AsItIs Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Please don't tell me that I should stop seeing him! It's not getting in the way of my healing process but, if it ever came down to that, I would consider finding a new one.I've been seeing him weekly for 3 weeks now, and I'm thinking about him more and more. The thing is....he's not even really handsome to me! I just like his personality & the challenge of it. I am 99% sure that he's attracted to me too. I know you guys may say I'm wrong, or that it's just transferrence but, trust me....I can tell.He looks at me and smiles for what seems like an eternity and doesn't say anything.(I know that's a technique that good therapists use, to gauge my body language, my reactions & also his way of thinking before he speaks but, I have noticed that he doesn't smile at anyone else the way he does at me.) During our last session I was telling him about having sex with a guy I met online.I used the word "sex"-my therapist specifically said "f*cked" twice when he was asking about it. I mentioned to him during my first visit that my ex was a therapist & he has brought it up like 3 times.Instead of saying my ex's name he says"oh,the therapist guy?"and smiles. I told him how much money I spend on marijuana & he said "oh-you must smoke the good stuff?"...I even called him out on that one. I said "I can tell you smoke...you just look like it" to which he said "would it make a difference to you if I did?"...basically admitting that he does. But that's besides the point-what do you guys think about this? Should I bring it up sometime in the future when I feel like the time is right? Or should I just pretend I don't have these thoughts? Again-I'm not going to see a new therapist at this time.Thanks for any feedback and advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AsItIs Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 I also wanted to add that when I first met him, I told him that therapist & psychologists all have mental issues & that's why they are in the field.I told him that I can spot people with personality disorders from a mile away just by their eyes.I can sense it.I have NEVER been wrong yet! I told him that I'm only attracted to guys with personality disorders.I told him that I can pick the most crazy person in the room & we will mesh together like a moth to a flame.So...my point is...I know he's nuts & he knows I know he's nuts & I'm sure we would mesh well. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 The only thing I find I can say is to please find a psychiatrist. And preferably one you wouldn't want to f*ck. You need way more help than anyone here on this forum could ever give you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Hahaha, and I think you're nutts. I'll prob get hanged for this but I say go for it!! It seems as though you've already made up your mind, and I doubt anything we say here will change that. You'll read 25 replies that say "no don't do it" and they won't sink in, but you'll latch on to the only reply that says "go for it" (this is what you're really looking for right?). Also I HIGHLY doubt you'll be thinking about responses from LS when you are in front of him pondering jumping his bones. Let us go how it goes...... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 The only thing I find I can say is to please find a psychiatrist. And preferably one you wouldn't want to f*ck. You need way more help than anyone here on this forum could ever give you. I also wanted to add that despite your mental and emotional health needing extensive repair that no one here can provide, you will more than likely continue posting here for the attention you so intensely crave. I will no longer be one of those posters to satisfy that craving. I hope others here will follow my lead so that you may be spurred into seeking assistance that will do you some real good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Counselors, including psychologists and psychiatrists, would get into serious trouble if they had a romantic relationship with their clients. It's highly unethical, and compromises the therapeutic relationship. They could lose their license and be subject to legal liability. If you are having these feelings for your counselor, please ask for a referral to another one. It does compromise the therapeutic relationship and makes any progress in therapy severely compromised. Therapists also cannot engage in a romantic relationship with their clients for at least two years after therapy ends, as I recall. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AsItIs Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 I also wanted to add that despite your mental and emotional health needing extensive repair that no one here can provide, you will more than likely continue posting here for the attention you so intensely crave. I will no longer be one of those posters to satisfy that craving. I hope others here will follow my lead so that you may be spurred into seeking assistance that will do you some real good. I just want to say that your first response was actually really helpful & completely true & I appreciated it. I agree with you TigressA.I am not on LS expecting anyone to cure any "emotional or psychological problems "that I may have.I just thought was a place that everyone was welcome to discuss interpersonal relationships? It seems like I am being shunned while other posters are allowed to post anything they want & everyone is so supportive & happy to constantly reassure them.Just because I come across as having confidence, no one wants to help? How is that fair? If you choose to never reply to anymore of my posts,that is totally your decision...and I'm actually kind of sad that I'm being treated like an outcast but I won't take it personal.I hope that others don't follow your lead because I'm really not seeking attention- I am just like anyone else on this board....searching for an outside perspective. I wish you all the best tigressA & thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AsItIs Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 Thanks NavyAirTraffic & KathyM! From what I've described....does my therapist seem unprofessional? Link to post Share on other sites
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Kathy is right, I was unaware of the rules. It is a misdemeanor to have any relations (as described below) in the U.S. and will result in fines and him losing his license. However in Texas and several other states those rules have been strengthened to felonies and the minimum time has been lengthened!! NBCC - National Board of Certified Counselors Section A: General 10. Sexual intimacy with clients is unethical. Certified counselors will not be sexually, physically, or romantically intimate with clients, and they will not engage in sexual, physical, or romantic intimacy with clients within a minimum of two years after terminating the counseling relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AsItIs Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 Kathy is right, I was unaware of the rules. It is a misdemeanor to have any relations (as described below) in the U.S. and will result in fines and him losing his license. However in Texas and several other states those rules have been strengthened to felonies and the minimum time has been lengthened!! NBCC - National Board of Certified Counselors Section A: General 10. Sexual intimacy with clients is unethical. Certified counselors will not be sexually, physically, or romantically intimate with clients, and they will not engage in sexual, physical, or romantic intimacy with clients within a minimum of two years after terminating the counseling relationship. Yes....I am actually aware of that too.I know realistically, that it will never happen.(haha-atleast not until I stop seeing him as a therapist...and then wait 2 years) But I'm just wondering what you guys make of this?Should I ever mention it? Does he seem unprofessional by using the word "f*ck"?Is it normal for a therapist to smile at you for so long while not saying anything?I've even directly asked him a question,wanting a genuine response & he forgot all about it. Link to post Share on other sites
charlietheginger Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Its called mind ****ing you He is a pro He knows how to use his eyes his Voice his body language He is pulling on your emotions To open your heart to him People who have a emotional attachments To people through eye contact voice body Language will stay his clients... People that feel nothing emotional will Leave the office feeling nothing happened.... First rule when building trust is direct eye contact Showing you arent afraid by the other person But are inviting them eye contact represents Trust listening caring concern... Unless its creepy staring... Some womanizers can look at a women and dialate the pupils intentionally to make A women feel as he is attracted when infact He only wants sex... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Do a site search on the member Fun2bMe. I will try to find the link. DO NOT have sex with your therapist. That's the biggest mistake you'll ever make in your life!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 That guy sounds creepy. If I were in your position I would never go back to him again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 (edited) Since you're just going to do what you want anyway, here is what I suggest. 1. Tell your current therapist you want to see him away from the office and suggest that you and he smoke pot together--the good kind! 2. Get yourself a FEMALE pyschiatrist to see professionally. Problem solved! Edited November 11, 2012 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pcplod Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Maybe he is just 'dry running' on you because he knows nothing can ever become of it. Maybe you are a test bed for someone else he has in mind, someone who is not a client. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
raea Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 I told him how much money I spend on marijuana & he said "oh-you must smoke the good stuff?"...I even called him out on that one. I said "I can tell you smoke...you just look like it" to which he said "would it make a difference to you if I did?"...basically admitting that he does. ^^just wanted to point out, This doesn't mean he does smoke ;0) When clients ask me about my personal life, which I'm not supposed to disclose, this is often a technique I use to build rapport and to get to the root of WHY they are asking without saying yes or not. He could smoke, but I've used this phrase in situations where I really don't engage in the behavior and also in ones where I have. it's a generic phrase. In a non-therapeutic context, yes I would say he means that.. but the rules are changed in therapy. I want to reiterate what others have: engaging in any type of behavior with him outside of therapy, even just as friends, is grounds for him to lose his license. I know that part of this may be the allure for you. You've mentioned in past posts, correct me if i'm wrong, that you like guys who have it all to want you. He would be giving up a WHOLE helluva lot - his career - to engage in actions with you, and I think THAT type of selflessness is what is attracting you to him. The power you'd feel when he was willing to ruin his life for one night. I cant tell you what to do, because you already said you dont want to hear that option But, I encourage you to realize that if you do bring it up, he may terminate your sessions to protect himself. if you flirt/feel that attraction while you are there, he may again terminate sessions and refer you to another. You're not alone. Many people become attracted to their therapist, because it is someone who listens to you devotedly for an hour, gives you encouragement and praise, and knows the deepest darkest things you couldn't tell others. You grow close. But, we have to remind ourselves in the profession that its a THERAPEUTIC relationship, and that is where it ends. regardless of what you choose to do, I fear you are going to dislike the outcomes... I'm sure this wasnt what you were looking for when you asked me to stop in, haha Link to post Share on other sites
rn0408 Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Please don't tell me that I should stop seeing him! It's not getting in the way of my healing process but, if it ever came down to that, I would consider finding a new one.I've been seeing him weekly for 3 weeks now, and I'm thinking about him more and more. The thing is....he's not even really handsome to me! I just like his personality & the challenge of it. I am 99% sure that he's attracted to me too. I know you guys may say I'm wrong, or that it's just transferrence but, trust me....I can tell.He looks at me and smiles for what seems like an eternity and doesn't say anything.(I know that's a technique that good therapists use, to gauge my body language, my reactions & also his way of thinking before he speaks but, I have noticed that he doesn't smile at anyone else the way he does at me.) During our last session I was telling him about having sex with a guy I met online.I used the word "sex"-my therapist specifically said "f*cked" twice when he was asking about it. I mentioned to him during my first visit that my ex was a therapist & he has brought it up like 3 times.Instead of saying my ex's name he says"oh,the therapist guy?"and smiles. I told him how much money I spend on marijuana & he said "oh-you must smoke the good stuff?"...I even called him out on that one. I said "I can tell you smoke...you just look like it" to which he said "would it make a difference to you if I did?"...basically admitting that he does. But that's besides the point-what do you guys think about this? Should I bring it up sometime in the future when I feel like the time is right? Or should I just pretend I don't have these thoughts? Again-I'm not going to see a new therapist at this time.Thanks for any feedback and advice! I find it funny the crazies call people crazies. You are showing signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. He is giving you therapy to help you and is there to help you. He would boot you faster than anything if you advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AsItIs Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 Maybe he is just 'dry running' on you because he knows nothing can ever become of it. Maybe you are a test bed for someone else he has in mind, someone who is not a client. Interesting.....can you please elaborate on that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AsItIs Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 I told him how much money I spend on marijuana & he said "oh-you must smoke the good stuff?"...I even called him out on that one. I said "I can tell you smoke...you just look like it" to which he said "would it make a difference to you if I did?"...basically admitting that he does. ^^just wanted to point out, This doesn't mean he does smoke ;0) When clients ask me about my personal life, which I'm not supposed to disclose, this is often a technique I use to build rapport and to get to the root of WHY they are asking without saying yes or not. He could smoke, but I've used this phrase in situations where I really don't engage in the behavior and also in ones where I have. it's a generic phrase. In a non-therapeutic context, yes I would say he means that.. but the rules are changed in therapy. I want to reiterate what others have: engaging in any type of behavior with him outside of therapy, even just as friends, is grounds for him to lose his license. I know that part of this may be the allure for you. You've mentioned in past posts, correct me if i'm wrong, that you like guys who have it all to want you. He would be giving up a WHOLE helluva lot - his career - to engage in actions with you, and I think THAT type of selflessness is what is attracting you to him. The power you'd feel when he was willing to ruin his life for one night. I cant tell you what to do, because you already said you dont want to hear that option But, I encourage you to realize that if you do bring it up, he may terminate your sessions to protect himself. if you flirt/feel that attraction while you are there, he may again terminate sessions and refer you to another. You're not alone. Many people become attracted to their therapist, because it is someone who listens to you devotedly for an hour, gives you encouragement and praise, and knows the deepest darkest things you couldn't tell others. You grow close. But, we have to remind ourselves in the profession that its a THERAPEUTIC relationship, and that is where it ends. regardless of what you choose to do, I fear you are going to dislike the outcomes... I'm sure this wasnt what you were looking for when you asked me to stop in, haha Thanks again Raea I just want to reiterate the fact that I would never ever act on this hunch because I would never want to cause any problems for my therapist.I think you nailed it when you said that I would part of the allure for me is feeling powerful knowing that if I did manage to make him risk it all for me.But again...I would NEVER act on this. Thanks again for taking the time out to respond.The most important question I would like to ask you though is...when my therapist stares into my eyes for a long time (seriously like 5 whole minutes of starring & smiling in silence)I almost feel like it's a staredown to make me talk.I try to stare back as long as I can but he always wins the battle & I either look away or giggle out of akwardness.A serious question here-should I tell him this makes me feel akward or is he actually being akward? Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 I just wan to point few things out. I have a best friend that works as psychologist. When you asked him a personal question he deflected it, (would it make a difference if I do?) rather than answer it. This is a standard technique. In "you smoke the good stuff" he was trying to build a rapport and make you feel comfortable enough to talk about your problems. If he made you feel judged for smoking pot, you would probably close up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 This is EXACTLY why I only seek female therapists. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AsItIs Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 I find it funny the crazies call people crazies. You are showing signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. He is giving you therapy to help you and is there to help you. He would boot you faster than anything if you advance. Takes one to know one. Lol! I do realize he would boot me though, so as long as I keep feeling like he is someone I can open up to, I'm not going to open the can of worms. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 This reads like the plot of In Treatment season one. You sure you're not making this up to wile away your time on a lazy Sunday? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AsItIs Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 This reads like the plot of In Treatment season one. You sure you're not making this up to wile away your time on a lazy Sunday? I've never heard of that show but now you've got me curious, I think I'm gonna search for it online.But seriously, this is not made up one bit.This is my first time actually visiting a mental health practicioner so I'm just wondering what's normal, & what's not, & curious to hear other people's experiences- to see if any of this is unusual.Thanks for the replies so far everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
rn0408 Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Takes one to know one. Lol! I do realize he would boot me though, so as long as I keep feeling like he is someone I can open up to, I'm not going to open the can of worms. I'm sure you're one of those nutjobs that say "I have sex to feel wanted and liked." Seek help and I hope you don't live close to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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