captiankitty Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Okay me and my bf have been together over 3 years.. I have a friend who I text every now and then but my bf doesnt like him at all because we were more than friends at one point but have never had feelings since. so i never tell him i text him because he will have a fit. i feel like he is the only friend who understands what i go through.. we dont text everyday just enough to not be strangers i guess. im sure if he found out he probably wouldnt trust me for a long time..but idk what to do. he lives hours away from me so he has really nothing to worry about. i never see him. but since we have a history he will NEVER be comfortable about it. should i just stop texting him ? im tired of hiding but at the same time i dont want to lose our friendship and i'm also starting to feel guilty hiding it from him because he is kind of an ex/friend. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Okay me and my bf have been together over 3 years.. I have a friend who I text every now and then but my bf doesnt like him at all because we were more than friends at one point but have never had feelings since. so i never tell him i text him because he will have a fit. i feel like he is the only friend who understands what i go through.. we dont text everyday just enough to not be strangers i guess. im sure if he found out he probably wouldnt trust me for a long time..but idk what to do. he lives hours away from me so he has really nothing to worry about. i never see him. but since we have a history he will NEVER be comfortable about it. should i just stop texting him ? im tired of hiding but at the same time i dont want to lose our friendship and i'm also starting to feel guilty hiding it from him because he is kind of an ex/friend. If your current relationship is more important and your boyfriend being happy is important to you then that is your first priority.Then you have to let go of this friend, rely more on your boyfriend to understand what you are going through, if you dont talk to him he wont know and wont be able to understand.I feel if you have to hide it from your bf than you know in your heart you shouldnt be texting it makes you feel guilt thats why you hide it...so let the ex and the guilt go follow your heart, or come clean with your bf and tell him that you want to text the ex, your relationship that is in the now will become stronger if you let that ex go though, and you will start to find you can speak to your bf about things and then he becomes that friend you can open up to and knows you better than anyone, exactly how it should be in a relationship....i wish you well.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
MrVegas Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Either way, the sneaking should stop. You are right about it being a big issue if you get caught later, and its usually inevitable that it will happen. Does your boyfriend have a reason to be bothered? Are the texts sexual or full of innuendo (even if its just the ex doing it)? Do you make your boyfriend feel inferior to the ex? If you tell the boyfriend that your ex is the only one that understands you, it could stand to reason that he may be feeling hurt or jealous. But think about the other way too. If there are no reasons he could feel threatened, is it a power play, a matter of control? Will it be the ex to go first, then next month you need to stop talking to the friend he doesn't like? You know the full situation, so only you can answer those questions. But, hiding it wont work. If you and the bf can't have open communication and trust, then it just won't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
jimloveslips Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Whatever crap your texting to the ex, send to your current bf, and see what answers you get, he might surprise you, or you might fine out he's got big thumbs... Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 The key is transparency. Are you willing to show your text exchanges to your boyfriend? Would your boyfriend be pissed about what you say to your friend? If its innocent stuff, have a serious talk with your man. Based on his reaction, you can decide whether you want to stop texting or not. If you're being lovey dovey and flirty with this other guy, then the issue is bigger than your boyfriend getting mad. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 (edited) First of all I'm a firm believer in ex's simply not being a part of your life once you get into another relationship. You broke up for a reason and it's just way too much potential drama unfolding. If having this guy in your life is more important then your boyfriend's feelings then there is a problem. You might say "but what about my feelings?" but if your feelings are hurt because you have to cut your ex out of your life then again I think that's a problem. Another red flag to me is you saying he is the "only friend who understands what you go through". Does your boyfriend not understand what you go through? If he does then why is it important that some other dude does as well? If he doesn't understand you then why are you even with him? The big problem is the lying. If even the mere act of texting this other dude is so important to you that you will lie to your boyfriend and put your relationship at risk..you don't see that as a problem? I know some people will see this as your boyfriend just trying to control you, but whether that is true or false it doesn't excuse the lying. If you care about him at all come clean because it is going to look 1000 times worse if he finds out on his own because then even if nothing is going on it is sure going to look like that if you are sneaking around texting other guys behind his back(especially if said guy has seen you naked and such things in the past). If talking to this other guy is so important to you then also tell your bf you are not going to stop talking to him and if he can't handle that then you should not be together, but don't lie to him. Edited November 14, 2012 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
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