ConfusedInOC Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 I cheated on my companion (female friend). Let me explain "Companion". We've been "sort of" dating for a few months now. She hasn't committed to me (won't call me her B/F yet) but I know she is close. We keep talking about moving on because the relationship hasn't "taking off" yet due to her being a heavy Christian and me being agnostic. (She wants to test the waters to see if it will work). But we both agree we're very compatible and though she will not say she loves me yet, in my heart I know she cares deeply and that I love her more than life itself. Saturday night I was punch drunk. More drunk than I could ever imagine. And I cheated. She didn't deserve it. I still can't believe I did it. I have since sworn off alcohol. I love her and I am sick to my stomach and in tears over this. How could I be so weak? How could I be so stupid? How could I do this to her? I do not deserve such a wonderful woman. I want to tell her but I am afraid: She will never forgive me. She will leave me (and she will). She will hate me. She will accept no excuses (and I would not give them to her, only say that I had a moment of weakness and am sorry and that I will stop drinking and never do it again!) I know that we're not married. I know she has yet to commit to me. But my love for her is undying. I would take a bullet for her in a moment. I would step in front of a moving train to save her. She says I lift her up and make her a better person but I think she does just as much for me. I will get over this eventually. It will take some time. But do I tell her knowing I would NEVER do this again? How do I cope with the guilt? How do I make this pain go away? Or am I just making a bigger deal out of this than it really is, given that we're not committed (officially dating) yet? Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 what exactly did you do? im pretty sure that it would help us all out Link to post Share on other sites
Turbo_sc2 Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 I would not tell her just because she would just think ur like every other guy and shes gona think u did it with someone else because she wont give u any since shes a christian and all and think that all u want is sex girls are like that man. but if its killing u that bad then u should tell her if she really does love u then she will accept it and forgive u (even tho ur not dating) but there will always been a trust issue if u do tell her she gonna be think if we were together bf/g/f he would still of done it sooooo ya um just give it time ull get over it u dont gotta tell her i mean ur not B/F and G/F or she doesnt want to admit that so just kept that in mine lol something to kept the guilt off and i dont know if u are a christain or not but if ur not u should give ur life to christ cause i dont think she's gona wanna be with someone whos not saved. Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 im still confused on what he did i mean.. you shouldnt really worry about it.. you were drunk.. vulnerable (no offense) but you said so yourself that you two werent really dating... so whats the point of telling her when you werent going out? maybe you should ask her to be your girlfriend.. i mean if you love her that much.. then what the f*ck are you waiting for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 Originally posted by mørkt selvmord what exactly did you do? im pretty sure that it would help us all out I went the entire way. I didn't intend to, never wanted to. I am sick to my stomach that I did. I am in a band and am approached by women all the time. Sober, I just smile at their advances and move them along. I've been doing that for three months since I met her. A few days ago, she was at the store and told the clerk she would come by later with her "friend" to come pick the item up. This made me angry that she still won't commit to me. She's a christian, yes, and we're having pre-marital sex, this is true. That's another thing that bothers me. She says she has "needs" but claims to be a Christian. She says it bugs her that I don't believe in the Christian form of GOD (I believe in the GOD of my understanding, even though many of my beliefs do favor most religions). She says she needs to be with someone who relates to GOD on the same level she does and isn't sure yet that she can do that with me. I left for this road trip a little angry and hurt that she hasn't yet committed to me. Well, today she really gave me a lot of info that says she is willing to try and doesn't want to throw the relationship away yet. In all seriousness, since we're not officially "dating", does that mean I cheated? To me, I feel that I have and I feel utterly horrible. I never knew guilt this bad. It's gut-wrenching. But I think if allow myself a few weeks away from her I can cleanse my soul. And really, that is what I need to do. If I tell her, I am positive I will lose her for good. She isn't sure she loves me yet and this would really push her farther away. I love her with all my heart and no more drinking! If she would commit to me, I would never, EVER look at another woman again! Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 well i wouldnt worry so much about it.. i mean.. it sounds like this girl is just toying around iwht your feelings.. i mean... its almost as if shes saying ''you know i cant be with you.. EVER in this lifetime.. so dont try.. but itll be fun to watch if you do'' you see what i mean? u have an email addy or something? my internet browser is ****ing up and im too tired na not in the mood to put up with its **** Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 Yes but I don't want to post it for the world to see. I don't think she is toying with me. I think she's just very apprehensive to give her heart to me yet because she isn't sold on the fact that I am not a god fearing Christian. Trust me, she is a good person at heart and doesn't want to string me along. She's as confused as I am... Link to post Share on other sites
Turbo_sc2 Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 So when u guys had sex did she tell u that she loved u? did u take her virginty away how old are u guys just gettin some info lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 No, she has never told me she loves me. I am 35 and have never been this much in love before. She is 27. Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 yes.. tell us something you dont have to be mean about it.. just asking .. see if ill be nice ever again.. be grumpy.. need more coffee.. o.O i dont think religion is very important anymore i mean.. if she was TRULEY like.. 100% christian.. she would never have pre-marital sex bcuz its against the 10 commandments.. and that would be causing a major sin and putting her in line for hell.. sure.. every girl has 'needs' but come on.. this is the electronic age.. there are subsitutes.. sure not as good as the real thing.. but still.. she dont sound very christian to me.. i used to be very christian and catholic (went to church school.. so forth..).. she just.. arg.. sounds like shes lying to me.. i hate to be rude.. but it does Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC No, she has never told me she loves me. I am 35 and have never been this much in love before. She is 27. then how do you know she feels the same? maybe you should talk to her Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 Originally posted by mørkt selvmord then how do you know she feels the same? maybe you should talk to her Because she told me today she wants to continue the relationship and see how it works. To her credit, she is willing to try. I guess you have to be in our shoes to understand, but it's working well. I didn't mean to screw things up. But I guess since we're not official, I didn't really cheat, but I feel extremely terrible and remorseful. Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 well just try it and see how it works Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 Originally posted by mørkt selvmord well just try it and see how it works What? Telling her?! If I tell her, she leaves me for good! Link to post Share on other sites
Turbo_sc2 Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 Man just forget about it its already done u cant change it u guys are not even b/f g/f or thats what she says so dont sweat it pick up a bible and ask he questions she will be like OMG look at this he wants to know about the bible she will get closer to u . have u ever checkout the bible Code stuff its cool people who wrote this one book tryed to prove it wrong put ended up proving it right cool stuff stuff in bible before it even happened wroten like 3,000 years ago ok ya my girlfriend turned me into a christain. God is great man get to know him better seriously like just pick up the bible and read it ull find anwsers its crazy freaked the crap outta me at first lol. SHE will want u ahahahha marry u oooo ah lol HOPE dont fake it try not to Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC What? Telling her?! If I tell her, she leaves me for good! lol.. NO!! really starting to date her im not that mean Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 Thanks for the advice. I have already had a discussion with the god of my understanding, and trust me, words cannot describe how remorseful I am. It will never happen again. And I don't know about the bible. I tried once when I was young and could not deal with the hypocrisy, but maybe now I will be more understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
lifeisloveispain Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 My Gf just recently confessed to cheating, and here's what I learned. Don't confess if it was a one-time mistake. It doesn't help anyone, and hurts everyone. Your punishment is to live with the knowledge of what you did. Spend your time trying to make it up to her, love her as well as you can, and don't hurt her. That's all you can do. You can't change the past, and telling her will only hurt the both of you. I'm really big on honesty, but this is what I've learned in the last few days. Some things are better left unsaid. Oh, and for the record. My GF is a methodist, my best friend is a born-again Christian, and I'm a pagan. We all get along great. Religion is only an issue if you choose to make it one - it's the differences in life that make it worth living. If this girl loves you and you love her, religion probably won't matter. Just burn that bridge when and if you come to it. -lifeisloveispain Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 wow.. u really do love this girl yeah? the bible is scary.. too long... and the 'thee's.. thous'' and so forth.. my god.. so.. boring *sobs* @_@ Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 Originally posted by mørkt selvmord wow.. u really do love this girl yeah? More than life itself..... Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 same with my bf.. i think he loves me too much.. is that possible? o.O Link to post Share on other sites
young&idealistic Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 OK I actually do have a serious comment, but I can't resist but respond to one earlier statement.... she would never have pre-marital sex bcuz its against the 10 commandments.. and that would be causing a major sin and putting her in line for hell.. Hehe... if you actually read the ten commandments (or the entire Bible for that matter--outside of the implications expressed in Song of Solomon) you'll see that there is nothing whatsoever to do with premarital sex--unless you consider premarital sex adultery. Sorry that was rude, but I couldn't help myself. Now, ConfusedinOC, you seem so genuine that you melt my heart. Honestly though, I think you've already found your answer. You wouldn't feel this guilt if you didn't know it meant something. Technically, no, you didn't commit a crime. Relationship problems seem to fall in a gray area, but here's what I find is the fail-safe technique... the golden rule. How would you feel if she had gotten drunk and slept with another man? Would you want her to be honest? If not, then continue to hide your indiscretion. If so, then you better tell her--you'd be surprised how things come full circle. Some people want to know the ugly truth, others wish to live in ignorance. I'll tell you though--as neurotic as I am about men cheating--I'd be much more likely to trust a guy for my whole life if he came clean about something that happened before we were together--especially if he did it thinking he was going to lose me but wanted to be honest anyway. Do what's right. She deserves it, and you deserve a life free of guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 sex is adultry unless you got married.. i ask my catechist if pre marital sex counted in there as well bcuz you arent married.. and she said yes.. so therefore.. yes. sin.. so if you took those classes for 8 years of your life... then youd know =\ Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 I'll play the Deeveel's advocate and fight for the righteous p.o.v. :-P I also have some questions first: 1. did you use a condom? If you didn't, then you should def. tell her. STD are a bad suprise. 2. Would you want her to tell you if she f*cked someone else? 3. Why do you not think that she has a right to know that you messed up? Not telling someone is the same thing as lying to them. Secrets that could hurt someone are not secrets; they are lies. Thats a sh*tty thing to found a good relationship on, don't you think? 4. Would she tell you if she did the same thing? Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 i like those questions i forgot what i was gonna say *cries* Link to post Share on other sites
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