lifeisloveispain Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 OK, one more thought. I didn't see anyone touch on this, and I think it might be a big deal. I applaud your decision not to tell her. I don't think it would help anyone. But you may have a snag. You didn't use a condom. I'm not gonna preach on the always wear a condom thing, you've heard it a million times through your life up to now, right? But... was this girl on the pill? How do you know she won't get pregnant? If it turns out you might be having a baby with your one night stand, well, that'll be a tough secret to keep. It would kind of change everything, and make everything said up to this point moot. If you can, you need to find out. Just my two cents. -lifeisloveispain Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 That's always a possibility....and I guess I'll cross that bridge if I get there. Hopefully that is not the case and I can close the book on this nightmare and move on with the love of my life....remorseful but much, much wiser. Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 i made a post about the pregnancy thing.. but i guess the freezing.. it didnt go through stupid little me anyways.. have her take a test.. i hope shes not pregnant for your sake.. and the babys if there is one.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 Stop jinxing me you guys! Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 we arent.. are we? not reading ya.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 *knocks on wood*.... Link to post Share on other sites
lifeisloveispain Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 Sorry, not trying to jinx you. Just want to make sure you've considered everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 I have. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Well, she dumped me! But not because of what happened, but she used her "golden parachute". "I need to be with someone who loves God as much as I do..." I understand people have an attachment to religion, but she wasn't living her life like and ideal Christian and if the Christian life is so great, why didn't she lead by example and show me?? Seem to me if your way of life is better, you prove it by leading by example. You don't talk out of both sides of your mouth. The one girl in 14 years I finally fell completely in love, treated like an angel (save my one back slide) and whom I made feel like the center of the universe and I lose her over something I feel can be worked out. Everything was great. We got along well, the sex was great (remember, she's a Christian - pre marital sex is a no-no but she wanted it), I took her to dinner all the time, I made her dinner, I encouraged her to succeed in school (full time college student), encouraged her to do her internship (required for her degree), helped her buy a motorcycle, taught her how to safely ride it, etc. I feel used. I kept giving and giving and really she didn't give much back. She's a beautiful person inside and out and very smart, but I think she's so scared of commitment that the minute things get to hot, she'll pull the chute. Trust me, from her own descriptions, her previous relationships ended this way. And she used the "I need someone who loves God as much as I" to get out of it. If that is the case, STOP DATING MEN WHO AREN'T CHRISTIANS!!!!! I'm agnostic. I believe there is a god, I just am not convinced in the religious views of GOD. I believe in the GOD of my understanding and we have a good relationship. If I had put the kind of expectations her that she put on me, we would not have lasted a week. Sigh. This sucks. Maybe it's karma. No, I doubt that because she did mention the religion thing several times. Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 aww sorry hon (dont be wigged by that comment.. i call everyone whos in pain that bcuz it makes them feel a little better ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by mørkt selvmord aww sorry hon (dont be wigged by that comment.. i call everyone whos in pain that bcuz it makes them feel a little better ) Well, maybe I am hopeless, but I just wrote her a two page letter asking her if there's a way to work things out. She knows I love her. There is no doubt about that. There HAS to be a way. I've never felt like this about anyone and I am not about to just lay down and let her walk out on me. Not if there is a chance to make things work out! Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 it would be better if you called her or whatever or talked to her in person so she could hear your voice on how you felt.. not a letter.. that seems weak.. unless if shes out of town now or something... then thats understandable Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by mørkt selvmord it would be better if you called her or whatever or talked to her in person so she could hear your voice on how you felt.. not a letter.. that seems weak.. unless if shes out of town now or something... then thats understandable I agree, but she's not a talker, she's a writer. I can formulate my thoughts better through email and best of all, she has a photographic memory so when she reads what I have written, it will last with her for a long time. She already knows how I feel. She needs it to sink it, and she does that by reading. I appreciate the insight. Somehow, if there is a GOD, this relationship will work. Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 well.. just work it out the best you can.. if not.. just TRY to move on.. itll be hard... but just try Link to post Share on other sites
ThomasC Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 Ive been reading about your dilemma and i just thought id post my two cents, not necessarily about the one nighter but about your religion issues. First of all, if you're not well versed in your religion and hers i suggest you read both of the books and other texts required for this (This is all assuming you would die for her and that you love her like you say). I've noticed in my own comparing of religions (my dad wants my family to be like him the same religion because he wants us to be saved, note that he is a nondenominational christian) so i did a little research. According to our religion, a very few amount of people would be saved in comparison with the earth(50%?)... well geez i bet 10% of the people in the world would not even be exposed to christianity (sorry my numbers are wrong just off of the top estimates) is that really fair? I didn't think that was right or fair or had any justice to it, you can teach a human being anything you want and if you do it from birth they'll believe what they've learned, does everyone else get damned to hell? So to make my point, i did some looking up and i found that many religions, allow for a lot of leeway. in particular is Christianity, all you have to do is believe in Jesus and that he died for your sins, it states that clearly in the bible, and many religions believe that, but they also believe more. Take the mormons for example, they believe in the new testament but they also believe in their own book which expands it, technically they're saved. So maybe you'll want to consider seeing how similar your religion is with the woman you love, im not very familiar with the specific branches so... there was my two cents... or three.. or four... so just to get you thinking, im only 16 anyway so i dont have much experience in life but hey i thought maybe i might try to help. Good Lucky Buddy Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by mørkt selvmord well.. just work it out the best you can.. if not.. just TRY to move on.. itll be hard... but just try The way I feel right now, it would be impossible. A piece of me dies each day that I am not with her. I am incomplete, lost and alone without her..... Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 i knwo i may be too young to say this... but i know exactly how you feel.. just stay with your friends.. theyll help you through it.. i think she just doesnt want anything to do with commitment or anything bcuz shes afraid to make a big step.. but after 14 years..... thats kinda bad.. isnt it? =\ Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by ThomasC Ive been reading about your dilemma and i just thought id post my two cents, not necessarily about the one nighter but about your religion issues. First of all, if you're not well versed in your religion and hers i suggest you read both of the books and other texts required for this (This is all assuming you would die for her and that you love her like you say). I've noticed in my own comparing of religions (my dad wants my family to be like him the same religion because he wants us to be saved, note that he is a nondenominational christian) so i did a little research. According to our religion, a very few amount of people would be saved in comparison with the earth(50%?)... well geez i bet 10% of the people in the world would not even be exposed to christianity (sorry my numbers are wrong just off of the top estimates) is that really fair? I didn't think that was right or fair or had any justice to it, you can teach a human being anything you want and if you do it from birth they'll believe what they've learned, does everyone else get damned to hell? So to make my point, i did some looking up and i found that many religions, allow for a lot of leeway. in particular is Christianity, all you have to do is believe in Jesus and that he died for your sins, it states that clearly in the bible, and many religions believe that, but they also believe more. Take the mormons for example, they believe in the new testament but they also believe in their own book which expands it, technically they're saved. So maybe you'll want to consider seeing how similar your religion is with the woman you love, im not very familiar with the specific branches so... there was my two cents... or three.. or four... so just to get you thinking, im only 16 anyway so i dont have much experience in life but hey i thought maybe i might try to help. Good Lucky Buddy Thanks. The problem is, she wants to talk to me on the same "spiritual" level and she feels that if I can't do that, it won't work. She has made it clear she wants me to go to church with her. I find it ironic, because she doesn't really live her life as a true christian. I see a double standard. If I can get her to understand what she is doing, and I think I can, then perhaps we can meet on common ground. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by mørkt selvmord i knwo i may be too young to say this... but i know exactly how you feel.. just stay with your friends.. theyll help you through it.. i think she just doesnt want anything to do with commitment or anything bcuz shes afraid to make a big step.. but after 14 years..... thats kinda bad.. isnt it? =\ Yep. At 27, she still lives at home. She won't have her degree until she is 33'ish. By that time I'll be long gone. Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 what do you mean? you're gonna try to move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by mørkt selvmord what do you mean? you're gonna try to move on? No, that means if she thinks that getting her education is the only thing that matters in life (and right now, I think she does), then even if it doesn't work with us, she will still be single at 33. And I won't be waiting around for her. I did tell her that I would not be waiting on the other side forever.... Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 well i think its nice you are considering the option to move on... if shes willing to do this to you... you deserve someone better Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by mørkt selvmord well i think its nice you are considering the option to move on... if shes willing to do this to you... you deserve someone better I have to move on if it won't work. It's the painful process of healing that I am not looking forward to.... Link to post Share on other sites
mørkt selvmord Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 like i said before.. you will always have your friends to help you through it Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted August 29, 2004 Author Share Posted August 29, 2004 !!!!!! I am not going to make it.... I think I know why she cut things off with me. She found someone who shares her Christian beliefs. I just called to talk some more and it sounded like she was on a date. Dammit. 17 years it took me to feel like this and in an instant it's gone. Never have I felt so much like ending it all.... Link to post Share on other sites
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