MM made his decision

[Tenacity]

What I find odd is the OWs outrage over their pain from the MMs broken promises when they were complicit in him breaking greater promises called vows with his wife. You knew he wasn't keeping those promises. What made you think you were so much more special than his own wife and family? That it was okay for him to lie to them, but not to you?

 

You clearly have not read my other posts or you would not ask that.

 

No one, least of all me, said it was "okay". It is also completely not the point I was making in THIS situation.

 

Go back and read my posts before you lecture me. My post wasn't directed at you, so go ask your questions to someone else.

[Nyla]

And an untrustworthy and resentful man who was too weak and pathetic to leave a marriage he claimed to be unhappy in is desirable...how?

 

OP- His wife doesn't have the power to take you away from him..he made this decision himself. It doesn't matter how many crocodile tears he cries for you..he still chose her and NOT you. Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet.

 

 

Yes, I agree that you dodged a bullet OP. Unfortunately, most affairs with married men or women end just like this. Imagine the gossip and scorn that would have followed in your circle, if you ended up with your MM. I hope this will be a good learning experience for you; we can all take new wisdom from terrible pain. My heart goes out to you. So sorry.

[Henni]

What I find odd is the OWs outrage over their pain from the MMs broken promises when they were complicit in him breaking greater promises called vows with his wife. You knew he wasn't keeping those promises. What made you think you were so much more special than his own wife and family? That it was okay for him to lie to them, but not to you?

 

OW don't make any promises to anyone's wife, at least not unless they actually have made promises directly to that person. Whatever promises a MM has made to his wife, children, colleagues or pet rabbit are THEIR promises, theirs to keep, theirs to break, everyone is responsible for their own promises.

[Mount]

I never undstand - how come there had child with MM, because OW could make choice (and insist) to let MM put on "umbrella". If he dared to say NO, OW could have said NO in the "action" as well. Simple is that. So that it avoids lots of trouble later.

 

Just a side note.

 

Tenacity

 

It is obvious you are lashing out at everyone since you can't lash out at MM.

 

Not sure why he is still ABLE to contact you..and not sure why YOU still give him POWER over you.

 

Finding a woman to cheat with a MM is a dime a dozen, imho. Read the threads here - and other places - MM who want to find a mistress don't have to look that far. Its sad and pitiful that so many women give their power away and believe all the lies and bullsh*t that these men say.

 

Go ahead and keep lashing out at me - if that helps you. Your story was one of the very few that I could actually see how you were trying so hard to regain your life. I cheered you on so many times....but I guess maybe my advice and support were better used some place else.

 

No one said it was easy and I will never EVER agree that a BS is to blame for a spouse cheating. NEVER. That's a cop-out and deflection all over the place. I ended a MARRIAGE - a REAL MARRIAGE - and to me, what I dealt with is way more harder to do than ending an affair. You don't have to agree - cause I am sure you won't. But it takes strength and a lot of other things to end a marriage - to split up finances, household things and CHILDREN than ending an affair that was a secret and didn't produce children. Yes, I know you lost a child - as did I. But that doesn't you get to continue to lash out at others because you are hurting. Like I said, I have always been very supportive of what you have gone through; but I guess you are still too hurt and too busy focusing on the MM.

 

Call his wife is he is bothering you. Tell him you will file a restraining order. You can get rid of him if you really want to.

 

Believe it or not, not all men are like your MM. You knew he was married and telling lies. Sure you believed him, and got a lot of heartache because of it. But to state that you will never be with a man again because they aren't trustworthy is bit dramatic...there are a bunch of great men out there. First mistake was believing a married man. You learned that lesson - go from there - when you are ready. You still have SOOOOOO much anger and hate....that is not good for you at all. Do you have a therapist you can work with?

Edited November 25, 2012 by Mount

[Henni]

Tenacity

 

It is obvious you are lashing out at everyone since you can't lash out at MM.....Finding a woman to cheat with a MM is a dime a dozen, imho. Read the threads here - and other places - MM who want to find a mistress don't have to look that far. Its sad and pitiful that so many women give their power away and believe all the lies and bullsh*t that these men say......Go ahead and keep lashing out at me - if that helps you. Your story was one of the very few that I could actually see how you were trying so hard to regain your life. I cheered you on so many times....but I guess maybe my advice and support were better used some place else........

 

HockeyFan - Lets try turning it around for you.

 

It is obvious you are lashing out at every OW since you won't lash out at your H......Finding women who have been cheated on and will take their man back are a dime a dozen, imho. Read the threads here - and other places - OW who want to find a MM who is unsatisfied by his wife don't have to look that far. Its sad and pitiful that so many wives gives their power away and believe all the lies and bullsh*t that these men say....Go ahead and keep lashing out at OW - if that helps you. Your story is one of the very many that show how MW in bad marriages are too afraid to move on with their lives. You've insulted OW many times...but I suspect your amazing skills of cognitive dissonance (look it up) will be best used here, where you can continue to lash out at people for your husbands infidelity and act like you are here to help. Here to get help, you mean, right?

Edited November 25, 2012 by Henni

[Henni]

But that is ok, just try to have open mind though. As I said million times, the world is not white and black, IT IS GREY!

 

YOu can deny it as much as you want, but it is just what it is.:o

 

And believe me, they are not happy. Otherwise where are those MMs coming from? I don't want those MMs, no idea where he/they come from.

 

Yes, life is full of grey areas. Some affairs are bad, some are not. Some end with OW with broken hearts, some end with people continuing in a bad marriage with broken hearts, some end with marriages starting anew after their hearts are broken, others end with new relationships for both spouses who are ultimately happier than they were in the marriage. All those grey areas feed into which is which. So tired of all this black and white attitude - some affairs end badly, some marriages end badly, some marriages should end, because nobody is truly happy in them, same goes for affairs. But, it is not whether a R starts with a M or an A that ultimately decides how happy the people in it will be, it is many other grey areas.

 

Anyway, there is a forum for BS. This is a support forum for OW/OM. I would think any BS on here is just prolonging their own misery and not letting go of the A within their own marriage, at the expense of people who come here looking for *support*.

[Mount]

Hi Hockeyfan - I dont mean to make a point, but guess what, my (X)MM's wife would describe the exact same thing to others as what you just said as well, BECAUSE the MM covers so well, super super manipulating! Unless you are being with him 24hrs 7 days.

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

Okay, sure! That's it.

 

He is on his computer talking to our daughter - Skype since she lives in another state.

 

I am surfing the web waiting for my laundry to dry and watching the 49ers vs Saints game.

 

Go look....pretty boring.

 

Yes, my hubby has never cheated nor have I. We just don't do that -- not our 'thing'. We don't have an open marriage either.

 

We are your average older couple with kids and hopefully grandkids in the next few years. We had our struggles early on in our marriage, but been empty next for a bit.

 

I also am chatting to a friend on FB right now...if that matters.

[2sunny]

OW don't make any promises to anyone's wife, at least not unless they actually have made promises directly to that person. Whatever promises a MM has made to his wife, children, colleagues or pet rabbit are THEIR promises, theirs to keep, theirs to break, everyone is responsible for their own promises.

 

And I have to ask OW or OM - is this what you promised yourself as a young child... That you would settle for being tied to a person who is married?

 

How about that promise?

[Henni]

They are only angry by the according to some. Is it possible her husband sees nothing wrong with her posting her opinion on an anonymous site. We all have differing opinions about the way others spend their free time or how productive said activity might be. The same can be said for those who go fly fishing, hang out in the woods or in the case of this section...have relationships with involved others. The lens that we see through I guess.

 

Fair enough. I can only comment on what I find weird, not on what anyone else does.

[Henni]

And I have to ask OW or OM - is this what you promised yourself as a young child... That you would settle for being tied to a person who is married?

 

How about that promise?

 

I haven't settled for being tied to a person who is married. I haven't settled for anyone, ever, nor have I been tied to anyone, ever. I have started something with a MM, and ended it within a short space of time while he gets his divorce through. How is that settling or being tied? I certainly don't feel settled or tied, and in fact the thoughts of either turn me right off the idea of marriage altogether.

 

However, if I had made any promises to myself as a child, or to anyone else as an adult, they would be MY promises to keep, not anyone else's, regardless of what I choose to do.

Edited November 26, 2012 by Henni

[Tenacity]

Oh please....I am not a bs, never have been, never will be.

 

I don't understand women going after men who are married - PERIOD. Maybe I am old school or too old to understand this need for young women to hop into bed with a married guy.

 

I don't understand young girls giving away their youth on some married old man. I have 2 adult children - and neither of them are stupid and would not get involved with a married person. Both have had big heart breaks, but both have chosen to not hate every man/woman around and paint them all with a broad brush.

 

My best friend was cheated on by her husband. I watched all the pain she went through. What so many OW don't give a crap about is who they hurt. If there was no innocent party (like a wife or kids), go for it. Go get your screw on all day and all night.

 

What upsets me is innocent people being hurt. Not only was my friend married for 20 years to what we all thought was a great guy - but it was his DAUGHTER (who was 16 at the time) who saw her father and his mistress. Do you know the damage that has been done to her? Can you comprehend what pain he caused? His son has not spoken to him in 7 years - and he refuses to because he can't stand that his father chose to find a mistress instead of work on any issues or .... DIVORCE his wife prior to dipping his wick.

 

I don't think the OW truly give a crap who they care about as long as they get their rocks off.

 

That is what pisses me off. I can't believe so many women cannot see the damage that is caused. I get frustrated by the dumped OW moaning and groaning about "why does she get to win" or "why didn't he pick me" or "I am going to tell and she can feel like I do" or "Why did he lie to me". DUH..... the minute things crossed the line you should have known it could happen to you.

 

WHY don't more women say NO? Why don't more women have respect for themselves to NOT have an affair? Why don't more women tell a married puke to go flog himself? Why don't women open their eyes and see the handwriting on the wall????

 

Bash me all you want --- I don't cheat, I didn't marry cheaters and I have a hard time feeling "sorry" for a OW who willingly and willfully enters into an affair and then boo hoo's when her heart gets stomped on. What did you expect to happen????

 

HF,

 

I'm sorry you think I am "lashing out" at you. That is not the case at all. I was making a point about two of your posts (in a row) that stated broad generalizations - and not very nice ones - about people who get involved in A's.

 

You think from your perspective that everything is simple and black and white, and I understand that - I really do - because it's how I felt before all of this happened. I would never have become involved with a married man. Never!

 

However, ex-MM was separated at the time we started seeing each other, and had moved out. Yes, I have since learned that separated does not equal divorced, but at that time I had no experience in these situations, I was newly separated myself (I'm divorced now) and I had no reason to believe he would go back to his W. I had nothing to base it on.

 

Please look at the statements from your post below and my response, and maybe it will give you an idea why people get tired of reading this stuff over and over and OVER again.

 

"I don't understand women going after men who are married - PERIOD. Maybe I am old school or too old to understand this need for young women to hop into bed with a married guy."

I did not "hop into bed with a married guy". As I mentioned above, I started seeing a separated man who was not living at home and who had started divorce proceedings. We did not in fact "hop into bed" for literally YEARS after we began the relationship and long past the first I love you's and the emotional connection. YEARS!

 

"I don't understand young girls giving away their youth on some married old man. I have 2 adult children - and neither of them are stupid and would not get involved with a married person."

 

First of all, I'm not a "young girl" - I was married for 17 years prior to this and I am in my middle 40's. Secondly, you are saying flat out that only stupid people get involved in affairs, and your children are not stupid so they won't ever do so. Do you think every single person in the world who has become involved in an A is stupid? I am NOT stupid, HF. I am a physician with 12 years of college education and - at least prior to this - a very good and careful judge of character.

 

You should be careful what you say, because one of your children may find themselves in such a situation. You can't know that it will not happen. It does not take a "stupid" person to be involved in an affair.

 

This statement is rude and insulting, HF. It's why I reacted to your first two posts. How do you think you make people feel (on a SUPPORT FORUM FOR AFFAIRS) when you make such statements? Go ahead and give your opinion, but please do so respectfully in the same way that others such as Bent and Sparks do. Please, please do not generalize by hurling insults at people such as calling them "stupid". There is nothing helpful, let alone accurate, in that.

 

"What upsets me is innocent people being hurt."

 

And that upsets me too. I HATE that I hurt his BS, even though she is a piece of work. I had no right to do what I did. I am sorry for it and will never do it again.

 

Your two posts - the ones that set me off - were directed at two people who were saying the same thing - that they hated how they hurt innocent people. How much do people need to be beaten up in order for it to be enough punishment? Isn't it enough that people are on here, trying to do the right thing?

 

I just don't think these 2 people deserved the lectures they received from you, again with the broad generalizations and insults that are in this post. No one asked for your particular advice on these topics - the posts that you made were not even related to the original thread. Why not just leave it alone? Leave these people alone who are trying to recover and do the right thing.

 

"WHY don't more women say NO? Why don't more women have respect for themselves to NOT have an affair? Why don't more women tell a married puke to go flog himself? Why don't women open their eyes and see the handwriting on the wall????"

 

It is clear that you see this as very black and white, HF. It is not always so. I did not seek out a MM for an affair. By the time I realized he was not going to go through with his divorce (remember he was separated) I had been in it for YEARS. Why didn't I say No then? Yes, I should have, but again, he was convincing me he was going to leave, we were making plans, etc.

 

You do not have the real-life experience perspective of either a BS or OW, so I understand why you have a very simplistic view of this. You do not see all the dynamics and you oversimplify. Why do you think you are qualified to speak with such force for/about either OW/OM or BS, and what is 'right' and 'wrong' and how people should be feeling and acting in either situation -- given that you have never been in either situation? THAT is my question. It is an honest one.

 

"Bash me all you want --- I don't cheat, I didn't marry cheaters and I have a hard time feeling "sorry" for a OW who willingly and willfully enters into an affair and then boo hoo's when her heart gets stomped on. What did you expect to happen????"

 

I expected that he would divorce, as he said he would - as he was doing when I met him. I believed him. Go ahead and flog me for that if you will.

 

If I "bashed" you, I'm sorry. It wasn't my intent. It was your posts I was reacting to, not you as a person. As for "boo hoo" ing, HF, I am not. I no longer want ex-MM. It still does hurt, but if I wanted to be back in that affair it's clear that I could be. I choose more for myself, but it does not mean it is always easy. Coming on here and reading insults and sweeping generalizations about OW (and OM) as if we are all homewreckers, idiots, and unfeeling, uncaring individuals is just sometimes too much to deal with.

"I don't think the OW truly give a crap who they care about as long as they get their rocks off."

 

That is one of the worst statements I have ever seen, and it caused me to lose a huge amount of respect for you. I do in fact "give a crap", and much of what I have gone through during all of this has been dealing with the pain that I caused innocent people. It was not about getting my "rocks off".

 

THIS kind of statement is why I "lashed out" as you called it. It wasn't directed at you, although frankly, I was surprised because your posts previously have been a lot more balanced. You had posted many times to me when I was going through hell, and you were a great support. I respected you. Right now I have lost some of that respect, and as you said in your post before this, if you think your time is better spent on others then I'm sorry if you wasted your time on me.

 

One thing I would caution you on, though. You can only control YOU. You can say you will NEVER be an OW and that is under your control entirely. BUT... I think you are very cavalier in assuming you could never be a BS. I would bet that many others in your shoes believed the same.

 

What is so special about you and your marriage that this is true for you and no one else? I would venture a guess that they are many - MANY married couples who would have said exactly your words before it did happen to them. You may have a great H, but he's not perfect, and I do hope it doesn't happen to you but please do not get on the high horse and assume you are immune. No one can control others - you can only control yourself.

[OnceMoreWithFeeling]

I think I'll steal my post back now

 

A mutual friend told me that xMM and his W are already planning to renew their vows. I guess it was an easy one to work out then? No need to rebuild trust and make sure they're both fully onboard? I can't imagine making that leap without major counseling first. But alright...

[Tenacity]

It's probably okay in life that we don't get each other or why we do the things we do. It makes life truly interesting don't you think? The post that are against the rules are sanctioned and more likely than not removed. If you feel a post has crossed the line...it is okay to alert the mods. But as many AP have stated, they are not all at the lowest points nor on the verge of collapse. Support comes in many forms. If we all provide the form we are most comfortable with, accept what resonates with us and leave the offensive alone....things might not grate so much.

 

Really Bent? I am surprised to hear this coming from you of all people.

 

You think that it's okay that we just deal with people like this who go on and on while being rude to people that they can't possibly understand? We should just ignore people like this? It's okay that she is rude and offensive to others here who come for support?

 

I am really surprised to see that from you.

[Tenacity]

I think I'll steal my post back now

 

A mutual friend told me that xMM and his W are already planning to renew their vows. I guess it was an easy one to work out then? No need to rebuild trust and make sure they're both fully onboard? I can't imagine making that leap without major counseling first. But alright...

 

You should.

 

When is this date supposed to happen?

 

Wow. Renew their vows?????

[OnceMoreWithFeeling]

You should.

 

When is this date supposed to happen?

 

Wow. Renew their vows?????

 

 

It sure hit me like a ton of bricks. Was this all really nothing for him then?

 

Not sure on a date...that's really the last thing I want to know. but I wonder if that's what's behind the delay in meeting with W.

[OpenBook]

A mutual friend told me that xMM and his W are already planning to renew their vows. I guess it was an easy one to work out then? No need to rebuild trust and make sure they're both fully onboard? I can't imagine making that leap without major counseling first. But alright...

 

Every time I hear of a celebrity couple renewing their vows, I know the M will dissolve within a year after that. It's like a harbinger of the end. I know no one IRL who does this (renews their vows). Not a good idea, in my book, if you want to preserve the M. Much like the original wedding, it places too much emphasis on the act of publicly dedicating oneself to the relationship, as if it's a panacea for all the trouble in it. It does nothing to fix the problems... but apparently the participants think it will help somehow.

 

I'm with trinity on this. It has nothing to do with you, and it doesn't negate the significance of what happened between you and him. But like you said, he's made his choice. So unfortunately you'll have to deal with that & make your own choices. I just hope you know at least some of us out here in cyberland understand exactly what you're going through - and that the last thing you need right now is a lecture. You're not alone.

[Henni]

Oh, but hockeyfan is a former OW. She does have experience.

 

Can that be true? HF said above 'I don't cheat, I didn't marry cheaters and I have a hard time feeling "sorry" for a OW.....' yadda yadda.

 

About the original post - renewing vows is a public declaration, maybe the W needs that because she wants to hear MM say those vows again and see if she can believe him. If there was no trouble with the original vows, there would be no need to say them again, right? I don't think this means you meant nothing, quite the opposite, vow renewal is more about publicly saying 'we're still married despite the fact that our initial vows didn't hold', IMO.

[woinlove]

It sure hit me like a ton of bricks. Was this all really nothing for him then?

 

Not sure on a date...that's really the last thing I want to know. but I wonder if that's what's behind the delay in meeting with W.

 

Yes, you have a thread in here somewhere -- I see at least 3 parallel threads going on. Hope you can find the answers within all this!

 

I'm sorry for all your pain. MM has flopped around a lot and you need to have firm resolve to really decide this is the end for you, no matter what MM is doing or not doing. I think that is the only way one truly moves on and the state of limbo before starting to move on is agony.

 

It's possible the renewed vows is timed to be before you two meet. People trying to reconcile their M go through a rollercoaster in the early days and I would not read more into the vow renewal than what you already know, which is they are both trying to work on their M. Only time will tell if their M will survive. If they have been married a long time and it has been mostly good for both of them, they have a chance. If they don't have that positive shared past to build on, it is likely to fail.

 

However, none of that changes the fact that MM has made the decision now to stay with his W. It doesn't mean that what you and he felt was nothing. As midlife says, when someone doesn't want to give up their M, it can be difficult to know if it is love, obsession, infatuation, addiction. In the end, what matters is the now and the future, the past is not for living but for learning from in order to live the now and future with happiness.

 

I think if you really decide for yourself there is no future with MM for you, you will be in a much, much stronger position for future happiness. No matter how things turn out with him and his W. But you do actively have to make that decision yourself. It is not easy to let go and some spend many months, even years, not letting go. Meanwhile, a chunk of their now and future has slipped by without happiness.

[frozensprouts]

I'm with trinity on this. It has nothing to do with you, and it doesn't negate the significance of what happened between you and him. But like you said, he's made his choice. So unfortunately you'll have to deal with that & make your own choices. I just hope you know at least some of us out here in cyberland understand exactly what you're going through - and that the last thing you need right now is a lecture. You're not alone.

 

why on earth is it unfortunate that she'll "have" to make her own choices? Personally, I would think that it's the exact opposite...she'll now be able to make her own choices of what's bets for her without having to have his influence...she'll be able to stop feeling bad, able to take her power back, and able to move on and find happiness in her life...maybe one day, when she feels ready, she'll be able to find someone who she won't have to feel so conflicted about, someone who she will be able to feel great about being with, someone who she'll know loves her and her alone...

 

OP,

you are probably going to have to accept hat you may never know for sure how he felt, but maybe in the end, that doesn't matter all that much. How do you feel, what do you want for yourself, and in the future-what kind of relationship would you like to have?

 

as for your ex and his wife...who knows why they are doing what they are doing...you don't and certainly no one on here does...it could be a desperate attempt to hold on to each other, or maybe it's their way of starting things off with a clean slate. Do their motives really matter in your life? Not really...hard as it may be, if you want to move forward, you've got to let it go...maybe you can use our meeting with your ex'es wife as a way to say "goodbye" to the past and a time to welcome your future?

[cocorico]

It's grasping at straws, making a big show for something that's beyond hope.

If she convinces him to redeclare himself she can convince herself that none of it mattered, that she got to "remarry" him.

 

It's like the people who have the big wedding simply for show. Now.. I had a big wedding, but it was because I wanted to celebrate with those I loved and that's how we do things in my family, I didn't care that my flowers got screwed up or that my photographer was kind of a jerk, I was more excited about being MARRIED than the wedding. That's not the case for many people and that's how I see this. He probably agreed because planning a renewal of vows gives her the impression that he is recommitted without him having to do any work on the actual marriage. PLUS it gives her something to do that doesn't involve policing him and is a distraction. It's actually fairly brillant on his part.

What it actually is, is meaningless. He hasn't done any work to "fix" his marriage and so what is he recommitting to? The same thing he treated so shabbily before and placed zero value on. The vows are just as pointless to him now as they were before. False security for her, easy answer for him.

Whether he loved you or not.. well, only he knows that but I find that most men who were involved did and do care. I am truly sorry you're hurting over it, but this guy sounds like he's always going to be too scared of rocking the boat to be depended on and like he may also be a classic manipulator.

 

How best can we help YOU get through this?

 

Given how farcical the vows were last time, I think it's an act of desperation to try to magic some meaning into them this time around. I don't think it's any indication that he *has* made a choice. OTC I see it as his way of shutting her up by being seen to go through meaningless gestures to get her off his case to buy himself some time to sort his issues out properly.

 

I know few couple IRL that have done this " renewal of vows" thing but all of them were instigated as an act of desperation by the BS to try to stake some kind of public claim on their WS, and in all of those cases the WS simply continued as before with extramarital pursuits because they realised the BS wasn't into fixing anything, only into the cosmetics of how the M appeared to the outside world.

 

So I wouldn't pay it too much heed.

[woinlove]

But, I think we all agree that you should not focus on his M, marriage vows or whatever, but, instead, focus on yourself. In particular, don't set your hopes on their M failing. It may not or it may only because the W decides to end it, in which case MM will have lots of work to do on himself to come to terms with that. Again, if you can find it in yourself to decide you WANT to let go because you want a happier future than staying connected to this MM can provide, I think that happier future will be yours.

Edited November 26, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[OnceMoreWithFeeling]

 

I think if you really decide for yourself there is no future with MM for you, you will be in a much, much stronger position for future happiness. No matter how things turn out with him and his W. But you do actively have to make that decision yourself. It is not easy to let go and some spend many months, even years, not letting go. Meanwhile, a chunk of their now and future has slipped by without happiness.

 

I'm still not quite there. But I meet with her a week from today. I hope that will be the point that I can fully let go and walk out the door with him fully behind me.

[woinlove]

I'm still not quite there. But I meet with her a week from today. I hope that will be the point that I can fully let go and walk out the door with him fully behind me.

 

I know it is so difficult to decide to let go of someone you have such strong feelings for. I think using a checkpoint in the near future could be a useful strategy. Just remember, you have no control over what she says or how she reacts, only over yourself. So, if you want it to be your closure, you need to be prepared to make it your own personal turning point, independent of anything she might say.

[OnceMoreWithFeeling]

I know it is so difficult to decide to let go of someone you have such strong feelings for. I think using a checkpoint in the near future could be a useful strategy. Just remember, you have no control over what she says or how she reacts, only over yourself. So, if you want it to be your closure, you need to be prepared to make it your own personal turning point, independent of anything she might say.

 

Yes, very true. There's that small part in my brain that wonders if she will do a 180 on him if she decides to read the "I love you, My marriage will never be enough, I choose you" emails. But seriously, that voice needs to shut up already -- he decided and needs to live out where that choice takes him.

 

I have my own path to take. I'm still lying here at the start, but at some point I need to get walking.

[frozensprouts]

Yes, very true. There's that small part in my brain that wonders if she will do a 180 on him if she decides to read the "I love you, My marriage will never be enough, I choose you" emails. But seriously, that voice needs to shut up already -- he decided and needs to live out where that choice takes him.

 

I have my own path to take. I'm still lying here at the start, but at some point I need to get walking.

 

even tiny steps are a start...

 

what's the saying about the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step? Just keep putting one foot in front of the other , don't get side tracked, and you'll end up where you want to be