I'm 21, he's 43

[kaylan]

so a guy who was a male model in his 20s, stays in great shape (so he now looks like an older male model) 6'2" blond blue eyes, w a career , lotsa $ and has become worldly due to living around the world can't compete w you?? Sorry, but saying it doesn't make it so...

Learn to read what I said.. Older guys cant compete with me. its never ever been a problem. I didnt say young guys couldnt. Sure guys my age can compete with me, but most girls in my age bracket seem to ignore much older guys.

 

I used to hate older dudes grabbing girls from me when in my 20s...i resented their assertiveness that 20 somethings generally are trying to find. u can fake it (but smart girls can tell) , but real confidence based on not just looks, but what you've accomplished in life only comes once you've accomplished stuff. And no, graduating ain't 'stuff'- cuz it's v common. It's uncommon accomplishments that make genuine (not PUA fake ) confidence...

Sucks for you bro...Older guys have never snatched women from me or my friends. The vast Vast majority of women are age want guys their age. Thats how its been for us. Maybe you were a scrub in your 20s and thats how your girls got stolen? But thats never happened to me.

oh the more you've succeeded in charming lotsa beautiful women into bed (again, your # is higher when you're older) , the easier to continue to do so...

Again, I havent had so much trouble with women, like some guys, that my number will go up so much when Im older. And Im not planning to be too single when Im older, so I doubt my number goes up much.

[Ross MwcFan]

Are you willfully ignoring the difference in power dynamic that age difference presents. Im 26...you think the dynamics of me dating an 18 yr old girl would be the same as dating a 25 year old woman? Id run circles around an 18 yr old....and from hearing older guy talk in real life and in online forums, they bank on the naivety of young women. Women their age have the same life experience and can go toe to toe with them...and some guys dislike that.

Lmao....thatd be hilarious. Older guys cant compete with me. Especially not with the type of women I date...so its never been a problem.

 

I just dont chase immature minded folks hoping they are easy game. Sorry if overhearing or talking to guys have creepy sounded conversations about younger girls has made me suspicious of an older guys motives.

 

But god forbid a male warn a female about these things without being shamed for it. Nevermind that fact that many women can tell her that the warnings are justified because theyve been there before. If you read the thread, youd see I told OP to have casual fun, but be mindful of what we have said.

 

This crap isnt figments of our imagination.

 

Why would you run circles around an 18 year old? Isn't it bad to do that?

[kaylan]

Take yourself, add 20 years, stable career, a home, money to splurge on whatever on a different scale than you have now. Take that you have maintained good health, stayed fit and active, saw and done many things you wanted to do...however, you're still single or divorced. Do you really think you're going to be desperate for "young flesh", have to settle for someone not attractive just for youth? Please.

I wont be desperate for young flesh, but I know a buncha older guys who are. I dont put women on a pedestal in general.

Why would you run circles around an 18 year old? Isn't it bad to do that?

Im not saying I would do that. Im saying I could and that women that young arent on my level. I want a mental equal, a life experience equal. An 18 year old cant give me that.

[danny in van]

Learn to read what I said.. Older guys cant compete with me. its never ever been a problem. I didnt say young guys couldnt. Sure guys my age can compete with me, but most girls in my age bracket seem to ignore much older guys.

 

Sucks for you bro...Older guys have never snatched women from me or my friends. The vast Vast majority of women are age want guys their age. Thats how its been for us. Maybe you were a scrub in your 20s and thats how your girls got stolen? But thats never happened to me.

Again, I havent had so much trouble with women, like some guys, that my number will go up so much when Im older. And Im not planning to be too single when Im older, so I doubt my number goes up much.

 

Such bravado thru the computer! No older guys can compete w you? haha again saying it doesn't really convince anyone. If he is smarter, more gifted, has 20 yrs of knowledge and experience more than you, may have more attractive features than you, more $...this is not possible? well it prob is v possible.

Maybe no guy has yet...but pls tell me : are you a male model w a couple degrees, a house u own and a great career? If so then I see why ur so confident. Other wise just thinking you're great (which I know young PUA are told to think) is not enough...Lotsa dudes w fake confidence- and it shows.

 

Greatness is actually based on OTHERS recognizing something in you...not just u and mom saying it...

[kaylan]

Such bravado thru the computer! No older guys can compete w you? haha again saying it doesn't really convince anyone. If he is smarter, more gifted, has 20 yrs of knowledge and experience more than you, may have more attractive features than you, more $...this is not possible? well it prob is v possible.

Maybe no guy has yet...but pls tell me : are you a male model w a couple degrees, a house u own and a great career? If so then I see why ur so confident. Other wise just thinking you're great (which I know young PUA are told to think) is not enough...Lotsa dudes w fake confidence- and it shows.

 

Greatness is actually based on OTHERS recognizing something in you...not just u and mom saying it...

Dude...the women I date want young guys. Plenty of young women on this forum will tell you they find younger guys more attractive. So again, older guys cant compete with me...and money doesnt change it. The vast majority of women my age dont want a guy over 30. And most girls I know are 20 to 24, so the bulk to them dont a guy no older than 28.

 

It is what it is. I dont need fake confidence, especially when my chick friends will be out with me and my buddy, and want us to stay close to them to keep older guys from hitting on them. Money and 20 years of experience doesnt change the fact that many women want a guy their age they can relate to...and it doesnt change the fact that many women just arent attracted to a guy 20 years older than them whos closer to their parents age.

 

So again, older guys have never been a problem for me with dating. Get over it.

[danny in van]

I wont be desperate for young flesh, but I know a buncha older guys who are. I dont put women on a pedestal in general.

Im not saying I would do that. Im saying I could and that women that young arent on my level. I want a mental equal, a life experience equal. An 18 year old cant give me that.

 

ps i'm not so arrogant to think no guy is competition for me...Sure some guys are. If I see a cool guy who has style etc and is socially smart, looks like a movie star then sure... ...But lotsa young guys are pretty average, haven't done much therefore aren't great conversationalists...And I know a lot of women are bored with their 'average' dudes who will likely do average things in their lives. One whiff of a dynamic worldly gent and they're gone!

[kaylan]

^ I didnt say no guy is competition with me. I said much older men arent. Its been my experience that women my age dont want those guys. Blame the women, not me for noticing (or being told) their likes and dislikes.

 

I know plenty of young guys who arent average btw. LS doesnt speak for the bulk of men. Just because dudes come on here are average and cant talk to women doesnt mean most young blokes are like this.

[danny in van]

Dude...the women I date want young guys. Plenty of young women on this forum will tell you they find younger guys more attractive. So again, older guys cant compete with me...and money doesnt change it. The vast majority of women my age dont want a guy over 30. And most girls I know are 20 to 24, so the bulk to them dont a guy no older than 28.

 

It is what it is. I dont need fake confidence, especially when my chick friends will be out with me and my buddy, and want us to stay close to them to keep older guys from hitting on them. Money and 20 years of experience doesnt change the fact that many women want a guy their age they can relate to...and it doesnt change the fact that many women just arent attracted to a guy 20 years older than them whos closer to their parents age.

 

So again, older guys have never been a problem for me with dating. Get over it.

 

you'll learn dating and keeping a woman by your side for the long term are 2 v diff things. I don't think u done the latter...it involves mentally engaging a person over time...get back to me when u have.

Oh and yes most older guys won't be competition, cuz they're likely average...get outta ur ghetto bar into some true hi end places to find out where the achievers hang out. Then you'll spot competition. Chances are they only go for truly stylish ladies tho...

[Cessaro]

Hello!

 

I can understand what you are going through, my previous relationship was with a man who is thirty years older than me. When we got together I was 21 and he was 49, older than my dad. Honestly, we had a really good relationship that lasted for 3 years, I have lots of good memories from it and learnt a lot. He treated me well and took me all around the world. But let me say, you can never get past that age difference. You can never have the same friendship group and eventually become very aware of what people are thinking when they see you together.

 

In my opinion, it can never last in a relationship with such a big age gap.

 

Hope that helps!

[kaylan]

you'll learn dating and keeping a woman by your side for the long term are 2 v diff things. I don't think u done the latter...it involves mentally engaging a person over time...get back to me when u have.

I havent tried to do the latter for a while. Im still young. You give young guys no credit if you think they cant mentally stimulate a woman. I have friends whove had 6 year relationships from 16 to 22, as well as a friendly whos been happily married with 2 kids for the last 7 years. Hes not even 30 yet. And theres my best friends dad...hes been with the same woman since he was 17 or 18. They have 3 kids and got married in their mid 20s and just entered their 40s.

 

So Id say some of the young guys I know have done well. Part of the reason young guys arent out in masse keeping women long term, is because many guys dont want a long term gf just yet. Its not that they have an inability to keep a woman. If older men were so wise and better at keeping women, wouldnt young women be snatching them up more than dating guys their own age?

 

Oh and yes most older guys won't be competition, cuz they're likely average...get outta ur ghetto bar into some true hi end places to find out where the achievers hang out. Then you'll spot competition. Chances are they only go for truly stylish ladies tho...

I dont hang in ghetto bars. Again...young women usually want the younger guy first. The younger guy typically triggers more attraction in her. If a young girl has two stylish successful guys to choose from, the younger guy will win.

[wheream_i]

Like why is he 43 and not married? Does that mean there's something wrong with him, or was he just unlucky? What has he been doing with his life that he's lived twice as long as me for? What does everyone think?

 

Because he's smart. What's he been doing with his life? I don't know the guy but I can assume that he's been gaining life experiences while his friends get married and live in a rut or get divorced and live bitterly. Meanwhile, he's 43, single and banging a 21 year old. I'd call that winning.

[danny in van]

I havent tried to do the latter for a while. Im still young. You give young guys no credit if you think they cant mentally stimulate a woman. I have friends whove had 6 year relationships from 16 to 22, as well as a friendly whos been happily married with 2 kids for the last 7 years. Hes not even 30 yet. And theres my best friends dad...hes been with the same woman since he was 17 or 18. They have 3 kids and got married in their mid 20s and just entered their 40s.

 

So Id say some of the young guys I know have done well. Part of the reason young guys arent out in masse keeping women long term, is because many guys dont want a long term gf just yet. Its not that they have an inability to keep a woman. If older men were so wise and better at keeping women, wouldnt young women be snatching them up more than dating guys their own age?

 

oh I agree that most girls want someone their age...But don't get so sure of yourself is what I'm saying. Without meeting I know you can be beat by an older guy. Girls do claim to want someone closer to their age, but if some guy who's an undeniable stud walks in (and is a genetic 9+) he'll beat out a '7 or 8' 10-15 or even 20 yrs younger...esp if he's got charm and charisma, which increases with age (for some). Now if you're a real '9' ya you won't have to worry much about any challenger who's an '8' let's say...

ps older guys are kinda taboo for girls so they don't admit attraction to friends.

Put it this way, all girls seem to want J Depp...cuz they want a rare specimen! The age doesn't seem to matter if a guy's 'hot'...they want 'hot' at whatever age rather than average 20 something (as long as friends don't see her get w older guy that is!) but generally you're right, most girls stick to their own, cuz most older guys aren't 'hot'.

 

 

 

I dont hang in ghetto bars. Again...young women usually want the younger guy first. The younger guy typically triggers more attraction in her. If a young girl has two stylish successful guys to choose from, the younger guy will win.

 

oh I agree that most girls want someone their age...But don't get so sure of yourself is what I'm saying. Without meeting I know you can be beat by an older guy. Girls do claim to want someone closer to their age, but if some guy who's an undeniable stud walks in (and is a genetic 9+) he'll beat out a '7 or 8' 10-15 or even 20 yrs younger...esp if he's got charm and charisma, which increases with age (for some). Now if you're a real '9' ya you won't have to worry much about any challenger who's an '8' let's say...

ps older guys are kinda taboo for girls so they don't admit attraction to friends.

Put it this way, all girls seem to want J Depp...cuz they want a rare specimen! The age doesn't seem to matter if a guy's 'hot'...they want 'hot' at whatever age rather than average 20 something (as long as friends don't see her get w older guy that is!) but generally you're right, most girls stick to their own, cuz most older guys aren't 'hot'.

[kaylan]

^Again...not worried about it and never will be. Its never been an issue and will never be. So believe what you want, but I know what my experiences have been. So just give up already because youre blowing hot air now.

 

PS - If a girl can land a guy whos a 9, why in the world would she want one whos older? Not to mention guys who are 9s are generally young.

[suladas]

Because he's smart. What's he been doing with his life? I don't know the guy but I can assume that he's been gaining life experiences while his friends get married and live in a rut or get divorced and live bitterly. Meanwhile, he's 43, single and banging a 21 year old. I'd call that winning.

 

A 43 year old who still goes to the bar all the time? I'd call him a looser.....

[kaylan]

Lastly, girls my age admire Johnny Depp, and remember how hot he was in his younger years. And although hes still an attractive guy, hes almost 50, and still not being swooned over the way Ronaldo or Pattinson are.

 

Same goes for me...Selma Hayek and Jennifer Aniston still look great, but they arent beating out a young Cynthia Hendricks, or an even younger Emma Watson. They are all attractive women, but Id much prefer Watson as we are similar ages and Id relate more to her.

[Nyla]

Ok...well my parents met when my mom was 25 and my dad was 36 and they've been married for 20+ years. So I definitely don't believe that older guys only date younger girls for easy sex.

 

Also there's a big difference between a 25 y/o male and a man who is 35-45. I've dated a few guys between ages 24 and 27 and they were all incredibly immature. They still behaved like children, didn't know how to treat me right, played mind games with me. I have this idea that guys in their 20's are immature jerks at this point.

 

Some men never mature though....such as men who are in their forties and only want to be around much younger women. The man that you like has something about him that turns off women his age.

 

I have dated three different men who were more than ten years older than I.

 

ALL of them were selfish, immature and played mind games.

 

Even my some my husband's behavior has me wondering which one of us is older.

[wheream_i]

A 43 year old who still goes to the bar all the time? I'd call him a looser.....

 

I didn't say anything about him frequenting bars. Regardless, he still scored didn't he? Provided the 21 year old is hot.

[Nyla]

Just have to comment on the "undeveloped brain til 25" Dr. Philesque nonsense I see here and hear elsewhere. Somehow it only applies to protecting young women from predatory men, not doing every single other thing that adults do, drive a car, hold down a job, pay rent and bills, take college classes, make adult decisions and do adult things generally. Maybe give the argument a whirl with a professor or landlord, "I didn't turn in the paper on time because my brain isn't developed yet, I can't pay rent because I'm still a baby." Let us know how that turns out.

 

Conditioning young women into victim roles and to demonize men asap, great social dynamic that. Infantilizing young adult women as part of stranger danger culture is likely a more damaging social convention than any legal age gap relationship would ever be.

 

Important Account Information

Certainly not "Dr.Philesque nonsense". Was contributed to by a psychiatrist.

 

Oooh, here's a pediatric psychiatrist saying the same thing! Imagine!

Brain Immaturity Could Explain Teen Crash Rate (washingtonpost.com)

 

Is everything that you don't agree with "nonsense"?

 

This argument can also be used to deter against marriage at an early age.

[RogerWallace111]

All fears of social judgement, warnings about "power dynamics" and **** like that aside, do you really want to date a 43 year old ?? At 21 ??

 

You will be turning 28 as he turns 50... And will have spent your young years with someone middle-aged. And not saying this to be a douche, but just to highlight the simple reality. I'm 24, have been hooking up with a 35 year old, and though she's a cool, fit, sexually crazy woman, it doesn't feel like anything I'd want to make a relationship out of.

 

I personally think having a partner relatively close to your own age is cool for the kind of comradery it provides. Like both being still within your "youth", settling into adulthood, leaning on eachother during the problems youre both experiencing together. I want a peer in a girlfriend, not a mentor. I think you actually learn more, and in a more natural way, from someone on your same level.

 

And it's not about "maturity" vs. age. At 21, and now at 24, I know I'm more perceptive, grounded & intelligent than tons of women twice or three times my age. If anything, your feeling that maturity is relatively independent of age should let you see that there are other people closer to your age at the same mental/emotional level. If youre 21 and on the same page as this 43 year old, there are other 21 year olds that are too. It's not about "maturity". **** I have friends in my life from ages 35-85 with whom I have awesome mutual understanding, respect and love. Life situations and priorities are important variables, not just intelligence or brain formation.

 

All that being said, if you're attracted to the guy and don't care what your friends think, go for it and have some sort of fling with him. I just wouldn't be his actual girlfriend if I were you...

[suladas]

I didn't say anything about him frequenting bars. Regardless, he still scored didn't he? Provided the 21 year old is hot.

 

If when i'm 43 i'm trolling bars, or anywhere for random pussy, i'd consider myself a failure.... I don't care how hot the 21 year old is. Anyone who has slept with older women knows they are so much better in bed anyways.

[danny in van]

A 43 year old who still goes to the bar all the time? I'd call him a looser.....

 

If you don't know the diff between looser and loser, then you are close to illiterate, and will suffer and be ridiculed in life- as will ur children who will likely inherit this. So u may well be the 'loser' in the genetic lottery...Anyway, the answer: not every guy wants to have sex with the same woman 'til the day he dies'. All my married friends seem to crave my dating stories. Why? Cuz as C Rock says they're 'married and bored'! I can't even imagine still having sex w my first long term love, who 20yrs later is now fat and boring!

 

ps when I write u rather than you, it's an intentional shortcut...

[danny in van]

If when i'm 43 i'm trolling bars, or anywhere for random pussy, i'd consider myself a failure.... I don't care how hot the 21 year old is. Anyone who has slept with older women knows they are so much better in bed anyways.

 

 

ahh I must be bored debating w guys who are stating ( but really guessing) how they and their life will be when my age. I know what it feels to be 20, 30 and 40 so I'm not guessing, therefore you might wanna pay attention:

 

I know many who feel trapped in a marriage cuz they signed a paper when the girl was hot saying essentially "I will f__ only u til I die". Kind of absurd if you think of it ...not to mention that all his finances are now tied to her too. AND she's very well aware of it...She knows it's too expensive to divorce her (I've had many male friends tell me this- again, I'm not speculating...)

 

I'm not saying it's perfect being single - but that's true at any age...Actually, it was worse in the 20s cuz I didn't really understand women as I do now...And I do know a couple really good marriages (amidst many luke warm ones) But bored, complacent, often sexless marriages w cheating or dreams of it... and w your spouse now entitled to HALF of all u worked for???? Yikes!!!!

[mesmerized]

All fears of social judgement, warnings about "power dynamics" and **** like that aside, do you really want to date a 43 year old ?? At 21 ??

 

You will be turning 28 as he turns 50... And will have spent your young years with someone middle-aged. And not saying this to be a douche, but just to highlight the simple reality. I'm 24, have been hooking up with a 35 year old, and though she's a cool, fit, sexually crazy woman, it doesn't feel like anything I'd want to make a relationship out of.

 

I personally think having a partner relatively close to your own age is cool for the kind of comradery it provides. Like both being still within your "youth", settling into adulthood, leaning on eachother during the problems youre both experiencing together. I want a peer in a girlfriend, not a mentor. I think you actually learn more, and in a more natural way, from someone on your same level.

 

And it's not about "maturity" vs. age. At 21, and now at 24, I know I'm more perceptive, grounded & intelligent than tons of women twice or three times my age. If anything, your feeling that maturity is relatively independent of age should let you see that there are other people closer to your age at the same mental/emotional level. If youre 21 and on the same page as this 43 year old, there are other 21 year olds that are too. It's not about "maturity". **** I have friends in my life from ages 35-85 with whom I have awesome mutual understanding, respect and love. Life situations and priorities are important variables, not just intelligence or brain formation.

 

All that being said, if you're attracted to the guy and don't care what your friends think, go for it and have some sort of fling with him. I just wouldn't be his actual girlfriend if I were you...

 

Great post. Don't sell yourself short at 21. If sex with him is great have a fling, but a long term? Not very smart. By the time you're 35 and hornier than ever he will be almost 60, dealing with issues regarding his age from health to sexual issues and other. If you think thats the best you can get, go for it. Some young women date much older men because of lack of options and it's better than nothing for them I guess.

[suladas]

ahh I must be bored debating w guys who are stating ( but really guessing) how they and their life will be when my age. I know what it feels to be 20, 30 and 40 so I'm not guessing, therefore you might wanna pay attention:

 

I know many who feel trapped in a marriage cuz they signed a paper when the girl was hot saying essentially "I will f__ only u til I die". Kind of absurd if you think of it ...not to mention that all his finances are now tied to her too. AND she's very well aware of it...She knows it's too expensive to divorce her (I've had many male friends tell me this- again, I'm not speculating...)

 

I'm not saying it's perfect being single - but that's true at any age...Actually, it was worse in the 20s cuz I didn't really understand women as I do now...And I do know a couple really good marriages (amidst many luke warm ones) But bored, complacent, often sexless marriages w cheating or dreams of it... and w your spouse now entitled to HALF of all u worked for???? Yikes!!!!

 

Anyone with half a brain will only marry someone who has just as much to loose as them, and who contributes equally.

[Shaun-Dro]

I think there are certain guys on here who are going to looooove your post. I would be careful with this guy, and remember, if a 40 year old hasn't grown mentally/emotionally past the age of 25, there's most likely something wrong with him.

 

This is false. Men of all ages love a young sexy woman. This has nothing to do with emotional maturity.