mid-divorce Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Ultimately - i still want my wife back. I'm 99.99% this divorce is going to happend and she is with a another man. As per 180 and others, i need to get on with my life and leave her to it. We currently being 'friendy' Is it possible that in letting her go, in the long term this is the best shot of actually getting her back? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 You have to go on with your life and be okay without her. If she realizes in the near future or 6 months from now she made a huge mistake, wakes up out of her affair-fantasy bubble (when it pops!) she could very well come back to you. Until then, Cut her out of your life completely, only deal with her when it comes to the kids or money related issues. No personal chats, no dinners, no visits, nothing. This is the only way for 1)you to heal and detach from her 2)allow her to see what life is like without you in it 3)The outcome is a plus for you either way! whether you two end up back together, date for a while and remarry or you find someone else to be with. You don't want to wait forever for her, like if she is still with that guy this time next year, chances are the D is forever and she's moved on. Focus on the good things in your life, your kids, friends, family, job and freedom. This is now out of your hands, whatever is going to happen will happen as it should. Link to post Share on other sites
taya Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Ultimately - i still want my wife back. I'm 99.99% this divorce is going to happend and she is with a another man. As per 180 and others, i need to get on with my life and leave her to it. We currently being 'friendy' Is it possible that in letting her go, in the long term this is the best shot of actually getting her back? i dont no if that will get her back you already say she is with another man righ?? so if she wont leave and come back when you guys are married do you think she will come back when you guys get a divorce?? and it dosent matter just let her go you cant force someone to be with you Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I'm 99.99% this divorce is going to happen If the above is true, then you really have little choice in the matter. Like Whichwayisup said, either way your going to have to move on, and learn to live life with out her. You can leave the door open a crack, but thats all. Otherwise you will be doing nothing but keeping the wounds open. There is always a decent chance she may come back once the fog wears off. Keep in mind that just coming back isn't good enough, she has to be coming back for the right reasons. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Ultimately - i still want my wife back. I'm 99.99% this divorce is going to happend and she is with a another man. As per 180 and others, i need to get on with my life and leave her to it. We currently being 'friendy' Is it possible that in letting her go, in the long term this is the best shot of actually getting her back? Moving on with YOUR life and working towards not caring whether you get her back or not is your best option. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 so i need accept its over? Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 so i need accept its over? Yes. Otherwise, thoughts of her become a cancerous sickness. You're trying to change the outcome as regards her. She's already made a unilateral decision, at YOUR expense. Now is the time to make decisions regarding YOUR life, independent of her. Any person who gives you the heave-ho like that is not worth fighting for; they're essentially telling you, in so many words, that they're not worth the fight. And you know what else? True Love is not about 'the fight' for each other. When you love - really love - it's simple, easy, not complex. You're worth better; you're worth that. True Love isn't some headache - don't let her pull you down that futile road; it leads nowhere except to more & more heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 so i need accept its over? Yes. As I like to say, why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
taya Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 so i need accept its over? yeah you cant force someone to be with you by the end of the day they are going to do what they want to do ..thats why you put your mind in moving on stage,,,, maybe she will be back we never know but what if she dont you dont want to go thur this pain again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 so i need accept its over? Look at it this way, over is the best thing for you right now. What came before lead you here. If you keep trying to resurrect what was from the ashes, your never going to heal, your never going to grow, or learn from what has happened. Eventually you will build something stronger and better, be that with someone new or someone familiar, but you can't do that until the rubble has been cleared. Work on your life, let her work on hers. If who she is now is truly who she wants to be, then she has done you a great service. If not, then if your paths do cross again, the both of you will have learned a great deal from the experience and will have better tools to work with. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 15, 2012 Author Share Posted November 15, 2012 Thanks Ill just have to try and move on as hard as it is 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 Thanks Ill just have to try and move on as hard as it is hey mid (another thread? )) Yes, you accept it`s over, you start looking after you, you start sticking up for yourself, you start living the way you want to. No woman wants a wimp for a husband. Remember how you used to be when you 1st met your wife? Be THAT man again, cos that is the one she fell in love with aM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 No woman wants a wimp for a husband. Remember how you used to be when you 1st met your wife? Be THAT man again, cos that is the one she fell in love with aM Yeah, one day very soon you will realise that there is more to life than your walk away wife. You'll start having fun, being happy etc. Probably about that time your wife will realise this new guy actually throws his socks on the floor and doesn't put the toilet seat down. She'll then throw herself back at you, by which time you'll probably want nothing more to do with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 thanks all Link to post Share on other sites
bvelvet Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 I'm in the same boat man... only the first couple days of her being gone but since this is the second time she has left I have to start thinking about moving on. I hope she feels differently at some point but there is nothing I can do so best to look at all the opportunities we have for something new. Let's live good lives while they make their mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 I'm in the same boat man... only the first couple days of her being gone but since this is the second time she has left I have to start thinking about moving on. I hope she feels differently at some point but there is nothing I can do so best to look at all the opportunities we have for something new. Let's live good lives while they make their mistakes. I think thats part of my problem, if i cant be with her i want her to make a mess of her life to regret it - i shouldnt feel like that about a person i love Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 (edited) I think thats part of my problem, if i cant be with her i want her to make a mess of her life to regret it - i shouldnt feel like that about a person i love mid, in bold. This is the last thing you should be doing. Retribution will get you NOWHERE. You really think by being as bitter and twisted as you like, will win her back? Listen to me. There`s letting go and then there`s what you are doing. Letting go but with a way of `getting her back` Doesn`t work like that. She will see through it as clear as glass. aM Edited November 20, 2012 by aMguilts Link to post Share on other sites
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