Sohurt Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Can he stop. I posted 'im pregnant and H wants out" I finally took your guys advise and I spoke to my parents about my problem. I let them know that he left. I just had the baby, he is 2 weeks old. I am moving out in 2 days I am gone. Its only 3 hours away but its a start. After 8 years of marriage its the first time I leave. He asked me if I was sure about what I was doing. I know he wants me to stay because of the kids but also I know he needs me here financially, and I dont want to be a door mat anymore. He mentioned to a friend of ours that he knows I will always be here and that pissed me off. He has said to more than one person that I am a great wife, a wonderful person, and he wont admit to his friends that he is messing around. I still love him and its hard for me to leave but I think thats the next step I need to take. I dont know if I am doing the right thing, I wish he would stop, can he, will he. I deep in heart hope he looks for me but I am afraid I will come back to the same situation. Can guys stop being cheaters Are there any guys here that can tell me if they once cheated and stopped? Link to post Share on other sites
KissMyTiara Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Many cheat and stop, but just as many cheat and cheat and cheat and cheat. It depends on what caused him to cheat in the first place. Was this a one time deal? Serial cheater? An affair or a one-nighter? Link to post Share on other sites
Buttterfly_Queen Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Have you ever heard the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater?" I don't really believe that. I believe that people can change, but they have to want to change. They can't stop what they are doing for anyone else, it has be for themselves. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sohurt Posted August 5, 2004 Author Share Posted August 5, 2004 what caused him to cheat in the first place? Well I am not quite sure. He wont talk or open up. But I have talked to some of his friends that have come by to see the new baby, and his brothers tell me that he dosen't know what he wants right now. They all strongly believe that he does love me and that he will soon realize what a big mistake he is making. apparently he said that I was a good wife, a great woman. I know he is cheating because the opportunity is there. In this line of business that we are both in the single people out there are plenty. And since he feels he still can (cause hes only 27) he does. I for one have never cheated and don't intend to. I sill love him and now I am moving away and taking his kids. Thats whats going to hurt him the most. One of my friends told me to leave the divorce papers on the table to show him that I am not taking any more of ****. Is that a good idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Sounds like a habitual offender to me. I'm all for giving a second chance to people who make mistakes. But it sounds like he's doing this over and over. I'm sorry, but that is plain disrespect for you and your family. He needs counceling. Tell you what you do. When he comes home tonight, tell him that you want him to watch the baby, and you are going to go out and find someone to have sex with. Let's see how he likes that!!! He needs to know what damage he is causing in your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
kmax Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Yes, I believe a cheater can stop, if 'THEY WANT TO" Yes, leaving may help, but only if at that point he is willing for you both get marriage counseling. Set time that you are willing to see if the counseling going to work and if after your set frame it isn't do what you feel is best for you. Hope things workout for you and just know this "Deserve to be happy", don't let anyone take that away from. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Yes, actually they can. I am living proof of that. Unfortunately, however...most cheaters don't change until they have learned the HARD way. Cheaters need to suffer consequences for their actions. I think it's good you left him. Let him feel devastated. Don't soften when he calls you begging for another chance. If a cheater thinks he can win you over with some slick talk, he'll just go back to his old ways. A cheater needs to experience loss, loneliness and pain to fully comprehend that their actions are intolerable for other people. Let him stew in his juice. If, after a year, he still wants to get back together, tell him only on the condition he go to couples therapy with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sohurt Posted August 5, 2004 Author Share Posted August 5, 2004 I told him I was leaving three days ago and since then he asked me if I am sure of what I am doing. He asked me to stay cause I was losing a good job. Then he asked me again, why dont you go for 6 weeks and then come back, you have a good job he said. So do u think that he will regret? Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Sound like he's more concerned about the money you're bringing in. Like I said, tell him you'll stay, but if he's going to keep cheating on you, then you're going to find you a love toy. I'm serious too, see how that sets with him. If he says fine with me, pack you stuff and get you and the baby out. About him regretting it, I don't think he's suffered at all, so how can he regret it? If you leave the only harm you're doing to him is taking your salary out of the picture. At least, that's what he's making it sound like to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 SoHurt your husband is a scum that decided to f*ck his way out of his marriage-instead of getting a divorce. This way, you leave him. He still gets to mess around. Weren't you worried that he had given you an STD at some point? What did your parents say? I think you're doing the right thing, for now-how can you work on a marriage that doesn't even really exist? How can you try to fix something when the other person refuses to admit it's broken, and is too lazy to try? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sohurt Posted August 5, 2004 Author Share Posted August 5, 2004 mr spock yes i did talk to my parents and they are livid! At him! and they want me to move in with them and get away from here. And I am, I leave tomorrow. He asked me to stay i know he is hurting because of the kids. He needs to hurt! Just like he hurt me. He told one of his friends that came to meet the baby that he knows i am a good woman a great wife and that he knows I will always be here. WRONG!!!!!!! WHAT DO U THINK? Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 At least you have some place to go. There are some people that don't even have that. No friends or family willing to help them out or take them in, and then they feel they are stuck to stay in marriage they're not happy in. I can't believe he wants you to stay because he said you have a good job! Looks to me like if he loved you like he says he would have at least said he wanted you to stay because of that, not a job. I'm sorry you going through this though. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 I am glad you have your parents behind you. You need all the support you can get right now YES HE SHOULD HURT! If there are no consequences, he will just keep to his old ways. Good luck You are doing the right thing by leaving Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 I was in a 4 year relationship and cheated constantly. I then met another woman, we had a baby, got married and we have a wonderful little family. I would never cheat and risk losing it all. -- My opinion is he cheated on you before and he would do it again. You have proven that you are willing to put up with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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