remember me?

[smalls]

Hey, remember me? I was the one who had the problems with my boyfriend a few months ago. I was having trouble trusting him after a problem occured in our relationship. Well, things are much better now. I want to thank you for writing and offering support. It meant alot to me and made a difference in my esteem. Now I've got another one for you. We've made some pretty good progress and are communicating better everyday. My birthday was a few weeks ago and he implied that he would be out of town. I was sad. Nobody wants to spend their birthday alone. Much to my suprise, he had it all planned. He came over with presents, a beautiful emerald and diamond necklace, and new leash for my dog (it was his birthday too!), he took me out to dinner and then out dancing. It was magical. All my doubts about how he feels about me vanished. His friends saw the jewelry and couldn't believe it. They said he was in deep. His best friend pulled me aside and aked what my intentions were. He said that my boyfriend was different(really) and not to leave him, especially when he gets weird. He does that a lot. Like last night, for instance. He said he was bored with our relationship. Now he knows how gullible I am and often says things to make me crazy. But was he being serious or just joking. A few weeks ago, he asked me why I had been putting up with him while he was being a pain in the ass. I told him he wasn't, that I felt he was stressed b/c of work (he works long hrs in an office thats very political). I asked him if he wanted me to go away for awhile and he said an emphatic no. So I stayed. Lately I feel a little under appreciated. I'm always there when he calls. I want to back off, I want him to miss me and realize what he has but I don't know how without it backfiring on me. He's not stupid. You should know I also suffer from depression and am also in counceling. He doesn't know this. I'm too scared of telling him b/c he said he doesn't like moody women and if he knows how sick I am he would leave. I don't want to be alone. He is my best friend but I can't talk to him about this. I don't have very many close friends, they all live out of town b/c of jobs. I'm so insecure, and I know I don't have to be. I'm terrified of losing him. How do I get him to appreciate me for what I am? His friends tell me I'm the best thing that's happened to him and they are thrilled we are together. I want him to know that b/c of the depression my feelings tend to get hurt rather easily. I hate this b/c I feel like I'm no fun. I try and hide my emotional state (if its bad) when I'm around him b/c he has enough to worry about without having to worry about me. What do I do? Smalls

[Taressa]

Just a couple things...

 

Since the relationship is progressing and the love between you growing, it would be very uncaring and deceptive to keep hiding your problems with depression from him. If he truly cares for you he will not only accept it but show his care by being supportive and gentle, recognizing when those moods creep in.

 

I'm also concerned that you did not become assured of his love until he gave you gifts at the party. Love is made of the everyday threads of time together. Love measured in the attention of gifts and parties is not love. Love expressed solely through presents and events is not love either.

 

Your boyfriend's recent statement of being bored with you was hurtful. Since like attracts like, it may be helpful to discuss your depression problems. Perhaps the "oddness" mentioned by his friends stems from a mood disorder too.

 

As to going back to the game playing of making him miss you... your relationship really should have progressed past this stage by now. I believe a grown-up conversation may be more beneficial to you than playing the jealousy/make him miss me game.

 

Keep your eyes open... live and love smartly. I believe you can make something of this relationship but it will take some talking, a lot of listening, and quite a bit of patience.