sally1530 Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 If you have been engaged and had to break it off or you have been the one left to pick up the pieces.... do tell... why didnt it work? How long did you know each other, who broke it off? Did you ever get back together? Curious? Link to post Share on other sites
Pained Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 I got engaged when I was 16, which I believe is FAR too young for anyone in this day and age to be engaged at, regardless of how much you "love" each other. Personal development needs to come first, and personal development isn't anywhere near complete at 16. I had known him for three months, and we stayed together for nearly four years, at which time I was miserable. I had a lot of anxiety problems, quit my job because I was constantly losing it (although that only lasted about six months) and not on medication yet, had left school, and basically didn't do anything with my life. I was clinically depressed and very lost. He made matters worse by catering to my every whim and not giving me a good swift kick in the ass, which is what I desperately needed. I finally started meeting guys online and eventually broke up with him. I just didn't feel anything for him anymore. We rarely had sex, there was almost no romance (mostly because of me), etc. He took it hard, but I stood my ground. In hindsight it was the best thing I could have done. I ended up moving back home, got my **** together, and now have been employed for six years, am a straight A student in my final year of college, and developed great social skills to the point where I'm a leader in many organizations. I haven't talked to him since shortly after we broke up. We tried being friends, but he was bitter and even suicidal over losing me, and I was dating someone else. I hear he's married now and has two children, and I'm very happy for him. He wasn't the one for me, and vice versa. I guess the moral of the story is that no matter how bleak things look at the moment, they won't stay that way forever. Sometimes things happen in our lives that make it seem like we can't go on, and then, years later when we've developed wisdom and hindsight, we see that things worked out better than we could ever have possibly hoped for. This is true for me as well as him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally1530 Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 Sorry to hear that , but it seems as though it worked out for the best.... I hope someday I feel that way about this situation.... Link to post Share on other sites
Pained Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 I know this doesn't help, but time really is the cure-all. Sometimes it takes a lot of time. Some people can completely get over their exes in three months...for some others it might take a year or two. But you have to have faith in yourself, and in what you want. I have been devastated beyond my wildest dreams, but I eventually always got over them, even when they were "the one", or so I thought. Let me tell you, a LOT of guys I've been with have seemed like "the one". I think romanticizing the relationship really hurts. Your ex was an ass, and you deserve better. Don't put him up on a pedestal. Put YOURSELF up on that pedestal, and realize that someday someone will come along who is at your level. Link to post Share on other sites
Artifact Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 amen to time Link to post Share on other sites
billybadass36 Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Yeah, I got engaged the summer after my sophomore year of college (like 8 years ago now). We'd dated for about 8 months. We were engaged for about a year and then broke it off. We lived together for about 2 and a half months before we figured out that we just couldn't stand each other. She came from money. I was from a really blue collar background, and it was just readily apparent that we had different ideas on what each other wanted out of life. Well, we just "disconnected" over time. We both knew it wasn't working out, were both fairly miserable, and then I went off on a fishing trip for a week, which was good because we both needed time to think things through. Got back, and I was still up in the air, and mostly wanted to make it work out, but my fiance at the time pretty much had decided that it wasn't going to work, and we discussed it and broke it off. She gave me the ring back, gave me a hug goodbye, and I loaded up my truck with as much of my stuff as I could, and drove across Michigan to my parents' house to live out the remainder of the summer before school started again. Well, I've seen her maybe twice since then. Spoken with her on the phone or email maybe half a dozen times. Anyway, we've totally moved on, and I'm now dating someone that I'm totally in love with. I'm not going to lie to you - the ride across Michigan was the worst 2 hours of my life. I had to pull over twice to throw up on the side of the road, mostly out of a gut-wrenching ill feeling that I'd just "failed" at something. Anyway, I was sort of in "limbo" emotionally for a while and I've had problems getting close to people since then. It sucked, but in hindsight and being a bit more mature nowadays, I can honestly say that it was the absolutely best thing that could have happened to me. Link to post Share on other sites
jenk Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Yes I had my boyfriend call off the wedding two months before our wedding date. He said he couldn't handle the fact that during one of the breaking up periods, which lasted about 6 months (longest we had ever stopped dating), due to the fact he continually cheated on me. I ended up dating a guy I knew throughout my previous relationship with the cheat for about four months, and we slept together. After this new relationship ended, my previous boyfriend (the cheater) and I got back together and planned to get married (had the ring, dress, everything all booked). He had promised me he had grown up and would never cheat on me again. Even though he slept with about 25 different girls during our dating. But he could not accept the fact that I had slept with one other guy I had been dating even though we weren't together any longer. However, he found a preacher’s daughter a couple of weeks later, who was 18 yrs old, and a virgin, and married her instead. I was very hurt, but looking back now, I am very thankful! I heard through others that he is still up to his old tricks. Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 Whoa! That old fiancee sounded like a nightmare. Immaturity is one thing, but cheating is quite another. Why did you accept his proposal in the first place. He sounds like a real slim. Count your blessings everyday of you life he's gone! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 I was engaged when I was 19 or 20 (I don't remember now!) He was a year younger than me. We planned to get married in a year and during that time we just fizzled out. He stopped calling me and we stopped going out. I stopped calling him and that was it. We didn't have any closure and I don't know why he stopped calling - except that he obviously fell out of love with me, or realized that he never truly loved me. I got over it. We were too young anyway. Oh! I remember, he gave me an "Itty Bitty Titty Committee" T-shirt for my 21st birthday! So I guess he was 20 and I was 21. I wonder what he's doing now? Who he married? If he has kids? I haven't thought about him in ages! Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 All these over-with engagements are sad. That stinks. It sounds like most people broke up with their fiancees b/c the bottom line was they were too young. But I think when you're old enough, the commitment should be taken seriously, not just a spur of the momment kind of deal. Why were you so curious on "broken engagements"? Are you doing research for a study? Well, I know a couple that ended their engagement. He was maybe about 23 when he proposed. When I asked him when the wedding was, he said it was 3, 4, or even 5 years away! That's when I knew he wasn't serious about it. I even told him and he disagreed. Six months later, when I saw him again, I asked how his fiancee was and he said he dumped her b/c he never really was in love with her. I told him, "You see, I was right" and he just laughed and fianally admitted I was right in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 I broke up my engagement a few months prior to the wedding. I was engaged to a very nice and smart guy- we were both in our late 20s, early thirties. Everything was ready, dress, reception, photos, flowers etc. Everything planned. I broke it up as I realized that for a few years I had been trying to be someone I was not to fit his expectations. He fell in love with the person he dreamt I was. I had been doing it so long, I stop being myself, and I do not think he ever knew the real me. It took me a long time to realize that, but I did, and I also realized that I could not spend my whole life being someone I am not. Based on my knowledge of him, I did not think the real me would fit his expectations. No sure why I did that. He was nice, handsome, caring, and exactly the type of guy I wanted or had expected to marry all my life. We grew up the same way, and my family, his family, and him expected me to fit a mold or I pretty much knew since I was little that he was the type of guy I should marry. Of course, my family loved him and his loved me. It took me long enough, but I finally realized that there is nothing wrong with the real me! It was for the best. It was extremely difficult because it was breaking up with someone that loved and respected me and everyone was so happy. I was going to have exactly what I wanted or was expected to want: husband, children, house with the nice white fence with the "right" guy. Of course, there were doubts, how could I not? He was everything most women want- it was very difficult, but even in the worse times, I know that I did the right thing for myself. ok- thank you for reading- sorry I wrote so much. I have never put it on these terms before, so it was very therapeutical. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 I was 27, she was 31 when we moved in with each other with the idea of getting married later that year or early next. I couldn't handle her insecurity, manipulation and self-righteousness. By no means was it all her fault, but from my perspective, I knew she wasn't someone I was compatible with. Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 I was 32 and he was 36. We were together for 6 months. When he proposed to me he told me that he was seperated from a previous marriage for 7 years. He had just not gotten a divorce. But he told me that he would be filing and rapping everything up so that we could be married in a few months. We started planning the wedding. He never got divorced. I ended up breaking off the engagement and basically wanting to murder him every waking night for the next year after we broke up. He is still the only ex of mine that I never speak to. Link to post Share on other sites
billybadass36 Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Anyone else after having broken an engagement have the same sort of slowness to get emotionally attached with anyone? I mean, I would go out, hook up w/ someone (sometimes) or just date someone for a couple weeks, months, whatever, but it seriously took me like 8 years or so before I could take another leap of faith or whatever...and devote myself entirely to another person. Is that weird or what? Oh, and I had no problems meeting or dating women at all. I just had a short attention span or got bored or just didn't want commitment for a while. It was weird, though, being the guy that always showed up at his friends' weddings solo. That sort of sucked. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Not weird at all, Billy. I'm going through the exact same thing. Sometimes I just can't be bothered giving a s***, or sometimes I care at the beginning only to get bored later. I haven't come close to experiencing the same kind of suspense and highs that I did when I met my first love. I am optimistic, though. I know that there is someone out there who could interest me; I just haven't found that person yet. It takes an awfully long time to find that kind of spark, which is why you should always appreciate it once you've got it. Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 I would never find anyone else! Men really don't seem to be attracted enough to me. But anyone is better off single than with someone who isn't that serious about them. Link to post Share on other sites
sbeck916 Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 My fiancee and I had been together for 3 years. Yesterday, I found out he has been cheating on me for, at least, the past month. He told me, three months ago, that he wasn't happy. But he stayed with me. He even hugged me, kissed me, and said "I love you" before he walked out the door to go to this "uncle's house"...Turns out he met some other girl on his bowling league and has been "hanging out" with here. He's been telling me he's going to his uncle's house when he's really been at her house. But I guess he just recently started going there because he had to wait until she turned 18 (he's almost 25). So, after I found out, I made several attempts to get ahold of him via cell phone. Finally, I let my sister and a friend pack his things ( I was in NO condition to do so). I went to this girl's house (she lives w/her parents) and they informed me that he had told them he and I had broken up previously but he was still living with me and my parents...some lie, huh?!?!?! Anyways, the girls mother told me that I could leave his belongings there with them. While I was there, he came back to my parents house, and took our (his and mine) TV and DVD player. Now, in the three years we were together I bent over backwards to make sure he had whatever he wanted...I even spent $3200 on an engine for his car. The engine is in my name. The engine is sitting in my garage. He told me that he would go to a notary and have papers drawn up that he would pay $200/month til it was paid in full. I just don't believe him. Even if he doesn't pay up, if I want him arrested, I have to pay for it. To top it off, he said if I don't agree to let him make monthly payments that he wants my engagement ring back. Personally, I don't feel that he is entitled to either one. Basically, I think I'm more hurt than anything. That all he cares about is a TV and an engine. I just want it to be over. All I asked for is the truth...I think that after 3 years I deserve that much.......It's the lies he told that hurt the most. And the fact that he doesn't care about my feelings....He still thinks that I should drop everything for him...like I haven't done that long enough. I guess I'm looking for advice. How do you move on? He wasn't just "some guy"...I honestly believed I would marry him. What should I do regarding my ring and engine?? He said that after he gets his engine he wasn't nothing more to do with me. He said he loves me like a friend, not the way someone loves their fiancee. I sure wish he would have told me 3 months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 He sounds like a real jerk! Count your blessings he's gone ! I would feel lousy too. He betrayed you. Be lucky this happened b/f you married him. You don't deserve that. He doesn't even sound like he feels truly sorry for what he did. Once a cheat, always a cheat. How do you get over him? Think of it this way, if you accepted this, he agreed to stop seeing the girl, and you stayed with him, everytime he's late coming from somewhere, acts strange, or whatever along those lines, you would have to wonder. The honesty, trust, respect, and love is gone. Take a few days to grieve, you are entitled to it. After that, move on. Find a better man who you can trust. Always be thankful you found this out sooner rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
TS Posted September 2, 2004 Share Posted September 2, 2004 Hi. I'm new here. On August 15th of this year, my fiancee gave me the ring back and said, "I can't marry you." Her reasoning was, "I want to be on my own". I'm devistated and heartbroken. Here's my story: We met on Easter Sunday 2003 at a church. She had been a member there for some time, and I had recently made a commitment to join. We were introduced to each other, and exchanged pleasantries, and that was the end of it. The following weekend, I was at a friend's wedding, and was going to not be able to drive all the way back from the wedding to attend the "New Member" class at the church. I however, was very committed to this church (having taken almost a year to decide to join), and made the drive anyway. I arrived at church, and there was this girl that I had met the week before. She seemed very popular amongst the folks at the church, and everyone said hello to her. She and I talked briefly. She was very pretty and I noticed she was especially well dressed for church. We talked for about 10 minutes about church stuff, and I went into the class. The following night (Monday night) I got an e-mail from her, about somethings at church. We corresponded via instant messenger, and decided to go for ice-cream. I still at this moment did not realize that she was in fact interested in me. I had gotten out of a bad relationship about 9 months prior, and wasn't looking for anything. That Thursday night (11 days from when we met) we spent the entire night just talking on a blanket at the college she attended. We watched a sunrise and I knew that there was something special about her. We were engaged in late November 2003, and things went along just swimingly. Our families loved each other, her siblings and I got along well, she got on well with my family, it was brilliant. Christmas Holidays were filled to the brim with joy and love, Valentine's day had never been better for either of us. This is true love. We went on vacation in June together, and had a bit of a rough spot, but all was ironed out. We went on vacation in late July/early August to Florida and everything was even better when we got back than when we left for vacation. Things were great. Friday the 13th she met with her therapist and made the decision to end it with me. I did not know this until Sunday. I spent the night building her brother a computer for college. Saturday we had a huge party at my house as a going-away party for her brother, and I had no idea. Her youngest brother got drunk, puked all over my bathroom, and himself. She left early Sunday morning to go to work (7AM - 3PM), and said she would be by later. (I still had no idea). I woke up around 10:30/11:00 AM, cleaned up her brother, made sure he got a shower, some oatmeal, washed his clothes, and drove him home. Sunday around 4:45, she says, "I can't marry you", "I just need to be on my own", "Its not that I don't want you, I don't want anybody right now. No boyfriend, no fiancee, no husband" I realize that there was an age difference between us and that she needs to do some maturing. She's 20, and I'm 32. I've been in some relationships before, but nothing, NOTHING, has ever effected me like this before. I had finally found my true love, and my soulmate. She says she loves me and that there might be a chance later after she's done this period of being on her own, but right now, I've lost my best friend, partner, soulmate, and love of my life. So that's my story. I feel a little better having gotten it out. Thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
hk27 Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 We were together for 2 years when he asked me to marry him, and I was ecstatic. We planned on getting married the next summer, but as it approached, we realized that we couldn't afford it, so we put it off until the next summer. Then 2 months before that date, he said he couldn't get married, he wasn't ready. We tried to stay together, but I just couldn't get over it. So we broke up. We then got back together about 3 months later, because (I thought) we still loved each other. He said he still wasn't ready to get married, and I said that was fine. But if he ever decided that it wasn't just that he wasn't READY to get married it was really that he didn't EVER want to get married, he needed to tell me that. We were together for a year, and things were good, as far as I knew. Then about 3 months ago he tells me that he doesn't ever want to get married. But he loves me, and would like to stay together, and I said that I needed time to figure out if that was something I could deal with. A week later, he says that he thinks he needs to move out and figure out some things for himself - but he still wants to be together. Then a week after that, he says that he doesn't love me. So that was that after 5-1/2 years togther. He now has another girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
hk27 Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 Originally posted by sbeck916 I guess I'm looking for advice. How do you move on? He wasn't just "some guy"...I honestly believed I would marry him. What should I do regarding my ring and engine?? He said that after he gets his engine he wasn't nothing more to do with me. He said he loves me like a friend, not the way someone loves their fiancee. I sure wish he would have told me 3 months ago. WOW - Do I know how you feel. I heard the whole, "I love you, I'm just not in love with you" thing. Personally, I think the ring is a no-brainer, I wouldn't think about giving that back (although if you are anything like me, you don't know what you are going to do with it if you do keep it). As for the engine, I wouldn't let him have it without paying a hefty "down payment" and then let him pay the rest in monthly payments. And no matter what you do, if he does take it, put your agreement in writing, and you might even think about having it notorized when you do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Moops Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Originally posted by hk27 WOW - Do I know how you feel. I heard the whole, "I love you, I'm just not in love with you" thing. I just heard this from my ex fiance this afternoon. Very odd story. We dated for almost 5 years.. had lots of ups and downs, he finally proposed last december. We had a bad year.. a car crash which left us injured in July of 2003... lots of pain and recovery.. and then this year (march) i took very ill and ended up on life support for a week due to an infection. (Im fine now). He couldnt stand the "stress" and started avoiding me after i came back from the hospital... a few months later, he asked for "time out"... I did better than that... I gave him back his ring and other things he had given me..and lo and behold, one day later, he joins an online dating service and is now seeing the first woman who answered his ad. He is now "confused" and doesnt want to hurt her... hey, what about ME? He is so so "honest" with me about her.. but he is not honest with her about me. He doesnt know who to "pick", obviously. But.. now hes been seeing me again... and we were intimate today. He told me that this wont change anything.. that if he will come back forever, he will... and he made it a point to tell me that when we were together he never cheated on me.. but now he cheated on HER. I believe this.. he is not the "player" type. If I didnt love him so damned much, I would tell him to take a hike. Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 After what you told me... You were BOTH in a bad accident AND injured together He watched you become very ill and (Thank God!) recover You were together with this man for 5 YEARS Those alone are 3 biggies honey! Most men that are "uncertian" realize after a horrible accident and illness, leading to possible loss of the person entirely, is reason enough to be thankful you are still with them and THERE for that matter! The things you two went through together are real "life-changing" factors!" You should be enough for him, especially after 5 years! He told you he needed some time out? Good thing you gave him his ring back and told him basically to get lost. Right after he left you after ALL this, he shows no remorse or sadness of any kind that a 5 year relationship, almost ending in marriage doesn't bother him---even for a few weeks? He started dating right after the break-up of your engagement? Now he's back around. You don't sound like you want to get close with him like you once were, but you are allowing him back in your life. Not to mention you also sound as if you have doubts of his prior faithfullness during the "serious relationship?" Not good. Get rid of him and don't give this man a second thought. He's showed you in so many ways he CAN live WITHOUT YOU. Perhaps there are other things I don't know, or maybe if I knew you much better, the situation isn't as bad as it sounds, but if this is what it is, then don't waste any time with him---even just as a friend of whatever type. You sound to me like you can do MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
uhhmmmm. Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 I have no idea why I am telling a bunch of strangers this, but here goes... I am 28 and have been engaged for less than a year to my fiance who I have been with for 9 years. We have never had a split, both of us are faithful to eachother, we started out as best friends out of high school and after a year of college we started dating. We have lived together between our parents houses for four years and for the past year and a half we have lived together in our dream house we built together. So, where is the catch? I am having reservations about getting married in two weeks! I have been convincing myself for the past three months that it is just cold feet but I cant stop having these thoughts. I cannot talk to anyone about it as all our friends are mutual friends and I dont trust anyone else, so why not a bunch of strangers. Right? I cannot tell my fiance my doubts without hurting my fiance severely and I dont feel it is right to go through with it knowing my reservations about getting married. I guess I have not explained why I am having reservation so here goes. First, I am a very passionate and intimate person, but I can count on one hand the amount of times we have made love in the past two years +. I have confronted my fiance on this for the past four years about my wants and needs but the only answer I have ever received is I dont know why I dont want to or sorry. Second, I come from a very organized family, exerything has a place and a place for everything. Since we have been living together it is a constant battle to keep the house clean and organized. I do the dishes, cook dinner, wash clothes, dust, clean the bathrooms, mow the lawn, you name it I do it 80-90% of the time... This may sound like a small thing but over time it has really caused resentment. Third, I also have a very active lifestyle or I should say I did. My fiance does not hang out with friends, does not do anything without me, besides go to work and if I want to go out with my friends my fiance either has to come with, which is great, but most of the time does not come along and I get a very huge guilt trip about not spending enough time together or asked what am I supposed to do while your out? I maybe go out one night a week tops and I am home by 9-10 at the latest and every other moment besides work, which is 9-5 is spent together. I am a social drinker but my fiance is not, hates the smell. I gave up drinking to try to improve our love life, cant have bad breath right. Nothing changed. We go out on dates weekly even after eight years together, I am trying here... I love to work out, but the hour or two spent working out two or three times a week was too much time away so I gave that up as well. My fiance has told me many times that without me life would not be worth living. How am I supposed to take that? I feel so trapped. I feel as thought I am no longer being myself and living my life as a result of trying my hardest to meet my fiances needs but as hard as I try I am not meeting them. I love this person soo much but yet I feel as though I am no longer myself and I am not happy with our relationship or my life. Dont get me wrong I am not depressed. I am just not happy! Even the wedding has been planned by me. I think the only part of the planning I didnt do was my fiances attire, the invitations and the photographer. I dont have feeling for anyone else as I wouldnt even know how to... I do love my fiance, but I feel as though we have become more like friends over the past few years as college has ended and I am just not happy with how my life is being tied down supporting our relationship and satifying my fiances needs. I am not looking for answers from anyone. I just needed a place to write this all down. We have talked about sharing the workload and nothing changed there, we have talked about why my fiance has no interest in me sexually and nothing has changed, actually I still have no answer. I am romantic. I always hug, kiss and snuggle, candle light, dinners, run baths, gifts, surprises... Every night I spoon my fiance until I wake up. I am not pushy about it. I dont complain about not making love when I am in the mood and my fiance is not. I have tried and tried but when does a person break and say that is enough? How do you tell someone you love that you no longer want to spend the rest of you life together and that you can no longer support them the way you have for years and years. My fiance is not independent at all. If I leave my fiance will be out on the street alone, with no friend because they were dropped for me. My fiance has never lived alone or spent more than one night alone, ever. I however feel as though I have been alone for quite some time now and as our day approaches I feel further apart every day. How do you intentional hurt someone you love??? I dont think I can do it... Link to post Share on other sites
DI Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 I got engaged when I was 18, having been going out with my boyfriend for a year. He was four years older than me. We were very much in love but agreed not to get married for at least a couple of years. Generally we were very happy together, though we had the odd row now and again. Can't remember what about really, but since this was all about 30 years ago that's not surprising. We hadn't much money though were both in work and living with our families. Then, out of the blue, he told me he'd met someone else and the engagement was over. And he wanted the ring back. He was totally cold and uncaring about how I felt - it was as if overnight he'd turned into a stranger. He even told me to hurry up and give him the ring as he had a date with his new girl and I was making him late ... So, that was that. Pride was what held me together, though inside I was devastated. I put a brave face on things to the outside world though it was a hard thing to do. My ex phoned me twice at my workplace, to talk about the things we'd bought together and who should keep what. I was civil to him on the phone, as I would not give him the satisfaction of thinking I was still hurting (though of course I was). But then I was introduced to a new man by a mutual friend and life began to feel worth living again. This new man was such a nice person and totally gorgeous too! One night he and I went into a local bar and there was my ex and a friend (male) having a drink. I went across to speak to him, but he didn't appear to have much to say - for once! I asked him if he'd like to be introduced to my new boyfriend (I enjoyed saying that!) but he muttered something about having to go, in a great hurry, some other time .... Shortly after this encounter my ex and his new girl got engaged, then married about 6 months after he'd finished with me. I got engaged to my new boyfriend round about this time and we married the following year. Both marriages have lasted, I'm glad to say, though my ex had marital problems which led to a breakdown. He had had other health problems and hasn't been able to work for years, also he has fallen out with the rest of his family to the extent that they don't speak at all now. It seems his wife doesn't wish to socialise in any way, except with her own family. The only reason I know all this is because my mother lives in the same small town and I visit her every week and so am talking with lots of my old friends who bring me up to date with all the local gossip. Do I feel he got what he deserved? Well, yes and no. I would never wish ill-health on anyone, nor do I want my ex to be unhappy. But on the other hand I feel that when he broke off our engagement he really couldn't have cared if I'd committed suicide. I was ill at that time, but he didn't care about that either. And something I forgot to say - I was told by various people at that time that both he and his new girlfriend were busy telling people a lot of lies about me, about what a bad horrible person I was and how it was I who'd broken the engagement (unbelievable!). Some of the things they were saying were libellous but I figured that the people who knew me would know these lies for what they were so I made no attempt to retaliate. When I think of how both of them tried to ruin my reputation in my home town I feel their present situation is well-deserved, a type of cosmic justice. Sorry for such a long post, but in a way it's a relief to be able to write it all down. My husband and I are so happy together that I seldom think of the past, but maybe the hurt was never dealt with and is still there somewhere. I hope those whose engagements have been broken more recently find happiness too. Believe me, if someone is cruel and heartless you are better off without them. You can do better! Link to post Share on other sites
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