Why do women get mad when you think their beliefs are stupid?

[Cloaky]

This story dates back to my very first relationship.

 

I'm a honest person. When my ex told me she believed her family was a long line of psychics, I called shenanigans.

 

My ex also claimed to see ghost and talk to them.

Her bipolar mentally challenged schizophrenic daughter was also taught to believe she had inherited these said powers.

 

Now, I'm a logical person. A computer programmer. I don't even believe in God, so no chance I would ever even comprehend her perspective.

 

One of the reasons for our breakup was: "You didn't accept my spiritualism!"

 

Ugh. Really? Why is so important that I BELIEVE in your god, mystic powers, whatever. Why can't we agree to disagree and respect our differences?

[bentnotbroken]

Funny you would ask the question why do women get mad....my experiences with similar circumstances involved men...do you think men get mad?

[skydiveaddict]

Ugh. Really? Why is so important that I BELIEVE in your god, mystic powers, whatever. Why can't we agree to disagree and respect our differences?

 

Because for some reason, (women especially) get wrapped up in the nonsense of astrology and "physic abilities." Who can say why? But the minute you question these notions you are down the road.

[Anela]

Because for some reason, (women especially) get wrapped up in the nonsense of astrology and "physic abilities." Who can say why? But the minute you question these notions you are down the road.

 

When you dismiss someone's actual experiences, that's pretty annoying. There are books out there containing scientific proof of certain types of psychic phenomena, and other things, people won't believe in until they experience them themselves.

[Eddie Edirol]

Because for some reason, (women especially) get wrapped up in the nonsense of astrology and "physic abilities." Who can say why? But the minute you question these notions you are down the road.

 

Alot of people need fairy tales to survive mentally. they cant take their lives in their own hands, and live based on their own decisions. They have to believe that someone else helped them make those decisions. Also, if you call a womans beliefs stupid, many women will take that as you telling them they shouldnt believe what they believe, or they shouldnt feel what they feel. But its all subjective to personality. Its difficult to deal with BPD in the first place.

[alexandria35]

This story dates back to my very first relationship.

 

I'm a honest person. When my ex told me she believed her family was a long line of psychics, I called shenanigans.

 

My ex also claimed to see ghost and talk to them.

Her bipolar mentally challenged schizophrenic daughter was also taught to believe she had inherited these said powers.

 

Now, I'm a logical person. A computer programmer. I don't even believe in God, so no chance I would ever even comprehend her perspective.

 

One of the reasons for our breakup was: "You didn't accept my spiritualism!"

 

Ugh. Really? Why is so important that I BELIEVE in your god, mystic powers, whatever. Why can't we agree to disagree and respect our differences?

 

I'm a woman and I don't believe in most of that stuff either, however there is huge difference between not sharing someone elses beliefs and telling someone their beliefs are stupid. You should be able to disagree and respect your differences but you're not doing that if you are belittling the other person for what they believe.

[mercy]

This story dates back to my very first relationship.

 

I'm a honest person. When my ex told me she believed her family was a long line of psychics, I called shenanigans.

 

My ex also claimed to see ghost and talk to them.

Her bipolar mentally challenged schizophrenic daughter was also taught to believe she had inherited these said powers.

 

Now, I'm a logical person. A computer programmer. I don't even believe in God, so no chance I would ever even comprehend her perspective.

 

One of the reasons for our breakup was: "You didn't accept my spiritualism!"

 

Ugh. Really? Why is so important that I BELIEVE in your god, mystic powers, whatever. Why can't we agree to disagree and respect our differences?

 

Did you use the word stupid or respect?

[pie2]

Why can't we agree to disagree and respect our differences?

 

Calling someone's beliefs "stupid" isn't respectfully agreeing to disagree!

 

One of the reasons for our breakup was: "You didn't accept my spiritualism!"

 

I think you guys broke up for reasons much deeper than, "not accepting her spiritualism".

 

EDIT: Oh, lol, everyone's posting similar things!!

 

Mercy: Double like!

Edited November 12, 2012 by pie2

[skydiveaddict]

There are books out there containing scientific proof of certain types of psychic phenomena, and other things, people won't believe in until they experience them themselves.

 

What "scientific proof?"

 

I assume then that the "science" of astrology and psychic phenomena would be taught at most, maybe some or even one major university?

[Anela]

What "scientific proof?"

 

I assume then that the "science" of astrology and psychic phenomena would be taught at most, maybe some or even one major university?

 

I'm not interested in working to convince you. You can search for anything yourself, but you don't want to, you're just trying to look superior.

 

I've had experiences, and so have others that I know. My disbelieving Uncle had one experience and was white as a sheet. Another one died on the operating table and came back believing in God. Things happen.

[threebyfate]

A computer programmer.

What if a partner didn't believe in technology, calling it a waste of time, Earth's resource hog and greatest polluter?

 

Because for some reason, (women especially) get wrapped up in the nonsense of astrology and "physic abilities." Who can say why? But the minute you question these notions you are down the road.

What if a partner were to consider the military, a waste of lives, war mongering and tax payers' monies?

[amaysngrace]

When you attack someone's personal beliefs then you are attacking them personally.

[skydiveaddict]

What if a partner didn't believe in technology, calling it a waste of time, Earth's resource hog and greatest polluter?

 

What if they did? The fact that technologies exist is obvious; regardless of someone's belief.

 

What if a partner were to consider the military, a waste of lives, war mongering and tax payers' monies?

 

Again, so what? The fact that someone doesn't like the military doesn't mean it does not exist.

[sweetkiwi]

people who haven't seen things will never believe it. I didn't until i saw a ghost. If you can plainly see technology then why is it so strange that you could just as plainly see energy?

 

The point is- calling your significant other's beliefs stupid is paramount to calling her stupid. Understanding and acceptance are not one and the same. You can accept things long before understanding them. Or never understand them at all.

 

If you approach future relationships with a more accepting outlook every relationship in your life will benefit.

[Eve]

If there is a real concern about mental stability, I can understand that but anything condescending.. I don't know... just smacks of smugness.

 

.. but some people find that attractive for some reason.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[ComingInHot]

Okay so here is my take,

Men can compartmentalize (which I consider a gift).

They can look at a messy house and Not have it affect them (for the most part)*

 

Anyway, women on the other hand are an Extension of their environment. Everything represents a part of Who & What they are. So, a mesy house must mean they are a messy person or a failure for not meeting the challenge of picking/cleaning up. Women (most) feel this way about their friendships, relationships, faith etc...

When women create a relationship, we expect support if understanding is even not there.

 

So whether or not you agree/disagree if you can't/won't support even after trying to understand then the relationship may not work out.

 

As far as the physics of the brain. Can't help you w/that one only to say we use such a SMALL portion of our brains whose to say what we can/could do if we were able to tap into the rest or different areas??

[BetheButterfly]

This story dates back to my very first relationship.

 

I'm a honest person. When my ex told me she believed her family was a long line of psychics, I called shenanigans.

 

My ex also claimed to see ghost and talk to them.

Her bipolar mentally challenged schizophrenic daughter was also taught to believe she had inherited these said powers.

 

Now, I'm a logical person. A computer programmer. I don't even believe in God, so no chance I would ever even comprehend her perspective.

 

One of the reasons for our breakup was: "You didn't accept my spiritualism!"

 

Ugh. Really? Why is so important that I BELIEVE in your god, mystic powers, whatever. Why can't we agree to disagree and respect our differences?

 

Most people do not appreciate their beliefs, thoughts, or themselves being dubbed as "stupid."

 

Calling something or someone stupid also does not take maturity, intelligence, nor integrity. All it takes is being mean-spirited.

 

If you truly "agree to disagree and respect" differences in beliefs, thoughts, and people, then you would not be insulting them by calling them stupid.

[Cloaky]

Most people do not appreciate their beliefs, thoughts, or themselves being dubbed as "stupid."

 

Calling something or someone stupid also does not take maturity, intelligence, nor integrity. All it takes is being mean-spirited.

 

If you truly "agree to disagree and respect" differences in beliefs, thoughts, and people, then you would not be insulting them by calling them stupid.

 

This whole mess confuses me. I'm not calling anyone stupid. This is not a personal attack. I just THINK the belief system that she's adopted is stupid. I have plenty of reasons why. No one is perfect, and no one makes all the wisest decisions. Plenty of smart people are Christian, spiritualist, etc. It's not like I'm trying to change her... I look at facts and I have my opinions and I'm honest about them. I'm trying hard to see why this offends people. I feel like they are being close-minded and don't want to acknowledge that other people disagree.

[serial muse]

Most people do not appreciate their beliefs, thoughts, or themselves being dubbed as "stupid."

 

Calling something or someone stupid also does not take maturity, intelligence, nor integrity. All it takes is being mean-spirited.

 

Yeah. I had an exBF who believed in a whole host of eastern medicine things that I didn't believe in. We talked about them, and I was interested to learn what he thought about things and get a glimpse into that world, but in the end, we were just not ever going to be on the same page about that stuff. And I think we both became aware that it was going to be too much of a gulf to surmount - there are just certain things that I want to agree with my partner about, and I think he felt that way too.

 

But recognizing that you aren't compatible is a far cry from telling someone their beliefs are stupid. I'm not saying you have to humor the person or pretend to agree; you're entitled to voice your opinion and try to engage that person in discussion if you want to. But know yourself: If you recognize that you can't fully respect this person because of what s/he believes, then you can always just leave the relationship rather than resorting to condescension. What good does that do?

Edited November 12, 2012 by serial muse

[BetheButterfly]

This whole mess confuses me. I'm not calling anyone stupid. This is not a personal attack. I just THINK the belief system that she's adopted is stupid.

 

Ok, let's say a little kid drew a picture, and you told that little kid, "Your picture is stupid." You're not calling the kid "stupid" but rather his/her picture. Do you not understand how that could hurt the child? Calling anyone or anything "stupid" is unacceptable behavior because it is downright mean. It's what bullies do.

 

In the same way, calling an adult's belief system "stupid" merely attacks the person who believes it. It's not productive, not caring, and is not even a good way to introduce what you think.

 

I have plenty of reasons why. No one is perfect, and no one makes all the wisest decisions. Plenty of smart people are Christian, spiritualist, etc. It's not like I'm trying to change her... I look at facts and I have my opinions and I'm honest about them. I'm trying hard to see why this offends people. I feel like they are being close-minded and don't want to acknowledge that other people disagree.

In speech or writing classes, professors emphasize the importance of the words one chooses to convey their thoughts. Words like "stupid" and "ugly" have negative connotations, because the definitions of these words are negative. Because of this, if your goal is to be mean and try to hurt the person, then by all means use the word "stupid" to attack them. Throwing the word "stupid" and other negative words is like throwing darts at a person, even if you are merely describing their belief or art.

 

Agreeing to disagree means using words that are not weapons. For example, while talking to this girl, you could have just simply said, "I don't believe that what you believe is true. I personally do not share your belief. However, can we agree to disagree?" In this way, you are not attacking her and her belief by using negative words. Rather, you are voicing what you think/believe and are showing willingness to accept her although her beliefs are different.

[KraftDinner]

This whole mess confuses me. I'm not calling anyone stupid. This is not a personal attack. I just THINK the belief system that she's adopted is stupid. I have plenty of reasons why. No one is perfect, and no one makes all the wisest decisions. Plenty of smart people are Christian, spiritualist, etc. It's not like I'm trying to change her... I look at facts and I have my opinions and I'm honest about them. I'm trying hard to see why this offends people. I feel like they are being close-minded and don't want to acknowledge that other people disagree.

 

Read that last sentence again.

 

Anyway, I guess if something is important enough to someone, it becomes a bone of contention when someone they care about looks down on it or doesn't appear to respect it.

 

I do agree with the poster above who said that men compartmentalize more than women, in general, but beyond that I'm really not sure how this becomes a man/woman, gender-difference issue.

 

Some women don't care if you don't think the same stuff they do. Some men flip if you disagree with them.

 

We're really all the same species, honest.

[Els]

Well, what would your own response be if a woman you were with called your beliefs stupid?

 

To be honest, I can't see how you can call someone's beliefs 'stupid' and yet claim that you can 'respect the differences'. There is no 'respect' in 'stupid'. I'll be honest, there are some beliefs that I personally really do find stupid, but I just don't get into relationships with people who have them... I don't expect to be able to outright insult my partner's beliefs and then have them be all happy about it. Now THAT... is genuinely stupid.

[serial muse]

This whole mess confuses me. I'm not calling anyone stupid. This is not a personal attack. I just THINK the belief system that she's adopted is stupid. I have plenty of reasons why. No one is perfect, and no one makes all the wisest decisions. Plenty of smart people are Christian, spiritualist, etc. It's not like I'm trying to change her... I look at facts and I have my opinions and I'm honest about them. I'm trying hard to see why this offends people. I feel like they are being close-minded and don't want to acknowledge that other people disagree.

 

Sorry, just saw this. But I would point out that the very way you frame the question in the title is probably significant - it sounds condescending as worded ( a) framing it as something only women do - which, no; and b) using the word stupid). I mean, maybe this particular individual was really frustrating, but even if that's true, your response to her individual issues is to lean towards indicting the whole gender (which isn't exactly rational, btw).

 

Together, those two things put peoples' backs up here, and we don't even know you or have any emotions invested in you.

 

I don't obviously know how things actually went down, but is it so far-fetched that you wouldn't have conveyed that same condenscension to her in some way, and that she was responding to that? All I'm saying is that maybe it is worth examining how you come across.

Edited November 12, 2012 by serial muse

[BetheButterfly]

Well, what would your own response be if a woman you were with called your beliefs stupid?

 

To be honest, I can't see how you can call someone's beliefs 'stupid' and yet claim that you can 'respect the differences'. There is no 'respect' in 'stupid'. I'll be honest, there are some beliefs that I personally really do find stupid, but I just don't get into relationships with people who have them... I don't expect to be able to outright insult my partner's beliefs and then have them be all happy about it. Now THAT... is genuinely stupid.

 

That reminds me of what my Mom used to say, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Lol I don't know how many times she told my sisters and I that while we were arguing.

 

Sure people will think that what others think/do is stupid sometimes. I personally have done and said things that I consider were stupid. However, beating myself up about it doesn't help anything. I just try to learn from my mistakes and become "wiser."

 

Thankfully, my parents never ever called their kids or whatever we did "stupid" because they didn't want to hurt our feelings. Rather, whenever they didn't agree, they would ask us questions to get us to think. For example, when I had the "great idea" to transform the living room into a giant tent and put a sheet over a lamp which fell and broke, they didn't say, "What a stupid thing to do!" Rather, they asked me, "How did the lamp break?" "What could you have done differently to make sure nothing breaks?"

 

Asking questions help. Calling people or their ideas/beliefs/art/... "stupid" doesn't.

 

I agree with you. If you think someone's belief is stupid, it's best not to enter into a relationship with that person. Or, if one wants to be in a relationship with a person with different beliefs, it's good to simply ask questions and learn, as well as matter-of-factly voice one's own beliefs without calling the other mean adjectives.

[dreamingoftigers]

I can't imagine saying to my husband, "what you believe, decided, thought of is stupid."

 

That's a pretty clear strike st someone's thought patterns and intelligence, duh.

 

I can just see his face in my mind. He'd be pretty crushed followed up by being pissed off that I'd be such a bitch about it.

 

Of course he's pretty sensitive about "stupid." his mother told him he was stupid and lazy his whole growing up. Still refuses to acknowledge that he's proven himself academically, if he has a good idea etc; than she attributes it to me. She's stupid.

 

She also talks to her grandchildren like that. But not my kid because I've more than sufficiently laid down the law on that.