In search for a girlfriend at 24

[racer120]

Hi,

 

I'm a 24 year old male, slightly worried over the fact that I still do not have a girlfriend.

Of course there are many people single, but when I see other people around me of my age, they have girlfriends, sometimes they are married, sometimes they even have a child already. It makes me feel like i'm slow.

 

I don't think I'm ugly, but I have very low self-confidence and I don't have many friends. Going out is not something I enjoy particulary. First because the chances are few in the place I live and with little friends, secondly because I don't think my sort of girl will be found in some club with loud music where one can't even have a proper talk.

 

My university years are gone now, and apart from the occaissional romance, nothing really materialized. I live back at home and work in the family company, a job that I actually quite like.

 

I'm just getting a bit desperate and I'm afraid I don't come across well at first because I'm a bit closed and stiff. However, most of my friends would agree that if you get to know me better, I'm actually a fun and nice guy to be with.

 

What would you do in my place to find a girl, and should I lower my standards perhaps?

 

I have had online chats with girls abroad whom I subsequently met, and that went really well. I had a lot of fun, and they did too. Never tried it on the national level.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I suspect you'll get all sorts of different advice from different people.

 

Firstly, I think it's worth saying that it's worth saying that you might as well be true to your genuine self here. No you should not lower your standards. Love and relationships are not (or should not be) like buying the latest phone so that you have what everyone else has, it should happen because it happens, and NOT be forced. Lots of people are in relationships for regular sex or to quell loneliness, without a real sense of enjoyment/love/fulfillment from their partners. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that, but you do need to think about what you are looking for. That will help you with the search.

 

Are you looking for love and a meaningful relationship? Or are you looking for experiences/fun with girls? Or something else?

 

Firstly, don't compare yourself to your peers.

 

Relationships make up and break up all the time in your 20's. Babies, engagements, marriages, all happen at different times (and for different reasons...if at all). You don't know the circumstances of your friends/peers life's.

 

The thing is a baby, a relationship, a marriage, etc, don't really mean much unless you are already happy in yourself (I know everyone says this and I am still trying to figure out what this means) but none of these things in themselves will necessarily make you feel any less lonely or more fulfilled (as many find out).

 

You say you also struggle to make friends so I think you need to start there first.

 

For you, as you are young, I would suggest something ADVENTUROUS. Are you in a position to volunteer abroad/go travelling? If you are, DO IT. This was the thing that changed my life. I went into it just to have a new experience and gain independence, but I gained amazing new friends and even a romance.

 

Don't focus directly on relationships, but put yourselves into situations and try to develop your self esteem and confidence. The other things will follow once you can get a little of that.

 

I have to also add...there were guys, friends of mine, and girls too, who were 'late developers'. Don't let that scare you. They all ended up with partners (even if the partnerships didn't last). IT will happen. There really is someone (actually many people) for everyone. It's just a matter of when it will happen and IF you are open to it.