I'm 21, he's 43

[dasein]

Yeah well, some of those are really indie too. Indie movies, you get people screwing animals and holes in the wall, so any further you post don't need to be blockbusters but mainstream, not really indie. All the male female age gap movies i post will be mainstream or big budget indie.

 

Big Bang though, no you definitely do not get that one. I hate that show and imagine most men feel the same. Chick show. Im out.

[kaylan]

Indie? Hardly dude. All of those films are national releases and well known by most people. Come on now. They all garnered good reviews or award nominations, along with having good box offices. But nice try.

 

And just because you hate big bang doesnt mean everyone does. You dont speak for most guys bro.

[kaylan]

Neither do you.

Never said I did. Im not the one saying "most guys I imagine dislike Big Bang Theory" without having spoken to anyone about it. The things I said about that show and the other films are not based on my sole opinion. They coincide with audience opinion (reviews), professional film reviewers, and guys I know.

 

Its silly to call Eternal Sunshine or Lost in Translation chick flicks, as most people whove seen those movies know they are very far from it. Just because a movie has a romantic plot doesnt mean its not for men.

Neither do you.

 

Throughout my 30s, I did not go to clubs or bars. I still met a ton of younger women who hit me, gave me their number and asked me out. Not a homo, so we are not talking about Facebook either.

 

I'm 40 and I just had a 21 year old girl go through the trouble to get my number from a friend of friend to ask me out. My friends have also had similar experiences.

 

You say it rarely ever happens, total horse crap!

It rarely happens to most men, and men here and women here can attest to that fact. Just because you have the experiences you do doesnt mean most guys do. Fact of the matter is weve had threads on this, and from seeing the real world as well, most women date guys their own age. Thats just how it goes. Doesnt mean your outlier experience inst true.

 

Right now I have a desire to try dating older women, but if I do, Im not going to pretend most guys are doing that. People date folks their own age. Thats how it works. Sorry if you dont like that generalization...because its true. I dont see why older guys get bent out of shape when people state this fact. It is what it is.

 

PS - after you said "not a homo" and mentioned facebook, I knew itd be hard to take your post seriously. Social networking is for homosexuals? For an older guy you need to grow up.

Edited November 9, 2012 by kaylan

[kaylan]

I have seen clips of this show and there isn't a guy in it who has a single shred of masculinity. All they are is a bunch of nerdy social awkward momma's boys. The chick is more of a man than those pathetic dorks.

Ive heard the same thing about Chandler and Ross from the tv show friends, yet that show was wildly popular with both men and women. So spare me the arguments about masculinity.

I haven't seen them in their entirety but what little I did see... I don't know a single guy who would go see either one of those by themselves or with a group of guy friends in the theater.

Most guys dont go to see movies with their friends unless its typical action flicks or buddy comedies. That doesnt change the fact that romantic movies exist geared towards guys. For example, 500 Days of Summer is a guys romantic movie...but its realistic and guys relate to the main characters heartbreak. Everyone whos seen the movie knows its not a chick flick, but I guess its time for you to flex bravado right?

 

Eternal Sunshine is a pathetic loser who is hung up on a chick. He can't deal with it and proceeds to act like a whiny little bitch.

Lmao...dude plenty of guys have fallen in love and gone through a tough breakup. Whats with the false internet machismo? Are we falling back on gender norms about movies that say guys shouldnt like romances or dramas that relate to their love lives?

 

Lost in translation is a pathetic loser who hates his life and stays in an unhappy marriage and takes in interest / friendship with a girl.

 

Not to mention, both movies looked depressing as hell.

I guess if you want to minimize what the movie was, you can call it that. But it was much for than that. The same way American Beauty was more than simply a movie about a middle aged perv who was after his daughters friend.

 

People liked both movies because many people could relate to the stories. They had their sad parts, but life has its sad parts too

 

I watch and enjoy romantic movies, the two films you mentioned do not fall into that category. I would consider both of them dramas.

Many romantic films are dramas. Doesnt really matter how you class Eternal Sunshine though, because anywhere you look, its classed based on its plot...and the relationship aspect is huge in the movie obviously.

 

You need to get out more because LS is not the end all be all of the world.

 

Most of the guys in the dating section are very bitter, have no self-esteem, no confidence, no self-worth, don't have a clue and most aren't / can't get a date if their life depended on it. It's a bunch of pussified men making excuses / blaming the entire opposite sex for their own fears, inabilities and failures.

I need to get out more? Lmao dude...Im out enough, and if youve seen my posts, Im always telling people LS is not representative of real life. I agree with what you say regarding some of the guys in the dating section. But everyone has their ups and downs.

 

I have several friends, family members, co-workers, friends of friends, etc. who have dated and are married to women who are 10+ years younger than them. It is very common.

I havent seen it. So sorry bro. Also know that Im younger than you...and the girls in my age group just arent doing it. So it is what it is. My life experience and most of the women I meet has shown me people date similar age. Not to mention there are statistics to go with this. So Im not pulling this outta my butt. Average age gap is only a few years. So you can keep repeating yourself. I havent seen it.

 

It may be common in your realm...but all the women I see tend to be with guys their age....and all the women I meet personally dont find much older dudes appealing. So oh wells. Like you said, LS isnt the end all be all of the world.

 

This is not true, most women do not date men their own age. Most are 2 - 5 years younger. I have dated a lot and I do not believe I have ever dated a women who was the same age as me. They were either a few years younger (last LTR I was in, she was 14 years younger) or they were a few years older.

You obviously knew what I meant. I meant the same age bracket....not this idea that most women are dating guys 10 years older than them.

 

But despite what youre saying times are different in my generation. Though the average couple seems to be a couple years apart, I do know girls who date younger guys, or same age guys. Younger girls seem to be doing this more than the people I know in their 30s or 40s.

 

Did Freshman women in your school not date Seniors? Do you think that "dynamic" stops or changes as men and women get older?

Seniors are 3 years older, not ten bro. 3 years is the same age bracket.

 

What planet do you live on?

 

On this planet, Men generally date women who are a few years younger than them.

Lmao...the idea of "same age" seems to be very literal with you. Everyone else in this thread and on this forum, seems to know that when someone says "same age" it means the same age bracket.

 

I knew not to take your posts so seriously when out of all the romantic movies / TV shows you could pick... It was Big Bang Theory, Eternal Sunshine and Lost in Translation.

The point of picking those shows wasnt to highlight romantic movies or tv shows...it was to highlight age gaps in media. Maybe if you read the thread youd have known that.

Also, I knew not to take you seriously because I have seen your posts. You act / think / talk like a woman due to your mangina and "Captain Save A Ho" complex. It's why you are always defending / sticking up for women in whatever the discussion is (even if she is wrong) and always feel like you have to apologize for being a man and masculinity.

 

Let me guess, you are from a divorced home / no father present and had no other strong male role models in your life.

lmao this crap again? Did someone throw acid in your eyes? Because you obviously dont see enough of my posts. You are no different than other whiners I normally deal with...male or female. If a woman doesnt like my posts, she calls me a woman hater...and if a guy doesnt like my posts he cries like you are right now. In both cases you simpletons simply gloss over my posts that are critical of the other gender and zero in on the ones that are critical of your own gender.

 

In other words, I give everyone fair treatment. I give praise and criticism to men, as much as I do to women on this board. Stop being blind. And all your little assertions are laughable. Internet chest puffing at its finest. My dad was always around and hes a strong guy too. Nevermind my best friends dad also being another strong male mentor. Unlike guys like you, they dont have to flex false bravado and arent afraid to stand up for women. I couldnt care less if some anonymous guy on the internet throws character attacks at me.

 

The thing is its only whiny internet dweebs who ever throw around words liek mangina, or cry about the fact that a guy would dare defend women when dudes sit and bitch about them all the damn time. Gimme a break dude. Does it make you feel like a big man to try and assert your "masculinity" by calling another guy a mangina online? haha grow up.

Edited November 9, 2012 by kaylan

[Negative Nancy]

You, nor anyone else here, will produce any kind of evidence of your and others' claim that young adult women are effectively children from 21-25 because their brain has not finished growing.

 

 

lolz

 

Yeah, totally.

 

 

[bac]

Never in my life have I considered dating someone significantly older than me until now.

 

I want someone to grow old with, and I don't see it lasting long-term because of the age difference.

 

But he makes me laugh. He values my opinions. He doesn't play games. He is honest and genuine. He's attentive. He has the same political beliefs as me and he has an artistic side (which are qualities that are important to me). He's active and works out which inspires me to be healthier. He's a great listener. I like being around him...but I'm so afraid of what people will think.

 

I don't even know if he wants to date me. However, his last relationship lasted 5 years and she was significantly younger than him as well. If he's dated much-younger girls in the past, maybe it's just something he likes to do. I heard she broke his heart, which makes me think that he's a softie. He's told me before, "I don't relate to a lot of people my age. They don't like to have fun." Another time, I talked to him about our age difference he said, "I don't care about that. You make me laugh. You make me smile." He has a good heart. I can tell. He's kind.

 

I want to pursue something...I want to get to know him better, but I just have so many doubts. Like why is he 43 and not married? Does that mean there's something wrong with him, or was he just unlucky? What has he been doing with his life that he's lived twice as long as me for? It just feels crazy...but the feelings are definitely there.

 

What does everyone think?

 

If you like the man, you should have a R with him. You are a perfect match for now. There are many good things that older men can give younger girls. There are a lot of benefits for you. That is why some people feel envious about the type of R.

Do not worry much about the future because it is too early to think about getting married him. Do not ask yourself the questions about him because it might destroy the R.

[dasein]

Indie? Hardly dude. All of those films are national releases and well known by most people. Come on now. They all garnered good reviews or award nominations, along with having good box offices. But nice try.

 

And just because you hate big bang doesnt mean everyone does. You dont speak for most guys bro.

 

I gave you most of those, you seem to want to keep arguing over minutiae. You aren't getting Big Bang though

[Timothy]

Well I would say age doesn’t matter in love as long as you really think that he is your man. You said that he has all the good qualities which can make you contented. Don't care what others will say, just do what you feel is right. But yes, family opinion/approval is usually a must...

[FitChick]

Nothing wrong with having a fling. Just don't get pregnant. Ask him to get a vasectomy.

 

I don't see this man as marriage material, however. He's working in a bar at his age, same as you. If he owned the bar it might be different. Sounds like he never progressed with his life. That is probably why his younger ex-girlfriend dumped him. She saw no future with him.

[dasein]

Did Freshman women in your school not date Seniors? Do you think that "dynamic" stops or changes as men and women get older?

 

This is a great point that needs to be added to any general discussion of male/female age gaps. I usually do but forgot it this time. Thanks.

 

People forget that in HS and after, it's young women call the tune of which males are accepted. It's not a predatory matter of men hunting down and inflicting themselves on women. It's women training men as to what women any given man can get.

 

Whereas there are lots of women who end up picking guys who are their age in HS/College, there are also lots who set out to date older and do. Many of the more desirable women are already dating college men in HS, then older men in college, and start looking for established men near 30 the very second they get out of college. This is reality, not all but lots.

 

This conditions men to go for what they can get, and whether it's 3 year younger women in HS or 5-10 year younger women in their late 20s early 30s, they do that because that is what WOMEN have preferred. This is a fact of dating that kills the predatory 28 y.o. cruising college because he's some kind of freak scenario for the most part. If he is looking a college girls, it's very often because those college girls are looking for him.

 

So this lopsided abuse culture myth of the predatory male needs to go. There are indeed predatory people in the world, but dating someone younger, or seeking to, especially if they are 21 or older, is not de facto predatory.

[FitChick]

Thank God that old mindset is changing and women now feel comfortable dating younger, sometimes much younger, men. Susan Sarandon. I didn't realize that Tim Robbins was twelve years younger than Susan as well. In that photo, Tim looks older than she does. Now I don't feel like a cradle robber dating men fifteen years younger.

 

Of course, age gaps shrink as we get older.

Edited November 9, 2012 by FitChick

[suladas]

1. There are plenty of younger women who date older men.

 

2. These relationships can / do work.

 

What are the other 11 pages about?

 

Let me guess... People complaining, worried, bitching, moaning about who other people are attracted too and who they date.

 

Date who you want. Who gives a crap what anyone (especially the people on here) thinks / says? I don't.

 

For someone who thinks this way, you judged my situation a lot, just saying!

[cmr88]

This is kind of freaky cause he sounds exactly like my ex who owns a bar and is 43. It doesn't happen to be a pub in So. California, does it?

 

Nope, not in So Cal.

[crackerjacker]

I'm more mature than some men 10, 15 years my senior.

 

Then those guys that are older than you must be toddlers mentally, because from what I see of you on this forum, you are VERY immature.

[mesmerized]

This is a great point that needs to be added to any general discussion of male/female age gaps. I usually do but forgot it this time. Thanks.

 

People forget that in HS and after, it's young women call the tune of which males are accepted. It's not a predatory matter of men hunting down and inflicting themselves on women. It's women training men as to what women any given man can get.

 

Whereas there are lots of women who end up picking guys who are their age in HS/College, there are also lots who set out to date older and do. Many of the more desirable women are already dating college men in HS, then older men in college, and start looking for established men near 30 the very second they get out of college. This is reality, not all but lots.

 

This conditions men to go for what they can get, and whether it's 3 year younger women in HS or 5-10 year younger women in their late 20s early 30s, they do that because that is what WOMEN have preferred. This is a fact of dating that kills the predatory 28 y.o. cruising college because he's some kind of freak scenario for the most part. If he is looking a college girls, it's very often because those college girls are looking for him.

 

So this lopsided abuse culture myth of the predatory male needs to go. There are indeed predatory people in the world, but dating someone younger, or seeking to, especially if they are 21 or older, is not de facto predatory.

 

Except we are not talking about a man in his late twenties. This is a guy in his forties! Dont tell me you think most college girls want guys that old. Heck, I'm older and no way I date a man in his forties. One of my biggest annoyances is when men much older approach me. Most if not all women I know feel the same. Does that stop men from doing so? Not at all. Your attempt to make women responsible for the kind of man that wants and approaches them fails here big time.

[Ross MwcFan]

Nothing wrong with having a fling. Just don't get pregnant. Ask him to get a vasectomy.

 

I don't see this man as marriage material, however. He's working in a bar at his age, same as you. If he owned the bar it might be different. Sounds like he never progressed with his life. That is probably why his younger ex-girlfriend dumped him. She saw no future with him.

 

That seems really shallow of her to me, to dump someone just because of their job/because she thinks they haven't made progress with their life.

[FitChick]

You do have to be generally healthy and in good shape, the apperance of a high energy level is key, good posture, good clothes.

 

Simple advice for both sexes but the majority of people can't be bothered to make the effort. So much easier to whine.

[dhcp]

Except we are not talking about a man in his late twenties. This is a guy in his forties! Dont tell me you think most college girls want guys that old. Heck, I'm older and no way I date a man in his forties. One of my biggest annoyances is when men much older approach me. Most if not all women I know feel the same. Does that stop men from doing so? Not at all. Your attempt to make women responsible for the kind of man that wants and approaches them fails here big time.

 

I'm about the same age as the guy in the OP's story and I get eye contact from late-20's women regularly but other than checking them out, I'm not interested. At 40 I dated a 27-year old woman who by all accounts was fairly mature compared to her peers and I won't lie - she was pretty hot and I was pretty flattered and it was her pursing me.

 

So... it was fun, but I wouldn't do it again, there were a few things that I had a problem with that kind of ate away at me:

 

- Although she didn't act it, she looked about 23. I'm healthy and fit and attractive, but when out with her I felt like I must have looked like her father.

 

- When out with her friends, who seemed pretty accepting, they were just at really different places in their lives. Always bitching about their roomates, late on bills, drama. Nothing bad or not age-appropriate, just made me constantly realize that I had gone through those years long ago.

 

- Few life experiences. I've traveled the world and done all kinds of crazy stuff, I'm pretty polished in any social situation, etc. She was, again, age-appropriate but hadn't done a lot of things, never been outside north america, etc.

 

It was fun and was flattering and that young fit body was great, but it would have been hard to imagine a long-term thing with her. Great woman, however.

 

As others had said, after maybe the mid-30's, age difference really doesn't matter much anymore.

Edited November 10, 2012 by dhcp

[Imported]

That seems really shallow of her to me, to dump someone just because of their job/because she thinks they haven't made progress with their life.

 

Not shallow at all. Some people have goals and work to meet it. Some people don't. I would not want my sisters and eventually nieces to get involved with some guy that will always work a dead end job (if even that) and just getting by in life. 4000sq/ft+ homes in a nice location, real wood floors, high ceilings, bathrooms bigger than some peoples apartments, kitchen worthy of restaurants, with big yards, swimming pool, late model high-end cars in the garage and driveway, family vacations around the world, college for the kids paid in full does not come just because of good intentions.

 

A "nice life". Can you provide a nice life for a girl? Or are you more likely to keep her down.

[dhcp]

Not shallow at all. Some people have goals and work to meet it. Some people don't. I would not want my sisters and eventually nieces to get involved with some guy that will always work a dead end job (if even that) and just getting by in life. 4000sq/ft+ homes in a nice location, real wood floors, high ceilings, bathrooms bigger than some peoples apartments, kitchen worthy of restaurants, with big yards, swimming pool, late model high-end cars in the garage and driveway, family vacations around the world, college for the kids paid in full does not come just because of good intentions.

 

A "nice life". Can you provide a nice life for a girl? Or are you more likely to keep her down.

 

I make that kind of cheese but I wouldn't get involved with a woman that wants to live that kind of lifestyle unless she is willing to meet me halfway on it. I'm somewhat socialist in that if she doesn't earn as much as me but has a good job, I'll make up the difference, but she needs to contribute.

 

For me (*me*, not everyone else) I'm not about carrying someone completely so they don't need to work or have some low-ambition job but still have caviar expectations. "Oh, we MUST get the Sub-Zero refrigerator!" when she herself could never support that kind of lifestyle? No thanks. Not looking for a trophy wife.

 

For me money is as much about "not struggling" and taking the stress out of life. And I live in the most expensive city in America for housing so the "4000 square foot house" kind of dream just isn't realistic. You can make $300k a year and people are still like "Whoa, you actually own and don't rent?"

[dasein]

Except we are not talking about a man in his late twenties. This is a guy in his forties! .

 

The plain point was that men are conditioned to seek younger women partially by female preference, that men learn starting in their teens, then their 20s and even into the 30s. It would be unrealistic to expect men to "unlearn" that preference of lots of women that has been drilled into them for decades on their 40th birthday.

[mesmerized]

The plain point was that men are conditioned to seek younger women partially by female preference, that men learn starting in their teens, then their 20s and even into the 30s. It would be unrealistic to expect men to "unlearn" that preference of lots of women that has been drilled into them for decades on their 40th birthday.

 

You're really not giving men much credit here. The fact that a lot of men carry this mentality into their sixties or more proves that it doesn't have much to do with what women want but what they want and think they deserve. The average old man who approaches young women often gets rejected in the nastiest ways, yet he continues to do so because that is what he wants or even go for a hooker if he has to. You would think the rejections are enough to reverse this "conditioning" but apparently not.

A successful attractive man in his mid thirties has way more women around his age or a few years younger wanting him than 21 year olds and he very well knows it. If he goes for 21 year old, it has very little with him being conditioned to think 21 year olds find him the most attractive.

[dasein]

You're really not giving men much credit here. The fact that a lot of men carry this mentality into their sixties or more proves that it doesn't have much to do with what women want but what they want and think they deserve.

 

It's not about giving men credit, but a way that M/F age gap relationships aren't all about men wanting control over a hot young thing, as you and many others falsely paint it. The fact that men, and all people, carry what they have learned over a life of dating and relationships throughout their lives doesn't prove or disprove anything. Just simply the case.

 

The average old man who approaches young women often gets rejected in the nastiest ways, yet he continues to do so because that is what he wants or even go for a hooker if he has to.

 

Obvious slant with "old" man, fail. 42 is not "old." And no one said that men shouldn't modify their expectations as they age, just that there is a female preference reason for age gaps that the stranger danger abuse culture crowd is resistant to admit. Stop rationalizing and simply admit that men are conditioned from HS that a certain large % of women seek to date older, more established men with more resources and social value.

 

It starts when guys get drivers licenses and can pick up 14 y.o. freshman suzy at her house, continues when suzy is a junior and wants to attend college parties and crush on professors, continues in college when Suzy meets the 25 y.o. who can take her to grownup parties, then when she gets her first job at 22-23, to the 35 y.o. in the corner office with his own house who can elevate her in various ways.

[Ross MwcFan]

Not shallow at all. Some people have goals and work to meet it. Some people don't. I would not want my sisters and eventually nieces to get involved with some guy that will always work a dead end job (if even that) and just getting by in life. 4000sq/ft+ homes in a nice location, real wood floors, high ceilings, bathrooms bigger than some peoples apartments, kitchen worthy of restaurants, with big yards, swimming pool, late model high-end cars in the garage and driveway, family vacations around the world, college for the kids paid in full does not come just because of good intentions.

 

A "nice life". Can you provide a nice life for a girl? Or are you more likely to keep her down.

 

I think if a woman finds a guy physically attractive and she likes his personality then that should be enough. I still think it's shallow for a woman to drop a man like this, just because he doesn't have some high flying job and isn't making loads of money.

[mesmerized]

It's not about giving men credit, but a way that M/F age gap relationships aren't all about men wanting control over a hot young thing, as you and many others falsely paint it. The fact that men, and all people, carry what they have learned over a life of dating and relationships throughout their lives doesn't prove or disprove anything. Just simply the case.

 

 

 

Obvious slant with "old" man, fail. 42 is not "old." And no one said that men shouldn't modify their expectations as they age, just that there is a female preference reason for age gaps that the stranger danger abuse Iculture crowd is resistant to admit. Stop rationalizing and simply admit that men are conditioned from HS that a certain large % of women seek to date older, more established men with more resources and social value.

 

It starts when guys get drivers licenses and can pick up 14 y.o. freshman suzy at her house, continues when suzy is a junior and wants to attend college parties and crush on professors, continues in college when Suzy meets the 25 y.o. who can take her to grownup parties, then when she gets her first job at 22-23, to the 35 y.o. in the corner office with his own house who can elevate her in various ways.[/QUOte]

 

You are the one who fails to see it from any other point of view. In fact, if you think about it more, the female preference for older men is probably largely related to the male preference for younger women. Women are extremely insecure, due to how society values them and who can blame them? Most women are afraid of going for a younger men even if they like him. Why? Because everyone tells them he eventually will leave them for a younger woman. Women are reminded And told of the preference of men for younger women waay more than the other way around. The average woman's dream is not a 20 year older man with a huge house. The average man's dream however is being with the hottest and youngest he can get. Women know that so they settle for a man who they think is the safest.

 

I was the 14 year old who loved a 16 year old and the 22 year old who wanted a 25 Year old one. But I never had a preference for much older men and know very few women who would be ok with that. So even though I agree that women go for older men, the gap is rarely high enough for you to want to justify males preference for age gap relationships with it.