Nyla Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 a person is abusive in response to abuse? Is it self defense or is the person who is retaliating just as bad as the original abuser? If a woman is verbally abusive to her boyfriend, is he evil if he throws some choice words back? If a man hits or tries to rape a woman, is she terrible for hitting him in return or becoming physically aggressive to get him off of her? I am asking because I have heard different takes on this issue and I was wondering how LS members look at these types of situations. Link to post Share on other sites
KraftDinner Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 a person is abusive in response to abuse? Is it self defense or is the person who is retaliating just as bad as the original abuser? If a woman is verbally abusive to her boyfriend, is he evil if he throws some choice words back? If a man hits or tries to rape a woman, is she terrible for hitting him in return or becoming physically aggressive to get him off of her? I am asking because I have heard different takes on this issue and I was wondering how LS members look at these types of situations. The two examples you give are very different, I think. Verbally lashing back becomes part of the cycle of abuse. Don't participate; just leave. But the other example...how could anyone see any fault in someone defending themself when being physically attacked? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nyla Posted November 12, 2012 Author Share Posted November 12, 2012 I had an ex who was sexually and emotionally abusive. He accused me of being his "abuser" when I fought back one day. Years later, he apologized and admitted that he knew I was just defending myself. I was never violent until I met that man. Walking away didn't work because he would run after me and keep on screaming insults, often in public. Politely asking him to respect my boundaries and stop pushing me into unwanted sex acts was ignored. Even trying to end the relationship was fruitless because the unwanted emails and phone calls would continue. I did so many things I wasn't proud of just to get this man off my back. I will never regret knocking this fool to the ground. His abuse did not stop until then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Gosh, your very question implies at least some degree of fairness. In MY situation, my ex-wife beat the piss out of me with a long wooden board and, even though I never hit her back (either this time or any time before), I was still called "abusive" in divorce court by my ex-wife and mother-in-law. Link to post Share on other sites
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