Child out of marriage, broken up & now wanting to get back? But I met someone else..

[soflasurfn]

I am in such a bind, I can't even function. I would appreciate any insight. My on again off again ex of 2 years and I got pregerrs last December. We had only been on again for a week after being broken up for 4 months when that happened.

 

She lived in Oregon and me in Florida. I had been looking at engagement rings before I knew she was pregnant. I wanted to marry her despite our past issues I felt like we were meant to be.

 

So I flew her out when we found out the news and I proposed to her. She said yes, and she moved out here with her kids. (yes she has two kids, I didn't have any yet).

 

She got super sick, puked all day and night (not just morning sickness) and super depressed. She shut me out, stopped saying i love you back, stopped all forms of affection. She's roll over and let me have sex with her occasionally, that's about it. She eventually told me she wasn't sure she wanted to be with me and it "isn't the hormones". Mean while i am doing everything to try to make her happy (at first), taking care of her kids, getting close to them, doing anything a guy can do for a sick pregnant fiance.

 

It got to me after a while, i might have closed off a bit too, distracting myself with games and friends. She eventually said she thought she could recover better back in oregon with friends and family, and didn't expect me to come cause of my work. Hinted that she could come back after or i there, who knows. She left and communication pretty much dried up, she'd respond with texts when i call, more distant and more disconnected then ever before. So I was more then hurt, I became angry and distant myself. I thought maybe it would help at first, but then I got used to it and over her. The whole while she asked if I could just wait for her to be better, I never thought it would truly come and was too put off and hurt to believe it.

 

So I still moved to Oregon, to be there when my child was born. She invited me over to hang out a few times, I declined. I saw her maybe twice in the last month because i was too angry with her.

 

And then I met someone by chance, wasn't actively seeking. She is everything I look for in a mate. Thoughtful, respectful, affectionate, loving, kind, fun. She had just been with some loser for 8 years who couldnt commit and finally left him. I was in bliss.

 

But my baby was born and I was instantly smitten. I started driving over to see her every day and my current GF was and is still very thoughtful to not be overly jealous of the situation. But i could come home to her and be miserable, sad to not be near my daughter.

 

And then my ex flipped like a light switch. I would see her happy, smiling, her depression gone. She was nice to me, thoughtful. She would send me pics of my daughter, ask me how I was, invite me over. This has gone on for 2 months now and just 2 or 3 weeks ago she made it clear she wants me. She apologized, said she was possessed promised to be different. But I have a hard time believing her.

 

See it wasn't just her pregnancy that worries me. WE lived together at one point for a few months and she got some kind of allergy, she did the saame thing in shutting down to me. She was too miserable to show me any affection. We didnt get better. We broke up. She actually remarried some dude she just met, and divorced a few months later. It speaks of her bad decisions and her unpredictability in relationships.

 

But now we text and talk all the time, i find myself checking my phone while im with my GF to see how she is. And then the flip when im with her visiting my daughter. I find myself SUPER confused. I want to be there for my daughter. But I dont know if Mindy just wants me out of necessity, out of animal desire to be with the guy that fathered her kid.

 

I met the woman of my dreams but had a baby with someone who is wanting me back, and I'm afraid I will be miserable either way. I'll be missing my daughter and totally distraught over some other guy being her step dad. Or I'll be wishing I had stayed with the perfect woman (at least perfect 4 months in) if my ex and I go this route again. Plus I'm stuck in Oregon with the new GF and my ex wants to move back to FL with me. I hate it here.

 

I just can't figure out what to do. Be honest with my current and tell her im confused? She'll be totally insecure every time i see my kid w my ex around. Break it off to see how I feel? I'll just get back with my ex. I'm going to see a shrink next but i doubt even he can tell me what to do.

 

Mean while i feel like im running out of time and i just cant function throught the day.

[soflasurfn]

Your ex sounds Bipolar.

 

Run.

 

Run like the wind.

 

I believe bi-polar sufferers have mood swings that go on more consistently. I have thought she has other things though like some kind of passive aggressive personality disorder.

[mercy]

I believe bi-polar sufferers have mood swings that go on more consistently. I have thought she has other things though like some kind of passive aggressive personality disorder.

 

I agree with the run like the wind.

 

You need to look past the joy of your new baby and the fantasy of a happy family.

 

You have experienced this woman by living with her. You were an unhappy man. Don't go back go forward.

 

In a perfect world it'd be great to have two parents in the home. But that isn't how it is with the two of you.

 

Your child needs two happy well adjusted parents, give her that.

 

This new woman, do you love her? Does she accept your new baby? Is she going to be a healthy role model? It isn't fair to her if you are not into her 100%.

 

Here is what I believe about children -

On Children

Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so

He loves also the bow that is stable.

 

 

Do what's best for you and your child will be a happy and content.

[standtall]

Sof..at first glance at your post, I thought you were being kinda harsh on her. You know,she is sick and your supposed to be by her side etc...buuuut, you haven't bought the cow yet, and I would have to say I'm with the other posters here...don't.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I wouldn't go back to your EX. Imagine this all happens again when your child is 10yrs old. Then what?

 

As for the new woman, I feel for her because she is basically in your rebound relationship. That's a rough position to be in. She might be the right person for you, the timing is just bad, a bit early. You are still torn, and understandably so.