2 months is a long time!* and this could be considered cheating. You are not nuts to be upset about this, and even though in her eyes it's not a big deal, if it's a big deal in your eyes, then it's a big deal, right? So if you don't feel like you can just let this remain in the past, then a break up now would be the best option, so there won't be more feelings involved farther down the road. Man, I love to talk. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I have another insight that I didn't mention. I had my heart broken TONS of times. When I hooked up with this "friend" it was to get rid of the lonleyness, without the fear of getting my heart broken...does that make sense? So when I met my husband, I continued to see this guy for a little while, to keep myself slow, so I wouldn't rush into a relationship and get hurt again. I was able to keep my walls up with my now husband, because I had this guy meeting some of my physical and emotional needs. I think my problem with relationships before, was that I rushed into things. I'd meet a guy, and a week later, I'd swear I was in love with him. Having someone to help me "take things slow" was probably what helped my relationship with my husband...it kept me from being too pushy. That's probably what your girl did. I can't imagine having SEX with someone while you're persuing a relationship with someone else, but some of my moral standards (especially when it comes to sex) are higher than most people's What I'm trying to say is, your girlfriend has been hurt. She didn't want to rush into getting her heart ripped out again. She had a "friend" that met her physical needs, so she could keep her relationship with you slow, and her walls up. This is NOTHING against you, it's just that when you've been hurt really bad, it's hard to let your walls down. Plus, if you dumped her, she could say, "Well, it doesn't matter, I had this other guy all along anyway." You give me the impression that you two weren't exclusive, so she was free to date whomever.... But this is completely UP TO YOU, because if it bothers YOU, then you are the one who's going to have to deal with it. While I know how innocent it is from her POV, I can understand why it would hurt you. I also understand how looking back at your fun time together, and realizing that right after she got off the phone with you, she hooked up with him would really suck I feel that way about my husband's porn.....he wouldn't have sex with me, but would look at porn. So I understand both sides. I can't deal with porn, so I got it out of the house. I don't know if I would've stayed with my husband while we were dating, had I known he'd been seeing a girl for a week, or a month after he met me. So...what can you live with? I don't think it's a deal breaker, because I did pretty much the same thing, and I know how I feel now...I'd NEVER cheat on my husband. Can you live with it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MichFan202 Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 Thank you for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
ria305 Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 i totally agree with monday, and i understand what she's saying because i'm going through a similar situation!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 You were dating. Get over it. She didn't do anything wrong. Stop focusing on **** that doesn't matter. If you like her then stay with her. If you don't then leave but don't claim it's because she was with someone else while the two of you were dating. It's really none of your business in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 Originally posted by MichFan202 She really didn't do anything wrong since we weren't bf/gf until a month ago. you were dating.. but you werent really bf/gf till about a month ago? that dont make sense.. and even so.. if you werent really serious.. why does it matter what she did? i mean.. she hasnt done anything recently has she? Link to post Share on other sites
ria305 Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 get over it...she was honest!!! she could have lied to you about who was calling her and why, she was bluntly honest with you!! not a big deal!!! GOOD LUCK!! Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 erm.... *scratches head nervously* Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 -takes hand out of mørkt selvmord's head- "careful now, don't let LS stress you out." I think you guys weren't official, she had a booty call cuz she didn't have a man but she still had urges and who better than a friend (though I would never have sex w/out being in a relationship). anyways...she met you..wasn't sure if you were gonna stick around or not so she kept guy on the side....realized you were cool and could hang so she got rid of side guy. THE END. He called and she told you and didn't lie about it. Thats a good thing. I say get over it and if you really like the girl stay with her. As long as they don't do that anymore I don't see a problem. Just use a condom cuz she's 'friendly'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MichFan202 Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 You all are right, I was just being jealous I suppose. Its all good though, I talked with her and told her that I didn't care if he calls as long as their not hookin up anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd -takes hand out of mørkt selvmord's head- "careful now, don't let LS stress you out." I think you guys weren't official, she had a booty call cuz she didn't have a man but she still had urges and who better than a friend (though I would never have sex w/out being in a relationship). anyways...she met you..wasn't sure if you were gonna stick around or not so she kept guy on the side....realized you were cool and could hang so she got rid of side guy. THE END. He called and she told you and didn't lie about it. Thats a good thing. I say get over it and if you really like the girl stay with her. As long as they don't do that anymore I don't see a problem. Just use a condom cuz she's 'friendly'. thanks for that just do what you think is right Link to post Share on other sites
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