KissMyTiara Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 One of my closest gal pals has listened to my story and its updates re: my relationship with my MM. Things between him and I are good, if not great, really. But the littlest things upset me, drive me into a downward spiral of dispair, worry, and confusion, more so than I do when I am dating a single, available, not-legally attached guy. So, after reading my most recent chronicle, this gal, bless her heart, sent me the following. FELLOW OWs, READ THIS AS IF IT WAS COMING FROM YOUR BEST FEMALE FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, ONE WHO WOULD NEVER LEAD YOU ASTRAY, AND ONLY WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY: Girl, I am telling you that you need to get away from this situation soon b/c it is only going to cause you more pain. He is not going to change. I am sure he is loving having you at his convenience, but he's not going to change his life (if you know what I mean) for you. He's made that clear. If it is causing you heartache now, its only going to get worse. You will find someone else who can give you everything you want (as opposed to just the physical stuff - no matter how good). The more you drag it out, the harder its going to be.... So sorry this is happening. Life is not fair. I'm getting out, and soon. Seriously. And I'll need your support. Link to post Share on other sites
fanou22 Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 Tiara, We will be here for you to support you in your decision. Once you get out, feel free to vent and rant as much as you want. Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 Tiara, What your friend wrote is so so true. I urge all the OW on here who are in the early stages, or the contemplation stages, to either avoid getting into the relationship altogether if they haven't yet, and if they have, to get out as early as possible. I am still struggling to end my relationship with my MM and it's so difficult, although I am so stinking close I can taste it. When I write in my journal and talk to my friends, I never fantasize that what I want is for him to leave his wife and be with me. My fantasy is stuff like "I wish I never had started seeing him again", "I just want to be out". I visualize my situation as a prison with a door wide open and I go outside then get scared and come back into a dark, depressing prison -- when I have the power to walk out and be free. I hate my situation and only want to find the strength to walk out and stay out. Tiara, how long has your relationship been going on? Where are you re: ending it. Can I offer you any support? The sooner you get out, the less time you will have wasted. Leave him Tiara, if you can. If you can't, try harder and don't give up until you do. Good thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 8, 2004 Author Share Posted August 8, 2004 kkat - My relationship with my MM has been going on since about mid-May. At that time, I didn't know he was married. It wasn't until mid-June (so, about a month into it) that I found out the truth. I'm not taking any objective steps to end things with him other than starting to date two very nice, SINGLE men. They are really getting my attention. Also, if you read my other posts, like about not seeing the MM on the weekends and having him cancel on me, I think you can see that I am very frustrated and already fed up with being second (or, more like 5th) in his life. I've never settled before, EVER. I am ridiculously picky, so I am just soooo amazed at myself for letting this "relationship" continue, ya know? What REALLY pisses me off is that I was starting to become mighty friendly with a great guy when I started seeing MM...and I kinda blew off the nice guy bc somehow, someway, something about the MM stole my heart away. Had I known he was married from the get go, I think I'd probably still be dating the nice guy, but who knows. My MM is by far the sexiest man in the world to me, so who knows what I would have done... Anyways, after my rambling...to answer your question re: where I am with ending it: close to nowhere. It's all in my mind, I guess. "This is what I want in my life, this is what I eventually want to have, and I am certain that he can't give it to me, so what am I doing?" I have this talk with myself every damn day, and I come on here every damn day, looking for support. I even bought this book from Amazon called "This Affair is Over!!!", and I am checking the mail daily hoping the damn thing will show up (I hear it works wonders, seriously). He's a truly unhappy man where his marriage is concerned. Loves his kids, loves his lifestyle, but he doesn't have any romance or spark with his wife. He's even so much as hinted that he doesn't even know what love is, bc he got married at 23 (and married now for 11 years with 3 kids) that he didn't know what he was doing at the time. Sure, perhaps that is all BS just to make me feel bad for him, but something in my gut tells me he is really, truly unhappy, and that if he could go and bring his kids with him, he would... I don't know. I need your support. I'm trying, I'm in the beginning stages. I'm not in denial, that's good, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 Tiara you just keep going with what you have to do..... It WILL be difficult and painful and you will have many 'What If' moments. But it will get easier with time. Easy words to say, I know. It's important for all of us to learn the concept of 'selfism', so you keep concentrating on what you need from life, Tiara, what YOU need from relationships. Look at this time you spent with him not as wasted time, but as a situation that forced you to gain courage and emotional growth. Be true to yourself. It's not about being 'selfish'. It's about respecting the self and protecting the self, cherishing it and giving it only the best. Because that's how we flourish and prosper emotionally. I heard a great saying once; "If I don't take care of my mind and body and spirit...I will have no place to live" I am sorry your friend is so unhappy in his marriage, but his happiness is not your responsibility. The fact that he can't find a 'spark' with his wife is not your concern. It's a relationship he needs to either END or FIX. People spend years CHOOSING to be 'confused' rather than face hard truths. You should not be dragged around by the emotional baggage HE refuses to face. Good luck. Just keep facing forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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