Affair is destroying me, but can't let go

[dhcp]

You sound incredibly selfish and you are betraying your children. You say you can't get out of bed, blah, blah, blah. You are pathetic. You actually do sound like the worst mom, to be in such "agony" over your affair that all you can do is focus on yourself. Grow up and take responsibility for your life and children. Quit focusing on a ridiculous affair. Feel sorry for your husband too.

 

That's some tough-love but dead-on. I know this isn't what the OP wants to hear, but you are screwing up your children and setting a terrible example as to what loving relationships should be and how inter-personal relationships should work with your husband.

 

If you really think this is the guy for you, step up and get a divorce. People can throw around God all they want but I think if you are truly unhappy in a marriage and you tried therapy and it just isn't coming together, get a divorce. The worst thing you can do is "stay together for the children" if you guys aren't really a couple anymore and you are stealing your husband's chance at having a happy relationship and life.

 

You need to grow up and figure out the right thing and don't be moaning about how hard it is to decide while continuing to see this guy on the side the whole time. Tell him you need time apart until you can come to a decision or make your move. As long as he stays in your life you are never going to progress into a decision and if you continue to do this to your children you are indeed unfit to be a parent and deserve them to be given to your spouse.

 

No, you aren't the worst mother in the world, there was that one that drown her children in Texas, but your children don't deserve you as a mom in your current state. There is no stigma in getting divorced in modern times and seriously, it's better for your children.

 

Stop seeing this dude and decide. If you really are "soulmates" (threw up a little in my mouth there) then he will still be there at the other side of your decision if it goes his way.

 

And I can tell you first-hand from friends, the guy will wil *rarely* split with the wife no matter how much you guys are in love. He will keep the affair going for as long as he can keep it going on the side and I'm sure in the bubble those emotions are real, but if his wife found out you might be caught off-guard at how quickly he cooled.

 

You know how sometimes you see a friend in a messed-up relationship and it's so obvious to you but they are all caught up in it and can't see it? That's how it is right now - we can see this one pretty clearly and your judgement is completely clouded. Not your fault, but you need to A) put the affair on ice and B) consider therapy if that is something that works for you.

Edited November 10, 2012 by dhcp

[justcantletgo]

i feel your pain BT, me as well have been having a hard time forgetting about my xMM. He is all I could think about since DDay and we have gone NC for almost 2 months now. I don't see myself getting over him anytime soon.