Only unfulfilled love is truly romantic?

[Cessaro]

Hello to anyone who stumbles upon my words.

 

I would like to share something with nobody and everybody.

 

I believe in true love and indeed have found it, I found it ten years ago when I was fourteen years old. I met my best friend, the person who knows me better than anyone, who can see any sadness in my eyes, make me laugh all day and catch me out if I lie. The connection we have is truly unique and I know very few people have or could understand the depths that our relationship goes to.

 

We have grown up together, been there through everything, we know each others best and worse. But the problem, the only problem, is the line is so blurred between love and friendship that we don't know how to be around each other, we never have.

 

We have never crossed a line and declared ourselves 'together'. We used to kiss each other when we were younger, secretly, as we had a tight knit friendship group and he is four years older so it was a bit controversial. But thats child's play. Over the past ten years since we met, we have both had relationships, and both always hated the others partner. I had a baby with somebody else, that relationship did not work and my best friend was there for me through it all, he helped me in the hard first year of becoming a mother. During this time we were never in a relationship, just spending all our time together.

 

A few months later he was offered job some distance away, and had got involved in a casual relationship with someone he had met. At this moment in time if I had told him not go and to be with me, I know he would of stayed. However, I was nineteen, confused, with a baby, so brushed all my feelings off. He moved away and shortly after this other girl moved up to be with him.

 

Five years have gone by. Never have we lost touch, we still talk nearly everyday. I tell him everything, and he tells me the same. He is still with the same girl, but with no agenda I say this, she is a lovely sweet girl but is not right for him. He even tells me this himself. He is not happy, but has become trapped in a routine and approaching thirty with a girl the same age who is wanting to get married.

 

I on the other hand, have had a one relationship since he left, which was fine but was not right for me. I have loads of friends, I'm soon to be graduating from university and generally have a fulfilling life, I'm happy. But, to me, no man can ever compare to my best friend.

 

I think about him all the time, I am not sad or anything like that. I just feel that when anything funny happens I wish he was there, when I am sad I wish he was there. He is the person I always want to see. So I ask you, what do I do with these feelings?

 

Should I throw away all sense of reason and tell him that I can love no one else like I love him, and totally give in to this intense connection that has held us for ten years?

 

or

 

Is this love so intense and unbearable because it is unfulfilled, is the longing and pain of wanting but never quite having, the thing that makes it so special?