Has my dad lost his mind???

[zoomer]

My dad decided he wanted to divorce my mother after 40 years of marriage because he wasn't happy and hadn't been for quite some time..... same story of many! My mother went through a lot of anguish and pain but managed to survive and found a really wonderful man and they were married a year ago. (My parents divorced 3 years ago)

A year or so after the divorce, my dad suddenly became obsessively religious...and I'm certainly not knocking religion, I too am a believer but he has taken it to extreme. His entire life is solely the church. He commented to me one day that the church was his "family". He now has very little contact with his 3 children (my brother, sister and myself)

 

He began "dating" one of the church members who is very unattractive, and has never been married (she's in her 60's). She has lived her adult life with another woman and even bought homes with this other woman. My dad doesn't think there is anything strange about that. She has no children. She is probably a 6-7 inches taller than my dad and he's 5'10. She is a very large woman and even my dad made the statement that he knows she's not pretty, and how large she is. **Not that looks has anything to do with it...just that my mother is very attractive and takes good care of herself and has pride about her. This church lady wears the grandma looking clothes, orthopedic shoes, ..... I sound really ugly saying these things because it sounds like her looks is a problem...it's just that I can't understand what is going on. My dad is a handsome man as well and every single person that has seen the "new couple" comments that they certainly don't go together.

 

My dad's mother, my grandmother, died last year approximately two weeks after meeting the "church lady" and she couldn't stand her and made no bones about it. "Church Lady" butted in with funeral arrangements, etc., which caused hostility with my siblings...it didn't bother me that bad. NOW...my father lives in my grandmothers and grandfather's million dollar home taking care of my grandfather who does not like the "church lady" either!

 

My dad has just announced to us, my brother, sister and myself that he and Church lady are getting married and are having a huge church wedding. He wants my husband to participate along with my children. My husband says he will not even attend much less participate. He doesn't think I should even attend either. I don't know what to do.

My dad told me a month prior to this that his "friend" would like to have gotten a ring but "that ain't happening" he would "never re-marry"! I reminded him of these comments when he announced his plans and he simply said..yeah, well, things change.

The "church lady" has always been cordial to me and never given me any reason to dislike her. I just can't figure out what her motives are. She will be moving into my grandmother's house with my dad and she's never married, lived with another woman many years investing in homes with her, and now all of a sudden ....she wants my dad??? She has pressured him, I do know this.... but don't know what to do or what to say...ANY thoughts would be appreciated. I know this is long and I've even left some things out but I think it tells the overall story. I know I should be excited and happy for my dad and what he wants is all that matters, I just have a horrible feeling that this woman has an ulterior motive but don't know why.... She has definitely taken him from his family, he has very little contact with us at all. I simply can not be excited for him at all, I remember him saying to my grandmother when she asked him what in the world he was doing with this woman...he said, she's a christian. My grandmother was very, very religious too....and also realized that my dad had put his family aside for the church. She told me that she had talks with him and recommended books to him because she said his grandchildren will not even know him. She also was angry that the church was taking my fathers every waking moment. He also quit his job to work for the church....no pay of course...he has completely changed from the man I once knew. My grandmother was very concerned about him and kept telling us how he needed to get away from "this woman" etc.....

[moimeme]

You won't do anybody any good by boycotting the wedding. So far, all you have talked about is how this 'Church lady' is so ugly, big, etc. You've said little about her character. For whatever reason, your dad wants to be with her so it's none of your business. Go to the wedding and support him. If grandad is worried that your dad is up to something, then tell granddad to write his will so that Church Lady cannot possibly get her hands on his money or possessions.

 

My work colleague has a 60-ish friend who also never married. This year, she met a man that she finally fell for and got engaged to. Unfortunately, the louse ended up being a cheater but still people do marry in later years.

Your dad could be trying to fill the hole in his life with religion. I expect that his committment may wear off after a few years, but he doesn't need your condemnation. Support him and be there at his wedding.

[zoomer]

I suppose your right. This is what I know of her character, she is very clingy and wants my dad to herself every moment. I guess I resent that because since she came into the picture, he has literally dropped us like we don't exist. She also talks ugly about my grandpa right in front of him (thinking he can't hear) and he does. He has told me , I guess she thinks I can't hear her because I'm old. LOL...He hears very well! She has told my dad to take her out to dinner and when he suggested my grandpa go, she said...he can stay here and eat leftovers, there's food in the fridge. That's kind of mean in my opinion.

 

I don't really know her character other than these small issues and I certainly can be the bigger person by trying to get to know her better. I have no problem with that at all.... I guess the whole thing is that my dad has changed so drastically and I don't even know him anymore. I've never seen a person change so much and it is confusing. I suppose your right, I will attend and it's his life, none of my business and I'm very good at keeping to my own business, believe it or not. I haven't expressed any feelings whatsoever to my father, grandfather or anyone else. I just hear my sister and brother's comments and say nothing. I just had concerns but really, I guess I shouldn't worry, he's a grown man making his own decisions that He will have to live with, not me. I just hope for his sake, things are as he thinks they are.