Dealing with a paradigm shift after being cheated on

[idontkno]

I dated this man for two years, and I thought our relationship was great and so was he. Then out of nowhere he tells me he kissed a girl. I forgave him and gave him one chance...

 

And then last week he told me he ****ed her.

 

I'm not even mad right now. He's so confused that he was even able to do it, and doesn't know why he did it. I know I should go no contact but

 

My worldview has been shaken in that someone who is a fundamentally good human being, who still insists he loves me and regrets his actions terribly, could do this and not know why he did it. He is one of the most caring, empathetic people I know and I can't make the person that I know mesh with the person that would do this to me. How on earth can you **** someone else and not know why??

 

I'm worried i'm going to keep having issues and not be able to get over this until I figure out how a great person could do something so ****ed up and not know why.

[MrVegas]

Yeah, your world is gonna feel pretty upside down and lonely when that happens. One thing for certain is that it will take time to recover.

 

First though, be sure he is done with the confessions. He did come clean, but it took some time, and you need to be sure that there are no more to come. Then, get yourself and him tested, details like protection get fuzzy when guys are fessing up.

 

Learn more about what happened and why, he betrayed your trust, you deserve to know, and to be sure the situation is done, and that the healing can actually begin. If you feel you can regain his trust, and want to continue in your relationship, then do. Air the dirty laundry, work out the whole situation and move forward, allowing him a chance to earn back your trust and respect. If not, then cut ties and call it a day. It will hurt, but if all you feel is betrayal, you probably wont have much joy in continuing the relationship anyways.

 

I wish you the best through this troubling time

[jimloveslips]

This is EXACTLY why I am single...

 

Really? Good luck with that.

 

Back to the paradigm shift:

I'm worried i'm going to keep having issues and not be able to get over this

 

**** happens. This is a true test of your feelings for each other.

Some people can get through it, even come out of it stronger.

 

The important thing is to talk, don't bottle anything up.

 

A good friend to bounce things off is an asset too (or there's us)...