It was an accident!!!!

[Quest4_TheLost]

Ok... So Sat evening I was deleting my call logs and I got curious about the ex I've deleted his number I was looking at the last dates we had spoke.

I at the time was also on the phone with a repair person about a desk I purchased. The person came back on the phone I set my phone down.

 

I looked down and my PHONE WAS CALLING!! I have a touch screen androud and my phone does this crap alot usually when I am on the phone with someone though the calls will go to the call log and I must accidentally hit somthing so I am always apologizing for its idiocy.. No biggie though right??

Cause It couldn't have been calling him that long. SO his phone prob never even rang so I quckly hung up and deleted the whole damn thing. So I am finishing my inquiry with this so called repair guy. Then it happens my phone rings. Its him.. I panic.. But I am not goin to look like the crazy person ignoring him. I answer I apologize to him and explain what happen and he makes a joke about being butt dialed. I said if I had known it had rang I wouldnt have hung up I would have stayed on to let him know.

 

So we are civil we chat.. Its lovely we joke how is everything yadda yadda.

What you up to this lovley sat.. Watching football teams he dosen't like. So I laugh at him sounds like an awesome sat! I was hoiping you were going to change that. UT OH!! So you wanna hang out? Uh suuuure.. So I go over to his house we go to a bar have one drink back to his place. play pool and darts with his dad. Have a snack and of course Im drinkin so Im not driving home.

 

Soooo were in bed of course he thinks hes gettin some.. Hes not.. But he tris anyway. But he rubs my back and cuddles with me and kisses me. I tell him he isnt getting any.. Earlier in the night I stole his phone and checked his txt to some chick named savannah that his dad told me I had to be worried about. So I walked around making annoying smirks till he tackles me to get his phone back then he says WE HAVENT SPOKEN IN A MONTH YOU CANT BE MAD!! He maybe right but in all honesty I can be whatver the hell I want to be and annoyed seemed to be right on the mark.

 

However I had already planned not to give him any.. But this whole savnnah thing def helped me stick to that. So he cuddled me all night I told him I was telling savvanah on him. SOme chick he dated for 2 wks back in highschool that is in a completley diff state.. We were laying there and he asked why I came over I said cause I missed him. He seems to think I was using for sex which I may have joked about but seriously.. come on he knows better. Again he tried at 4 am then again in the morning. We hung out a bit and I cut it short saying I had to get going.

 

I'm actually really proud of myself for not giving into him. I realy don't give 2 sh*ts about this savannah chick to be honest he has never been successful at making me jealous. Ok So I f*ckd up NC and whatever. I don't want to lose this guy out of my life.. Honestly I really don't know why atm. Is there somthing wrong with me? I don't want to have a relationship with him because I don't trust him for alot of reasons. That and his attitude bothers me towards relationships. He just got out of an 8 yr relationship and is all damaged goods and yadda yadda.. Well I don't want ot have to worry about that crap. But I do love the guy.. ALOT ALOT!

 

I don't mind being friends with him.. I just don't want to lose him and I seriously dont understand why. He is far from perfect and even what I would want as a bf. But I am strongly connected to him. Any ideas?

 

I'm going to try to be friends we txt pretty much daily. I told him I only want to be friends with him.. I told him he wasnt gettin any anymore.