should there be more to this relationship?

[jan]

i'm really wondering what it takes to hold a relationship. i have been with this guy for almost three years now, we are both 40. lately we have had some problems not serious just enough to make me question our relationship.

 

if i left him this is what i'd miss; our cuddling every night, sleeping together, our sat.nite routine, his family, my daughter fondly calls him daddy and refers to him as grandpa with her son, our lit'l getaways we take at times, his words of endearment ie; miss pretty hair; cutie feets; most beautiful girl; love of my life; etc get the idea?

 

well there are some communications problems as well, he is impatient and at times loses his temper, while i have a problem with jealousy and control. i am going to counseling he thinks he has absolutely no problems.

 

so is there something missing? is staying with someone you really do love reason enough to put up with them and while they put up with you too?

 

i meani would miss so much about him/us and our life together but are these reasons enough to stay with someone? is something missing that i'm not seeing?

 

please help, i'm desperate. i'm seriously considering leaving him but don't want to miss all those things that have bonded us together as a family if i'm over reacting, i just can't tell anymore. i know we all have our bad days, but this isn't a bad day, it's become a way of life, the questioning our relationship and what is holding it together.

 

i wonder if we stay together like a bad habit, it's just easier to give into than to get rid of! help! thanks!

[Tony T]

If there is no effort to learn and grow from each other...if there is no effort to improve for the other person and make their life more comfortable...if being with the other person makes you feel angry, frustrated, depressed, helpless, etc., if you are unhappy and there is absolutely no hope of things improving within six months, take off.

 

There's good and bad in everyone. We all have our good points and our bad points. Now if you are expecting to leave this dude and find someone who is perfect, you are in for serious disappointment. IT WON'T HAPPEN.

 

If you think you will be happier alone, without another person to aggravate your life, then go for it.

 

Relationships free of problems are not a growing experience, are pretty boring, and are pretty rare.

[Ele]

Jan, there seems to be a lot going on with you!! However, down to the nitty gritty, you need to decide WHY you are with him. Is it because of those good times you say you'll miss? Are you afraid of being alone? Jan, you cannot just stay with someone just because you might miss them. Of course you'll miss them! Breaking up with someone is like breaking a habit- quitting smoking, for example. People like doing it because it makes them feel good, they want to quit, but they'll miss going out with friends and having a smoke and reminiscing over good times. Do you see where I'm headed? If this relationship isn't making you feel good, you need to fix it. EVERY relationship has problems, goes through problems, but what you need to do now is not let those problems control you and your way of life. You need to control the problems. Going to a counsellor is a great idea, but don't rely on he/she to fix your problems and make them go away- that's what you and your partner need to do yourselves. Any advice now would be don't quit it- work it. Of course there will be things about him you won't like- and there'll be things about you he won't like- but are either of these things worth leaving for? Are they not worth putting up with? Think about it, Jan, and I wish you the best of luck and love.