Should I tell her how I feel still?

[LoveHurts88]

It's been 3 months since our breakup. She broke up with me.

 

There's another guy in the picture but she says she doesn't know if what to do..

Till this day I can tell you I love her. I miss her. Nothing has changed, I thought I would be fine without her but the truth is I'm not, I think about her all day all night. Wondering about where she is, what she's doing. Even when I'm out with my friends drinking she's still on my mind.

 

She told me she still has feelings for me. She has never said that to her EX's. Once she breaks up with them she's usually gone. But with me this would be our third time. She asked if I would wait for her. I can tell you right now, I would although I told her I can't.

 

Is it worthwhile for me to talk to her? Tell her how I still feel?

[River Rain]

It's been 3 months since our breakup. She broke up with me.

 

There's another guy in the picture but she says she doesn't know if what to do..

Till this day I can tell you I love her. I miss her. Nothing has changed, I thought I would be fine without her but the truth is I'm not, I think about her all day all night. Wondering about where she is, what she's doing. Even when I'm out with my friends drinking she's still on my mind.

 

She told me she still has feelings for me. She has never said that to her EX's. Once she breaks up with them she's usually gone. But with me this would be our third time. She asked if I would wait for her. I can tell you right now, I would although I told her I can't.

 

Is it worthwhile for me to talk to her? Tell her how I still feel?

 

I think you should base your decision on how willing you are to be rejected again. She asked that you wait for her, meaning she wants you on the back burner in case her new bf doesn't work out I'm assuming? If, supposing you tell her how you feel, she feels the same, breaks up with the new guy and comes back to you...what has changed? The reasons for the breakup, have you made changes, has she? I always say I believe in second chances, but third chances ...I guess if you feel so strongly, it's worth a shot, but be prepared to get hurt all over again. Personally, I wouldn't do it a third time.

[mammasita]

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no. She says still has feelings for you yet she hasn't shown you otherwise. When she tells you she wants to try again and backs that up with actions to prove it (like getting rid of his over guy).....maybe THEN, tell her how you feel.

[I'm nuts]

No, don't do a thing, wait, be patient, things will unravel by them self. Let her make the moves.

[LoveHurts88]

It's so hard. I miss her so much. I guess NC is the way to go? Or LC?

[Simon Phoenix]

It's so hard. I miss her so much. I guess NC is the way to go? Or LC?

 

NC is the way to go if you are that torn up about it. LC will just continue to keep you in that mindset, as you'll spend all of your time psychoanalyzing every interaction you have for her and wishing for more contact. No contact is better than that.

 

If she wanted you, she'd be with you now instead of with some other guy. She's making you a backup plan, if that, and you shouldn't lower yourself to that. It does nothing for you in the off chance you get back together with her or if you try to get with someone else.

[thembones]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/355300-i-broke-nc-after-2-months-questions-abound

 

Read my post for what I did. I just wondered if she still thought it would be worth trying. 3 months & I felt the same. I needed to know either way. If you really want to know, it probably is not good.. you know what the answer will be. But if you feel you need it one way or the other, to move on or not, do it.

[suladas]

You have broken up 3 times already? Based of that alone i'd say run away. Why do you want to be someones second choice? Needing time to figure things out alone is one thing, but with another guy? You should respect yourself more then that. I will admit even after I seen my ex with someone new, I wanted to try and get her back and would of in a second it is not easy, but after thinking about it and coming to my senses f**k that, you have to have more dignity then that.

 

Plus if she knows how you feel about her, I hate to agree with most people here, it's her job to do the work, not you. It's not easy to do nothing, but it's the best.

[Helluva]

I say wait it out. Mainly because there's another guy in the picture, and you should give them a fair chance since she's already broken up with you. Maybe even wait for her to come to you and decide that what she's wanted all along was you. But, don't stay waiting around hoping. Get out there and try to meet someone new even if you don't feel the same way about them.

[LostOne1]

I don't get why people give the waiting advice?

 

I know you love someone, but how is it fair for a person to break up with someone. Then she gets to sleep with this guy and do other stuff. Then realize she was wrong or she likes this guy and runs after him?

 

I don't know about others, but I wouldn't accept a girl back if she left me to test it out with another guy. To me that's rude and unacceptable. Sure you love that person, but they cross the limit I have for a person.

 

My advice just got NC man and never look back.

 

I was sort of in the same problem and I messed up. I regret not putting NC to use on the very day she broke up with me. Feel like an idiot fighting for someone, who never looked back to want to work it out with me.

 

You'll be lead on for 1-2 months and hate not going NC and going on with your life.

 

If she REALLY loved you she wouldn't test out another guy. Maybe she would like another guys company to see if it makes her feel better. But to me if a girl can't sit down and talk and share her feelings of what's bothering her and letting it out on me ( I wouldn't fight back). THen I don't think she's worth my time.

 

I love to listen and let someone throw their feelings at me, because it gets it out of their system and lets me know what they are going through. We all cant be psychic and read our partners minds.

[ilou]

........no

 

3 times already!!!??? Third time's the charm, you should have learned your lesson by now.

[blue_jay_bird]

3 months...too soon.

[itsmyfault]

Here is just a theory I have..

 

You don't what what you have lost until its gone. I have this Theory because I let my GF go and then realised what I'd lost, by then, It was to late.

 

If you keep talking to her, like my GF did to me, you dont feel like you've lost anything.

If you leave her alone, and as hard as it may be get on with your life, The chances are if she loves you she will come crawling back. Then the ball is in your court.

 

I'm by no means saying she will. She may want this. But then at least you havent wasted days or weeks of heeling time. Your pretty much where I was, except i did the dumping. My Ex doesnt know what she wants "she is just going with the flow" which means dating someone else.

 

I wont say you can be glad how its turned out, I don't think anyone truly can be.

Let her realise the mistake, SHE WILL NOT LET YOU CONVINCE HER SHE IS MAKING ONE.

[Stanza]

three times? that indeed is the red flag.

[LoveHurts88]

I think i am just gonna wait on it. If it happens, it happens. She said it was hard for her to leave and that it wasnt for her for her previous ex's. we broke up twice. Maybe she has gigs, we are both 24.

[flitzanu]

so while she's out having fun and banging this new guy, she wants you to sit at home and wait for her? you think that's acceptable behavior?

[LoveHurts88]

so while she's out having fun and banging this new guy, she wants you to sit at home and wait for her? you think that's acceptable behavior?

 

I know, i mean im going out, im having fun and if someone comes along i guess id be all for it. I know i still love her tho.

[Sugarkane]

Why should you wait? So she can string you along and use this other guy aswell? When I got dumped I didn't have someone as a back up plan to take The easy way out.

[QdB]

You want gain anything by waiting. You need to establish your own happiness that has absolutely nothing to do with her. NC is a must in your case bro because you sound like you love her. If you didn't feel that strongly about her than LCD would be fine but you adore her so that's out of the question. Just go away. Maybe she'll come find you. But if she doesn't at least you already left...if that makes sense

[QdB]

Your happiness needs to be tied to yourself as a complete individual. And then a woman can compliment your happiness with her presence. Never love somebody more than yourself. Love someone just as much as you love yourself...I learned these things the hard way. If I would have just listen to what I was reading on this site when my BU first happened I would be just fine by now. But I stayed in contact and 2 years later I'm just now starting NC as of September and I'm still hurting. But since I begun NC I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I know things will get better. You can start your healing now bro if you so choose

[LoveHurts88]

It's true I loved her more than I loved myself... Instead of buying wat I wanted id rather spend the money on her.. Did what I could to make her happy

[Simon Phoenix]

It's true I loved her more than I loved myself... Instead of buying wat I wanted id rather spend the money on her.. Did what I could to make her happy

 

That's noble, but not necessarily healthy, as you are learning. Gotta have balance.

[LoveHurts88]

I know i was trying to do too much i guess. Why is it that i cant let go? Its been 3 months? Shouldnt i feel hate towards her or anything? I love her and it sucks. 2 years together and now its gone.

[LostOne1]

Here is just a theory I have..

 

You don't what what you have lost until its gone. I have this Theory because I let my GF go and then realised what I'd lost, by then, It was to late.

 

If you keep talking to her, like my GF did to me, you dont feel like you've lost anything.

If you leave her alone, and as hard as it may be get on with your life, The chances are if she loves you she will come crawling back. Then the ball is in your court.

 

I'm by no means saying she will. She may want this. But then at least you havent wasted days or weeks of heeling time. Your pretty much where I was, except i did the dumping. My Ex doesnt know what she wants "she is just going with the flow" which means dating someone else.

 

I wont say you can be glad how its turned out, I don't think anyone truly can be.

Let her realise the mistake, SHE WILL NOT LET YOU CONVINCE HER SHE IS MAKING ONE.

I agree with you.. that's how I feel.

 

I think I should have given my ex the space she needed. So when she got back from her trip, she would have time to see if she misses me and wants me back.

 

Instead I pestered her and kept contacting her and I think it made it worse. In the end we both killed a good 3 yrs that now are just gone down the drain for our future together.

 

Funny thing is EVERYONE around me at home etc.. gave me good advice, but my emotions took over and I couldn't beat my mind to know that NC would've been the best way to go the day after the BU.

[LostOne1]

It's true I loved her more than I loved myself... Instead of buying wat I wanted id rather spend the money on her.. Did what I could to make her happy

It was the opposite for me.. my ex would ALWAYS buy things for me. Even when I would tell her to stop. I felt bad, because I'm a student and don't have much cash to spend. But she kept getting me things over and over.

 

I think that's something my ex learned after she asked for some space. That she wants to be selfish for once and think about her own self now.

 

But I hate the fact that she blames me for her buying me things, when I always told her to stop getting me things. All I would say is I just need her and nothing more. Yet she would still bug me and say well you have me, so I want to get you something else now.

 

sigh....

 

As for the OP.. waiting is not worth it. Do what I SHOULDVE done.. go NC and try to imagine that you are done forever and are moving on. That way if she does come back to you... then you have still healed enough to not beg and all. You'll be strong enough to talk.

 

If she doesn't come back at least you will be healing and moving on forward.