How bad is it to think less of others?

[SpiralOut]

I don't usually think less of someone. Normally I only do that if they are mean to me or to other people, or if they just do a lot of things that run against my principles.

 

Lately, there are people that I think of as losers. Literally that is what crosses my mind when I look at them: loser, idiot, moron.

 

Just how bad is that? Does that make me just as bad as them? These are people who have bullied me in the past year. I took care of the one person; I can handle her okay now. The other one, I'm not sure if I'm jumping the gun or not with thinking she's stupid. Intellectually yes she's smart, but she does things like makes faces at people behind their backs and looks around to see who's laughing. She only does this to the unpopular people, never to anyone else. She'll deliberately antagonize them.

 

As for me, I don't know if she's antagonizing me on purpose or if she's unaware of how rude she is to me. It's very clear that she doesn't think much of me and she doesn't hide it very well. She made herself look stupid the other day while she attempted to comprehend the fact that I follow a certain diet/lifestyle that she also has. The conversation went something like this.

 

"Oh, SPIRALOUT does not do that!!" *laughs*

 

*Suddenly realizes that I'm sitting right there staring at her. Turns to me*

 

"SpiralOut, you are? You are. YOU. YOU are?"

 

 

I just said yes over and over until she sat back and shut up. I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes at her. I mean really? And this happened 5 minutes after our coworker told her that she was a bully (she just ignored it). Talk about perfect timing!

 

Now everytime I look at this person, and also a couple of other people, I just think about how stupid they are. That doesn't feel like me, though, to look at someone that way. But what else am I supposed to do? Does this make me just as bad as them or is this something I NEED to do so I don't get walked on anymore?

[ErosOcean]

But what else am I supposed to do? Does this make me just as bad as them or is this something I NEED to do so I don't get walked on anymore?

You are not a terrible person. Most people do judge others based on weight, looks, intellect, etc. This is ignorance and it's not a good vice to have.

 

It's easy to look at someone and say they are stupid, but what if that person has a good character. Who spends their time helping others in need. It would be foolish to call them stupid. And what if someone does a stupid act, how can we judge them if we ourselves commit stupid acts in our lives as well. Some acts we commit can be even worst than their offenses.

 

And then what about the bullies, how can we judge them if we do not know what has caused them to act the way they do. Perhaps, they have been hurt, abused, and bullied throughout their life. It may not give them the right to do wrong, but how can we judge them?

 

As Confucius said: "What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others"

 

Have compassion for others it's the noblest thing you can do. You will never feel walked over if you act in a noble manner. But should you feel that they are walking over you, then stand up for yourself but don't strike out in anger. Be diplomatic like Ghandi use non-violent resistance.

Edited November 13, 2012 by ErosOcean

[SpiralOut]

You are right. I think I knew that already.

 

The problem is that being compassionate is what allows people to think its okay to walk on me. So many people that I know describe me as a really nice, friendly person. Well if I'm so nice and friendly, why are there people who hate me and bully me then?

 

Normally I am able to give people the benefit of the doubt. I would never actually call someone a name like that to their face. I try to not even call people stupid behind their back. It bothers me that I am now having these thoughts about people.

 

Maybe instead of thinking someone is stupid, I should just think they are silly? Is that better?

[ErosOcean]

So many people that I know describe me as a really nice, friendly person. Well if I'm so nice and friendly, why are there people who hate me and bully me then?

 

Maybe instead of thinking someone is stupid, I should just think they are silly? Is that better?

 

It is good to be nice and friendly. It's a great virtue.

 

People who hate you or bully you because you are kind or nice is the nature of an ignorant person. You can only have pity for them for they have lost all reason. Unfortunately, persecution of good people has been recorded throughout time immemorial. Just look at Jesus, Mohammed, Gandhi, Socrates, Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Boethius, Seneca, etc.

 

Stay noble, you will stand amongst the greats.

 

Yes thinking that they are silly is better than thinking that they are stupid. Silly defines how they act. Stupid defines who they are.

[ErosOcean]

Eh... I think you got it mixed up. Silly is who they are.. stupid is how they act.

 

Does that mean your all of your argument is incorrect? Do you suppose that ALL people who are "noble" have never bullied other people? I know it may seem that being "noble" is the right thing to do. But where did you learn that? From a movie? Do all people live a life according to the movies?

 

Being compassionate does not mean that people will walk all over you. If you really want to see a case of people walking all over you, consider being a piece of gum. It isn't that people will walk all over you.. rather it is that you will allow them to walk all over you like a piece of gum.

 

Perhaps you are right.

 

I should have been more thoughtful and thorough in my post. How I've defined silly and stupid does seem wrong.

 

Now if we look up the words, silly and stupid, in the dictionary. They are both adjectives. So the dictionary says it describes a person, place, or thing. You can then say that the meaning of silly and stupid defines a person.

 

But it is true that stupid CAN be how they act - but it could also define a person.

 

I just thought, well if someone called me silly. I usually don't think that I'm a silly person. I just think that I've done something silly. But when someone calls me stupid. I'll usually take it to mean that I am stupid. That they view me as being stupid.

 

But silly and stupid can be interpreted differently for each individual. And you can flip and flop the meanings however you want. I just think that most people when being called stupid, they begin to define it as who they are. They start thinking that they ARE stupid even though in most cases it is not true.

 

For example, a student gets called on to answer a simple math question. He answers incorrectly and the teacher says in a kind manner, "Don't be stupid that is not the answer!" The student then feels that he is stupid. He labels himself as being stupid, he then defines himself as stupid. But is he stupid? No, because he could answer other problems correctly but may have just gotten this one wrong.

 

Now take the same student and scenario. Teacher calls on him and he answers incorrectly and the teacher then says in a kind manner, "Don't be silly that is not the answer!" The student then feels foolish but doesn't define himself as silly.

 

As for the word noble. I actually did not get it from a movie. It was from a website. Personally, I just like the word and felt that it was a good word to describe how one should act. In the dictionary it is defined as possessing, characterized by, or arising from superiority of mind or character or of ideals or morals. So being noble doesn't mean you won't get bullied, but rather living by a higher ideal and living with a character of integrity - that although you may get bullied, you will never compromise your character.

 

For me, I see noble people almost everyday. These are people who fight against injustice with non-violence, people who stand up for their rights and the rights of others, people who fight against hunger, people who volunteer to help those in need, etc. Anyway, I just like the word and the idea behind it.

 

By the way, the gum analogy is pretty nice. I like it.

[KathyM]

I think you would benefit from taking an assertiveness training class. These bullies and jerks seem to often target you, so you must be giving too passive of a response when they do this. Bullies will often seek out the non-assertive one to pick on in order to make themselves feel superior. Your responses to these people are too polite and tolerant when people are being rude to you. Being nice is a virtue, but you also need to be able to stick up for yourself so these people will realize not to mess with you. This seems to be a pattern for you where you work where bullies feel they can pick on you. You need to be able to stand up to them in an assertive way so they realize they can't bully you or put you down. I'd suggest you find an assertiveness training course and learn how to stand up to these people.

[AsItIs]

Nothing wrong with your line of thinking SpiralOut.

Those people do sound stupid.

[GetHerBack]

I think it's kind of human nature to compare yourself with others and see how you stand. Granted, the people you describe do sound pretty...unfavorable, lol. I think everyone is guilty of this at some point or another, it's just how much they let it affect how they come off to others that can give you a bad appearance.

[pteromom]

Well if I'm so nice and friendly, why are there people who hate me and bully me then?

 

Because they have issues within themselves that cause them to lash out at others. Has nothing to do with you.

 

Maybe instead of thinking someone is stupid, I should just think they are silly? Is that better?

 

If I find myself thinking someone is stupid, I remind myself:

- That there are many types of intelligence. We all have different levels of each. Someone may lack common sense, but be incredibly in tune with their emotional intelligence. Or someone may seem to know nothing about math, but may be an artistic genius. Just because someone says something stupid doesn't mean they are stupid. Communication or verbal language just may not be one of their strengths.

- That each of us has a different background and experiences that play into our perspective about life.

- Everyone hurts about something. Everyone has areas where they feel insecure or judged. Everyone has some kind of pain. Sometimes, their pain comes out in ways that affect others.

 

Intellectually yes she's smart, but she does things like makes faces at people behind their backs and looks around to see who's laughing. She only does this to the unpopular people, never to anyone else. She'll deliberately antagonize them.

 

I read this and I think she's very insecure in herself. She laughs at others in an attempt to "get them before they get you". She aligns herself with the popular people to appear as one of them.

 

She's not stupid - she's just externalizing internal pain.

[pteromom]

Thinking less of others is pointless.

 

Because none of us are "less" than another.

 

It's like saying apple trees are inferior to rose bushes. They are so different, you can't compare them. They serve entirely different functions, even though they are both plants.

 

Some people are more book smart than others.

Some are more artistic.

Some are more street smart.

Some are more in tune with emotions.

Some are great speakers and can use language well.

Some are charismatic and can attract other people.

Some have minds made to invent.

Some have minds made to create.

Some have minds made to love.

Some have minds made to analyze.

 

You wouldn't call an apple tree stupid for not being able to grow roses.

[SpiralOut]

Thinking less of others is pointless.

 

Because none of us are "less" than another.

 

It's like saying apple trees are inferior to rose bushes. They are so different, you can't compare them. They serve entirely different functions, even though they are both plants.

 

Some people are more book smart than others.

Some are more artistic.

Some are more street smart.

Some are more in tune with emotions.

Some are great speakers and can use language well.

Some are charismatic and can attract other people.

Some have minds made to invent.

Some have minds made to create.

Some have minds made to love.

Some have minds made to analyze.

 

You wouldn't call an apple tree stupid for not being able to grow roses.

 

Thank you. This is the general attitude that I normally have towards people. Over the past year I have dealt with soooo many people talking to me like I'm stupid just because I don't keep track of numbers in my head and they just jump on me anytime I make a mistake. Certain people are just unbelievably condescending towards me. Sometimes I feel like they see me and their immediate response is to want to believe I am stupid.

 

I guess I've been responding to that by deciding that THEY are the ones who are stupid. I am getting sick and tired of trying to understand that they are just in pain and taking things out on me, blahblah. I'm starting to feel like I'm in this place filled with low-self-esteem individuals trying to take me down with them.

 

I think I was in danger of becoming one of them. If I start to think that other people are stupid, that makes me just as bad as the people I'm having problems with. I guess that's why I started this thread, so I don't fall into that line of thinking.

[Ross MwcFan]

Not if they deserve it.

[Illusionist]

Too much thinking of others makes you lose yourself. Too much thinking about yourself makes you lose others. Balance is the compromise.